Everlasting Sacrifice
by Crystal56
Summary: REDONE! She gave his life to save him, so he may live on his own, free. But what happens when 11 years later she comes back, no memory of who she was before? Chapter 28 up! Read and Review please! New CHAPTER!
1. Everlasting Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**_A/N: Slightly redone… like?_**

Everlasting Sacrifice

My Last Breath

It was time to fight. Voldemort the Dark Lord must pay and suffer for all he has done these past few years. He must pay for all the people he has killed! I knew them…so many school mates and

"Who will challenge me?" he asked a taunt towards the gathered battlers of the light against his army of Death Eaters. I stood by Lily as the battle began. Severus was on the opposite side, to keep up the illusion that he was fighting for the Dark Lord, but he really was just a clever spy.

"I will," I called out, stepping forward.

"Of course, it would have to be the little girl who has managed to cause me so much trouble and then some. I must inform you that I have found a weakness in your attacks and the like, and you will pay for trying to stop me," he boasted. A ministry official in the back murmured that he would be happy if we killed each other off. I smiled at that, which was something only a ministry official would say about us.

"Well, aren't we the cocky little villain!" I said, and drew into my elemental power of Water, under the Neptune planet. I was an expert at Alchemy magics. That should be fine for now, but I have a backup plan, just in case this time he puts up a fight.

"Well, let's begin child. AVADA KEDAVRA!" he shouted, aiming at me.

"Yes, let's begin. Mawate Umi!" I yelled, and easily blocked the death curse. As a dragon, I could have let it hit me and it still would have done nothing, but I decided not to let him know the full extent of dragons just yet.

"Clever girl," he said. I allowed myself a smug smile.

"You should know my ancient magics can easily overcome your little death curse!" I yelled over the sounds. I was ready to win; I knew that I could.

**_…_**

****

"Die woman!" he shouted, sending out another spell. The battle had begun around us as well. I dodged the spell while observing my friends. Lily and Severus were caught between a rock and a hard place, sort of, right in front of each other. They were working out some way to help each other, but then Lily just decided to run after another death eater. I countered with a spell of Neptune storms, and considered changing my element and changing the weather. I jumped back a few steps and muttered some dragon tongue. Rain clouds blanketed the sky as I aligned myself more with Mercury, more like ice. I was more than ready now, I wasn't going to loose.

"Water, engulf my enemies, Drowning Funnel!" I shouted and double jets of water shot out when I waved my arms forward. Voldemort easily managed to shift away from the attack.

**_…_**

Both sides were backing into their original positions, but the Dark Lord and I battled fiercely as we both did whenever we had crossed paths in the future. I hated him more than anything. In all the confusion, I looked and saw Severus had ended up on our side, not exactly knowing where to go. Lily looked worried too.

**_…_**

"It seems I must exploit your weakness child, for you have angered me for the last time. The fact that you care has always been your undoing and it will be someone's death tonight. I'll make sure of that this time. I will not leave this battle unless I myself have fallen," the Dark Lord boasted once again, and aimed his wand. I thought it was aimed at me…

**__**

**__**

He began to speak a slow spell; I couldn't understand it at all…

**_…_**

A sword of some sort shot out, and time seemed to slow.

"Missed me!" I said with a triumphant grin. It faded in a second…

"Who said I was aiming for you?" he asked, and I looked at the sword as it was being hurtled towards SEVERUS! I ran to intercept it.

**_…_**

I ran right in front of the blade

**__**

It struck me in the stomach, and I began to fall to the ground

**_…_**

"NOOO!" Severus cried, and Voldemort laughed and left me to die, left the school grounds. Severus ran forward and engulfed me in his arms. His arms…his arms were so warm, and I felt cold, so very cold.

"Severus? Are you there?" I asked as my sight faded, "I can't see you Severus!" I tasted my own blood in my mouth.

**_…_**

"I'm here my love," he murmured, and pressed his forehead up against mine, "I'm here." There were tears, warm fresh tears… They couldn't save me now though, nothing could.

"Goodbye love," I whispered as he gripped my hand. He held me close against him. I bled onto him, he didn't care…

**_…_**

"You can't die!" Lily cried as she rushed forward with everyone else.

"Please don't fear this. It's… okay… I'm… ready… I die… how I… want to die… Severus, I love you…" I said as I faded in and out of reality and time…

**_…_**

I could hear him call my name and then I could hear everyone's and sense their tears, I felt Severus's on my face. My breaths missed beats, and I grew colder and colder. I coughed up blood and tasted salty tears.

"Severus, I'm sorry," I murmured and I felt no more…

**1 Week later 3rd person**

**_…_**

At a funeral, there is a man in black, crying as a casket is set into the deep earth. The tombstone reads, 'Katherine Anne Forest Snape, loving wife, loving friend, loving sister'.

**2 weeks after that **

**_…_**

Severus stands before a sink, a knife in his hand. He cannot take his own life, but he has made a decision to live out the life his wife wanted, not out of sorrow, nor out of regret but out of remembrance… No one can forget her. He takes his long braid and cuts it off, leaving it shoulder length.

A man in black stands before a tombstone, he drops the cut hair, which is wrapped around a red rose at the foot of the tombstone. Against the cold winds the rose remains stationary, a deep blood red rose.

"I shall never love another, my wife," he says wiping the tears falling from his eyes, and turns and walks away.

Severus stands before a trial, and is acquitted of all charges. He doesn't stay to receive any congratulations, threats or disappointments that others might have about him. He returns home, and begins a resume letter.

**1½ years since death**

**_…_**

Severus approached Professor Dumbledore's desk with a resume, and hands it over to him. Dumbledore takes it, and nods, as if he realizes something new about Severus's love for his wife.

**10 years post death**

"Where am I?" a voice asks, as a girl looks around a lavishly decorated temple room.

"Who am I?"


	2. Returning Memories

Disclaimer: Of course, I don't own Harry Potter, just the plotline, until it gets into book-like events, then I don't own those either, then it's just the original character...

Returning memories

_Flash_

Katy's 5th year

"Lily, what's up?" She asked happily towards me.

"Ever since you've been dating Severus, you do seem to be peppier!" I observed.

"Is that a bad thing? I'm sorry," she muttered and all I could do was laugh.

"You should know better than to ask me that. It's not a bad thing. Besides, I can't talk; I'm going out with James!" I said. "Of course, maybe I could, you're dating outside of your own house." She smiled at me, laughing slightly and shaking her head. She knew better than to start us fighting over who had the better boyfriend, even if we ended up talking about that more than not. We'd both win our arguments in our own ways, both our guys were special and we saw something in them that people didn't always agree with, especially in the case of Snape, but I trusted her. I knew she was in love for the right reasons, even if others didn't believe her.

"Yeah, but Slytherin was my house for a few years, don't even go there. You're graduating this year Miss Head Girl, and I'm going to be alone again!" she exclaimed. I gave her a hug. She wasn't really going to be alone, she knew better, Severus would probably be coming back for her time and time again, and those two loved each other so much it wasn't really funny, although it was a little bit. James and I were graduating together, so it wouldn't be hard exactly to stay in touch, it would be just slightly harder for Katy and Severus, but they'd manage. I knew I'd probably end up helping if I could as well. Love was such a fickle thing and I found it really funny at times.

"You'll never be alone hun. We promised to stick together forever, I mean, we are," I said, then dropped to a lower tone, "family…" I clasped my hands over my mouth, ashamed I had said it where people could easily overhear us. We had promised to not tell anyone else, a secret amongst us, just the two of us.

"Shouldn't you two be in class?" A very familiar voice popped up. We turned to see who it was, and saw Professor Dumbledore staring at us.

"Professor Dumbledore? Were you listening in?" I asked, afraid he had overheard. Katy and I had promised ourselves that we wouldn't tell anyone that we were cousins. She wouldn't break that promise and neither would I.

"No, of course not. Everyone has a right to keep secrets, some more than others, but still, you had better head off to class. I chose you as my head girl Miss Evans, and you too Katy, as a Prefect, so it doesn't put a bad mark on teacher's abilities to choose or not choose suitable candidates," he said.

"Aye, Aye, sir!" Katy smiled, and ran off, dragging me with her. We laughed about that, it wasn't hard not to. I was glad we were friends; we'd be together through everything and be best friends, forever. Things were so simple…

_Flash_

I looked around the dimly colored room. Plants were abundant here, although some seemed old and brown and dead. The walls seemed to glimmer white, and I didn't know what they were made of. It seemed familiar, and yet, it was entirely different. Different in that I didn't remember it at all. I didn't even know who I was.

"Oh, my word!" I heard a voice speak behind me. I turned only to see an old man with a graying beard.

"Who are you?" I asked, for I think he looks familiar, but I'm not sure.

"I'm Albus Dumbledore, of course. Don't say you actually have forgotten me," he said, smiling. "Have you forgotten me?"

"Mr. Albus, I don't know who you are, aside from what you said just now. Well, I shouldn't say that, you look familiar, and yet, you aren't!" I explained. "I mean…well, I don't know what I'm trying to say!"

"My word, it seems you have lost your memory. Well, what can I say except well, you have been dead for 10 years," he said, stepping forward one step. "Ten years almost to the exact day I'm afraid.

"Ten… I don't remember anything… if I am at all even supposed to be here. Am I supposed to be dead? I'm sorry," I said, sinking to the floor. "I'm really sorry, I don't know, I don't understand anything!" I could feel tears rush to my eyes but I didn't know why I was crying, was it something I could help? Why did I feel so horrible right now? Was there something I left behind?

"I'm not judging fate dear. But tell me this, are you sure you don't remember anything? Not even Severus, Remus, um, Lily and James? Do you even remember your name?" he asked. I shook my head sadly.

"I don't even remember my own name," I muttered. "If I even have one." I looked up at him, wondering if he knew my name; he had called me something earlier, hadn't he? What did he call me?

_FLASH_

"We are here to discuss the disastrous fate of Katherine Anne Forest/Snape, and whether to give her certain honors she has been nominated for," Barty Crouch said.

"I vote that all of her prescience to be stricken from all records," a male voice said. "It's no better than she deserves, the wench."

"I am here to speak on behalf of Miss Forest; she should be put on a Witches and Wizards card!" Mrs. Weasly said, "She not only fought You-Know-Who and won numerous times, but she invented numerous spells and potions!"

"You are forgetting that simple fact that she married a former Death Eater and always was going against the ministry," Fudge said, "and furthermore, no one but her seemed to test these new spells of hers, some of them can be performed without a wand if I recall."

"She was a hero!" a voice came from somewhere. "How dare you say otherwise?"

"She was a nuisance!" another voice said. Severus and Dumbledore sat in a corner, watching the arguments. Severus looked depressed, staring at his hands more than forward. He knew, he knew what she had done and knew she deserved the honor, and knew that no one would want to, they hadn't understood her, understood various things about her which made her the way she was.

"Let's take a vote!" came one voice, and many murmured in agreement.

"Then let me say something first," cam Dumbledore's soft and reasonable voice. "If I may Cornelius, I do have a few things to say."

"Very well Albus," Fudge said, and Severus looked up at Dumbledore as he stepped forward. "We shall of course listen to what you have to say."

"No one doubts that she did unconventional things, but she did it for the best of reasons. She married out of love, and that is something few can say, because she married full well knowing that Severus was prone to trouble, but he changed, out of his love for her. You may not think it very possible, but she was the kind of person everyone loved on some sort of level, and just because you might 'Ban' all her records; it does not mean people will forget about her, for she showed them all what hope, love and true happiness can be. She was never overconfident, and the only thing she was proud of was her cooking and her potions, both of which some of us know all too often coincided," he said, and listened to the admiring chuckles of some of the listeners. "And were quite tasty as well, I recall taking a few of them myself when she needed someone to taste test. Yes, I trusted her that much.

"She was kind to all animals, and she even saved some of your lives, twice," he continued, "Even if you decided to ban all things of hers and lock what you can in the Hall of Mysteries, she will live one in the hearts and minds of many people, and whether you like it or not, that is more powerful than any thing, for when people remember, miracles can happen." Dumbledore sat back down next to Severus, who no looked no longer really depressed, but in a sort of peace with what Dumbledore had said. The vote was taken, and all things that they could hide of Katy's, they would put it all in the Hall of Mysteries, and that would be the end of it. It never was.

_FLASH_

"Well, since you don't remember your own name, we do have a bit of a problem. Let's see… well, I shall have to find you a temporary one at the moment, goodness knows if anyone knew you were alive, they'd freak and then realize you had no memory and be very depressed, so…" Mr. Albus paused, "Well, then we shall enlist you as a student. You can relearn some things that you may have forgotten, and I can keep an eye on you, and try to help you recover your memory." He looked to me like he just had the most brilliant idea in the world. It was scary in a way. I nodded, I didn't think I had anything else to do, and well, I might like 'school'.

"What are you going to call me?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't be a dumb name.

"I think Crystal Umi Riyusaki will suffice. You once wrote a story about a girl named as such, I find it very suitable for the moment, is that alright?" he asked, and I nodded.

"Now what?" I asked. "I mean what about school? Will I like it there? Will I even be able to be good there?" He chuckled at my questions. Does that mean they weren't the right ones? Was there something wrong with what I asked that made him laugh?

"Come with me to the school, and the other teachers and I shall help you get situated. The school year is about to begin and I think we need to get you some supplies," he said, and offered his hand. I took it, not knowing what was ahead. He led me out various doors that were covered in vines and the wind whispered soothing words into my ear as I walked with him. I didn't remember anything…but I knew I could trust Mr. Dumbledore. I could only hope I would remember things more, and then I hoped I wasn't going to be any trouble…

_FLASH_

"Severus, you're never going to leave me, are you?" I asked as he held me gently.

"Now that I have you forever? No, why should I?" he asked, "And you better not leave me either. I don't know what I'd do if you died on me." I smiled and snuggled closer into his arms.

"I don't plan on leaving you anytime soon," I said, "I don't want to leave you. You're so warm and loving and kind and entirely sexy, even though you don't always believe me." I giggled a little, he was so sweet and I loved it when he held me close to him.

"And you're so playful," he replied and held me close, and then kissed my hair. I began to relax into his arms, and fall asleep.

"I love you Severus," I muttered. "I really do, forever and ever I'll love you."

"I love you to Cat, my darling Cat," he replied, and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

_FLASH_

Promises that were not kept

Time and time again it wept

That which now will come to pass

Never again will time ever last

If a different choice had been found

A different way a different sound

There will be a different song to sing

And in its everlasting ring

Love, hope and faith will be

Along the way to eternity

A/N that's all, so I hope this chapter's okay, not much happened, I know, but I needed to set the stage and answer, well, hopefully answer some questions that were asked.


	3. Who is she?

Disclaimer: I am getting tired of this… if you don't know I don't own Harry Potter by now, you really need your head checked, I mean, if you are here on this chapter, I should hope you at least skimmed the others.

A/N: Yeah, I've been busy with inspiration when it strikes, but now I'm back and ready to continue this story… I think… if that's okay. Please don't hurt me!

She's who?

Katy

"I don't believe it Albus. After all that time…" the woman said. Her voice was familiar and yet unfamiliar. Had I seen her before? Had I heard her before?

"Well, she looks the part and even though she remembers nothing, she acts the part as well," Dumbledore said. I was sitting on a hospital bed, and why? It was because they needed to run some tests… on my blood and such. I hated hospitals for some reason, and Dumbledore told me it was because I usually ended up in these places in the past. That… explains everything, and please note my sarcasm.

"Well, does she have all the scars?" the woman asked again. "You know the ones I'm talking about Albus."

"Poppy, I do hope you see the one on her cheek. That if any proves it is her!" Dumbledore exclaimed.

"Lots of people have scars on their faces, but what about the one that runs the length of her back?" she asked. "That one would be uniquely hers, a definite proof of it being her. Although I don't know if her being reborn would have gotten rid of it, though I doubt that could have happened."

"Well, if you want to see my back, Mr. Dumbledore, please leave!" I said irritably, "I don't remember much, but I do have a feeling that right now I'm a lab rat…"

"She has her sense of sarcasm," Poppy said, glancing at Dumbledore. Dumbledore smiled and walked out of the curtain for a bit. I lifted my shirt so Poppy could see my back. She gasped, so I assumed she had found the scar. I shouldn't have been surprised, and I wasn't. I sort of expected that, so I guess I was the big somebody everyone thought I was.

"Ummm, what now?" I asked.

"Well, we need to give you a reason to stay close," Dumbledore said, and then a dawning look appeared on his face, "And I believe I know how. We should enroll her as a student at Hogwarts. That way I can keep a close eye on all involved parties, the ones who knew her and such, and she will be able to relearn some of the things she can't remember." And Dumbledore looked as though he had won the lottery.

"Okay…" I trailed, "it sounds okay to me, I think…" School, yes oh yes it is just what I need…

Graveyard

Severus!

"Severus, you're here?" Remus asked me as I walked towards the gravestone.

"Yes, did you already clean the gravesite?" I asked, glancing at the tombstone. I remembered that day fresh in my mind. It was something I could never forget, how she died…how she left me. I sat down, and didn't meet Remus's gaze.

"I see she still exerts influence, even after 15 years," he said, I sensed he was smiling. Both Remus and I had agreed that whenever we were around Katy's tomb, we wouldn't fight, because of the fact we had promised to get along in Katy's presence when she was alive and we weren't about to test that fact in death, for if we ever fought in front of her, well, after the first time, she kicked our ass and we never did it again, let me just leave it at that. We couldn't fight now; there was no reason to it anymore, especially not at her grave. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to kill Remus and I still hated and loathed him, but for Katy, I'd bear it. It was only once a year for the past 15 I saw him anyways.

"One of these years I might test it," I joked, even though I knew I really wouldn't, and began lighting the candles Remus had already surrounded the tombstone with.

"Well, I won't," Remus said, "I still remember it as if it were yesterday." As if he was the only one.

"It doesn't bother me anymore," I lied, and he knew it.

"Yes it does. And here we almost thought we had won that battle," he continued, "and then he played your feelings for one another to kill her. That is all evil does, they try to ruin what's good in the world."

"If we didn't have those feelings she might still be alive!" I yelled. "She might still be here, laughing and smiling and being the wonderful woman she was!"

"But then again you wouldn't have had her, would you? If she didn't have those feelings at all she might have died sooner. She had no true reason to fight until you came into her life," Remus said, "And even with her friends, she wouldn't fight, but you, she always fought to protect you. We never knew why. I think I might know, but all it is, is a hunch. It was just a hunch about something that happened the summer before our 4th year." He had almost nailed it. She had visited my house, and what she did for me there and from then on was… I fell in love with her that summer, and I still loved her even today.

"Shut up," I muttered, watching the candles burn brightly.

"Hey, Harry is starting school this year," Remus said, trying to make conversation.

"That brat? Dear god, really?" I asked. "That's Potter's son, right? Sorry, just making sure." That boy, he'd be a constant reminder of Lily and of Katy. I bet he'd be a trouble maker like his father, and have Lily's hair. Katy, she was named the godmother of Harry, even though she was dead. Did Lily know something and not tell me?

"Severus?" came a voice, oh, Remus.

"What?" I asked peevishly. "What more annoyances could you possibly plague me with?"

"Harry will be at Hogwarts, look after him, okay?" Remus asked, and then stood, turned to the stone and said, "May the Protector of Forest watch over me. Katy, it's good to know you rest peacefully."

"Maybe I'll watch over him, maybe I will, maybe I won't," I said, standing. Obviously no, not unless he was a troublemaker would I keep an eye on him. Then again, I should keep maybe a little eye, for Katy's sake.

"I must go. Farewell Severus, until next year," Remus said. He was quite a follower of the Protectors. Katy, Protector of Forest, was always his favorite, and he seemed to try to fill in as an advocate of sorts and would visit her temple from time to time to check in. How did I know? I have walked in on him saying a prayer in her temple, twice. I watched him leave, and then turned towards Katy's grave.

"Uh, hi love. It's been a year," I started, sitting back down, "Well; a year since I last came. 15 years since your death. I miss you, I really do. It's hard, to manage things you used to be able to do and now I have to do. Teaching is going okay, and by the looks of it, your godson is starting this year. That should make you happy, right? I know I may not be able to do it like you would have done, but I do it okay. Dumbledore doesn't seem to mind that I keep applying for the DADA, he rejects it anyway. I suppose it's because he knows why I started teaching potions, for you, and he doesn't want me to forget that. I'll keep trying anyway. No, I haven't been eating like I should and I know I am getting thinner, but I blame it on not being able to eat your cooking."

"That's no excuse, is it? I can't seem to stomach much, it still hurts. Your death is still imprinted on my mind. I miss you and I wish you were here. We promised never to leave each other, and damn it all, you did! You died, and left me here, alone. Please, I've been making this plea for years now, but I mean it more and more. I'm falling apart without you here. I need you back, we held each other together, and now I'm left to myself. God damn it! Why'd you die for me anyway? I never asked you to…" I felt the fresh tears sting my eyes.

"I never wanted you to. If I hadn't loved you then the dark lord wouldn't have played our feelings for one another against us. But then, I wouldn't have had you for the time I did. I don't want…don't want anyone telling me I should have just been happy with the time we had. I don't want to hear any more whispers of people calling you a traitor! No one understood you…there where times when I didn't understand you…but I loved you, more and more as each day passed and more even now because I don't have you here!" I was looking so pathetic now, a sobbing, crying mass.

"I miss you. I love you… please, just… don't… don't do this to me anymore! I need you back here! People are starting to forget you, and they need a sign to know you still watch over them, as a Protector and as whom you are and as who you were. I need to have hope here too. I do, but I feel it fade each year, as if you aren't coming back, and it has become more factual to me with each passing day. I know you will come back, but when? I wish you to come back… I don't even know what I'm saying anymore!" I choked back salty tears. Was she crying in the realm of the dead too? Did she remember me in that realm?

"You loved me and I know you still love me and all I can believe for now is something is preventing your return, and that is all I will believe until the end of time, or until you return to my side, with me, where you belong. You didn't deserve to die, the ministry had no right to bury you into the sands of forgotten time and lock all they could of you away. Dear god, I sound so weak. I… I love you… only you… and I know… you will… come back… we promised each other… You never break a promise. I love you… I love you…" I fell to the foot of her tomb and wept. I did this every year, maybe I just believed that my tears would bring her back, help her come home. I knew next year I'd just be visiting her grave again, nothing new to report, and nothing new to say. She has heard it all. I say it every year. She isn't coming back, but I can't accept that, not now, not ever. She promised. I seem so weak, don't I? Katy, my love, my life, come back to me, please…

_I love you…_

****

**_Flash_**

****

"Come on Sev, let's go somewhere fun today!" she said.

"What do you have in mind love?" I asked.

"An amusement park!" she replied, a gleam in her eye, "And we'll get pictures and more memories and have lots of fun!"

"Are you going to go on the roller coasters or do I have to drag you on them?" I asked teasingly.

"So long as I can grip onto you for protection I'll be fine!" she said and giggled, yanking me down into her embrace for a kiss and drew it out as long as she could. I quickly took control of the kiss, brushing my hand against her cheek. I think she liked it more when I was in control, not that she would admit it outright.

"So, so long as I protect you you'll be willing to go on all the big rides this time?" I asked and she nodded, and I grinned. "Then what are we waiting for love? I think there are some roller coasters with our names on it."

**_Flash_**

****

_Still, I love you so much…_

_Still, I love you so much…_

A/N: Aside from school and writers block, I scraped this together to continue the story. I hope you enjoyed it, and I'm just busy, so I haven't given up, I'm just dealing with Forensics and School right now, so bear with me… Read and Review! Okay, I know, this note sucked, okay, so sue me. I promise to have Severus's Suffering up ASAP! It explains a scar and more of Severus's past, but it will be on a different story line than this one is, just FYI. I don't know when it will be up, but hopefully within next two to three weeks… Love you all!


	4. Bring Me to life

Disclaimer: Duh, I'm not a billionaire! I don't own Harry Potter or the song. I'm only putting this in for the song… geeze…

A/N: yeah, I apologize for the writers block but now I shall make an effort to do the impossible, go where no woman has gone before… okay damn it! I'll write the chapter…

Bring me to Life

Crystal

Dumbledore called it the sorting ceremony, but I wasn't exactly too thrilled about it. I felt tall amidst the younger first years and if anyone saw my wand and recognized me, Dumbledore said that there would be a lot of explaining to do, and he wanted to hold off for now. I saw the one they called Harry Potter. He was easy to recognize, black hair and a scar on his forehead, like a lightning bolt, wait thunderbolt? Whatever…

"When I call your name, please step forward here. I shall place the sorting hat upon your head and you shall be sorted into your houses," Professor McGonagall instructed, and began to read from a list. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot, and glanced at the head table. I noticed one of the teachers, I hadn't seen him before, but then again, Dumbledore did say the teachers had other places to be during the summer break. He had deep black eyes and hair; it looked a tad greasy and untidy. He wore black clothes, and he looked pale and thin. Didn't he eat enough? I've already tasted the food here, and it is wonderful! Maybe he didn't eat well at home until he got here… Well, I also got this funny feeling from him, something deep within me reacted to the sight of him… it felt warm and comforting. Why the hell couldn't I remember?

"Riyusaki, Crystal Umi," McGonagall called, and I hurried forward. The sorting hat was place on my head. I felt it shift around my skull…

"You… you have already done this before, haven't you?" it asked. It knew? Were these memories I was missing… could he get them for me?

"I cannot find and give what is hidden. It was obviously for a reason, not that I know. Let's see, oh, Dumbledore's orders, eh? Well, I know where to put you. This may help you to remember," it said, and then it bellowed out, "GRYFFINDOR!" There was much cheering as I lifted the hat off of my head and went to the table.

"Welcome!" said two identical red-headed boys that I sat across from.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Fred and George, and we're the ones that know what's what and who's who in this school, plus, never outdo us in a trick, that's what we're known for," they paused to cheer for another boy who had just been sorted into Gryffindor.

"Who's that?" I asked.

"That's our little bro, Ronald Weasly!" one of them replied. It was only then I noticed that Harry himself sat near by.

"Oh, hello," he said, looking a bit unsure of what was going on.

"Um, Hi!" I said, making an attempt to be friendly. I looked at him; it seemed so familiar… somehow…

Flash

_ I saw a girl, with flaming red hair, laughing at something. She glanced at me, and then looked back towards another person. This person was a boy, with black hair and eyeglasses. He was playing a game on a broomstick. What had Dumbledore called it? Quidditch?_

_ "Hey, Katy, Sirius is waving! Hey, next year you can be a member right? Sirius could use a better beater next year once Patil is gone," the girl said, "Katy, you okay?"_

_"Katy!"_

_Blood, there was blood, there was a sword on me, embedded in my chest. I was dieing… Someone, help me!_

_"NOOOO!"_

Flash

"Yo, Riyusaki?" a girl nearby asked, and I noticed that a portion of the people surrounding me were staring at me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Are you okay? You were shouting something… maybe you should go see Madame Pomfrey. She should be able to help. Oh, you don't know me, I'm Angelina," the girl said, and offered her hand, which I shook. What was happening to me?

**__**

****

Later, I lay down in a bed and tried to go to sleep. I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes. Why did I have that vision? Who were those people? Why did that man at the table, Professor Severus Snape, whose name I acquired from Angelina, seem so familiar and seem so warm? I had potions with him in a few days, so I guess then I would be able to see what he was really like. I hope…

Severus

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion making," I began, but I rarely thought the children listened to this speech. I continued, watching the class closely. I saw Mr. Potter of course, who looked apparently comfortable in his seat. Little brat. I looked towards the back, and a new Gryffindor girl caught my eye. She looked almost identical to how my wife looked. It couldn't be… it just couldn't be! I decided to ignore her. I knew I would get a headache already from this class alone; I didn't need another from a look alike.

"As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through the human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses… I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death – if you aren't a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach," I finished, and noticed everyone hanging on that last word, and Miss Granger especially was leaning off her chair, so I presumed that Gryffindor was a know it all. Time to test Mr. Potter…

"Potter!" I exclaimed suddenly, and it looked like I caught him in the middle of some unimportant menial task, "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" I glanced around; for sure I had heard someone whisper the answer, 'Draught of the Living Death'.

"I don't know sir," Potter replied. Good, he was stupid…

"Tut, tut, -- fame clearly isn't everything," and I knew he knew I was ignoring the quivering hand up beside him.

"Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?" I glanced around, hearing the correct answer from another once again, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Granger. It seemed like the Gryffindor in the back, Riyusaki, and it was louder than the first time.

"I don't know sir," Potter replied again. This time I was certain that Miss Riyusaki had just said the word, 'Idiot', but I didn't know who it was addressed to, me, or Potter. Never mind…

"Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?" I asked him, and he looked me directly in the eyes. He looked so like Potter, and yet, he had his mother's eyes. No matter though.

"What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?" I asked.

"I don't know, but I think Hermione does, though, so why don't you try her?" Potter asked, and before I could reply, another voice piped in.

"Harry, I even know these things and I have a very bad memory. Asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion known as the Draught of the Living Death, a bezoar is found in the stomach of a goat, a cure for most poisons, and monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant, also known as aconite! And Professor, if you already know these things, why do you ask someone who clearly doesn't know? If you are that stupid maybe you truly need to open a book!" Riyusaki said, standing up.

"Miss Riyusaki! That is not proper classroom behavior!" I exclaimed, feeling a certain level of embarrassment.

"I don't know how the hell I know this stuff, and I didn't even study at all. This class isn't worth my time. And here I got a warm feeling from you…" she said coldly, then shoved her things in her cauldron and stalked out of the classroom. There were gasps echoing throughout the classroom and I never felt so humiliated in my life! I took two deep breaths and then continued with the class. I'd bring the matter to Dumbledore later…

Crystal

I couldn't believe that sort of abuse went on at this school. And why did I know all of that stuff? What the hell was going on with me? Why was I like this?

Flash

"Katy, I'm helping you study, so the least you could do is pay attention!" a girl yelled.

"Okay, what?" I asked.

"What's a bezoar, where do you find one and what is its use?" she asked me.

"Easy, found in the stomach of a goat, looks like and it sort of is a small stone, and it can cure poison. I've used it before…" I trailed.

Flash

I collapsed against the walls of the hallway. What was happening to me?

**_…_**

Flash

"Katy!" it was a voice that sounded familiar.

"What is happening to me?" I cried.

"Please, don't leave me," a sobbing voice followed the first.

"Now, now, she will be alright…" a voice said, it sounded like Madame Pomfrey's voice.

"You were poisoned, oh, please don't die!" came a female voice.

Flash

These visions were in my head, tearing my mind apart. I couldn't… it was hard… why… why?

**_…_**

I can't see! I'm looking around at blackness! Where is my sight? I had it less than 5 minutes ago.

"Crystal?" a voice asked, "what are you doing out of class? Oh dear lord, what's wrong?" I was rocking back and forth, crying. Had I been crying before?

**_…_**

"Who… who is there?" I asked, "Where are you?"

"It's Professor McGonagall," the voice replied, "Can't you see me?"

"I can't see anything!" I cried, and felt for someone nearby. I found the Professor, and I dove into her arms.

**_…_**

"Let's get you to Poppy, you obviously are in some sort of shock!" she said, and pulled me to my feet gently.

**_…_**

"It looks as though she is returning to her former self, who was blind as well," Poppy said definitely.

"Where are these voices coming from?" I asked into the darkness.

Flash

"Katy, will you ever see again?" a girl asked, "You can regain your sight like you did before, before you piloted this summer, right?"

Flash

"I don't know what to do now. Let me observe her, and see if I can't find a pair of our old Katy's contacts that let her see. There must be a pair around here somewhere, the ministry didn't hide everything away, I assure you," Poppy said.

"I shall go to Severus and explain this situation," McGonagall said, "I believe she had his potions class today."

"Who… what… someone, please help me…?" I muttered…

**_…_**

A/N: I know, so I hope it's better than the last, I'm trying. And oh, Cassie, please review chapters, 3 and 4, I need good feedback, so yeah, she is beginning to do what she hadn't planned on doing, getting flashbacks and going blind, and oh! Inspiration! I should have one more chapter up in about a week or so… If you still want me to continue…


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter; don't you realize it by now? I mean, c'mon! I'm not a billionaire and I don't plan on being one as a teenager, so please, get it through your heads…

A/N: Well, I'm back, and thanks for all the two reviews I received for this chapter. I am very appreciative for them… I will stop babbling and write. Okay, just a little Angst, and more Drama… and Dumbledore shall have some explaining to do to Snape…

And Faint Hate, check my profile for my new e-mail. My old one isn't working at all right now and so I haven't been able to respond to anything in such a long time!

Cover-ups

**_Flash_**

****

_"Severus!" she cried, running forward to shield him from the attack. It pierced her flesh, and she fell. The dark lord strolled away laughing…laughing…_

**_Flash_**

Crystal

"Someone, please help me…" I muttered, curling up into a ball.

"Ah, here they are… these contacts should still be okay for you," said Madame Pomfrey. I felt my eyes being opened, and some sort of wet material being placed into my eyes.

"Okay, now you can blink," said Madame Pomfrey, and I did, and looked around. It was blurry, but I could make out shapes. The shapes though didn't have much color though; at least I think all I saw was black and white.

"Is it supposed to be blurry?" I asked.

"That's right!" McGonagall exclaimed, "Her eyesight had changed a few years later. Oh, that's not good… if she isn't…"

"The Blood curse of Dreams will surely come back as well, as did her blindness," Madame Pomfrey whispered.

"What's that?" I asked, curious to know what my past self had left me to deal with.

"It's a curse that causes the person affected to bleed in their sleep on certain nights. It can only be lessened by standing up to the one who cursed you and removed entirely by the person who cursed you removing it willingly, or they die…" McGonagall seemed a bit reluctant to answer that at first, "And if you stay up all night on a curse night, when you will be affected, then the next bout of it is worse, much worse…" I was about to reply to this when there came some loud voices coming into the infirmary.

"I don't care if she is just a first year, that behavior of hers is nothing short of rude!" one voice said, and I saw a shape I believed to be Madame Pomfry go to greet them.

"She didn't know what she was doing, I assume she just is a little confused," came another voice, gentler and yet, loud as well.

"What is the meaning of this, I am trying to treat a patient, but you are providing distractions, and if you cannot lower your voices, I have to ask you to leave," Pomfrey said sternly. I looked around, still trying to see.

"I apologize for the noise Poppy. Severus just had some trouble with Miss Riyusaki and wants to see why," a voice said.

"I want to see her expelled!" Severus exclaimed.

"She doesn't know what she did wrong! Where she's from, it's normal to do that sort of thing," the other voice said.

"Dumbledore, it doesn't matter, wasn't she told OUR rules here?" Severus asked. I couldn't believe this; this man wanted me to be expelled! Why did he want it? It wasn't like I was causing any harm. Sure I had an outbreak in class but that didn't mean anything, it was just…I didn't like him picking on Harry, it didn't seem right.

"Apparently she was told them; however, she might not understand them because her background is different than ours," Dumbledore said calmly.

"Then get her out of my class!" Severus exclaimed, then seemed to check himself, "Out of the class she is in now and into a different one, where she can do less to interfere with the particular class she is in now."

"That is an excellent idea. Let's see, Miss Riyusaki, how would 3rd year potions sound?" Dumbledore asked. I looked through blurred eyes at him.

"How could I? I can barely see!" I exclaimed, oh shit, he didn't know, did he?

"Say what?" Severus asked in complete disbelief.

"Apparently Crystal is blind," Pomfry said. All hell broke loose…

**Third Person**

Severus was furious! A child like her, with a smart mouth and a sharp tongue, she was blind? She reminded him of his wife, but he had to push that thought aside.

"How can a 1st year that is blind do potions at all?" he exclaimed, although in the back of his mind, he faintly recalled how his wife had done it, but he pushed his thoughts of the past aside. Now was not the time to fall upon such memories.

"Severus!" McGonagall chided severely, "It's not her fault that she's blind!"

"Then what the hell was she doing acting like a smart ass in my class?" he yelled back at her.

"That has nothing to do with the fact she's blind!" Dumbledore pointed out, his voice raised a notch. Crystal was starting to cry, she didn't understand what was going on. How could she help the fact she had been blind? How could she have changed anything differently if she didn't know what was going on?

"I'm sorry…" she murmured, but at the moment no one was listening to her. Everyone was focused on arguing over her instead of talking to her or addressing her instead.

"A blind girl needs to be protected, she can't learn potions if she can't see what she's using!" Severus argued, and then turned and began to storm out, the issue of what Katy did in potions class today already forgotten.

"She did," Dumbledore murmured. Severus stopped dead in his tracks, and looked at the floor. He may not want to bring up old memories, but Dumbledore didn't see anything wrong with that.

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "Cat, how can you see while being blind?" he asked her, cradling her against him. "I'm still amazed how you do it, once you told me I mean…I didn't know until you told me of course."_

_ "Second sight, and there's a special pair of contacts my grandparents had made especially for me. Besides, I don't need to see to love, and I can do things just fine blind. My other senses are heightened you know, hearing, smell, touch, taste…" she trailed and looked up at him. He watched her green eyes for a moment, still unbelieving that she was sightless, a blind, beautiful…wonderful woman. They had only been dating for a few months and she felt she could tell him more of her secrets now, as he could tell her his._

_ "What makes you think you have better hearing? Don't you listen to the teachers at all?" he asked with a grin._

_ "It's called selective hearing at those times. I hear them, but I don't have to listen. There's a difference," she said. "As for smell, I can tell you took a shower and smell of oranges. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone the soap you use. With touch, I'm just more sensitive to what I am touching. Like you…I love the feel of you. When you hold me I just feel so special."_

_ "What about taste?" he asked and she smiled at him._

_ "Why don't I show you?" she asked and raised her lips and captured him in a kiss._

**_FLASH_**

"She had the second sight, and those contacts of hers," Severus muttered, remembering all too well the conversation he once had with her.

"And what makes you think this girl is any different?" Dumbledore inquired, curious to find if there was any logic behind his argument.

"She is! No one can replace her and no one ever will!" Severus exclaimed, and Dumbledore, merely listened, and Snape decided to lower his voice. "I don't mean it like that…I mean…"

"I am not trying to replace her, besides; she's too young for you in my opinion. I am merely saying that this child, Crystal, is in the same boat, and that means she needs some respect, or at least a little more understanding," Dumbledore said, then turned to Crystal, "You will be in third year potions and so I will adjust your classes tonight and deliver you a new schedule. It will take some time, but I'm sure you're going to be alright. Severus, is there some punishment you wanted to discuss with Miss Riyusaki?" Dumbledore had just told him a little that Crystal was his wife, but Severus would most likely not realize it at all.

Severus looked at Crystal, she was still tearing over. She was scared of him, just a little, but she didn't mind him really. She was drawn to him, but couldn't put a finger on why.

"Detention Miss Riyusaki and I hope we never have an incident like that again," he replied, and she thought she could see a tear glimmer in his eyes. With that, he strode out of the hospital wing.

Flash

_ "Severus, you… you came for me!" Katy cried, running up to him and embracing him. He held her there in his embrace, inhaling the scent of her. She was everything he wanted in a woman, everything he loved._

_ "How could I not?" he asked, "I love you." He was most likely wearing his heart on his sleeve but at the moment he didn't care, he was with her and that was all that mattered right now._

_ "But… but… how… without getting caught?" she asked. He put a hand to her lips and then kissed her cheek._

_ "That will be my secret," he whispered and embraced her, engulfing her into his arms and kissed her hair, "I love you."_

Flash

Crystal

Why me? Why the hell did I get these flashbacks with my life?

"Miss Riyusaki, I should tell you now, you won't be leaving just yet. I have a friend I'm going to contact, to see if they can obtain something that might help your sight. I recommend you rest right now, you are welcome to leave, but I should expect you here tomorrow after lunch… no excuses," Pomfry said, and then turned to leave, and walked out towards her office, well, I think it was her office.

"I must be going Miss Riyusaki. I shall rearrange you're schedule tonight, as promised," Dumbledore said, and I heard his footsteps as he left.

"Why me?" I repeated to myself. "What did I do?"

I couldn't sleep again that night. I seemed a bit worried over Severus's reaction to me and my blindness. I sat up and got dressed. Maybe a walk would help me to sort out my thoughts, or maybe, I should go look at the stars for a moment. I headed up towards the astronomy tower, careful that I wouldn't get caught. I ran up the stairs to the astronomy tower and looked out over the school grounds. It was a beautiful night. I listened to the sounds of the night, and then began to hear something out of the ordinary. Someone was up upon the highest part of Hogwarts! It was just a roof, but it was the highest point on Hogwarts anyone could think of. I crouched down, afraid to be seen, and then looked over the edge, and saw Severus! He was out here at this time of night? What was he doing?

Flash

_"Um, okay, Severus, why have you called me up here tonight?" I asked, pulling my arms close around me, it was a little cold out._

_ "It's a secret," he said and wrapped his arms around me._

_ "Well, it won't be a secret for long, will it? You called me up here!"_

_ He chuckled, he had a nice laugh. "I could just lie and hold off on the secret."_

_ "You wouldn't do that!" I exclaimed and snuggled close to him._

_ "You're right, I wouldn't. It's something… I haven't had the courage to do in a long time…" he said, and kissed me softly, and pulled out something from his pocket, and used it…_

_ "Sev?" I asked, slightly confused as I broke away, but he merely smiled. He smiled and I loved how beautiful he looked when he smiled._

_ "Cat, my darling Cat, will you… will you marry me?" he said, offering a beautiful ring. I lost me breath in that moment. It hitched in my throat, unwilling to let me be, inescapable and pure. He had decided to ask me. He had asked me! _

_ "Yes!" I cried, and he placed the ring upon my finger, and then kissed me again, slowly, deeply, engulfing me in his warmth and love. This was the man I wanted forever, this was the man I loved with all my heart and soul._

Flash

Not another one… I hated these. I sank down and held my head in my hands. It hurt now, not much, but it hurt in a way. So much love and pain… and I couldn't make sense of it at all. I didn't remember… and I knew I was supposed to love this man! Something deep inside of me was telling me that he was waiting… for me… and yet… how could I love someone I didn't remember? I let out a sound, a small sob…

"Who's there? Who's out there?" Severus asked, looking up and around. I sat down and curled up. I hoped he wouldn't get down and see me!

"I heard someone! Who's out here at this time of night?" he asked. Wasn't he being hypocritical? He was out late, and he's chiding me? I stayed silent, until I didn't hear him for a while, and I scurried out and ran down the stairs and back all the way into my bed. I was shaking with that, I had almost been caught. I sank back down into my bed and wiped some of my tears away. I had been crying? Oh yeah, from that flashback…

"I don't know what's happening to me," I muttered, and cried myself asleep.

Severus

Someone was here. I know they were. Spying on me? Only Dumbledore was brave enough to do that, and he would have said hello and asked questions. Well, him and maybe my wife. I was up here on the roof, because well, it was our special place. Katy and my place, we came here all the time when we were at school, and she would sometimes fall asleep in my arms. This was kind of our place. I missed her still. Today in the infirmary, I had proved that, in more ways than one. I still loved her. Remus was right, I still hadn't gotten over her, and I still needed her. Why the hell was I the one to loose someone I loved? Of all the people killed by the dark lord, why was I the only one still truly crying over her death? Am I doomed to mourn her death forever now? Am I doomed to suffer like this? It was over 10 years ago, and yet, I couldn't forget.

**_Flash_**

****

_ "Don't die…why did you have to die?" I sobbed as I knelt by her gravesite. It had only been a year, one stupid year and now everything was different! "The Dark Lord is gone now…he's been defeated by a mere child! You shouldn't have died. I wasn't afraid to die, but no, you had to protect me. I didn't ask to be! I didn't ask to be. I love you so much, I can't love anyone else, and you know I can't move on! You told me goodnight, goodbye… why? Please…come back to me, you have to be back here with me! What the heck am I going to do? Please Cat, come back to me. God, I remember that day so clearly…"_

_ "I watched you fall, I still have that shirt, even the pants I wore on that day, stained…with your blood. I can't get rid of them…I can't bring myself to get rid of a pair of pants stained with blood! You promised me you wouldn't leave me! Please Cat, please…" My tears consumed me and I wept alone._

**_Flash_**

I couldn't move on, a stone sitting on the bottom of the sea! If I did, then she would be forgotten, and my wife…my one true love, would disappear, a whisper, a legend. I couldn't let that happen, no one understands her…not since the ministry destroyed her image when she was DEAD! They were the most bloody of cowards, hiding behind their desks and authority when the war was over. They hadn't been the ones to do the hard work; they just took credit for it. I guess I just had to suffer. It was for her that I did so anyways. I sighed; wouldn't this be a fun year?

Crystal

I woke up the next morning in a little bit of pain. I looked around the room with still foggy eyes and say the girl named Hermione staring at me.

"What?" I asked her peevishly, wondering what the brainy girl had to say about anything going on right now.

"Um… well… I think you should go see Madame Pomfry about those cuts on your face," she said softly. "They don't look too good." She left, seemingly undisturbed by my rude attitude and it took me a moment to register what she had said. There were cuts on my face?

"What cuts?" I asked, and felt at my face, there were cuts there! What the heck was going on now? Was it that blood curse that McGonagall had talked about? What keeps on happening to me? What life did I use to lead? Who did I used to be?

A/N: And that's a wrap! I hope you like this one. Tell me if I should or not! Read and Review!

Do you like the changes? I'm trying to make up for lack of songs with more dialogue and description. I personally add about 200 words to each chapter, sometimes more. I'm trying to improve and this reposting thing gives me that chance I guess.


	6. Blood curse of dreams

A/N: Yeah, I'm getting off my lazy butt and doing the next chapter, 'savvy?'

Disclaimer: I hope you realize this is a real pain in the buttocks to keep putting in here, so I'm just going to write something random… "Crazy? I've been crazy once before, I was locked in a rubber room, rubber? Rubber comes from trees, trees? Trees live in the ground, worms? Worms live in the ground, worms? Worms make me crazy! Crazy? I've been crazy once before, I was locked in a rubber room, rubber? Rubber comes from trees, trees? Trees live in the ground, worms? Worms live in the ground, Worms? Worms make me CRAZY! Crazy, I've been crazy once before……… Rinse and repeat until you drive the reader or someone insane. (The clever term is "If I'm going down, I'm taking you down with me")

A/N: Sick of this yet? Be forewarned, this chapter is just definitions for the most part. It does little to forward or do much to the plot… but I bet some of you have been wondering, "What's the blood curse? What's with all the scars? Who the hell is this past woman that Crystal is supposed to be? Etc… oh, and why the heck is the writer bothering to put this in and drive everyone insane with mindless chatter?" (It's because I can and will!) And be forewarned, this chapter is kind of meant to be a little humorous…I think.

Yeah, yeah, on with the definitions…

Crystal

Dumbledore gave me books to read. On top of all the homework I now have thanks to doing more difficult courses, I have to read… but I can't exactly say it's horrible, terrible reading. He… well, I think he just wants me to learn why I'm so messed up. I seriously think these were just written by my former self, because all of the side notes in here are ridiculous. I mean, well, it just is.

_Blood Curse: (A.K.A. Nightmare Dreams of Blood). Basically, the person receives this from another person (duh) and then whenever they go to sleep, they bleed. Not to death, but enough to wake up with numerous new scars and bruises (which fade as the day goes on, only to be replaced by new ones the next night, and fortunately, they don't all show up on what people are allowed to see.) For some reason, the bleeding doesn't seem to occur, June and July, and on certain holidays. Why? Because it's believable that the inventor of the curse is cruel, and yet, weird… or something… There are two, no three things that can be done with the curse, (because while the curse is in full force on your body, you CAN'T have children. Voldemort will die…) one of them being just to deal with it and move on. That is hard for some people, so instead you can stand up to the person who put it on you in the first place and get them to willingly remove it, (and even if they don't remove it, it lessens the curse… a lot…) or you can kill the person in question and remove it from your body entirely. In some cases, the second choice becomes difficult for some people to do; so many people try for the third choice, which turns out to be bad in some cases. And no, you can't just outlive the person; you have to actually kill them…_

And that was just the short definition. I'm not even going to read back the thing about my blindness. I was born with it and have to deal with it. Apparently at some point in time I am supposed to get some sort of second sight. The contacts? Well, Pomfry managed to get me a better pair, but I'd really rather obtain my true sight, by 'falling back in love with someone I was married to but then I died and I had to adjust to being reborn with no memory of my love' and all that Jazz. Yeah, and now I just have to get on with my life, and the rest of all that stuff will be 'uncovered later' or something like that. Yeah, I'm screwed up…

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "You're a pervert," Sirius said, glaring at me. "Where do you get all those sick jokes?"_

_ "Telling sick jokes doesn't make me a pervert. And I hear most of them from you and your group," I responded dryly._

_ "You peak in on us when we're bathing?"_

_ "EW, No, I don't do that!"_

_ "Than what do you do?"_

_ "We girls can go into the boy's dormitory. James isn't the only one with an invisibility cloak," I said slyly._

_ "When we're in our underwear? I mean, I know you want me Cat, but geeze, to go to that extreme?"  
"Don't flatter yourself over this," I said. "You have nothing to show. Remus is the only good looking guy in your dorm."_

_ "I heard that!" Remus shouted. "Sounds good to me!"_

_ "Shut up Moony!" Sirius said._

_ "You got owned," James teased, coming up to us. "She told you off!"_

_ "…" I said nothing, just watched the carnage I had created._

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "__Forest__, um…let me explain," Severus muttered, looking at me with uncertainty. "I don't know why I did what I did."_

_ "You saved me," I said. "Thank you." He turned beet red and looked away._

_ "I don't owe you anything and you don't owe me anything," he said, "And we're not friends, got that?"  
"Then why did you save me Sev?"_

_ "Just shut up! No matter how hard I try to push you away you always come back! You so dumb, I hate you!" he exclaimed, jumping out of his seat. I watched his eyes blink slowly and then he looked at me, covered in the bandages from the chest down, and he lowered his head._

_ "I don't hate you," I said gently. "I have no reason to."_

_ "I keep trying to push you away. Doesn't that give you some clue? Doesn't that give you some idea I don't want your friendship?"_

_ "Then why did you rescue me?"_

_ "I don't know!"_

_ "If you didn't want me to think of us as friends you would have let Lil or someone else save me!"_

_ "…" he didn't respond for a long moment, staring at the floor before looking into my gaze. "You…I can't get you out of my head. Pushing you away doesn't help. Ever since we met on the train…"_

_ "What's wrong?" I asked gently._

_ "You don't understand! I've never been treated kindly before…and then to have you, some friend of a mudblood come and then try to be my friend, working hard to do so…" He turned around, seemingly horrified at what he said and ran out of the hospital wing. _

_ "Thank you," I whispered again. "Sev…"_

**_FLASH_**

Round and round and round we go

Where it stops nobody knows

Under the river and over the sea

Bringing the pain closer to thee

-Doom chant (Written by the author…)

A/N: Yeah, that's about all my brain will put out for now. I am officially burned out… and that's not good…

falling ice star: If you have any more questions, I kinda suggest What If? This fiction almost to an exact was written based upon that fiction and my own imagination… yeah… so read it and if you still have questions, I'll try to answer them in later chapters.

Cassie Angelica: I have a new, short, sort of one shot Harry Potter fiction up, but it has to do with Fred and George, but I like it and I wrote it and I'd kinda like it if you read it, but it's really sad…

And to all possible readers who just don't review this, please just review! I like this story, it's one of my favorites, but I love reviews and I want more… I am obsessed and entranced by reviews… yes… reviews…


	7. Marauder's Trust

Disclaimer: ... duh...

A/N: This is redone, anyone like?

Marauders Trust

Crystal

I'm so tired right now. The train and a couch sound so good. I enjoy sleeping on the train as it rocks gently back and forth. I looked for a cabin to sit in and found one with someone already in it. His clothes were very baggy and he looked a little thin, but at the moment, alert. His hair was short, brown and a little messy and his eyes spoke of a lot of tales.  
"Um... excuse me... can I sit here?" I asked, and he looked up at me, only to give a shocked gasp. He searched my face for a long moment before opening his mouth to speak.  
"Cat? Oh my word, is that you?" he asked me. "I must know…but you had died… my word…"  
"My name is Crystal Umi Riyusaki," I replied, "Who are you?" He blinked twice and then seemed to compose himself.  
"My name is Remus Lupin, are you saying you don't know who I am?" he asked, "I'm sure you're her, but you died!" He searched my face once again and looked me over. It didn't make me feel uncomfortable but should I know him? Is he some part of my past that I don't remember?  
"I don't remember..." I muttered and sat down, "I mean... you seem so familiar... but I don't remember much of anything." I didn't really remember anything…all I had at all to tell me anything were some flashbacks and I didn't know how to sort through all of them.  
"But you know I'm not a bad person, which is why you began to talk to me in the first place, right?" he asked, and I found myself nodding slowly, taking in what he was saying. If I had heard him right...

flash

_ "Um... hi," I said shyly. The boy looked at me strangely, I knew who he was…but I wanted to get to know him better.  
"Hi," he said, "What do you want?" His clothes were a little torn and his hair was a little messy. It always was.  
"My name is __Katy__Forest__, pleased to meet you," I replied, "I mean, we've talked a little but your friends always showed up so we never really had a proper introduction."  
"Oh, that's all? Well... my name is Remus Lupin," he replied, "But you won't want to know me too well."  
"Yes I do! There's something about you I like!" I giggled. "I knew it from when I first saw you…but your friends are so distracting…that and that Sirius guy keeps hitting on me."  
"You... no one's ever said that before to me," he said, "Okay... but..."  
"I'm a psychic... still in training, and I know people like you," I said, "And you're the best of them all, aren't you?" I meant that in a friendly way, like he was warmer than others like him, better. I knew men like him driven mad by what they had become, or at least heard many stories, not all of them pleasant. I met him in his first year. The portals were connected to this world, so I visited often, and Lily, I was going to say hi, but I ran into Remus instead. He was neat, unique; I didn't sense anything dangerous about him, rather the opposite._

flash

"Remus... Remus Lupin..." I said after sitting down, "I do remember... something... when... we first met...and really talked a little." It seemed so real but I didn't, I mean I still couldn't tell if these memories were mine or not.  
"You do?" he asked, "Is that all?"  
"For the moment... yes," was all I could reply. He stood, nearly knocking over his suitcase and hugged me.  
"Everyone thought you... you had truly died," he said, "The ministry was so cruel to your memories and everything… Severus was distraught, and Lily fell apart, James and..."  
"James and who?" I asked.  
"Sirius..." he said, as if uncertain.  
"There was a Sirius Black who escaped from a prison this summer, are they the same person? I heard about him on the news," I said innocently, "is it true that he killed a lot of people?"  
"Cat... sorry, Crystal... can I call you Chris? Well... Sirius was the secret keeper for Lily and James..." he began and he told me how he believed Sirius had betrayed the Potters to Voldemort. I listened to this sad story. But then he told me how it seemed hard to believe, because James and Sirius were the best of friends.

flash

_ "Okay, we're gonna form a group... it's gonna only be us..." James said, "We need nicknames... and an official name." I listened through the hole in the wall.  
"Well, you... you... Remus... you're a werewolf," Sirius said, thinking for a moment, "You better be... let's see... Moony!"  
"Hey, that's a good one. My animangus animal is starting to look like... a rat," Peter said quietly, "Can I be called... Wormtail?" I had to stifle a giggle.  
"Well, mine's a stag, so I shall call myself Prongs," James said proudly.  
"Well, I may be an ordinary brown dog, but you can all call me Padfoot!" Sirius said, and grinned as if he had the best name of all.  
"Well, that's settled, but we need a group name," James said, "Any ideas?"  
"We cause trouble, we sneak around, and we're smart," Sirius said, "and we know this school better than Dumbledore, I bet that's a fact."  
"How... how about the Marauders, does that sound like a good name?" Remus asked timidly.  
"The Marauders? Actually, I like the sound of that, it has quite the ring to it in my opinion," James said, "Great thinking Moony!" I smiled. The name was original; I gave him credit for that. Moony was a good nickname for Remus too, suited him well. I kinda liked it too.  
"Marauders, marauders, what have you been up to? What trouble shall you cause? Whose lives shall you change? Marauders, marauders, friends at their best... but one shall betray you... and then the group will be changed evermore, for there will be only three on my side, when there were originally...four," I chanted under my breath, a prediction for the future... Although where it came from was beyond me. I hated divination; I wasn't even planning on taking that class. Visions from the future disturbed me to no end, and whatever I had just said I planned to keep to my self from now on.  
"Hey, did you guys hear that?" Remus asked and moved toward where I hid. I quickly disappeared into the darkness, their secret kept safe with me..._

flash

"Marauders, marauders, what will you do now? How will you live now that one betrayed the other to die?" I asked, not even knowing what I was saying. I felt like I had done it before, an unconscious desire to say it.  
"What did you say?" Remus asked.  
"What did I say?" I asked, not even knowing what I just did.  
"You talked about the marauders," Remus said cautiously, "And how one betrayed the others to die..." He looked at me with the most puzzled expression on his face, something of a mix between confusion and sadness…although both expressions puzzled me.  
"I did? I'm sorry," I said, and stood up and began to walk out of the room. "I didn't mean to, I don't know. I just…it's just these things keep happening to me and I don't know why, I keep getting these flashbacks and I don't know if they're really mine."  
"Wait, Cat, no, sorry Crystal!" he said, "There's... still so much I need to know..."  
"Then talk to me when I remember more... I'm of little use to you now. You seem like a nice guy," I whispered and walked out of the room, "And when I can understand myself what it is I am doing..."  
"Then find yourself again Cat," I heard him whisper as I shut the door. "Find yourself and come back to us."

Remus

I could tell it was her, of that fact I was more than certain. Not once had she been able to fool me, memory or no memory. If Sirius found out she was alive, how would he react? He'd either be stunned, surprised, upset or entirely neutral. He was like that once or twice, I think. Did Severus know she had been reborn? I sort of hope he didn't, it would be really hard on him if she didn't remember. I hope Dumbledore realized that before reenrolling her into Hogwarts. I sat down again and closed my eyes. Sleep, that was what I needed, sleep to get over the shock and the joy of seeing her alive again. Wait, didn't she say that only one was dead? I thought Pettigrew was also dead...he had died at the hands of Sirius, meaning two would have died. I couldn't understand what she meant, and I knew it meant something significant, even if it didn't to her.

Crystal

He may be an odd person, but he's a great teacher! I mean Professor Lupin. I didn't exactly think he was a student... but I didn't know if he was a teacher or not, it was entirely possible. I mean, Dumbledore told me I was like…old enough to be a teacher or something but that's besides the point I guess now. Professor Lupin is our Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, and he's the best one we've had so far, at least in the three years now I've been here. Everyone else thinks so to. Hands on experience are just what we needed and we learn a lot more that way. That boggart was amazing, I mean, the way he fought it off with the best of us. And then there was Severus in that dress? I was laughing for the rest of the week. However, he wouldn't let Harry or I tackle the boggart. I kinda knew why he wouldn't let Harry... but me? I couldn't remember my fear... is that why he didn't let me attempt it? For fear of my subconscious actually summoning up my darkest fear? How could I be afraid of something I don't remember? Oh, and I'm looking forward to the Hogsmeade weekend coming up. I don't ever remember being there, although I know I should feel like I have. I heard from Fred and George about a joke shop, and it sounds like I could find something good in there...

Crystal some time later

I couldn't tell, was it's fur black or was it's fur brown? I knew it was a dog, I just can't remember the color of its fur. I saw a dog out in the stands during one of the Quidditch matches, so I instinctively went up to it. It was sitting by itself, all alone, and it seemed quite focused on the match. It wasn't the best weather in my opinion. It was pouring down rain… cold shuddering rain and wind. It was crappy weather, even though I didn't mind so much as I thought I would. I think I could see my breath though and probably had icicles on my nose, or at least my ears.  
"Hello..." I said to it as I sat down. The dog glanced my way before turning back to the match. I scratched it behind the ears for a minute, which it seemed to enjoy.  
'This child acts like Cat would,' it said. Wait a minute; I can hear its thoughts!  
"Um... Mr. Dog, your name... what should I call you?" I asked, "I mean... I've always wanted a pet, and I think dogs make great pets!" The dog turned to me the wind whipping through his mangy hair. I longed to take a brush and run it over him. I bet when he cleaned up a bit he would look really good for a dog. Not that he wasn't cute already.  
'This girl is nuts! She should know better than to talk to and even think of keeping a stray dog," he panted in his mind. 'Of course, she was no different.' I thought I just heard his thoughts, but I wasn't sure.  
"I used to know someone, someone who could change into a dog like you... You remind me of him, even though I don't remember much," I whispered softly.  
'What the hell did she just say?' he asked. He looked at me with his eyes, they told a tale of suffering, but they were kind as well. They were so kind.  
"Oh well, I guess I won't take you in. I suppose you're probably in trouble already and that would be bad for me, wouldn't it?" I asked, and then walked away towards another spot. The dog watched me for a moment, and then turned away from my gaze.  
'If only that were really her...' it trailed off. 'But I wouldn't cause trouble for her, even if she doesn't mind.' I smiled to myself; I might not remember that much, but if that was the Sirius I heard about from Professor Lupin and the Sirius that I heard about in the news... I was more inclined to think he had been framed or something. I wonder what our relationship was like...

And here I was, wasting time pondering the past. I couldn't remember, so I just better move on, right? Shouldn't I? Wouldn't it be better to move on and create new memories? Soon I'll be different, changed, someone other than my past self, right? If I don't get all my memories back I'll have to forge a new life for myself, so I had best get over the past and prepare for life ahead.

**_FLASH_**

_"Why do you focus on the past so much?" Sev asked me one day._

_ "I can't forget it, it's embedded in me, a part of me that will never fade away," I replied and smiled. "But that's okay. We learn from past mistakes so we don't make them in the future."_

_ "At least not as often," he replied with a small smile. He looked at me, those black eyes of his glimmering faintly._

_ "You won't become your father Sev," I whispered._

_ "Cat, you say that now but how can you be sure?"_

_ "Can't I just be sure and be done with that? I'm sure Sev; you won't be your father. You aren't worthless; you aren't nothing like your father said you were. Besides, I'm here to make sure of that too," I said and his smile widened a little. He looked so much better when he smiled, why couldn't he do that more often?_

_ "If I ever become my father, kill me," he said._

_ "No, I won't kill you," I said._

_ "Why not?" he asked me, "Why won't you kill me?"_

_ "It's because then you won't learn, you'll just get an escape from what you've become," I said, "I'll have to make you suffer."  
"Like my father made me suffer?" he asked and he saw his words stung me. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that."_

_ "I have my ways," I said after a pause, "No worries there. I promise you I won't hurt you like your father did, I never could, you know this."_

_ "I do, I'm sorry Cat," he said. He touched my cheek lightly with his hand, it was warm and I leaned into it, it was soft and wonderful. He was the best boyfriend anyone could want. I loved him more than anything else in the world._

_ "I could never hurt my Sev," I said with a laugh, "You obviously don't know me that well then if you'd think I'd hurt you…at least on purpose."_

_ "I get it, I understand," he said and smiled widely, "I love you Cat."_

_ "I know," I whispered and he took me into his arms, and I nuzzled against his neck as he kissed my hair, stroking it lightly. Times like this, full of love and life were something we had to treasure._

**_FLASH_**

Sirius

I didn't know who she was. Who that girl was, the one I had seen. She seemed... so warm, familiar, loving... I almost could swear she looked exactly like Cat. She couldn't be though…she had died so long ago!

Crystal some time later

I knew that had to be the dog I heard about in my flashback. It just had to be. I sought out Professor Lupin's office, to see what the hell was going on. I knocked on the door to his office. He wasn't answering. I knocked again, wondering what was going on.  
"Professor Lupin? I have some questions," I said into the door frame. There was still no reply. I put my hand on the door knob and turned it slowly, opening it just a crack. I saw a couch, and on that couch a dog. No... It wasn't a dog, it was a werewolf! I mean, I knew the difference from Snape's essay, he had us do one on the difference between a wolf and a werewolf, and I could tell right away.  
"Professor is that you?" I asked and the werewolf sat up and looked at me, something like suffering in his eyes. It didn't frighten me at all, I didn't feel any fear. I knew I should though, after Professor Snape's forceful teaching about werewolves, I should be running away. Why wasn't I?  
'How am I going to tell her she should get out of here?' he was thinking. I went into the room and quickly shut the door.  
"I know what you are... and if you think I am who I might be, you can't hurt me..." I said and sat down next to the werewolf.  
'She has a point,' he said and then lied down, head in my lap, 'I mean, she was reborn with her Protector of Forest powers, so I can't really do anything.' I scratched him behind the ears a bit. His fur wasn't so bad, although it wasn't really fluffy or anything that was like that.  
"I can hear the thoughts of some animals," I began and I felt his state of shock, "And I think their emotions. I was with this dog during the last Quidditch match, and I could hear its thoughts. It was scary, but... it looked like a dog I had heard about... in a flashback..." I gave it a minute to see if Remus understood.  
'And so you saw Sirius,' he responded, 'He didn't try to hurt you?' I shook my head.  
"Nope, he did nothing of a sort," I said. "He was in a sense a perfect gentleman. Of course, he was a dog so I don't know what that would be called…" I could've swore Professor Lupin smiled at that.  
'I guess he thought you acted like you used to act,' he said. I found this kind of funny in a way. Here I was, in a teacher's office, who was a werewolf in the first place and he had his head in my lap and I was scratching behind his ears and I didn't even truly remember who he was.

**_…_**

It felt like it was okay though. Like I had done this so many times before... I felt secure for once. It was really kinda nice. In the past few years that I have been here, I never felt this comfortable. Of course, it was still funny that I was most comfortable with a werewolf in my lap, but I didn't mind it... I think...  
"Professor, could you... tell me more about my past?" I asked and Remus sat up and looked at me, and then nodded. A look crossed his face and I was willing to bet he was considering how much he would actually tell me at the present time.  
'Not everything... but what might help you understand some... some more of what is going on now... So much has changed,' he said, 'So much has changed Cat.'

Remus

Well, I managed to explain to her about the Marauders and when I questioned her about what she had said on the train, she said she didn't know why. I then guessed it might have been some form of her past self expressing herself in the present before she was able to return. Crystal looked at me with crossed eyes and then I looked away and used the excuse that it was probably her psychic powers that made that prediction or saying or whatever it was. Whatever it could be...

**_Some time later Again _****_Crystal_******

Sirius... he's been captured... I can't believe it. I read about the Dementor's kiss and I can only imagine how horrible it will be to loose one's own soul. I'm feeling a distinct feeling of fear from my past self in a way, maybe she encountered them before. They must be horrible.  
"Miss Riyusaki?" A voice said behind me. I turned around to see Remus.  
"You should go and see him," he said.  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"Go and see Sirius... before you know..." Remus looked away from me.  
"Why?" I asked.  
"So he knows you... you're alive... so he can... stop worrying about you and whether you'd come back or not," Remus said.  
"What the hell happened in that shack?" I asked.  
"If you go and see him, I promise I'll tell you later," he said, "Here, I'll take close to where he is and instruct you from there."  
"But how can I say or do something if I don't remember?" I asked.  
"You remember more than what you think, you just don't seem to realize it. And one more thing, to know he is true in everything he says, get him to say your name," he said.  
"But... what name?" I asked, "I... I mean, wouldn't he know my name?"  
"Well... you're a member of the dragon clan, given a name from birth, and it's a special name," and then he noticed my expression, "It's cheesy, but it's meant to test friends and their truthfulness. I mean to say, if Sirius can say your name properly, then he is telling the truth after that, after everything he says, or is it before? Or is it during?" I glanced at him with a confused look in my eyes.  
"Anyways, you need to have him say it at some time," he said, "Now come on!" He began to lead me to where Sirius was. How did he expect me to get into a guarded room?

Crystal

Well, Remus sure knows how to get me into a locked tower room. I saw Sirius laying there on his back, gazing up at the ceiling. He had a blank look on his face, he knew he was going to be worse than dead.  
"Hi," I said and he sat up with a startled look on his face.  
"What are you doing here? No one's supposed to be here!" he exclaimed, "Wait a moment, you're that girl... aren't you... the one at the Quidditch match!" His eyes looked over me, recognition crossing over his face as he tried to see who I was.  
"So I did guess right. You're Sirius Black!" I said, just as stunned. I mean, I wasn't about to believe it until I saw him myself.

**_…_**

"I'm surprised... who are you?" he asked.  
"Crystal Umi Riyusaki. Why are you surprised?" I asked back.  
"You look so much like her," he said, "Miss Riyusaki. I suppose you know all about me then."  
"I've truly only heard good things and some speculation..." I trailed, "Are you a Marauder?" He looked at me.  
"Ahem... yeah... you better sit down and explain why you're here," he said.

Flash

_ "Katy, I like you a lot," Sirius said.  
"You do? Why?" I asked, laughing a bit. "I mean, you've certainly said that before…but you've never really explained why."  
"Because you... you're beautiful... independent... you don't have to deal with family that hates you," he said.  
"I'm sorry," I said  
"Actually, I'm sure it doesn't really count. You don't even have parents," he said.  
"Sirius, I just don't know what to say..." I trailed off. "I'm not any of those things; you should hate me or something…"_

_ "But I don't," he whispered, "I don't hate you. You're probably better at handling bad pasts than I am. And without parents, you're better off." He blew an exasperated breath, his hair waving slightly. "And I meant what I said."_

Flash

"I'm here, because Remus told me I should be here," I said, explaining in a soft voice.  
"Remus thinks I need someone to talk to? Why you? Why'd he have to sneak you in here?" he asked.  
"I don't know. Apparently... well, I don't remember everything about my past. I've only been having flashbacks," I said, pretending to admire the hardwood floors.  
"Katy... you're Katy, aren't you?" he asked and grabbed me so I faced him. I looked at him, a little surprised.  
"I think..." I trailed before he embraced me in a hug and was actually laughing.  
"I thought you were dead, we all did, but now you're back," he said and held me close to him.  
"I... I don't remember," I said and he let me push him away.  
"You don't?" he asked me, "Not anything?"  
"Just what I have from all these flashbacks and what people like Dumbledore and Remus have been telling me, and sometimes I say things that I don't know what they mean!" I said and drew my legs up under my chin.  
"I'm amazed, Remus sent you to me to cheer me up, which I can say you've done nicely already and now it seems like you're going to blame yourself," he said.  
"Blame myself for what?" I asked and he looked at me puzzled.  
"Um, never mind that," he said, "You know what's going to happen to me, right?" I looked at him and nodded slowly.  
"Yes, I'm so sorry. If I remembered any thing..." I began.  
"No, its better you didn't... you see... I just met my godson today, and that more than anything, to know he trusts me, is more precious to me than anything," he said.  
"It is?" I asked.  
"I'm ready now, because I know he trusts me and you are alive again. I'm ready for whatever the hell fate deals me," he said, "Actually..." He scooted a bit closer. I didn't sense anything bad emanating from him, which was good.  
"What?" I asked.  
"Katiana Kalabyur Forest," he began. That must be my true name!  
"Huh?" I asked, and before I could say more he leaned forward and he kissed me! It wasn't harsh or anything that was bad... It was gentle and sweet and seemed like it was full of longing. I felt myself drawn in and he brushed his hand against my cheek and I felt like I was spiraling down into the wonders of this kiss. He slowly drew himself away, brushing my lips with his, once, twice and then he just held me.

**_…_**

"Katy, I love you and I still love you," he said, "I shall never stop loving you."  
"Uh-huh," I replied.  
"I don't know why you married Snape and I shall probably never understand why, but he makes you happy and that is important. If he ever mistreated you... you would have punished him. We would have known," he began, "And if he ever wonders about this kiss... it was my fault. I started it and I'm actually proud that I did it. I'll never stop loving you... even in death. I only... I've never married or even dated... you were the only one."  
"Then if that's true, why didn't you work harder to keep me?" I asked.

**__**

"I couldn't bear to separate you from your heart. If you love something... let it go... if it comes back you, then it was meant to be. If it never returns to you... then it never was meant to be," he said, "I guess that's how it turned out. I hope you remember soon... for Harry, for Remus... for all of us." I didn't want him to die, not now. It was different now; I realized he was a good person and a good man and I... I didn't remember!  
"Miss Riyusaki, we have to go now," Remus said softly, walking in.  
"Take her Moony, make sure she stays safe," Sirius said and sort of shoved me into Remus's arms. I began to cry, I wanted to know more... He was so kind...  
"It wasn't you was it then? You weren't the one that killed all those people?" I asked through my tears.  
"No, it wasn't. Remus, take her!" he said and Remus left through the door, "Take her before you both get in trouble. There has to be at least one Marauder alive..."

******_Crystal_****_ Last day of school_**

"Remus! Remus Lupin please won't you wait!" I called. Remus paused from getting onto the train and looked at me. I was dragging my trunk on its wheels.  
"What?" he asked. He told me Sirius was okay, and I was happy. But something still tugged at my mind.  
"Remus, you said you'd tell me what happened!" I exclaimed, arriving at his side and panting.  
"Well, yes, but why do you have a trunk with you?" he asked.

**__**

"Let me... let me come with you... let me stay with you this summer," I said in a huffed breath.  
"Why?" he asked.  
"I feel like I should. I have to..." I said, "Please understand..." Remus looked at me for a moment, a long hard look. He seemed to be contemplating something for a moment, and then seemed to brush all other doubts aside.  
"Very well then... You may stay for the summer. Come on now, onto the train. Actually, I'm quite lonely during the summer, it'll be nice to have some company," he said and beckoned me onto the train. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

A/N: Yeah, a real chapter! Sorry it's so long, but let me know what you think! I hope you enjoyed it, I know... it took me a long time... I apologize... I hope it was worth the wait...


	8. Summer with a Werewolf 1

Disclaimer: I hope you're smart enough to know I don't own HP by now!

A/N: This is supposed to be a feel good chapter… not bad, not good… it just is nice… Enjoy! I think I'll do it in two parts, one for the beginning, and then one for the Quidditch cup thing at the end of the summer…

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 8: Summer with a Werewolf (1)**

Crystal

"Well, this is my house," Remus said, looking back at me as I carried my bags along the dirt path. His face seemed kind, a little tired and in a lot of ways relief shone in the deep tired lines on his face.

"It's out of the way," I said, "Is that for other people's safety?"

"Mine as well," he replied and swung the door open, "I'm afraid it's a bit of a fix-me-up thing."

"I can help!" I said. "I would love to be of help. It's better than sitting around doing nothing."

"I don't think it should get much better than this. Anyways, the water runs fine, there's plumbing and it doesn't leak. I have an extra room, oh, let me help you with that," he said and helped me drag my trunk. Dumbledore had been more than willing to let me stay with Remus over the summer. He joked and said that it would get me out of his hair and so he could plan next year without many interruptions. I knew he enjoyed them though; he sort of had caused a number of them the previous year.

"I wish I remembered more," I said softly as we began up some stairs.

"You remember what you remember. It'll come back some day. I don't mind," Remus said, "I mean, you still act like your old self." I smiled up at him, and noticed he was grinning broadly.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked him a little peevishly.

"Why? Because I won't be lonely this summer, and I know I can't hurt you," he said, "C'mon, let me help you to your room. You stayed there before once, Lily was there too. It was the night you had realized Severus was a death eater, and you didn't know what to do." He led me upstairs and took me to a room that was down the hall from his.

"This place seems so familiar," I said, and sat down on the bed as Remus set my luggage to the side.

"It should," he said and then hugged me, "It's so very good to have you back in the world of the living. Everyday I'd pray that somehow you could come back, you've done it before, but the years began to pass, Severus lost hope, I did, just a little and I think even Dumbledore lost faith at one point. Severus has been trying to move on for the past 14 years, it's going to be about that next school year… but he still cries… don't ask me how I know, it's just a simple feeling… I mean, I was the one who figured…"

"Everything out," I said, and then felt proud of myself, I said the right thing because he smiled.

FLASH

_ "Oh, Katy, don't cry, don't cry!" Lily said, holding me in her arms._

_ "But… why didn't he tell me? Why is he doing that?" I cried out loud._

_ "I don't know, but you gotta calm down. Then we can decide what to do next," she said as I was sobbing into her shoulder._

_ "I loved him!" I cried and held on tightly._

_ "Oh, now don't go and use that tense. You love him and you still love him. I'm sure he had his reasons!" Lily said._

_ "Severus…" I sobbed, "Sev…"_

FLASH

I was used to them by now, I think. They were still annoying, however; I dealt with them.

"Crystal? Are you hungry yet? I may not look like it, but I can still cook with the best of them," Remus said, interrupting my thoughts. "Of course, if your not, I can just leave you to your thoughts.

"Oh, uh, sure, that sounds wonderful!" I said and smiled, "I am a little hungry. I just hope you don't eat like wild animals and that kind of thing."

"I normally don't cook much, but… well, you saw me when I came to Hogwarts, it took a couple of those meals to get me looking well," he said, "But… you are a guest and I need to be a good host."

"That's okay. I can cook a little too. Just don't start looking thinner on me, or else I will start feeding you more," I warned. I wondered why this conversation was even taking place. Didn't he have enough money to buy food?

"I find it hard to find a job, so having money is troublesome sometimes. However, Dumbledore paid me enough so I shall be quite all right for some time," Remus explained. I always wondered, all of the teachers, what was it like to be a teacher?

"Um… Remus, can I ask you a question?" I inquired and Remus plopped down on the bed next to me. He looked like he wanted to embrace me but restrained himself, although I don't know if it was for his sake or for mine.

"What is it?" he asked gently, putting a hand on my shoulder. It was warm, and comforting in a way, something I think I've felt before.

"What's it like to be a teacher?" I asked, "To get up in front of a lot of people and give lectures and demonstrations all the time?"

"Aside from the teasing of many and dealing with the other teachers, rules and regulations?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow, "It's the best thing in the world. You influence the minds of those around you and actually seem to make a difference in the world. You know Crystal; it was your dream to be a teacher…" Was that really my old dream?

"Do you know when I'll get my memory back?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Nope, can't say I do," he said, "But I do know right now, until you get your memory back, if at all, you should live your life the way you want to live it. I know Dumbledore's trying to influence you and that sort of thing, but until you get your memories back, you should just do what you want to do, be whoever the hell you want to be." That made a little bit of sense.

"So… I don't have to be who I once was until I remember?" I asked.

"Yep, that's basically it. Anyways, I better get on with dinner," he said, "If you want, I have your phoenix familiar staying with me right now. We, well between Dumbledore, Me and Severus, we rotate taking care of your phoenix, and this summer, it's my turn, so if you want, you could meet her later…"

"That sounds fine," I said. I had read about phoenixes in a book, and they seemed neat. I kinda had another feeling I was connected to phoenixes too…

**_3 Weeks later_**

"Hey, there's a letter from Sirius here!" Remus called up, "Not to mention lunch!"

"Be right down!" I called and put on a shirt and some pants. I had gotten wet earlier, so I had had to change. These past three weeks have been the best I ever experienced I think. Aside from one full moon, which wasn't too bad, Remus and I basically just played fetch… because he couldn't hurt me and all, we had a wonderful time. I think I learned a lot about my past self and also about my phoenix, or more so, my familiar that I didn't exactly recall about yet, Harmony. She was a sweetie through and through!

"Do you want to come down?" I asked her as I opened the door. She had decided to stay in my room, so we moved her perch up here. I held out my arm and she fluttered upon it. I winced slightly at her talons piercing my skin, but really, it didn't hurt so much anymore as it did the first few days. Remus said that was because I was adjusting to her again. (And then he warned me to watch out when I got back my dragon familiar… he said those claws would take a little more time to readjust to that phoenix talons)

"Are you coming or not?" Remus shouted. I headed down the stairs, balancing Harmony delicately upon my arm. I arrived at the kitchen to the smell of bacon. Harmony spread her wings a bit and flew onto her perch by the table. I rubbed my arm a bit and sat down.

"What's for lunch?" I asked.

"I made some muggle foods. I think the sandwich is called a B.L.T., although I don't know what those letters stand for and there's potato salad," he said, looking back at me with a grin.

"You're quite the cook," I said admiringly. "I don't think I could have done half a good a job as you did."

"Well, I've been able to practice on someone other than myself," he said, "And you're not dying, so I'm not doing a half bad job!" I laughed at that. I laughed more often now, more than before. Laughing was fun, it really was! I only had one question. I read in one of Remus's books that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, so why did smiling start to hurt after a while and frowning didn't?

"Well, I'm hungry!" I said and he placed a sandwich on the table in front of me and put the potato salad on the table as well. I took a bite.

"So?" he asked, "How is it?"

"Love it!" I cried and smiled. He grinned back, and went back to make his own sandwich.

"Well, now about that letter…" Remus said, tossing a piece of bacon offhandedly to Harmony, who caught it in midair and gulped it down, "Sirius sent us tickets to the Quidditch World Cup! He won them in a radio show, and since he couldn't use them, he had to have an animal pick them up for him, he sent them to me and told me I could use them or give them away. I would take Harry, but I heard Mr. Weasly got some of the best seats in the house and Harry is coming along, so I thought I might as well go, and take you along so I don't hurt anyone."

"Is that the only reason?" I asked, "So you don't hurt anyone?"

"Actually, Britain is hosting the cup and we haven't had Britain host the cup for over 30 years and I really love watching Quidditch more than playing, I mean, I used to watch Sirius, you and James play all the time and I really want to go since it isn't to far away and it would be fun and I normally can't go anywhere because I'm a werewolf, especially during the time of the full moon and that's about when the cup will be held and so with you around I won't be a danger, I won't even change and we can go see it and…"

"Remus, slow down, I'd love to go. It sounds like fun," I said.

"Well, we'd need to leave within the week, you see, it's hard to get such a large group of people in one place so we'd be camping out there for a while," he said.

"It sounds like fun!" I said, "Really, it does!"

"Really, I mean, you'd really go? I mean, it's just two old friends hanging out, sort of, because you don't remember and stuff, but if other people see us, they might think otherwise…"

"IT'S FINE!" I yelled, "Its okay. I heard about the Quidditch World cup in a conversation between Harry and Ron once, and it sounds like fun." Remus smiled so broadly I found myself laughing once more.

"What?" he asked, "What's so funny?"

"You are such a dolt!" I exclaimed as I laughed at him.

"Katy was like that too," he murmured, but he still smiled from ear to ear anyways. This sounded like fun; it'd be fun to get out of these woods for a change anyways.

TBC (In part 2)

A/N: Well, I hope the wait was worth it for this short chapter. The next one will be a little longer, I hope.

Anyways, like it? Hate it? Review! I love cough long cough reviews! (Or any reviews at all!)


	9. Summer with a Werewolf 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… duh!

A/N: And now to finish the second half! Malfoy's a git, I hate him…both Lucious and Draco…

Summer with a Werewolf: Part 2

Crystal

We headed out early to get a camping site for the Quidditch World Cup because of the fact that it would get harder and harder to amass so many people, so we decided on a nice out of the way spot where privacy might follow us. However, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, and tonight was no exception. I had already woken up twice in the midst of nightmares and stuff I didn't understand…

(Dream)

"Why don't you hit her Snape?" a malicious voice asked.

"I just don't want to!" a voice replied, it must be Severus's voice.

"C'mon, its Slytherin tradition, you have to take part in it!" the voice said.

"I already did take part. I lured her here and I don't want to hurt her by my own hands," Severus replied.

"You know she won't blame you!" the voice reasoned.

"Malfoy, that's the point, she won't and that's why I can't!" Severus exclaimed.

"Why can't you hit her? Just once, why can't you hit her?" Malfoy asked.

"I don't want her to hate me…" he replied.

"She won't hate you, she won't even blame you. She never has and she never will!" Malfoy exclaimed.

"It's still my choice and I don't want to hit her!" Severus practically yelled. I heard scuffling of feet and the unlatching of the door. Have they come to hurt me again? Lucious Malfoy seemed to hear of a tradition from somewhere where they kidnap someone from one of the other houses and torment them for a long time, until rescue or until they got bored and dropped the person off in the hospital wing. I've been here a week already, and they said that was the longest any of the people kidnapped had been in here.

"Cat?" a nervous voice asked me. I felt a light touch on my cheek. I was so weakened I could barely look up.

"Sev…" I began but I felt a finger pressed to my lips.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I should never have tricked you into coming here. Now I'm in here with you until I hit you at least once. I won't do it though, I can't bear the thought of causing you more pain," he said.

"I…won't…blame…you," I muttered. I heard the tearing of cloth and something was being wrapped around my head.

"You're bleeding really badly," he said, and I could tell this was out of character for him, so why was he doing it?

"Why…why do you care?" I asked him, trying to look at him.

"Because you cared. When I needed a friend, you were there, no one else was. You cared when I truly needed it," he said, "You are the only true friend I think I have."

"But…you still…hurt me…" I stated.

"I won't anymore…I promise…" he said, and even then I knew it wouldn't true until he stood up to the other Slytherin boys and told them off and to leave him alone.

"Sev…" I began to speak slowly.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Don't…leave…me," I said, "I need…you…too, just some…sometimes…"

"…" Severus didn't say anything, but I sensed a blush rising upon his face.

"Sev?" I asked and he took my hand into his.

"…" he still didn't say anything, he just squeezed my hand and a tear ran down his face.

"That's…okay," I murmured and fell unconscious. He must really have mixed up feelings about me…

(End Dream)

I opened my eyes slowly, feeling them wet slightly from tears, and looked out the tent exit/entrance. The sun was beginning to shine down onto the grass. This was new. I woke up in the morning… that dream was really interesting; it wasn't as bad as the past few.

"Remus?" I asked, turning to look at the other bed.

"What, is it morning already?" he asked, yawning and stretching and attempting to sit up. "I'm never a morning person."

"Remus, I have another question…" I began.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Who saved me?" I asked.

"From what Crystal? Who saved you from what?" he asked.

"From the Slytherins… during their tradition… who saved me?" I asked.

"Is that the dream you had now? Well, let me see… I believe it was Lily," he said.

"So Severus didn't save me?" I asked, feeling slightly downcast. If that was true, then what had really happened in the dream?

"In some ways he did. It was he who told Lily where to find you and then helped her get into Slytherin, but in fact, it was Lily who truly saved you," he explained, "But you still didn't blame Severus…"

"Should I have?" I asked, sitting up in bed as well.

"Well, I like to think that because you never blamed him, the guilt trip got to him and he changed so he wouldn't think anymore he'd loose you…" Remus said, "At least, that's my theory…now, let's say we get breakfast started! The match starts today, and I assume it'll be a good one!" I got up and went outside in my PJs. It was truly a lovely day!

"Now what do we have here?" a cold voice asked, and I turned to look into the face of Lucious Malfoy!

"What are you doing in this part of the woods Mr. Malfoy?" I asked, slightly confused why he would bother. From what I heard about him, he wouldn't be wasting his time here for any reason, especially just to say 'hi'.

"I'm merely trying to see who's here for the big game," he said, "It's completely innocent to talk to my neighbors, isn't it?" The way he said it had a ton of malice.

"I do suppose so, but please leave our campsite!" I said solidly.

"Riyusaki, is it? Who might you be here with? I thought Draco informed me you had no family," he said.

"Crystal, breakfast!" Remus called, coming out of the tent. I could have almost laughed at the sight, Remus and I were still in our PJs and here a Malfoy stood in front of us. I didn't though; I really didn't think it was appropriate.

"A little inappropriate, isn't it Lupin? Being here with a minor?" Lucious asked with a smirk on his face. "What would Albus Dumbledore think of this?" Remus turned a slight red, but didn't say anything either.

"It isn't! I don't think you have a right to assume anything!" I said, and met his gaze, "And whether you believe it's inappropriate or not, that's your business. I don't believe Professor Lupin or I are required to give you a reason!" I stood defiant against him, feeling protective of Remus, although he had done nothing wrong.

"A bit bold for someone of your stature. You remind me of someone, someone I hope you won't turn into, for that would be very bad indeed," Lucious said and walked away from our campsite without another word. That had sounded like a threat.

"Thank you Crystal. But why did you refer to me as Professor? Last time I checked I wasn't your professor anymore, merely a friend, but whether I'm an old friend or a new friend has yet to be seen, eh?" Remus asked with a smile.

"To show respect. To call you by your first name might have given Lucious some sort of idea to attempt something with," I said, "I won't have you receive any punishments on my account…"

"How noble," he said sarcastically, "Yep, I have no doubts in my mind, you act very much like Katy. Come in now, breakfast is ready. And don't worry about Lucious, he's always like that."

"Yummy, I'm famished. Telling off a bad guy makes you hungry!" I said, strolling past Remus. I heard him laughing as he came inside the tent, maybe today wouldn't be too bad after all. I wondered if the match would be really good today, I hope it's a good one worth seeing.

**_…_**

We had pretty good seats, up high so we could actually see what was going on a little better. I was so happy to be able to spend time here with Remus, not as supposed old friends, but just as friends, not as old or new friends, with no strings attached. I really couldn't wait for the game to begin. I looked around and saw the top box across the way. I looked in my Omnioculars to see who was in the box, and I saw some ministry officials, some foreign people, the Malfoys and the Weaslys! Wow, Harry was there too! So was Hermione! They had some of the best seats, lucky them!

"What are you looking at Crystal?" Remus asked, pulling me back down into my seat.

"I'm looking at the top box; Remus, I see Harry and company are up there!" I exclaimed as I sat down. Each team was starting to be introduced, well, not the teams, but their mascots instead.

"Veela!" Remus exclaimed, ignoring the comment I had just made. I looked down at the field to see women with white or silvery hair dancing around. Veela, I had read about them, weren't they like Sirens or something? I noticed Remus staring quite intently. I could tell he wanted to do something…

"Um…Remus? What are you doing?" I asked, but he wasn't paying attention, in fact, he looked about ready to jinx something…

"…" he opened his mouth but I whacked him upside the head.

"REMUS LUPIN!" I shouted, loud enough to snap a few other men out of their trance as well, turning to watch me.

"What, what exactly did I do wrong?" he asked, the look of extreme innocence on his face.

"Well, you were falling under the spell of some women!" I exclaimed, glancing to see they were moving to their side of the field, having stopped dancing.

"Ah, look Leprechauns!" he exclaimed, ignoring me once again. He was like such a little child right now! I sat down and watched them do whatever they were doing. All of a sudden, a rainbow appeared in the sky, and gold began to filter down.

"What the hell?" I asked, "It can't be real!" I was planning on ignoring it if not for Remus shoving it into my lap.

"Put it in a bag!" he said excitedly, and tried to grab more. The rainbow faded away and Remus sat down once again next to me, and everybody else sat around us as well, settling down because the teams were about to be announced.

"Remus, I don't think this gold is real…" I began. He looked over at me, took one of the coins and examined it closely.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

"Well, mostly because no one would just let gold rain down from the sky just to give away to random people in a stadium. I mean, this place is packed!" I said solidly. Remus looked at the gold again.

"Oh wait, it can't be real… Leprechaun gold disappears in a few hours doesn't it?" he asked in a disappointing tone. The few people listening in on us turned to face us.

"Does it really?" one of the witches asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Remus muttered and looked at the amount I had in my lap, "And I went so quickly to collect it!" I sighed heavily, this wasn't good for him to mope, and I didn't want him to mope around like that for the rest of the summer.

"Well, how about, I'll buy you a double scoop of chocolate chip ice cream covered in mint sprinkles," I said and to my surprise he began to laugh and reached over and hugged me.

"You remembered my favorite!" he said, "You may not remember, but that was my favorite ice cream!"

"How the heck did I know that?" I asked.

"I don't know, but maybe in the back of your mind something's waking up and remembering things, maybe just little things, but it's good your memory seems to be…well, remembering! That's a really good thing," he said, and let go of me, "But…I guess we can sort out the confusion later…let's watch the game!" I turned to face the game once again. It had already started while he was contemplating the gold and such. It seemed to be pretty interesting right now. I pulled out my Omnioculars and watched what was going on with the seekers. It looked like there was no snitch in sight yet. Bulgaria Versus Ireland, this was an interesting match. Both sides probably didn't even speak English! The one seeker, I believe he was named Krum, seemed like a really good player. I think at the moment, well, he looked like he saw the snitch! I watched him zip around the playing field and the other seeker dashed after him. They were all on Firebolts, wait, Harry had one of those too, didn't he?

"What just happened?" I asked as I heard the whistle blow.

"Victor Krum feinted!" a wizard yelled.

"Oh, is that all?" I asked.

"That is a foul, that is!" the wizard yelled, only giving me a glance, then turned back to watch the game.

"Sorry!" I yelled and turned back to focus on the game as well.

"I hope you are enjoying this," Remus said, "It's been so long since I've seen a professional Quidditch game!"

"Oh, that's right; all you've been able to watch have been school games!" I said with a giggle.

"Well, let's focus back on the game!" he said and turned away from me. I watched it a little bit more, standing up to get some better views of the game and then sat down as I began to get tired out. I'd feel better playing Quidditch.

(Flash)

_ "Hey, Cat, I heard you are our newest addition!" James called out to me, running to catch up to me. I paused in my step so he could stop at my side._

_ "Yeah, I'm your new beater!" I replied. "I look forward to it, hitting things always appealed to me in so many ways on so many levels." I laughed and he raised an eyebrow at me._

_ "Well, I hope you do us some good, the previous beater you're replacing had some troubles playing, he always seemed to have an excuse for his mildly poor performance," James said, shifting his feet again, "I hope you have better manners too."_

_ "I'll do my best!" I said, "Well, I best be off to class Potter, I'll see you later!" _

(Flash)

"Crystal, are you awake in there?" Remus asked worriedly. "You zoned out for a minute."

"What happened?" I asked, snapped out of my flashback. "What went on while I was out?"

"Ireland won, but Krum from the Bulgarian team caught the snitch," Remus said, a small smile on his face.

"Was I out for that long?" I asked.

"No, not really. Ireland was defeating Bulgaria so badly so quickly I guess Krum just decided to end the game. We should head back to the campsite, but I don't think we should expect quiet tonight; every Ireland team supporter will be celebrating tonight. And though we're out of the way, I don't think we're immune…" he said, "But it's not so bad, I should be celebrating with them…"

"Why must you?" I asked.

"Well, I made a small wager that I just won…" he said and turned red, "I know…gambling is bad…but it was a really small wager, and besides, it turned out all right, didn't it?"

"…" I didn't say anything back; I didn't exactly know what to say.

"It won't happen again," he said quickly, "I promise on pain of death!"

"…" I still didn't know what to say. Remus turned bright red for a moment and then grabbed my hand. I don't think he realized I didn't really remember or understand the concept of gambling as of yet.

"Well…we should leave, most of the crowd has cleared out anyways, so traffic back to our site shouldn't be that bad…" he said.

"Yeah, I'm getting a little hungry!" I said.

"Tell you what, let's see if we can't get some snacks from some of the venders before they close for the day!" he said and I felt myself dragged down the stairs and out of the stadium seats.

"Yeah, some sugar might do us some good," I said with a smile and a slightly cocked eyebrow. Remus smiled at me and I started to laugh.

"SUGAR!" I cried giddily, looking over what we had left of the treats we had purchased. We had a stash that Remus said we should eat fast so we can get rid of the trash, so I was on a sugar high tonight! I don't think I had eaten anything good for the past day, except perhaps breakfast.

"Yes…ha, ha, sugar…" Remus said through fits of laughter, lying on his bed. We had run out of conversational topics, so we had begun to tell dirty jokes. Remus had a lot of them, but then again, he said since he hung out with James and Sirius, he had learned a lot of jokes in his day.

"Okay, I have another one!" I said, laughing again, "I got this one off of Fred and George Weasly…"

"WAIT!" Remus said, sitting up and hushing me, "Do you hear that?" I glanced around and strained my ears before I heard panicked screams and terrifying screams.

"That doesn't sound good," I said, and Remus and I poked our heads out of the tent to see what was going on outside.

"Dear me! Look what they're doing to the poor muggles!" Remus shouted. I looked to where he was pointing and a group of people were tormenting the Roberts, the family that had helped us discover where our campsite was and helped a lot of the people stay on these campgrounds, so why would anyone be so mean to them?

"Isn't there anything we can do to help them?" I asked worriedly.

"Stay here, I'm going to go and help them as best as I can, you stay here, and if they come here, head towards the forest, I'll find you! Promise!" he said and looked at me. I glanced back at him and nodded.

"Stay safe, that's what I'll do!" I said and nodded again.

"This sugar high better last me a while," he said. I nodded again and put on a coat and continued to watch what was going on. I couldn't believe they would do that to muggles! Wait…what time of the month was it? Had it been thirty days since the last full moon? I had to find Lupin, or else the ministry might hurt him as well. I slipped past the people in hoods and looked around for a werewolf or any signs of the moon at all. Aha! There was a clearing! I ran into it and looked up into the night sky.

"DAMN!" I yelled, and then hushed myself. I hardly swore, why start now? I had to find Remus. I could hear people laughing and cheering and screams and such as I ran back into the fray. I pulled out my wand to protect myself in case someone wanted to pick a fight with me. One of the hooded people did!

"What do we have here?" the person asked and turned his wand on me.

"Stay away from me! We're all in danger if I don't find him!" I said, but the person grabbed a hold of my arm.

"You're not going anywhere little girl," he said, at least, it sounded like a man, "Who're you trying to find?"

"A werewolf!" I shouted and aimed my want at him, focusing all my energy, "VERMILLIOUS DUO!" Light shot out of my wand and knocked him backwards back into the fray. A few people turned and looked to see where the attack had come from and decided testing the area where it did originate from wasn't a good idea. I ran around, trying to find signs of Remus. I heard a loud voice boom something and some green light began to spill over everyone and there was great panic! I couldn't make out what was going on, I just had to find Remus amidst all this chaos.

"WEREWOLF!" a woman's voice shot out and I moved in the direction of that voice. It had to be Remus, if not, another werewolf I might be able to help not hurt anyone.

"REMUS!" I shouted and saw a werewolf charging in my direction, chasing after a woman. She shot past me and I stood my ground. The werewolf jumped onto me and bit my arm.

"REMUS!" I shouted again, "STOP THIS MADDNESS!" The teeth lessened and the werewolf backed off and looked at me.

_I bit her, it's over now…)_ he said, but I didn't feel any different from the bite.

"Remus, are you okay? You didn't hurt anyone, did you?" I asked, running up to him and hugging him around his neck.

_(No…no one but you…_) he said mournfully in his mind and in my embrace I felt him changing back into his human form.

"It's okay…" I cried and held onto him, wrapping my coat around his torn clothes.

"No it's not…I just bit you!" he said and I felt warm tears on my shoulder.

"I won't change, it won't affect me…" I said, "I don't feel any different and I don't think I can!"

"Wait, that's right, you're the Protector of Forest, no animal curse seems to affect you…" he said, "I still hate myself for biting you!"

"It's just a bad night, that's all!" I said.

"Why are you out here anyways? I thought I told you to hide…oh wait… you…" he said with a whisper.

"I realized tonight is the full moon…" I finished, "Let's go back to the tent and you tell me what happened…"

**_…_**

"The ministers had their hands full… I could tell that," he began, "I offered to help, which they accepted, then I realized what night it was and I ran off into the words before I changed, but then that woman came into the woods and discovered me…" He let his voice trail off after that and told about what that green spell might have been, even though he didn't see what it was.

"I assume Mr. Weasly will tell you if you ask, right?" I asked.

"Perhaps, I can still hear some commotion going on out there…Such a terrible thing, a lot of commotion. It's going to be a lot of trouble for the ministry," he said, "It was a bunch of former death eaters. Nice reminder that they're still out there…oh sorry…"

"For what?" I asked.

"Severus was a death eater…well, he's sort of the spy for our side now, thanks to you, but he still was one…" Remus said. "That was why the ministry hated you, because you married a death eater. They thought you were just as bad as the death eaters were. Never mind Crystal, it's unimportant at the present time." I didn't care right now, I was just really tired.

"Well, my sugar rush has worn off," I said, "I really think we should get to bed."

"Crystal…" he said and I hushed him.

"It's okay, it really is!" I said, "I don't mind…I mean I don't mind now because I don't remember but I don't think I'd mind even if I did remember, I think…" I said.

"Alright then, we should get to bed, we probably are leaving in the morning…" he said, "I'll step outside so you can change…" He was probably going outside to use the bathroom before bed, so I changed quickly and crawled under the covers.

"Well, we actually need to clean up our mess…" I said and Remus came back in a little bit later.

"Oh, that's right, we need to clean this up, don't we?" he asked and waved his wand over the garbage and it disappeared, "We wouldn't want raccoons in this tent now would we?" He laughed slightly and shed his coat as well and crawled under the covers.

"Aren't you going to change?" I asked from across the tent.

"No, I think I'm too tired to bother," he said, "Besides, if we leave early, I can get up and pack and let you sleep."

"You're too kind…" I whispered as I faded off into sleep.

"After what you did tonight? Making sure the ministry didn't come after me, which they might still seeing as how I was the only werewolf there and I was chasing some woman, was more than kind for me…" he said and closed his eyes, "Besides, I…" He was already asleep before he finished his sentence. Remus was a good man, I wondered why there wasn't anyone in his life, and I might have to do some matchmaking. Wait a minute, was that me talking in my head or my past self saying that? It was getting harder and harder to know who I was, and that was trouble for me I thought. I was worried about this year at school, I sensed something big would be happening, but what the big thing was I couldn't tell! I felt myself drift off into a dreamless sleep, still worrying over the future. This year…something was going to happen, I could just sense it!

_I never knew how to say goodbye_

_I never knew how to say hello_

_All I knew_

_Was that I knew nothing_

_But the feeling inside of me,_

_Telling me I knew nothing_

_Was something_

_A voice, unlike anything I've heard before_

_A cry_

_A song_

_A whisper_

_I longed to see who spoke to me _

_That time when I knew nothing._

TBC

A/N: And this was one of my longest chapters yet and I did it without a song this time! This chapter was a little lighter than some of my other chapters, and because technically the "fourth book" is coming into play, there's going to be a lot of stuff that's going to happen, and I can't wait to write it! I hope all my reviewers will wait patiently for it… so read and review please and don't flame me! (Unless it's rated G-PG)


	10. Forget that which was never known

Disclaimer: If you don't know now, don't bother to try to understand!

A/N: Anybody care about this story anymore? I'm silly; of course people care about it!

Wow…like, I added a couple pages to this without the lyrics and such! Dude, I totally rock!

**Forget that which was Never Known**

_Crystal_

Another school year was beginning. I almost didn't want to believe it and sometimes I couldn't believe it too. Remus had wished me luck as he saw me off on the train and had also warned me that he sensed something about this year, so he'd check up on me to make sure I was alright. I wondered what he sensed that would be very big.

"Hey, Crystal!" a familiar voice called out to me. I turned around to see Fred and George running up to catch up to me. I smiled to see familiar faces, this summer had been quite an adventure and getting back to this familiar school setting was nice, peaceful and it filled me with a sense of calm.

"Coming to the feast?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow. It was a stupid question, good food, lots of company, why would the two troublemakers miss it?

"Wouldn't miss it," Fred said.

"After all, it is a feast," George said.

"And we've never missed one of those," Fred said.

"We have some new items in our shop this year," George continued.

"A few should be of particular interest to you," Fred said, "We found some of them…" I knew Fred and George very well. I always bought stuff from their store, even beginning in my first year. I think they kinda figured out that I wasn't who I said I was, but I never brought it up and they never did either. They kinda protected me in my first few years and taught me a few nasty jinxes to protect myself too. They were actually my first true friends here when I arrived. I smiled, some of the trouble makings that they did I helped out on when I could, even more than when Lee Jordan tried to help.

"I can't wait! Is it the same place tonight so I can see, eh?" I asked as we headed into the great hall. The great hall, decorated as lavishly as it always was, candlelight over our heads while the ceiling was still enchanted to look like the lovely night sky. Of course, this sky changed its look and feel every so often, but at least it didn't snow or rain in the great hall, that would suck.

"A few of the items we have dad was about to throw away, but we thought you'd have some interest in them," George said. "We got those years ago though."

"That and the fact we had interest in them too," Fred added. "And now we think the time has come to reveal them!" They both looked so proud of themselves I almost wanted to laugh at them; they were so full of it! The funniest fact was they knew they were full of it and made sure everyone knew it even if no one cared. I admired them in a lot of ways, always the cheerful pick-me-up kind of people you wanted to have around.

"We looked at them," George said, "The ones we could get open anyways!" I didn't understand what they meant by that, but I nodded anyways, pretending I did.

"Hey, is it true you two only got three owls?" I asked as we sat down.

"Between the two of us or each of us individually?" George asked, curiosity gleaming in his eyes.

"Your pick I guess," I said with a laugh. These two reminded me of Sirius and James, who Remus had told me a lot about when we were at his place over the summer. He had so many stories about the two it almost wasn't funny, but it was, a lot of the stories were.

"Well, for each of us, we only got three apiece. A shame though," George said.

"Mum was furious!" Fred finished and then they laughed.

"Why didn't you two get more?" I asked.

"Because it isn't important to us, we just…" Fred began.

"Want to do other things with our lives instead of sit behind desks. Our dream is to open a joke shop!" George finished. That was a good goal, at least as good as any I had heard before, and it seemed doable, at least with these two clowns. A joke shop would suit them quite nicely. I smiled and sat down, hoping we'd get to eat soon. I couldn't wait. I was hoping there'd be something really good in the shop this year, and by the grins on the twin's faces, these items would be really interesting.

**_Remus_**

I sincerely hoped this year didn't bring disaster. I knew something was going to happen, and there was a brief moment I wished that she would never gain her memory and have it return to her. I knew how she would be afterwards, depressed, locked in sadness over the loss of her best and closest friend, and even more so because I knew she would be forbidden possibly be Dumbledore or someone else to tell Severus that she had returned. I knew why he couldn't be told, not yet anyways. To Severus, she had been dead for almost 14 years. And it still killed him every day to think of her, that much I knew. It was painful for him even though the memories weren't. The memories, at least most of them, were filled with so much love even I couldn't believe them sometimes as Cat had told them to me. She told me a lot. Severus just wouldn't understand it yet, and it would kill Cat to know that, to know that she had returned to him and couldn't tell him. It was complicated, that he knew and I can't bear the thought she wouldn't be able to tell her one and only love she had returned to him.

Would Severus even be able to understand the promise that she gave him, to return to his side no matter how long it took? This was too complicated even for me sometimes. I didn't know what would happen when she could finally remember and finally tell him. I just couldn't look that far ahead. I sighed; life wasn't that easy, was it? I had to keep guessing though; I knew one of my reasons would turn out to be the right one.

**_Crystal_******

"The Triwizard tournament begins again, after 50 years have now passed. I know I am eligible by age, but I probably shouldn't enter as that could cause problems," I said slowly, "Why the hell should I be bothered by some friggen tournament?" I was angrier at the fact they had canceled Quidditch for it. I would have loved watching Fred and George play with the rest of the team, but alas, it just wasn't going to be that easy now, was it?

"Maybe because we want to enter and you just want to beat us out!" Fred said. This annoyed me, but not as much as I thought it would. I paused in my step and regarded the door in front of me. Oh, I didn't realize I had already arrived at Fred and George's Shop!

"Anyways, come to look at our wears?" George asked and I nodded and he sort of pulled me inside of the bathroom. The bathroom had been their base of operations since their first year, or at least that's what they told me. They have so many things here, most they collect and enchant over the summer to sell here during the year. They even have sweets and stuff they sell to first and second years who can't go to Hogsmeade. Business boomed for them, even some Slytherins were said to make appearances in their store, although Fred and George never really sold to them.

"As you can see we have restocked on all of our favorite items. Care to resupply before we show you the good stuff?" Fred asked.

"No thank you. I might not have enough if I stock up first," I said politely, cocking an eyebrow at them. Stocking up implied a number of things. I needed more stink pellets and dung bombs, as well as more candy and caffeine for the long nights of studying, vague attempts to finish homework the night before and for when I had a good book I just couldn't put down.

"I'm sure you have enough. You always do, but if you'd rather get the good stuff first," Fred began, a knowing smile upon his lips.

"We'll save the other stuff for last," George said, "Right this way Crystal!" George led me to a small table, guiding me there by taking my hand. I sat down on a box and waited to see what they really wanted to show me. It seemed important to them, even if it might not be to me. I decided to hear them out, they had good stuff, and my curiosity was peaked just enough to wonder what it is they thought I might want.

"We thought you should see these first, or else we might get the urge to sell them to whomever wanted to purchase these wares. The first item is a sketch book!" Fred said and George handed it over to me. I sat down and looked in the sketch book.

(Flash)

_"So, what's this book for?" Severus asked, digging into my pack and pulling out a small sketchbook, with its white slightly torn cover and metal bindings having seen better days._

_ "Who said you could look through my stuff?" I asked angrily._

_ "No one, so, what's this for?" he pressed._

_ "It's my sketchbook! My friends shake over it and then we're friends for life!" I said with a grin and snatched it and my pack out of his hands._

_ "That sounds really stupid!" Severus said and I stuck out my tongue out at him._

_ "It's not! It means a lot to me!" I said and then thought for a moment, "Do you wanna shake over it Sev?" _

_ "Don't call me SEV!" he yelled at me, "I just met you and I think you are so annoying!"_

_ "I'm sorry…" I said, "Can we still please shake? I wanna have a lot of people shake over this book; I really hope I can fill it up!"_

_ "Fine," he muttered, "If only to get you to shut up!" I opened the sketchbook to a blank page and offered my hand to Severus._

_ "Just shake my hand over this page," I said and he offered his hand cautiously. I shook it and the page began to fill with images. There was an image of our hands as they were being shaken and a picture of Severus was being placed in the top right corner, followed by his signature at the bottom._

_ "Whoa," Severus said, "It did all that just with a small handshake?"_

_ "Yep, you and I are now officially friends!" I said._

(Flash)

"Well, what do you think?" George asked with a look on his face.

"Where'd you get this?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I paged through it, seeing various sketches and names and other things on its worn pages. It was still in good condition, but I could tell it had been used a lot, and how many times it had been looked at and paged through, I could only guess.

"Actually, I believe we nicked it from a teacher," Fred said.

"No we didn't. Professor Lupin gave it to us, didn't he?" George asked, a look of puzzlement crossing his eyes.

"We nicked it," Fred said with certainty.

"Well, then this wasn't the item from Lupin now, was it?" George asked.

"Are you two going to keep fighting?" I asked peevishly.

"Hello all!" a more than friendly voice said, echoing from the dingy bathroom walls. I looked up from the sketchbook to see three figures standing some distance away.

"Ah, there are no surprises here, if it isn't the famous trio. Sorry Crystal, but we'll tend to them first…" Fred said with a grin. "Then we'll get back to you."

"Yeah, the sooner we tend to them the sooner we can get back to you," George said with a wink walking over to the trio, "Let me guess, Hermione, new spell books, Ron, some more Dungbombs and stink pellets, eh? Harry?" He nudged Harry in a teasing way and Harry smiled sadly and shook his head.

"Nothing today," Harry said and then noticed me as George led Hermione off to a pile of books and Ron went to examine the Dungbomb supply. He walked over to me, a look of surprise having passed over his face when he had noticed me before.

**_…_**

****

"Hello Harry," I said and set down the sketchbook onto the table next to me. Harry sat down on a box nearby. He drew his legs up and sat cross legged, leaning his arm on one of the boxes and looked over at me.

"Shopping here too?" he asked me. "Restocking or getting something new?"

"Fred and George said they had some stuff they wanted me to be the first to see," I explained. "But I'm also getting a fresh supply of what I'll need for the coming year, candy, Dungbombs, the like. So I guess you could say I'm doing both, restocking and getting something new."

"They do have a knack for that, don't they?" Harry said with a half laugh. "It wouldn't surprise me to hear what they found in one place or another. I'm rather peculiar to some of the things they find on occasion myself, I must admit that, it's a little fault I guess, but then, who doesn't love their shop?"

"What do you think about the triwizard tournament this year?" I asked, pretending to examine the floor.

"I think it'll be brilliant," he said, "So long as no one dies of course…"

"Ha, they're too cautious now," I said, but somehow my voice sounded like it had a twinge of guilt in it, almost like I knew that something was going to happen.

"Yeah…" Harry said and looked over at Ron, "So, how many are you getting?"

"More than I need," Ron said with a grin.

"I found it!" Hermione cried triumphantly, "I've been looking for this spell book all summer!"

"Well, that's good 'Mione. Let's get our stuff and head back to the common room," Ron said, bringing out his oh so special dung bomb bag.

"Ready to go Harry?" Hermione asked coming up to us, still holding onto her book, "Oh, hello Crystal! I should've said that earlier, sorry, forgot…"

"That's okay. I'll see you all later then, right?" I asked and Harry stood with a grin.

"Yep, we'll talk to you later. Good luck with your purchases!" he said and Ron and Hermione paid for their things and the three exited the bathroom.

"We thought it be best to get rid of them before we continued," Fred said and had George put another item into my lap. It was a necklace that had a unique looking pendant attached to it. The pendant was a teardrop shape and I saw water in it, and then the colors shifted to look like fire…

"It's so beautiful…" I said, staring into its depths.

"I don't know where we found this one. It'll be 500 Bertie bots beans…" George said, "And we'll even wrap it up for you!" I bought it even before I could have had time to think. Fred set to wrapping it while George brought out another item. This one was a black dress, almost gothic, coming with a silver cross and everything.

"We actually got this one from Dumbledore…He gave it to us last year and said someone might want it. We thought you'd like it," George said.

**_…_**

"And that item and the sketchbook are the two with the special price," Fred said, coming over to hand me the wrapped pendant.

"And here I thought you had more than just three items for me," I said jokingly.

"Well, we don't. Do you want to hear our price or not?" George asked, "We could always…"

"Sell it to someone else," Fred finished for him.

"What's the price?" I asked cautiously and both the twins sat down on either side of me.

"We've heard a rumor, a very small rumor one that says you're not who you appear to be," Fred said, "The fact that…"  
"You're older than you seem and you're actually supposed to be dead," George said.

"Whatever do you mean?" I asked defensively, "Who told you such rumors?"

"We overheard something in the teacher's lounge. It was a conversation between McGonagall and Dumbledore," Fred said.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked, and then I chided myself, I pretty much just gave away I knew something, didn't I?

"You see, there's a story amidst the students that someone named Katherine Anne Forest was unable to be killed by the killing curse, and she was someone you-know-who truly feared. The way she died was by protecting someone she loved," Fred said.

"Who happened to be Severus Snape. Actually, that would explain a lot about why he's just an arse to all of the students," George said.

"And also explain why he's so cruel," Fred said, "Especially to Gryffindors."

"Isn't that just being byast?" I asked.

"No, you see, Miss Forest was a Gryffindor. He can't bear us because some of us, probably namely Harry remind him of her," Fred said.

"But I don't think he's trying to forget her though…We had detention with him once," George said.

"And we saw a picture on his desk of him and Miss Forest. Or should I have to say Forest/Snape. They were married, it was a wedding picture. She was right pretty too," Fred said.

"And she looked exactly like you," George finished for Fred.

(Flash)

_ "Do you Severus Ignacious Snape take this woman, Katherine Anne Forest, to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through good times and in bad times, until death do you part?" the priest asked._

_ "I do, even past death," Severus said and I stared into his face, which shone of love. Lily smiled behind me, I couldn't have been happier._

_ "And do you, Katherine Anne Forest, take this man, Severus Ignacious Snape, to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through good times and in bad times, until death do you part?" the priest asked._

_ "I do, beyond that too…" I said and Severus looked happier than the day I said yes to when he proposed to me._

_ "By the powers vested in me…"_

(Flash)

(Holding My Last Breath Reprise)

A sword of some sort shot out, and time seemed to slow.  
"Missed me!" I said.  
"Who said I was aiming for you?" he asked, and I looked at the sword as it was being hurtled towards SEVERUS! I ran to intercept it.

**_…_**

I ran right in front of the blade

**_…_**

It struck me in the stomach, and I began to fall to the ground

**_…_**

"NOOO!" Severus cried, and Voldemort laughed and left me to die, left the school grounds. Severus came and engulfed me in his arms. They were warm, and I felt cold.  
"Severus? Are you there?" I asked as my sight faded.

**_…_**

"I'm here my love," he murmured, and pressed his forehead up against mine.  
"Goodbye love," I whispered as he gripped my hand.

**_…_**

"You can't die!" Lily cried as she rushed forward with everyone else.  
"Please don't fear this. It's... okay... I'm... ready... I die... how I... want to die... Severus, I love you..." I said as I faded in and out of reality and time...

**_…_**

I could hear him call my name and then I could hear everyone's and sense their tears, I felt Severus's on my face. My breaths missed beats, and I grew colder and colder. I coughed up blood.  
"Severus, I'm sorry," I murmured and I felt no more...  
(End reprise)

(Flash)

Tears fell from my cheeks and hit the ground below me. I couldn't hold them back, I couldn't fight them and they came, warm and wet and leaked from my eyes.

"Crystal?" Fred asked with a worried note in his voice, "Are you okay?"

"I am…I'm her…Dumbledore said I was…and so did Remus and Sirius…" I said, "They're marauders, so am I… That's what Remus told me."

"Crystal, its okay…" George said, and I didn't know if they were even paying attention to me and what I was saying, just to the tears I was now shedding. Even thought he believed me dead, Severus still loved me and wouldn't love another…ever…

"I keep getting these flashbacks and I know they must be of who I used to be. I came back to life and I didn't remember who I was, save for flashbacks and… and… what people tell me," I said and wiped my eyes, "Dumbledore wouldn't allow anyone to tell Severus I had returned, partially because it would wound him more to know I didn't remember, and I still don't! I can't tell if these memories are mine or if they are someone else!" By this time Fred and taken me into his arms, trying to comfort me.

"So you are her…" George said.

"And you don't remember? Bugger, that's rotten luck," Fred said.

"We'll keep your secret, its safe…" George said.

"If Dumbledore thinks it best to keep you safe," Fred began.

"By letting only a choice few know your true identity," George continued.

"Then it's a secret we'll keep to ourselves as well," Fred said. I pulled myself out of Fred's embrace and wiped the tears from my eyes, willing myself to stop crying.

"That's love for you…" George said, "She still loves him Fred, even without her memory, and Snape still loves her…"

"Here's our bargain then, the sketchbook and dress are yours," Fred said, trying to change the subject and to cheer me up, "I think you'll look good in this one, although I suspect the dress robe you got for this year will be prettier on you, although I can't say this dress would be bad for you either…"

"Thanks…" I said, calming myself down with deep breaths.

"We'll keep your secret safe. If we hear anything too," Fred began.

"We'll let you know. If you need our help," George said.

"We'll be there in a second, okay?" Fred said.

"The Marauder's Pact?" I asked, forcing myself to meet Fred's gaze.

"We consider ourselves as such; I mean we're now the top trouble making force for Hogwarts, right?" George asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"We're sure it's not the exact pact," Fred said.

"But it'll do for now. Maybe we can get Lupin to tell us the real thing later," George suggested. "Yeah, that's what we'll do. I promise."

"But there are 3 marauders at Hogwarts now, one part of the originals and two that are new to it, but ready for the challenge…" Fred said.

"That sounds super cheesy," I said, grinning. It was, they both knew it was how could they not?

"Super cheesy or not, we'll hold ourselves to our promise," George said.

"I wouldn't want to cross you," Fred said, smiling back, "Now… I think its time we all headed off to bed, it's really getting late…"

**_…_**

I arrived in the dorm and plopped myself down on my bed, lighting my wand and looking though the sketchbook.

**_…_**

Pages after pages of beautiful sketches, and the handshakes and friends listed in-between on pages of their own. Each picture drew me in; each one seemed to tell a story. There was no movement in most of them, but each one seemed to speak to me in so many ways, memories I didn't remember were here, here a history seemed to exist, one that was foreign to me and yet common all the same.

**_Flash_**

_ "Cat, why'd you do it? Why'd you have me shake over the sketchbook?"_

_ "Because I wanted you as a friend Severus," I said, "Why wouldn't I do it? You could have said no too you realize."_

_ "I've hurt you, hurt you so many times and here you still want to be my friend!" He looked hurt, about ready to cry and I wanted to hold him and take those tears away, but I held back._

_ "I always wanted to be your friend, from the moment I met you."_

_ "Is that why you never tell on me? You could get me into so much trouble, and Dumbledore knows it! He knows what I do and what I've done, but he won't do anything, because you don't say anything."  
"I don't tell because I won't tell on a friend, no matter what," I whispered._

_ "That's so stupid of you!" he exclaimed. "I keep on hurting you and will probably keep on hurting you so you better start realizing that you will have to tell on me. Tear that stupid page out of your sketchbook."  
"You really can't mean that!"_

_ "I do," he said and turned away from me. Tears welled up in my eyes. I had only done the things I did…I didn't tell on him because I couldn't. I didn't think he deserved to suffer at all; I was the only one who did. I should suffer and no one else._

_ "I won't," I said._

_ "Yet I'll still keep on hurting you," he said and walked away, the cold tone of his voice making me shudder._

**_Flash_**

****

_ "Cat…why?" he asked as we sat on top of the astronomy tower._

_ "Why what?" I asked in return._

_ "Why didn't you tear out the page? Why didn't you…I mean, why couldn't you accept it?"_

_ "If I had, we wouldn't be here, talking," I said._

_ "I know that, but I still don't get it!" he exclaimed, "I keep hurting you!"_

_ "It doesn't hurt much anymore; you don't do it so much anymore. I don't mind, I'm used to it," I said. "Don't you see it yet? You're changing, you finally have a friend who wants to be your friend and now you're changing for the better."_

_ Severus grabbed onto me and pulled me close to him, I heard a sob escape his lips and he held me close. "Merlin, I never thought…I mean, why? Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to be the one?"  
"Would you have preferred someone else?"_

_ "No, I mean, well, no I wouldn't have wanted anyone else. Merlin Cat, please, don't stop being my friend, I promise I won't try to hurt you anymore." I heard him crying. "Please don't leave me."_

_ "I won't. We'll be friends forever, you'll see," I said with a smile. **Inside me though, I knew it might be something more…something much deeper.**_

****

**_Flash_**

I saw Peter Pettigrew's page, stained with red. Remus told me he had betrayed the Potters, both Lily and James to Voldemort. I couldn't cry though about that, I didn't know how much of a part I played in that.

**_…_**

I found Severus's page and I ran my hand over it, and fresh tears welled up in my eyes but I choked them back. His face was there, as handsome as it ever was. His signature also was there, there in the corner, neat and readable and loveable. It was all there, everything that had been there before.

**_…_**

I loved him even though I didn't remember him in that way that was what the twins said, right? I loved him…no I love him, no past tense…no past tense could be used for that…No words other than that could fit this. They were so simple, so elegant. They were the words everyone wanted to hear in their lifetime, at some point in their lifetime. I love him…those words meant so much to me.

**_…_**

Did he use it in the past tense? He might not even know that he did that, because I was dead to him, wasn't I? Does he really think I'm dead? Does he think, does he believe I would ever come back to him?

**_…_**

"Severus…" I murmured, some part of me hoping, praying he would hear me and respond to me. The cold wind blew around me but I didn't care. It felt wonderful, a cold, cleansing wind seemed to be just what I needed, just what I wanted.

**_…_**

"Do you still really love me, even after all this time?" I asked, and felt some wind blow upon my head. I looked over and saw an open window. It was a little chilly, so I went to close it, leaving the sketchbook upon my bed.

**_…_**

I saw something on one of the towers. It was a man! I got out my telescope, hoping I could see better with it and focused in on the person on the tower. It was Severus! He was looking up at the sky, as if he was waiting for something.

"I still love you…" his voice seemed to whisper upon the wind and I heard it perfectly.

"And I love you…" I murmured and watch him stiffen slightly, as if he had heard me too. I wanted him to hear me; I wanted him to know I was there, still with him, even if he thought I was a ghost, a spirit of the night, an angel watching over his shoulder.

**_…_**

I shut the window and sat back down on the bed. I wanted my memories…I wanted them back so I could go to him, so I could go to him and neither of us would be lonely again…

**_TBC_**

A/N: Okay, maybe this is my proudest chapter. Someone tell me it's good! I really wanna have someone tell me I did a really good job on this chapter, it took me so long to write and all that!


	11. Awaken that which was never asleep

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

**A/N: Added new stuff**

Awaken that which was never Asleep

_Crystal_

The tournament champions for each school were just chosen yesterday, and guess what? Harry was one of them! Of course, so was Cedric Diggory but Harry Potter has to share the championship position...well, it's not really they have a championship position, but each has a shot of making it to the championship.

"Crystal!" a voice called out behind me. I turned around to see Hermione.

"What is it Granger?" I asked as she hurried up to catch up to me.

"Well, I just wondered if you planned on doing the potions homework tonight. I thought we could study together...I mean, Harry is busy right now trying to figure out what's going on..." she said as she attempted to catch her breath.

"I did it during class," I said, "Remember? You even pointed out I shouldn't be scribbling during class."

"You did it during transfiguration?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

"I always do. I always finish it quickly too, so?" I asked and Hermione sighed.

"Well, we should still study together, or do you have things to do now?" she asked.

"I actually have to do something right now, but I'd be glad to study later!" I said, forcing a grin.

"Okay then," she said and headed off.

"I have things to do," I murmured and hurried off.

**_…_**

I was in a good seat to watch the tournament's first competition! Remus actually sat next to me, he just said he was concerned for Harry, but I knew he feared my unconscious would try something. I couldn't understand at all what he wanted to make sure didn't happen but it was enough to drag him here. Well, I guess dragged here wouldn't be the appropriate sentiment to the situation. He brought himself here to make sure Harry was okay...after which I coughed "BS" in his face, which made him smile.

"This is it!" I said, and the first competitor came out. I didn't pay much attention to how they did, just because I really didn't care. I knew I'd probably only watch to see what Harry did because he was so young to be in the tournament. How he was entered when he didn't get past the age line was beyond me, but Remus said it was possible; it would just take a lot of magic to do so.

"Calm down," Remus said with a sigh and I laughed.

"I love dragons!" I exclaimed and Remus let out a laugh and sat down from his observation point. "No seriously Professor, I really love dragons! They're so cool and they fly and breathe fire and I think they breathe ice unless I'm wrong…"

"Of course you do, why you wouldn't love dragons is beyond me," he said sarcastically and I looked at him puzzled.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"It's in your nature to like dragons because you are one," he said, "Remember? I told you that over the summer! And yes, Dragons can breathe ice, it isn't just something from a movie." I smiled and nodded and then stood up to look at what was going on. Second contestant was up! How'd the first one do? Oh well, I bet Hermione would be willing to tell me later.

"Wait Remus, what movie?"

**_…___**

"Wai!" I shouted out of the blue. Remus looked at me with a confused glance and I looked back equally confused. My outbursts even surprised me sometimes.

"I believe it means hurrah...but I'm not sure," Remus said, "I'm not as fluent with Dragon Tongue as Sirius or Severus are."

"That was dragon?" I asked in surprise, "What the crap?"

"Something about this tournament doesn't seem right. Your unconscious seems to be increasing in sensitivity..." Remus said and then looked back toward the arena. The 3rd Contestant was on, and then Harry would be following next, right?

**_…_**

"Increasing...maybe something is going to happen...would that be a good thing though?" I asked, diverting Remus's attention once again. For a moment he looked saddened. "What's wrong Remus?"

"You're more peppy and energetic now, much more than you were before...at this moment, you really have nothing to be sad about...but I know that as soon as you get your memory back, things will be different, much different," Remus said, "I'm sorry to say it but I don't miss not having that part of you around...and it'll be worse because Lily and James aren't here anymore..." I nodded. "I mean, all I'm saying now probably doesn't make much sense but it will I think in time."

"I won't, I promise!" I said, "I'm still my own person, and my memory shouldn't change my personality that much, should it?"

"It will," he said with certainty, "I know that much is true."

**_…_**

"Harry's up!" I said, pointing, "And he's facing that Hungarian Horntail!" Remus stood and observed Harry as he came out onto the field. I watched intently too, focusing on the dragon. All of the dragons were nesting mothers, which made them twice, maybe even three times as dangerous. Harry raised his wand and summoned his firebolt! It was an amazingly fast broom; I had seen them in the Quidditch World cup this summer.

"Would you look at that?" Remus asked in awe as Harry began to fly around the dragon. I think he was taking less time than the others had taken, but I wasn't sure. I wondered what he was planning, but as he rose higher up into the sky, I realized what he was going to do! He was trying to get the dragon to leave its nest and fly!

"Hey, look!" I said, "I know what he's going to do!" Remus looked at me with amusement on his face. I think he knew what Harry was going to do too.

"It's obvious," he said, "I've never seen it done before, but if anyone can do it, it's him!" Harry swooped down low as soon as the dragon took off. I watched him snatch the egg, and he carried it off and made it to safety! I clapped and cheered wildly, this was kinda exciting, at least, it seemed that way so far.

"He had the fastest time, I just know it!" I said, even though I didn't know. I was just hopeful, that was all.

"Yeah, he is!" Remus said smiling, "I mean he was!"

**_…_**

The dragon however wasn't calming down! It started to rampage and I watched as the team of wizards who brought it tried to stun it and prevent it from hurting anyone! The stands began to clear out as people ran away from the breaths of fire shooting towards them.

"Crystal, we have to go!" Remus said, tugging at my sleeve, "The tamers will take care of the dragon!" I remained still, focused on the dragon in front of me, on the ground. The stun attacks weren't working; they were only making it madder! I watched a joint attack hit the Horntail and it almost got it but then it went right back, thinking its eggs were going to be harmed! At least, that was a most possible reason!

"I have to do something!" I said and looked around at the empty stands surrounding us. Everyone seems to have gone away, I had to act.

**_FLASH_**

_ "Why do you always have to get involved?"_

_ "If I don't no one will!"_

**_FLASH_**

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked, but before he got his answer I leapt off of the stand and easily landed on the ground. I made my way towards the dragon at a jog. The dragon noticed me and I barely managed to dodge the flames. It was by that time everyone on the field noticed me.

"Get out of here!" one of them yelled at me but I wasn't listening.

"..." I paused for a moment, why was I out here? I didn't remember jumping down... All of a sudden, a voice not my own began to speak.

"Calm!" the voice yelled, but it wasn't in English or any language I had ever heard before, what was going on?

"What the hell?" someone asked and the dragon blew flames at me again.

"Crystal!" Remus yelled, "Snap out of it!" His voice sounded so clear and yet it seemed like it was so faint, like it was so far away.

"Calm down dragon!" the voice said, and my legs seemed to move on their own towards the dragon. It roared and shot flames at me but I dodged it like before. I was scared; I wasn't even controlling my own body anymore! What was this language I was speaking?

I heard Remus fall silent, maybe he was coming down to try to get me or something. I didn't know what was going on, was I being controlled by some spell?

"Dragon, who goes by the motherly ways...calm down before you hurt your young," the voice continued and I let out a scream as claws sunk into my shoulder and I fell to the ground, "DRAGON! Hear my voice and be silent!" There was power behind that voice, I was sure I had heard it! Was that really my voice? I gripped my shoulder and winced in pain.

"Crystal!" I heard Remus call again, but his voice seemed so distant. The clarity of it, it was there, but it seemed no more than a whisper. Was I dying or something?

"The dragon's calming down!" a voice cried, but I couldn't hear what came after that. I felt myself return to normal, like water washed over me and cleansed me of whatever had been controlling me before.

"It hurts..." I said before I fell to the ground. I felt arms pick me up and cradle me close to a warm body, and then I felt no more.

**_…_**

"Crystal, you're okay now, everything's fine," a voice said softly and I opened my eyes slowly, not surprised to find myself on a hospital bed. I noticed Remus and Harry and the gang, including Fred and George were there as well. Fred held some chocolate and Hermione was arranging some daisies in a vase nearby.

"What happened?" I asked wearily, trying to sit up and realizing the pain when I raised my left shoulder. It hurt really bad…and I didn't remember how I had gotten such a bad injury.

"You got attacked by that dragon," Ron said grimly, "I wasn't there to see it but Professor Lupin says the dragon went on a rampage and you were caught in the crossfire."

"But that's not..." I said and Remus looked at me with a face that said 'I made up some sort of half-lie to protect your from explaining to them why you went after a dragon, which you yourself don't know why you did so shut up and accept it'. Okay, maybe the shut up part wasn't in there, he wouldn't be that rude...I think.

**_FLASH_**

_ "How come you're always so polite Remus?" I asked teasingly as we sat in the shrieking shack. No one would be coming tonight, the other Marauders were being kept busy so I was here with Remus during the time of the full moon…of course, and the other Marauders didn't know that I knew what Remus was._

_ "I don't know, it's a habit or something," he said. "I might have picked it up at some point in time before I actually was bitten, when my parents had no reason to fear me."_

_ "I don't fear you," I said with a smile._

_ "You shouldn't have to. As the protector of forest you affect my change and stuff. It's nice when you're around, but it's nice when the others are with me too," he said with a smile. "But that's just me."_

**_FLASH_**

"Well, we brought you some chocolate," Fred said. I smiled and accepted the package. I knew they would want to hear the true story about what had happened later.

"We saw you get caught by the dragon's claw..." George said and I sighed. Figured they'd be there to see it.

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know that right?" I asked and looked at them.

"Luckily..." Fred said.

"We're not cats!" George finished and I found myself giggling. Remus rolled his eyes and stood.

"Where're you going?" I asked.

"Well, I think it best I get out of here. Don't worry, I'll be here to watch Harry in the next part," Remus said. I knew better though, he'd be coming to make sure I didn't do anything again, or something like that.

"Or to do damage control," I said with a grin, "I mean, who knows when I'll get caught in some more crossfire!"

"That too," he said and made his way to the door, "I'll talk to you all later, so goodbye." He left, shutting the door gently behind him. I sighed and then shook my head sadly.

**_…_**

"Yeah," I replied, "Harry, you did great out there! I wanted to tell you!" He smiled at me.

"Thanks," he replied and made his way to the door, "I have some things to do, are you coming everyone?" Harry was still clutching his egg and probably was going to go and see what was in it or what clue was in it.

"Not us!" Fred and George said in unison but Hermione and Ron went to join Harry; they said their goodbyes and left.

"So you two wanna hear what happened?" I asked and noted their excitement, probably meaning they already had some kind of idea of what had happened.

"I think we already know about it, you talked dragon tongue!" Fred said.

"And there was a lot of power behind those words..." George continued, "I could tell, your eyes flashed red for a moment."

"What happened?" I asked as I turned to look for a mirror. My eyes turned red? I've always been told they were green! How could that happen?

"They were red for only a moment," George said comfortingly. "It was cool."

"But you meant business when you said whatever you were saying," Fred continued. "Though I didn't understand a word of it."

"Although I don't think you knew what you were doing..." George said.

"It must've been an unconscious power lying dormant while you try to get your memory back," Fred said. "Or something like that."

"And it was a cool power too, wasn't it Fred?" George asked with a gleam in his eye.

"Being able to speak dragon is rarer than a Parselmouth. I hardly knew there was such a language," Fred continued.

"Until today," George said.

"I suppose there are multiple languages for everything but most don't care to learn them or aren't born with the ability to speak them," Fred said.

"Or they're lost languages no one knows anymore save a few special people," George said.

"Like the clans we read about last year?" Fred asked. "Professor Binns had us do that essay, remember?

"Um...guys?" I asked but they were ignoring me. I sighed, it wasn't like I could do much to get them to pay attention aside from yelling, which I didn't want to do just yet. These two were almost too much sometimes. Troublemakers, yes, but good listeners, only sometimes.

"We read it last year to try to figure out what was going on with you," George said, "Hermione had said something about you having the temper of a dragon so we decided..."

"To see what we could find," Fred continued.

"And you fit the description," George finished. "That and it was homework." I let my jaw drop; I couldn't believe these two, they were impossible to talk to!

"Are you two even paying attention to me?" I asked, "Do you two even know what you are saying?" If they knew, it only made a lot of sense to them. I half expected them to start talking in some twin language and then I really would be lost in whatever they were talking about. I think I understood it but it made more sense to them than it did to me.

"Of course we do!" Fred said, "At least when we began we did..."

"I think we made sense throughout our speech..." George said and then they both smiled.

"Well, at least you're feeling better," Fred said, "You've been out of it for about 2 days. We brought you your homework, you won't be going back to classes today or tomorrow I think."

**_…_**

"Oh, okay... I don't want to let my grades slip!" I said with a laugh, "Even though I still can't get up!"

"You will probably be able to later, I think you're strong..." George said, "Anyways, you should probably get some more rest."

"I'm not tired!" I complained and tried to get up again, but Fred pushed me down.

"No way would we let you hurt yourself again!" Fred said.

"As your friend I insist you get some more rest!" George said jokingly.

**_…_**

The two left and I relaxed on the bed. Did Severus see what had happened? If he did, wouldn't he be here, wanting to know why? Or did Dumbledore say something? What if he realized...what would happen? Would he accept the fact I don't remember save for what people are telling me? I turned my head to the side and felt tears form on my face. I missed him; I wanted to be with him. I didn't remember why, but with him I felt safe, loved... I wanted him to embrace me, to hold me until I woke up from this nightmare… to become who I was…or to become my own person, free from these flashbacks. I couldn't explain why I was so drawn to him…his eyes, his pained face…the way he carried himself. I think it was love?

It was only a feeling I was going on, simply a feeling...

**_…_**

If he knew and wanted me to tell him something, would I lie to him just to make him happy? Would I lie to him just to feel safe in his arms, dependent on just a feeling? Would I lie to him just so I could be with him, just to satisfy my curiosity? Is it something I was willing to risk? What if this wasn't true and I wasn't her? What if these flashbacks were some part of a spell or a curse?

**_…_**

What would he do when he found out? I mean, if I was really this person...would he accept me, seek vengeance, call me a liar? I didn't even know who I was, how would he react, how would I react if we had a confrontation? I brought my hands to my face, why was I crying? Why was I shedding tears? Did I even truly have a reason to shed them? Why is it me...why was I the only one without memory, without a sense of belonging... without a sense of self?

**_…_**

I wished it to end; I didn't want to feel like this anymore! I couldn't take it. I didn't know who I was…I was scared. I want to be myself again…I want to be who I once was…if that was really me to begin with. If not…I want these memories to go away, I want to live my own life. This wasn't in all my control at all! Why me?

**_…_**

What was I going to do? I couldn't control myself at times, it was harder and harder. I felt like I was loosing a sense of myself in order to gain my old self back.

**_…_**

What am I going to do? Who can I talk to? I needed to talk to someone. I considered Remus, just for a moment...but decided that he had done and was doing all he could.

**_…_**

Dumbledore wouldn't work...neither would Fred and George, they're too young. Well, Dumbledore's not, but the twins are. Who could I talk to...I needed someone...

**_…_**

Someone who'd know what to do...or at least make me feel better, give me a better sense of who I was. Who hadn't I really talked to that would know...I had given Dumbledore my word I wouldn't talk to Severus, so he was out of the question...

**_…_**

Wait...SIRIUS! I could talk to Sirius! He would be able to help me, wouldn't he? He knows a lot about my past; a lot about who I was...I mean...he said he loved me, right? I had to talk to him...but he wasn't anywhere near here...I guess writing him would be the next best thing...I had to talk to Sirius... I knew I could get some answers from him...I just knew it... Sirius...

**_TBC_**

A/N: Like it? Hate it? Let me know what you think! I love writing this story; I'm so glad people like it. Well, let me know what you think...I'll update as soon as I find the time then, I have a lot of other stories to work on...See you later then. Please review! Like the new stuff?


	12. Release that which was never aged

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, got that? (Nor do I own the song…)

A/N: Wai! I'm updating this…I know its getting really good and this chapter should be no exception… (This is the longest running story I've have, its kind of cool I've stuck with it this long!) Anyways, this chapter has a slight warning…

**Warning: **Crystal won't be acting like herself near the end…she'll be acting a little like she used to act… and there's fluff…romantic fluff in this chapter…more than any other, and depression… there's a lot of depressing stuff here too. Hey, but at least it's an Evanescence song again, eh? Or at least…think of the Evanescence song Broken as you read the last half of the story…okay?

**Release that which was never aged**

**_Crystal_******

Tonight is the Yule ball. It's this big thing for the tournament. Dumbledore sent me a dress yesterday and told me to wear it today, so, I have it on now. It's black but seems to shimmer in faint light. I had done my hair down and had just pulled it back slightly so that it was out of my face. I could see well enough now, the contacts that Madam Pomfry adjusted for me a while back were working wonders now for my sight. Anyways, George was taking me to the ball, mostly because he wanted to have a date seeing as how Fred had asked Angelina already and she had said yes. So George had asked me.

I think he was just afraid of going alone while his twin had a date and when I asked him he told me I didn't know what I was talking about and then I pointed out he had an embarrassed blush and he walked away quickly…coming back to remind me he'll come and fetch me a half hour before we were supposed to head down. I looked forward to it, even if I really didn't know why I'd want to. It wasn't like it was something that important, right? It was just some stupid dance where people would show off or something like that.

"I don't know why I do the things I do…" I said, sighing, "I'll just have to enjoy myself, that's all…" I said the last part a little sarcastically, but George seemed to ignore it. That was just fine with me, not like I cared much.

"There you are!" George exclaimed, "Just like I told you! A half-hour before the Yule ball."

"Yeah, I'm here George," I said, "Now what?" I think he was ignoring me because at that moment he was looking me up and down.

"You are stunningly beautiful in that dress," he said, "Simply amazing!"

"Thanks… I think," I said, "Is it almost time to go?"

"Listen… Crystal…" he said and pulled me close to him, I glared at him and he released my arms, "Sorry, well, I overheard something the other day…"

"What did you overhear?" I asked.

"Snape," he began, "Couldn't get a date…"

"That's the important piece of news?" I asked, "The news is that he couldn't get a date?" This wasn't important to me really, why should I care? Of course…if I was who everyone kept saying I was, I was probably the one supposed to be his date. This was too confusing.

"Well, yeah… I thought you'd want to know," he said.

"I thought it'd be kind of obvious he wouldn't want to get a date," I pointed out, "Seeing as how he still loves me…"

"Oh, right, well, should we get going down?" he asked and I nodded with an amused smile.

"Yes, I think we should," I replied and he took my hand and led me to where everyone was gathering to watch the entrances of the champions and their dates.

"Do you know who Krum is taking?" George asked me.

"Hermione," I said simply, "She told me so last night… I had to promise not to tell anyone else though…"

"You just told me!" George exclaimed.

"So?" I asked, "They're going to be making an entrance soon and then everyone will know!"

"Oh," he said, "But I still could ruin the surprise…"

"But you won't," I stated.

"But I won't…" he agreed, "Wait, I won't?"  
"No, you won't!" I said with a grin, "Because I know you…"

"Alright then," he said, returning the grin, "Hey, look, Snape!" He pointed towards the dungeons and I saw Severus coming up out of them, going to join the teachers on the other side near the great hall entrance. He had on his more than usual robes, although his cloak seemed to have a different patter on the back of it. It looked like there was a serpent etched on the back in shiny green and golden threads.

**_Flash_**

****

_"Merry Christmas!" I said and handed Severus a package, "It's our first Christmas together as husband and wife, so I though you might like this…"_

_ "I suppose I shall!" he said with a laugh and began to unwrap it, "I assume it's homemade?"_

_ "Why do you think that?" I asked with a mischievous grin._

_ "Because most of your gifts are thoughtful and homemade…I like them though," he said and finished unwrapping, "Now let me see what this is…" I watched him open up the box and lift out a __midnight__ black cloak, one I had been working on for the longest time. The back of it had a serpent sewn onto it, made of deep green and golden thread. The golden thread was actually something I had gotten a long while ago from a peddler from the stars. It was star thread so it had a wondrous glow to it._

_ "Well?" I asked a little nervously but smiled when I saw him take off his cloak and put the one I had made him on._

_ "This one is amazing love," he said and swept me up into his arms, "It must've taken you forever to make it!"_

_ "No, not forever…just a little while!" I said with a grin and he kissed me softly on the lips, releasing me quickly and handing me a box as well._

_ "Now, open mine…I think you'll like this one…" he said and I tore of the wrapping paper with a wolfish grin._

_ "Alright then," I said, opening the box to see a black dress, it looked old and gothic and had the hanging sleeves I loved._

_ "Do you like it?" he asked and I ducked into the bathroom for a minute and changed into the dress. It was a perfect fit and I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror. I came back out and Severus sucked in a breath._

_ "I love it!" I said and hugged him close to me._

_ "I knew you'd love it," he said, "I looked for it for the longest time for you…"_

_ "Oh Severus!" I said with a laugh and he kissed be again, "I do love you so…" He laughed a deep seductive laugh and kissed me with all the fire and passion he could. Severus could be so thoughtful sometimes!_

**_Flash_**

****

"Crystal?" George asked worriedly, "Are you okay? You spaced out for a minute!"

"I gave him that cloak…and he gave me this dress…on our first Christmas together as husband and wife," I said softly.

"How do you know that?" George asked.

"I just had another one of my flashbacks…it was a tender, loving one…" I said and sighed. I had felt such love at that moment, so much I didn't want it to fade.

"Well anyways, its time to head down and eat," he said and I took the hand he offered to me and we made our way into the great hall. I had missed the entrance of the champions entirely.

**__**

Dinner was nice. We sat at a table with Fred and Angelina and some other people I didn't know as well. I had potato soup as my order and it tasted really delicious. I had a feeling I knew I would like it. I finished it slowly, savoring each bite.

"Hey, the champions are dancing now!" George whispered and I lifted my head to look. I saw Harry and his partner, and Cedric and his, Fleur and hers and Krum with Hermione. I almost gawked but I closed my mouth in time. Hermione had her hair slicked back into an elegant bun and her dress robe was simply beautiful.

"That's something!" Fred said, but he seemed slightly more focused on the table where the judges were, glaring at Ludo Bagman.

"Hey, want to dance Crystal?" George asked, "I mean…c'mon, just for a little bit!"

"Alright then," I said and took his hand. Everyone else began to come onto the dance floor as well and I found myself comfortable with letting George lead through the dance. I was actually enjoying myself, only occasionally looking to see where Severus was, and it looked like he was enjoying his wine most of the time. I danced for George for a while and then he said he and Fred had some business to try and take care of so he left me alone to wander, so I made my way to walk outside for a while. There was a chill in the night air but other than that it was a nice night.

"What are you doing out here?" a cold voice asked and I turned around to see Severus and some other man, I think he was one of the judges, the headmaster of Durmstrang or something like that right behind me.

"I was just walking a bit sir, is that against the law?" I asked and I think Severus had to collect himself because he recognized the dress. It was the one Dumbledore had given me and told me to wear and I thought he actually might've thought it that I was his wife (which in a way I was, or at least, that's what everyone is telling me) but he seemed to shake off the thought as quickly as it had come. It wasn't my fault he was bothered by me so why should I be nice or care? Then again, why did I feel like I shouldn't be mean…as though he has already suffered enough? His eyes spoke of deep suffering and I think I found myself looking at him with a pitiful expression on his face.

"No, it isn't but get out of our way!" he said and brushed past me. The other man did as well, and I could've sworn some sort of recognition went across his face as well. I wondered what business Severus had with him, unless he was just being bothered. I watched him round a corner and let out a small sigh of longing and eventually continued my walk.

**_…_**

George seemed to have forgotten me and I found I didn't care much. My walk around the lit and beautified grounds was wonderful and I was content to sit in a corner and sip the punch. The dance ended around midnight and I found myself unable to bring myself to leave the great hall as everyone had left. I looked around the dimly lit room, hoping no one would find me and tell me to leave, because I didn't want to leave at the moment. I saw a slumped figure either sleeping or passed out or something on a small table in the corner and I stood and made my way over to see who it was. It was Severus! What in the world was he still doing here? I thought he of all people would not have remained. I saw him leaving into the gardens with that headmaster…but once he came back I half expected him to leave the dance…unless Dumbledore forced him to remain…but why would he linger now? He didn't seem the type; it didn't seem in character for him.

**_…_**

"Sir, are you okay?" I asked and gingerly touched his shoulder. He let out a small moan and I jumped back. He raised his head and looked at me. He seemed drunk in a way, almost in a trance. He must have been drinking to stave off the pain. The pain of being lonely without the one he loved to be with…to dance with on this night. I felt like I knew that pain…knew it well enough to relate to it. I wanted to do something about it but I didn't know what I could do. I didn't even remember who I was!

"I'm just fine…what are you doing here?" he asked, and I didn't think he knew who he was talking to.

"Its past midnight Professor, I think its time for bed," I said slowly and he sat himself up wearily. Maybe he was sleepwalking or something?

He said nothing and I sat down next to him, unsure of what I was going to do or why I was doing it.

"You promised me you'd never get drunk…" I began, feeling myself being controlled by that unknown force again. "And here you are, liquored up on various wines and booze, aren't you?"

"And you promised me you'd never die on me…" he said, "You promised me you'd never leave me…" His voice was broken, pained and I wished that I almost hadn't said what I said…because the words hurt me.

"I keep all my promises…" I continued without a break in my voice…although my resolve to say such things was beginning to waver.

"Then why aren't you here with me?" he asked bitterly. He must think this was some kind of dream!

**_…_**

"But I am here," I said softly and touched his shoulder. He looked at me; I really think he thought this was a dream. His hair was misarranged around his face and I watched him push a little of it back from his face. It was beautiful hair…even if everyone else thought it was greasy. I loved it…I loved every part of him.

"You are now…but you died, I watched you die in my arms…" he said, "So you'll be gone again…I know you can't stay…" He choked back a sob and I looked at him with pity shinning in my eyes. He didn't realize it…if he wasn't so drunk he might see it. But no, he wouldn't…maybe he wasn't meant to see who I was…not now. Not me here without my memories, right? That wouldn't be good…I think.

"You're wearing the cloak I gave you," I whispered, "And I'm wearing that dress you gave me…"

**_FLASH_**

****_"You decided to wear it love," he whispered._

_ "I promised you I would," I said, running my hands over the fabric._

_ "So it was the right size," he said in awe as he grabbed my hands and looked me over, twirling me around into his embrace. I could feel his breath on my neck as he kissed it gently._

_ "It fits like a dream Severus," I said, "I may not like dresses very much this one is perfect for me."_

_ "I knew it would be for you when I saw it," he said. "It was you…it is you. Merlin you look simply amazing." His hand brushed my cheek as he held me and he tightened his embrace. "I love you so much."_

_ "I know that Sev, I love you too." He kissed my cheek and then pressed his cheek against mine. "Sev, are you okay?"_

_ "I don't know what I would do without you Cat," he whispered. "My Cat…you're mine."_

_ "And you belong to me as well Sev," I said and he chuckled. "So I do. We belong to each other. I to you and you to me, something we both seem to need."_

_ "I'll always be there for you love," I whispered._

_ "I know, and I will always be there for you, you know this," he said._

_ "It took us a while to get to this point," I said, "But I'm glad we're here now."_

_ "It feels so right," he whispered. "I love you."  
"I love you."_

**_FLASH_**

****

"You look so beautiful in it," he said and let out a little hiccup. I watched him hold his breath for a minute to get rid of any future hiccups, which was amazing seeing as how he was able to think of that while drunk and then he took my hands into his and I didn't know what I should do. The presence inside of me was controlling all my actions, all my voice! I could do nothing about it…but did I want to? Did I want to end this when it felt so right? Did I want to make him suffer more by leaving him here alone right now? I wanted to stay…it wasn't just my subconscious…I really wanted to stay here with him.

"I thank you love," I said and leaned forward, "How come you didn't dance tonight?" He let out a pitiful laugh and touched my cheek, his fingertips gently brushing the skin and it felt like heaven, I loved it…I loved him.

"You weren't there, you know I only dance with you," he said, "You know I won't dance with anyone but you…" My heart felt pity and love at the same time…it cried out for him and longed for him. I wanted to do anything and everything for him; I didn't care what it was I just wanted to do something.

"Aye, I know that love," I said and scooted slightly closer to him, "I love you…" I meant and felt those words with all my heart. Even if I didn't remember it still felt like the right thing to say and I wanted to say it.

"I miss you," he said, "Please don't leave me…why did you have to go?" I looked up at him, my eyes meeting his deep black ones, drawing me downwards into those depths, those spirally depths that I knew so well.

"I died protecting you," I said, my voice soft and trying to be of comfort.

"You shouldn't have had to suffer for me!" he said and I felt tears well up in my eyes, "No, don't cry love, please don't cry!"

"I can't help it…I miss you so much!" I said and I fell into his arms. He held me close. He was warm…so very warm and I loved that. I loved his warmth and longed for it. It was the sweetest thing.

"You were the best thing that happened to me, you know that?" he asked and I could hear him choke back tears, "And I never truly got to say goodbye to you!"

"I knew you loved me, even if you never said goodbye…" I said. His face was nuzzled slightly into my neck…his breath warm on my neck.

**_…_**

"I still…wanted… to tell you goodbye…" he said, "Now… you're gone…and I really have nothing left…"

"Yes, yes you do," I said and he held me tightly, "You have a life to live now…"

"But I feel dead without you and you know that!" he cried.

"But I'm here now, aren't I?" I asked, trying to dry my eyes and give him some comfort.

"But you'll disappear soon, and I don't want that… I don't want to loose you again!" he cried and I slipped out of his arms and took his hand. It was warm, warm and soft and I wanted to hold it forever. I didn't want to disappear from him, didn't want to fad away from him and his mind and have him forget me!

**_…_**

"Then shall we have a dance together?" I asked, "Just one last dance…who knows when we shall meet again…" I wanted to be here with him as much as I could before I was forced to leave…something would force me to leave. This wasn't the right time for me to come back…I couldn't yet…something still had to happen, and the worst part was I didn't know what.

"If I have but one dance with you I will be too much," he said, "Too much pain…"

"Don't think then…" I said, "Feel…" I wanted this… I didn't know why, I couldn't explain it; I just wanted it, this moment, to feel safe in his arms… I couldn't remember… but I knew…

"My love," he murmured and I led him onto the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped my arms around his neck. It was so familiar…so wonderful. This was something I loved…something I wanted to do forever.

**_…_**

We danced to a music that was only for us, something no one else could hear. It was soft and sweet and he held me close like he used to.

"My Cat," he murmured, "my love…" Those words were like the sweetest perfume, the sweetest candy. The words were possessive, protective…they had longing within them and everything was sweet. I wanted him to whisper that again…to hear those words that I had been without for so many years. Words I thought I'd never hear again.

"I love you," I whispered, "I really do…"

"I don't care anymore if this is only a dream, just to be able to hold you like this…" he muttered, "Is like heaven." God how I've missed him so very much.

"Heaven in a hell where being without you is torment…" I continued for him.

"And hell… the place where you are gone and I am alone," he finished and we stopped moving. I brought his head down to mine for a kiss and he brushed his lips slowly against mine, once, twice and pulled away. He tasted of alcohol and wine but his lips…they were warm and inviting and tasted also of love…of sweetness and a little bit of salt…the salt from his own tears. He was crying thinking I was dead to him…he was crying because he didn't want to be alone, away from me.

"What is it?" I asked, my eyes searching his face. I didn't know what I was looking for but whatever it was I saw it…love, hope. He was wishing, hoping for something. I didn't know…I didn't know if I could give it to him.

"I must be real drunk right now…I'm sorry, I must reek," he said and I let out a laugh. His breath did smell of alcohol and I smiled up at him.

"That's just fine…" I said, I didn't mind it. He was with me and acting normal; even if he was drunk enough to think this was a dream. I didn't want this to end.

"I think you'll be going now…aren't you?" he asked, "I feel about ready to wake up…or my stomach can't take anymore…" There were tears in his eyes and I reached up my hand to brush them away, touching his cheek as I did so…and he leaned into my touch.

I didn't know how to reply to that and he turned away from me and began to retch. I knew I couldn't help him, if he realized I was just Crystal then I would be in trouble.

"Goodbye…" I whispered and made my way to the door. Once outside I ran up to my room and onto my bed I began to cry, I really began to cry. I longed for him…my heart cried out for him in a way that had never happened before. I wanted to run down to him and kiss away everything…with or without my memory.

"I want to remember," I whispered, "I want to be with him…" I think the last thing that happened after that was I cried myself to sleep. I wanted to be with him so bad…I wanted to be with him so much. I think I understood why…even if I didn't remember. Even if I didn't remember.

**_FLASH_**

****

_ I remember standing on top of the highest __tower__ of __Hogwarts__; a few meters from the astronomy tower…it was the night I had found out Snape…Sev…my Sev had become a Death Eater. It destroyed me…how could he? How could he when he knew what I thought? Didn't he love me anymore? Some of my best friends were muggleborn and now he's following the path of a Death Eater! How could he? He's betrayed me and yet I still love him. Why can't I stop loving him?_

_ "Sev, how could you?" I whispered to the wind. My school cloak fluttered in the wind, whipping furiously this night…knowing all to well my feelings and acting it out with wind like lashes on my skin. It was cold, cold and dark and I couldn't see the stars. I didn't want to. How could I want to see the stars when I had no one to love to see them with? It wasn't the same with Lil or Remus or any of my other friends; it was different when I was with Severus…because I loved him. I loved him still and hated him all the same! How could he do something like this? To become a Death Eater was the worst thing in the world he could have done to me! _

_ "Did you do it because you thought you were weak?" I asked the wind. "Severus, why did you do it? I love you for everything you are and everything I know you CAN become! But not this…I can't be with you if you're like this." I wanted to jump…I wanted to jump from this tower and die…but I couldn't. Death would not have me, it hasn't had me in many years and it wouldn't start now. It loathed me and I did fear it. It hurt to die. Severus…he killed me inside…why? Didn't he love me anymore? I feel so dead inside now…why Severus? Did you really want this that bad?_

_ I looked up at the sky, the dark clouds that extended for miles. I raised my hands up and willed the rain to fall as I knew it would. Lightning streaked across the sky as the rain plunged down around me in torrents. I cared not if the lightning touched me…I cared not that the rain chilled my skin._

_ "Cat, what are you doing up here?" That voice was so familiar. I looked and saw Lily and Remus wearing protective gear. "Get down from there!" When had they arrived at the school? They had graduated two years ago and I didn't see them much during the school year, only Severus…_

_ "I don't want to!" I exclaimed back._

_ "You won't do Severus any good killing yourself now Cat!" Remus' voice…it was the one of reason._

_ "I know he still loves you and has some reason for doing what he did."_

_ "He betrayed me Lil!" I exclaimed but lowered my hands and my hair hung damp, clinging to my shoulders._

_ "Talk to him Cat I know he still loves you. He did it for a reason; he won't want to leave you…please Cat. You think killing yourself will help the situation?"_

_ I found myself slowly walking down, down the slope carefully and across the roof back to the astronomy tower, where the two of them helped me up. I felt a warm blanket wrapped around me, waterproof and cozy. I let my tears fall as they gathered me up and took me back into the school._

_ "Cat, he still loves you…there has to be a reason." Lil's voice…it was reassurance and something I missed._

_ "Please be right."_

**_FLASH_**

**_Severus_**

I picked myself up from the floor and wiped my mouth off with my sleeve. I was more sober than before, and I wondered what had just happened? Did I just dance with my wife or mistake someone for her? God, I'm so pathetically lonely… I danced with someone who wasn't her just because…how drunk was I? I had promised her I would never do that and here I had just done that!

"Cat…why did you leave?" I asked the air helplessly. I exited out of the grand hall and made my way back to my quarters. Tonight had reminded me of how much I missed her. If she was there I would have danced with her without question, not caring what anyone thought. Merlin, I was a fool. She'd never return to me…I'd never see her again…what made me think that?

"Cat…my Cat…will you return to me?" I whispered this lightly…she had to. She had promised! Merlin…I missed her. Why did she have to be the one? I never asked her to take the fall…I never asked her to die for me! She would have anyways…she was always like that. I wanted her to come back here, to be back in my arms. This was where she belonged! She didn't belong in the ground…buried away and forgotten! The ministry forced her…they forced her to be buried away from it all! They forced her memories away from the public witches and wizards…I hated them. They knew nothing about her and they mistrusted her. She chose to marry me…she loved me and they hated her for it. She never cared. She never would care. Why did she have to die?

I never asked for it…and now…all I had was some items of hers…a few photographs that the ministry didn't lock away and all the memories of times I had with her. All that I had now was hope…she promised me she would never leave me! I wanted her back in my arms…this was where she belonged…in my arms as she used to be. Fourteen years… fourteen years and not a day goes by now I don't pray for her to return to me, to my side and to my embrace.

She promised me…she promised me…

I felt tears welling up in my eyes and a wave of dizziness pass over me. I had to get to sleep now…I had to put on a mask and be as I always am now. I had to be someone without her. Once she returned…she could help me be myself again…I hate being this way! I hate having to force myself to pretend I don't care about her anymore because of the fact the ministry ordered it! I hated it. Cat…my Cat…come back to me!

**_Crystal_******

I'd return to him…I promise myself I'd regain my memory…and we'd dance…we'd dance like we did tonight…and that time we danced, the next time… he'd remember who I was, he'd remember he loved me.

**_…_**

He'd remember me, and we'd be together, happy. Remus had said this was going to be a unique year; something was happening…something…

**_TBC_**

A/N: I added some stuff to it, so let me know if it's worth it! Faint Hate, I hope you like the changes and I promise once I'm done reworking everything you'll get another chapter. Remember, I had twenty posted; I'll let you know if any new chapters are added in between and/or once chapter 21 comes up too. I look forward to your reviews everyone!


	13. Cure that which was never ill

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Snape…tears up and cries I wish I did! But I don't…so deal.

A/N: I HAVE A BIGGER FOLLOWING! I can't believe it…More people like this story. I thought it might though…people's curiosity getting the better of them when they see the length of the story…and such. I hope this chapter is as good as the previous one… and the one before that…etc. Anyways, enjoy!

And people, did you know the HP book 5 is coming out in like…two weeks! Say hello to newer chapters with better more accurate content…and possibly a lot of spoilers. If they kill off Severus I'm gonna be SOOOO pissed.

**_Cure that which was never Ill_**

****

**Crystal**

Second competition and Remus was with me again, I had expected him to be though. Fred and George were with us as well. They didn't exactly tell Remus that they knew, about who I was supposed to be and such but Remus seemed to figure that out after the first 10 minutes of sitting with them and threatened to bite them if they ever told anyone. Of course, he had also heard about what happened after the Yule ball, how he found out though, was beyond me. He wasn't scolding or anything though, he asked me to tell him my side of the story and I told all, coming to tears at the end. He didn't say much, he just held me and seemed to pity me. He said he knew how much I must be suffering over all this. It was killing me to not know who I really was; I wanted to have it so I would have more of a sense of identity than I was having at the moment, which was next to none.

"So Harry has to rescue Ron…" George explained, "And Hermione has to be rescued by someone too…I couldn't figure out who it was! But there are few competitors so I think its Krum. Don't know why though." Victor Krum was rescuing Hermione? That was an odd one I didn't expect. There must be something going on between the two of them, should've guessed from the Yule Ball…that and the fact it seems like Krum doesn't care about much to begin with. Truth be told though, I didn't know much about Victor Krum other than he had been in the Quidditch Tournament this summer. I really didn't want to know much more about him when I thought about it so I just let it hang what he really was about. I didn't need to know.

"And I think Cho is being rescued by Cedric," Fred said, "And Fleur is rescuing her sister I think, if we overheard it correctly." They overheard everything. They made it a point to know all they could before anything and anyone got to it first if it was possible for them. They knew all sorts of little things about the teachers as well, although I had never asked them what they knew about Snape and any of the little secrets he had, although I think I remember them mentioning in his office there was a small shrine dedicated to me (his dead wife) or something along those lines, with a picture and incense and some little items he kept there. I didn't know what they were and if Fred and George did I didn't want to ask, it didn't seem right to me to ask about something like that.

If I remembered or got my memories back someday I'd probably know what was there, but as of now it was some unimportant trivial fact to me. All it told me was how much Severus was dedicated to his wife, how much he really loved her. He must be very lonely to have something like that. It's almost as if I was his only friend, his lover and his wife. It made sense but it still was unnerving to think that I was all that he had had.

"Something's not right about this," I said solemnly, "I mean, it's very dangerous. Its one thing to endanger the champions, but it's another thing to endanger the lives of others!" I was worried about the tournament, although I probably didn't show or think about it much, even though I knew I should. Everything I'd heard about the Triwizard Tournament was about dangerous accidents and things that shouldn't have happened but did. It made me a little weary of the whole thing entirely. Why invent something where wizards, even the best wizards around could get hurt and killed. Though these deaths coming by being stupid or stupidity or if it was by being overpowered I didn't know.

"But it makes it so entertaining," Fred said and I glared at him, "Sorry, forgot…" He knew I didn't like to talk about getting hurt or endangering the lives of others. That's what made it so hard for me to be what I was, because nowadays I can't help but think I'm being a danger to Severus, no matter how much he really loved me.

"Way to go Fred…" George said jokingly, a teasing glint in his eyes. He gave me a squeeze on the shoulder with his hand and it was comforting, although I wished it was Severus' hand. Oh crap, I gotta keep any thoughts like that out of my mind! I shouldn't be thinking like that! I lowered my head and shook away the blush on my face.

"Can you three keep it down? Harry's just arrived, so now they can start!" Remus said and I rolled my eyes. I didn't know how Harry was going to be rescuing Ron, but I knew he would find a way. I had seen him studying many a night to try to figure out the water. But…something still didn't seem right.

"Yeah sure," George said, "Ex-professor…" I couldn't figure out why George was teasing but I wasn't about to get involved on either side. Let them argue about whatever and just leave me alone to my own thoughts, however disheveled or weird they might be.

"I may not be a teacher anymore but that only means I can attack you without fear of loosing my job," Remus said and grinned wolfishly. "But then again the ministry would be on my tail, quite literally for some time then. It's still tempting though."

I smiled slightly and continued to watch the competition more than the antics of Remus, Fred and George. It's not like I haven't seen arguments before and this was certainly nothing new to me, not in my past life as far as I could tell and not in my present life either.

"How long have they been under?" George asked with a look of worry on his face. It passed quickly though and changed to one more of amusement.

"Not too long," Remus replied. I sighed and looked around the stadium of spectators. I saw Severus in a booth near the stairs; he was sitting amidst some of the teachers from school and a few Slytherins as well. I couldn't help but think of the Yule ball and so I smiled inwardly and felt his gaze seem to find mine. I looked away as quickly as he could before he thought I was giving him any 'funny' looks.

**_…_**

"Okay, so it's been a half hour…what's the time limit again?" I asked.

"One hour…" Fred and Remus said at the same time. I had been asking questions like that for the past half hour it seemed and Remus, George and Fred seemed to want to shut me up. I smiled again; it was fun to annoy them a little.

"Oy, its Snape!" George said, "I didn't notice he was there until now…"

"Are you going to ask him to dance?" Fred asked, giving me a nudge.

"Don't go there," I said softly clenching my teeth, "You better not go there…"

"You have to admit, the way it happened was pretty romantic…" George said.

"If not for the fact Snape threw up!" Fred replied.

**_…_**

"Just stop it!" I said, "I mean, sure I told you all the details, but could you please now let it drop?"

"Fine…fine…" George said reluctantly, "Hey, I think that's Cedric coming up!" I looked to see Diggory coming up out of the water carrying a wet female, who I assumed was Cho Chang.

"How long has it been?" I asked.

"One hour, one minute and he's the first to come up," Remus said, "I hope Harry is alright." I sensed something again, something I had felt before the champions had arrived. I wasn't too sure of what it was, but the word Danger seemed to flash through my mind again and again.

"That's a good thing…right?" I asked and Remus nodded, "I mean, at least to know Diggory is okay…"

"Harry's probably fine, as are the other champions…" Remus said.

"I sure hope so!" I said and smiled. Remus smiled back.

"Crystal, hey…" Fred said.

"Snape keeps looking over here…" George said, "I think he may know who he danced with!" I turned bright red and looked over towards Severus. He was focusing on what was going on in the lake; he wasn't looking over at me!

"Just shut up!" I said and looked down onto the grass near the lake.

"Oh look, she's blushing!" Fred said. Remus leaned close to whisper in my ear.

"They are in a way, acting like James and Sirius did, teasing you because you were in love…" Remus said and grinned when I glared at him. I seemed to glare a lot, mostly because I was at a loss for a retort.

**_…_**

"Hey look, it's Krum!" Remus said, "And he has Hermione!" Fred and George laughed a bit at that, and I giggled slightly. Hermione must be very embarrassed right about now…or she would if she knew what was going on. She looked okay right now.

"There's Harry!" Fred said, "And he's got more than one person with him!"

"That looks like a little girl; it must be Fleur's sister!" George said, "I think Fleur is over there…how come she didn't finish?"

**_…_**

"Maybe something happened…do you wanna go down and congratulate Harry? He's now tied for first," Remus said, "I mean…well…"

"Sure!" I said, "Fred and George, do you guys wanna come?"

"Nah, we're heading back to the common room, we have business to take care of," Fred said.

"Nothing big, we just have to take care of it," George said, "We'll see you later." The two of them filed out with the rest of the people from the stands. I headed down and Remus said he'd see me later. I was heading towards Harry when I sensed something again and I couldn't figure out for the life of me what it was.

**_…_**

"Hey Crystal!" Harry said, greeting me with a smile. He looked a bit cold and well, it was his every right at the current time to feel cold after diving into water that was like ice. I didn't want to do something like that, although I knew that I probably at those words in the past. I didn't want to think about it.

"You look a bit shaken up there Harry," I said, returning his smile with a grin. He laughed a little and shuddered, looking meaningfully out at the water he had previously been swimming in.

"The water was cold," he replied and cocked his head to once side. "It wasn't entirely too bad though as time went on. I got used to it, not that I had much choice in the matter though."

"So long as that was the only problem…" I said with a cocked eyebrow and Ron looked at me and let out a relieved laugh.

"Yeah, I was pretty sure Harry was being thick…I'm glad the judges saw it otherwise," Ron said. "I'm sure glad he rescued me though."

"I was worried about not making it to the surface in time…" Harry said, "But I did it." He laughed and it was full of relief. I couldn't help but laugh a little back.

**Severus**

I made my way towards the water, feeling something call out to me. I couldn't help it, I felt so drawn to it. The deep blue water called to me.

**_…_**

I didn't know why I was going. I mean, there were people around still, and yet the call was strong enough that it overrode my natural instincts. I was not about to fight it, even if I could…I could not fight against it and some part of me didn't want to. I had been feeling a little lost since the Yule ball for some reason and this call seems like…

**_…_**

I looked into the water. It was crystal clear and blue and shimmered in the light of day. Cat had loved the water, she always wanted to go swimming in it or throw someone into it. Even when it was icy cold she loved it, she always loved it.

**_…_**

Should I just give myself to the water now? I leaned forward a little bit, thinking I could see something amidst the waves.

**_Bring Me to Life Reprise_**

****

**_Crystal_******

I looked around to see Severus staring at the waves that gently splashed about the shore. His eyes looked different though, searching, blank. I couldn't figure out what he was doing.

"Professor?" I asked, moving away from the group towards Severus. Everyone else was ignoring me, probably because they were still so happy for Harry and such. Severus leaned over the water further.

**_…_**

"Cat…" he murmured and fell face first into the freezing water. Panic flew over me in a wave and my eyes widened.

"Severus!" I cried and ran towards the edge. I saw him sinking, sinking down into the depths, doing nothing to try to stop himself, nothing to try to come back to the surface. Little air bubbles came to the surface and I panicked more. No, please on, I had to save him, I had to save him!

"What's the problem?" Harry shouted over as I began to remove my cloak and any heavy clothing items on me. I couldn't let this happen. I couldn't let him die. This must be the bad feeling I had; there was something in the water! I wasn't myself anymore, I felt like someone else! It was happening again and I had to let it…I wouldn't and I couldn't fight against it, Severus was in trouble and I had to save him. I was the only one who could…there wasn't any time. One thing I never had, time…

"What are you doing?" Remus shouted from the stands, "Crystal!" I could sense him jumping off of the stands and running towards me. He wouldn't get here in time… I didn't want him to stop me; he had no right to stop me. I had to save Severus there was no one else.

"Severus…" I murmured and dove into the icy cold water.

**__**

The water didn't seem so cold to me, in fact it felt warm and swimming into it felt like the most natural thing in my life. I swam hard and eventually caught a glimpse of Severus. He didn't have any air bubbles coming out of his mouth anymore! No, he couldn't be dead, he just couldn't! I reached him and wrapped my arm around his waist. I had to get him out of the water. He couldn't be dead…I wouldn't let him die!

**_…_**

****

I felt weighed down with him but I wouldn't let him fall. I swam as hard as I could, the water seemed to want to keep me in its elegant depths but I wouldn't let it. I had to save Severus, I had to save Severus. I saw Merfolk in the distance and they seemed to be laughing at me, but I ignore them. The only thing that ran through my head was I have to save Severus.

**_…_**

I can't let him die, not here, not here. I wouldn't let him die. It wasn't his time…it wasn't his time. I wouldn't let him die!

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "Please don't die on me," I cried as I held his limp body at the base of the protector of __Forest__'s statue, my statue. My powers weren't working…I didn't know if I could save him. Please…work, something…someone, I have to save him! He looked pale…paler than he ever had before to me. God, no, please don't let him be dead!_

**_FLASH_**

****

I broke out of the water holding a limp body in the crock of my arm as best as I could. People on the shore, the few people that had remained, the trio and Remus were the only ones left. I dragged Severus out of the water, Severus's body being helped out by Remus.

"He…he…fell into the water…" I said as I pulled myself out, "And I don't think… he… knew…"

"He's not breathing!" Remus said. Wait, I knew how to do this, I knew CPR…I think… was this my other self acting now?

**_…_**

I breathed into his mouth, forcing his lung to rise and fall and eventually I head coughing and Severus turned to his side and he began to hack and cough until he spat up water. I should've felt ashamed…it was almost like an indirect kiss of sorts…or something like that… but…

**_…_**

****

"What just happened?" Ron asked and Hermione motioned for him to hush. Severus turned towards me, looking at me, Remus and then the trio.

"What…?" he asked, "What are you looking at?" This he was directing at the trio, who took it as a cue to leave. At least, I think Remus was looking at them the same way and they left out of respect to Remus.

****

**_End Reprise_**

****

"You had fallen into the water Severus, and Crystal rescued you," Remus explained simply and Severus glared at me.

"You did?" he asked, now staring at me with confusion. I couldn't really gauge his expression; I didn't know what he was thinking. I wish I did though, I wanted to know what he thought about me!

"You were staring into the water so intently…and you looked like you were lost or something…" I said, "And then you fell into the water, a blank look on your…face…" He sat up and placed a hand upon his forehead.

"It must've been Dark Poison…I'll have Dumbledore do a search of the lake…" Remus said, "I better see to it now…"

"Dark poison?" I asked.

"It's a little bit complicated. It has too many properties to talk about in a simple manner," he said and headed off towards Hogwarts.

"Are you okay Professor?" I asked, turning my attention back towards Snape.

**_FLASH_**

****

_ I heard a loud coughing and hacking and Sev rolled to his side. What was happening? I looked at him and prayed with all my might he was okay…and knowing he was doing something now proved to me he wasn't dead…but now what? I shut my eyes and buried my face in my hands._

_ "Open your eyes," he whispered and I opened them to look at him. He was okay! Oh my goodness he was all right!_

**_FLASH_**

"What did I say?" he asked, "Did I say anything before I fell into the water?"

"You murmured the name 'Cat'," I said softly, "And then you fell, why?"

"Damn," he muttered, "Go away Miss Riyusaki."

"Fine way to treat someone who saved your life!" I exclaimed, and was grateful that I felt like myself again. Whatever had taken control of me gave me control again and I was grateful for that. I didn't like being someone else.

"It won't help you in class…" he said ponderingly, bitterly, "So why'd you do it?" The coldness in his voice struck out at me, as if he didn't want to be saved in the first place, but how could that be, did he want to die that badly?

"There was something…something in your eyes…" I began, "It spoke of deep suffering…I could see it… I've felt that way sometimes…"

"How could you know?" he asked angrily and stood up slowly, "How could you know of deep suffering? You're just a child, you know nothing of suffering!" His anger was reflected in his face. He hated the fact he had shown weakness, he hated, resented me for saving him, I wasn't the one he had wanted to save him. He had wanted the person I was supposed to be but wasn't yet and might not ever be to save him. He hated me for saving him! I felt hot and wet tears flood to my eyes but I refused to cry. I would not let him get the better of me.

**_…_**

"I do know what it's like!" I defended, "I don't know what I suffered; I've hardly remember…anything!" I think I contradicted myself but I didn't know for sure.

"Poor memory does not suit a witch," he said with bitterness, and then murmured, "Cat had brilliant memory…cursed to never forget…"

"What was she to you? This Cat person, what was she to you?" I asked. I was afraid for a moment, afraid he might realize that I could possible be his wife, minus the memories I had lost. If he did though, would it really be so bad to go back to him now? Maybe being with him would give me more of my memory…or really explain to me who I really am. If I really am this Cat person wouldn't being with him let me know for sure or would I find out I wasn't really her and just leave him in more sorrow and pity and he would come to hate me even more than he did now?

"None of your business and if you mention this to anyone I shall make sure you regret it," he said and brushed past me, turning back to look at me with hatred and a glare in his eyes, cold and frightening and still so deep. "You don't know what suffering is until someone dies in your arms…"

**_…_**

He walked past me without a second thought, brushing me off as if I were nothing. I did know suffering… I did know pain. As soon as I saw him a safe distance away I knew something I wanted to say, but I couldn't say it to him.

"How about being the one that died in the arms of someone they loved?" I asked and let the tears I choked back fall like rain, "How about being the one that broke a promise…?" Why…why me…why was I the only one without my memory? I felt like a lost angel, a broken soul.

**Severus**

I was rescued by a girl, by Crystal Umi Riyusaki. I felt weak right now, if that was dark poison, which it most likely was, Remus, as much as I hated to admit it was never wrong on those things, it had drained me, tearing at my core. I felt like an emotional wreck. I had seen the water and I wanted to fall into it. For a brief moment, I had wanted to end it all, just so maybe, just maybe I would go to her in that other world…but then what would happen here? People would truly forget her and I didn't want that. I couldn't have that.

**_…_**

I collapsed on my bed drained and tired. I didn't feel like I could do anything. I thought though… for a moment I saw my wife in Miss Riyusaki, but it only fluttered there for a moment in her eyes when she told me she did know what suffering was and then it was gone in the blink of an eye. She had saved me for no apparent reason at all, just she seemed like she felt she had to. Death would have been a release for me…

**_…_**

I could've sworn I heard my wife talking to me as I sunk. _'Don't die on me love; don't die on me, please…'_ I must be going crazy, it was almost like that night at the Yule ball, when I though I had danced with my Cat… Merlin knows I really did miss her… I couldn't end my life now. Death may be a release, but the easiest way wasn't what Cat would have wanted for me. I was needed here, this was my world. I just wanted Cat back in my world with me. She'd come back to me…please come back to me.

**Crystal**

I headed straight to bed, I felt embarrassed and ashamed for crying and I didn't want anyone to see me, I felt so weak right now. I didn't know what to do. I lay down on my bed and wept. I gave up, why was I trying, I didn't want to do what I was doing, but a part of me was controlling the whole and causing trouble…or saving lives… or doing something!

**_…_**

Were we even meant to be together ever again? I couldn't bear it if we weren't. I didn't know why but I felt empty now being away from him… what the hell was wrong with me?

"Someone please tell me what I'm feeling…" I whispered to no one. I didn't understand it! This was killing me inside and I didn't know how to make it stop! My heart…my heart hurts so much right now and I don't understand why. Someone please tell me…I need to know. I need someone to tell me everything will be all right, someone to reinforce the fact I'm not alone. I feel so alone right now…it doesn't feel right!

**_…_**

I sobbed harder, I couldn't figure out what was going on. The part of me taking control refused to show itself. It refused to come into the light and feed me the memories it might be hiding from me! I didn't like this; I didn't want to be away from him. It was hurting me, killing me even!

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "Forest what are you doing here?" Severus asked me angrily._

_ "It's Christmas morning silly. There's no one here but you and me!" I exclaimed joyfully and he glared at me. "Who said you could come in here?"  
"I'm a Slytherin too you know," I said, even though by my third year I wouldn't be anymore. "And I can come into this dormitory any time I want. It's the opposite for you coming into my dorm."_

_ "That still doesn't answer why," he said and I saw a slight blush on his face._

_ "You never asked why you asked what I was doing here," I said. "Geeze."  
"Why are you here?" he asked again. I don't think he was used to spending Christmas with anyone here, was he?  
"I brought you your Christmas gift," I said, "I thought we could celebrate Christmas together this morning."  
"Why aren't you celebrating with your friends?" he asked bitterly._

_ "I can do that later today, and you can come to," I said and looked at his wide eyes and disbelieving face. "What, I'm serious. No one should have to be alone on Christmas."  
"I didn't get you anything," he said quickly, as if that alone would get me to leave._

_ "It doesn't matter I don't need anything. All I could want would be for you to finally accept me as a friend. Since that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon I have nothing more to wish for," I said. I had friends, people who cared about me and I was going to such a great school, what more could a girl want? (No, I wasn't one for fancy things…)_

_ "I don't care, do whatever you wish," he muttered and I pressed my package into his hands. "Then open this Severus, Happy Christmas!"_

_ "How could you know anything that I would want?" he muttered as he cautiously removed the wrapping paper. "What in the world?" He opened the package and saw what I had gotten him. I swore I saw tears coming to his eyes. "This is…I mean, I never thought…"_

_ "Happy Christmas SEV!" I exclaimed and embraced him. I had been watching him during potions class and he seemed to have everything a potions lover could want, like me a little. I noticed how he didn't have any of the rarer, hard to get items that cost a lot too when one was purchasing them. I was a little rich and money held no power over me, I hated it actually but I had wanted to get something special for Sev and didn't want to have to collect it myself, which would have been a little hard and perhaps a little messy as I didn't know exactly how to get whatever I had to get as of yet. I'd learn though, hopefully._

_ "Why'd you get me this?" he asked and I knew now I saw tears in his eyes. "I mean…" I hugged him tightly and then released him and sat on the foot of the bed, looking at him. He looked a little funny in his grey pajamas but I didn't mind. He was still cute like that. That and he was so adorable right now because it seemed like he had never received a precious gift in pretty much his entire life. When I thought about it that seemed very reasonable, it seemed almost a little too reasonable and a little sad. How lonely was he that he didn't even get something on Christmas? Didn't his parents send him something or what?_

_ "I watched you in potions class a lot and you always had everything but some rare ingredients, I thought I'd just help you expand your collection," I said. What lay in the small box was an item I doubt he thought he'd ever use. Little did I realize was he would never come to use it, especially once I died. All it was a silver unicorn horn, a precious and shining gift._

**_FLASH_**

I wanted to remember… I wanted to realize what was going on…was anyone there…

"Someone please help me," I murmured, "Please someone help me!" I didn't know who I was begging to but I knew I was begging to someone, someone had to have heard me, right? I didn't know though if I wanted anyone to respond to what I was calling out.f

"Crystal, are you okay?" a soft voice asked and I felt the bed give way as someone sat down next to where I lay on the bed. I didn't really want to see anyone or talk to anyone but I knew, or at least I had a guess as to who it was and she wouldn't go away that easily.

"Hermione…is that you?" I asked, trying to sit up a little bit and brush my tears away.

"Are you okay?" she asked, "Do I need to get Professor McGonagall?"

"No…" I said and then flung myself into her embrace and she held me.

"Crystal, what's so bad? You can talk to me if you have something going on… you know that, right?" she asked, "I mean…we may not have talked in the past… but these past few months you seem like you need a really good girlfriend…. What's the matter?" I sobbed into her shoulder and she held me gently.

"Do you know what its like to not remember… to be in love but not remember it?" I asked after a long pause. A silence fell between us until she decided to speak softly. I listened as best as I could.

"No, I can't say I do…" she said, "Is that what's wrong…you're in love…but you don't remember it?" Her words rang with truth for me, as confused as she sounded. She was trying to understand but I doubted she did entirely. It would be nice if she did but I didn't pray for that.

"Uh-hu," I said and nodded.

"That's an odd situation…I don't know… but if it helps, just cry okay? Just cry and let it all out…" she said, "A good cry can do good sometimes…as long as it's followed by a good sleep…" Her voice was so soothing to me right now. She seemed to know what she needed to say and it made me feel better, even if it wasn't exactly making sense to her. Of course, it could be making sense to her and I just didn't know it. I didn't really understand Hermione and I don't think I ever will. It doesn't matter though, not right now at least.

"And you would know?" I asked with a tearful laugh. How could she really understand what I was going through? Had she died and lost her entire memory and now all she had to go on was what people told her?

"It's what I've read," she said in a huff, "Now just calm down…" She held me while my crying and sobbing gently subsided and then she pushed me back onto the bed and spread a few blankets over me. I felt warm. It wasn't the warmth I really wanted though. I wanted Severus, his warmth and love and everything we had. That was what I wanted. Everything we had…would I even get that if my memories returned to me or would he hate me forever for leaving him? Would he hate me because I've now been around all this time and he didn't know?

"Thanks," I said, "I really…needed that…" I fell asleep; maybe it would be good for me. I didn't know. I really didn't know anything at all. Maybe I was just a fool, maybe I was just some dumb girl being played like a pawn in a chess game. I didn't know. I had no clue who I really was. I wanted to be myself…but I didn't even know myself. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I let it go…let it fade as sleep took me. I couldn't let it bring me down, it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth fighting whatever was going on inside of me anymore. If it meant I would find out who I was sooner, then so be it.

**Hermione**

I didn't understand her problem but I could tell it was something big to her. I felt almost motherly as I had held her and she calmed down after a while. I wondered what had happened to her, I wondered what was happening to her that made her like this.

"Sleep well Crystal," I said and then got ready to slip under my own covers. Crystal was an odd person, a really odd girl. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. There seemed to be a lot going on in her life she didn't think she could deal with. She'd need a friend, and I guess I fell into that category. I already had dealt with weird things in the past, so why not help her out now. If it was just a problem with love…it'd be easy enough to conquer. But if it was something else then I guess it would take a bit more work. I was used to that though…and I'd be willing to help. I hated to see people like Crystal suffer over something. I don't know why but I didn't like that, even if I didn't really understand it. I think I'd understand it eventually, even if I didn't now.

"May your dreams be pleasant Crystal; may your dreams bring you a sense of peace."

**Crystal**

My sleep was comfortable, no restless dreams, no blood curse…I felt at piece. Hermione had helped me and I was really grateful. But still, as I slept, I kept thinking why me…why me, why am I the one to suffer like this? Why am I the one to have pieces missing…? Why can't I be with the one I love?

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: I lengthened it a lot to make it 6,000 words instead of 3,000. Is it any better like this?**

Well, what did you think? Like it? Hate it? Isn't it getting better? I absolutely love doing this story! Please review and let me know what you think!

**_This chapter goes out to a friend of mine who's not exactly doing to well. Please recover (even though it'll take time). Get well soon! (Physically and Emotionally)_**

**_Note I did not mention a name!_**

_(Don't ask who it is please, it is not for me to say)_

And please review! Reviews make me happy inside, so long as they aren't flames.

As always, any flames will be used to roast marshmallows and make S'mores for those people who like my stories.


	14. Melt that which was never frozen

Disclaimer: If you don't know by now, seeing as how I've mentioned it for the past 13 chapters, I'm not about to remind you!

A/N: **Warning: **Rating may change depending on how this chapter goes from PG-13 to being rated R (due to language mostly)

**Warning: **This should be super angst and it probably will be the longest chapter… I think I'll divide it into Acts because it's so long and I use a lot of different songs.

**Melt that which was never Frozen**

**_ACT I_**

**_Crystal_******

Its exam week, but it's not too bad. I mean, I always ace them whether I study or not…which I believe to be the work of my past self somehow… Everything has seemed to be changing lately, and not just with the tournament. I believe something is going to happen, something big, and I don't know what will happen when it comes. I guess people could take that to mean I was afraid of something that might never happen but I'm sure it will. I just didn't know what it was and it frightened me what it could be.

**_…_**

What do I do when this comes? What do I do when what's supposed to happen happens? Do I loose a part of myself? Do I become something I'm not? I don't understand what will happen to me, I don't want to not be myself!

**_…_**

"What do I do?" I asked to the wind, standing near the whomping willow. It allowed me to be near it for some reason and now I stood protected near it, trying to gather my thoughts of what to do. I knew something big was coming, Remus knew it and even Fred and George saw something was coming. They all knew it and so did I. All we had to do now was face what was coming towards us, or I did. I didn't think it would do much to them, just me.

**_Remus_**

****

I would miss Crystal; she was so much more cheerful than Katy had been. She was so much more cheerful and I couldn't imagine…well I could but that wasn't the point. When Katy truly remembered…when she truly realized who she was and all her memories came back to her she would be depressed. Dumbledore wouldn't let her tell Severus she was back, I knew that much for certain and that would tear her in two.

**_…_**

It wasn't that she wasn't already heartbroken. Without memories, she had so many unanswered questions. Without memories, she truly wasn't herself, and I guess that reason above all else was reason enough to find her memory. I lived with her as she used to be, I know her as she used to be. I could handle her, and she knew I cared… that would have to do for now I guess.

**_Sirius_**

Katy would be coming back soon, I knew it. She'd be back to who she once was. It was a reason for hope and also a reason for dread. She'd be back to herself, but I had yet to figure out that price, there had to be a price, or else she would have been reborn with her memories, right? She would have come back sooner…she would have…she could have protected Lily and James…right?

**_…_**

I knew it would be a terrible price… Something big was going to happen, and there was nothing I could do. She was still Katy or Cat to me. That's all she ever had been and that's all she'd ever be with me. I couldn't see her as anything more or less. I loved her, I really did love her. I wanted Katy back, wanted her back terribly, but there was…

**_Severus_**

****

Who had I danced with that night? I could have sworn it was my Cat. My Cat, the woman I love. She was my friend, lover and wife. She was everything to me. And now, I didn't know who I had danced with on that night. I wish it had been Cat but that wasn't too likely. Although I dream about it all the time now and I only see her…

**_…_**

Is someone playing a cruel joke…is someone trying to make me suffer? Is this some cruel game I now must participate in? I don't want this pain, I just want her back. I miss her yes, and I need her to come back true but don't…I don't want…

"I miss you…"

**_Crystal_******

****

"Hey Crystal," Fred said, beckoning me over.

"What is it?" I asked, a little indifferent to his talking. Part of me just wanted him to go away right now but the other part of me wanted to talk. The part of me wanting to talk won. I let out a small sigh and looked down at the floor.

"You just seemed so distant, is something up?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Where's George? I hardly ever see you two separate," I said. This was so rare an occasion I wondered if I should take a picture or get it written down in a book. It would make a headline "Twins separate for the first time in a long time!" How pathetic am I?

"He had to use the bathroom, and I saw you over here staring at the portrait so intently I was wondering if you were okay," he said. He looked at the portrait himself and shrugged; unable to see whatever it was I saw in it. I didn't expect him to; I wasn't really sure what I had been observing it in the first place.

"You're so observant!" I said with a laugh. I didn't feel funny or feel like being funny but it was an observation I just had to laugh at. I don't know why. I don't know how to explain half the things I've done these past few years.

"No, but you seemed so distant, I've seen you look like that a lot lately," Fred said.

"Something is going to happen and I don't know what and I'm scared…" I said and felt tears rush to my eyes. I didn't know why they were there but they existed there now and I couldn't hold them back.

"It's okay," he said and I fell into his arms, "It'll be okay, we're here, you do remember that right?" I knew he meant those words, it was something I longed to hear time and time again, although I wished it was someone else saying them rather than the Weasly twins. I didn't know who I wanted to say those words, but I knew it was someone I had known…or know now. Severus perhaps…or Remus…someone.

"I know but…" I said and found myself sobbing, "I don't think I've ever been scared before…" What was I even scared of?

"You don't seem like the type," Fred agreed with a nervous grin but it didn't help any. I couldn't stop crying.

"I don't…remember!" I shouted through choking sobs.

**_FLASH_**

_ "Cat, why are you here?" Severus asked, "I thought…"  
"That I left you?" I asked, tears welling up into my eyes, "How can I? How can I stop loving you?" I could only love once and that person had to be my true love connection and he was my true love connection! How could I not love him? I've loved him from the moment I saw him! He was everything to me, he knew that, I told him that every time I could. I knew I even probably said them in my sleep. I said a lot of things in my sleep though, so it was one of many things I mumbled although probably the most popular of what I said. That and "I love you Sev", which Lil told me I said a lot and often in various forms even when Severus wasn't around and in my sleep._

_ "How can you love me? You know what I am now!" he said and rolled up his sleeve. It was dark out but I could still see the mark. It burned brightly against his skin and I recoiled slightly against the sight of it before facing him once more._

_ "Why did you make this choice?" I asked. "Why did you do it Sev?" Tears were running to my eyes but I choked them back. I couldn't let them escape now it wasn't the right time to cry. I doubted it would ever be the right time to cry._

_ "Why do you wish to know?" he asked but there was something in his voice, something I couldn't recognize. It frightened me, to hear what he was saying, to see what he had done but I wasn't about to run away from this. I had to confront him on this issue and bring it out into the light. I might hate the results but I had to know, this wasn't something I could avoid. By Merlin I loved him so much even those three small words did not seem significant. They didn't seem good enough, and now, they were all I had. He was frightening me and I didn't like it!_

_ "You made this choice willingly, no?" I asked, "I won't look into your mind for the answer, I want you to tell me…" His eyes shone with something that made me even more frightened. What did he want? What was he trying to do? What was he trying to prove? I didn't want this, he was scaring me! Please Severus, what are you trying to do?  
"After the way I was treated at school…you think I want to take any more of it?" he asked, "I want to become strong!" I could have slapped him but I held back my hand. If that was all this was about then it was silly, fruitless and trivial. How could he believe he wasn't strong? He was strong to me; he helped hold me together just as much as I helped hold him together. What was he trying to prove?_

_ "You are strong," I said, "You are strong enough for me…" I didn't need him to be any stronger than how he was now, it was more than enough for me and here he was being different! Changing all of a sudden like this wasn't something I wanted him to do, it wasn't the right way to gain strength!_

_ "You always want to be stronger, right? Well now I can be… you just better watch!" he said, and then looked away from my teary gaze. I don't think he could stand the sight of seeing me cry, but that was his problem now, that was always his problem. He didn't know how to handle our relationship…I knew he loved me but I still think he was confused about so many things._

_ "Then you wish to end your love for me?" I asked softly, barely a whisper but something he could hear nonetheless. Why was he doing this? I didn't understand what he was doing!_

_ "End my love…what in the world…" he said and then softly, "I don't want to."_

_ "Then why do this?" I asked, "There is more than one way to become strong!" I begged with each word that fell out of my mouth for him to understand this, for him to comprehend what I was saying to him._

_ "Cat, you don't understand!" he cried, "You don't understand that this is just something I have to do!" I understand that reasoning but I still want to know why he's doing it. It may be something he has to do, but why?_

_ "I do understand. I understand suffering, I understand pain. I understand strength and weakness," I said softly, "Severus, I do understand."  
"Then what happens now?" he asked, "Where do we go?"  
"You made your choice and now I must make mine. And you seem firm in your decision, that's good," I said and walked up to him and he moved back against a tree, "I only hope that I can be firm in mine as well. I will not try to stop you; I will not try to hinder you. You wish for strength and I must be weak then. Severus Snape, I love you and I shall continue loving you, but you made this choice and now my choice was made for me…" I kissed him slowly and softly. Tears fell from my eyes, splashing on my cheeks gently._

_ "Cat…" he murmured but I hushed him and broke the kiss._

_ "Goodbye," I said and turned from him._

_ "Goodbye?" he asked, "How can that be it? How can you say goodbye?" I heard his pleas and continued to walk away, letting my tears fall. I would never speak to him, never see him again, he had made his choice and my choice certain. I could never see him again; I would never allow myself to be with him again. His pleas fell on deaf ears as I continued to walk. Goodbye my love, goodbye. May the winds of fortune bare you high, of that I prayed._

**_FLASH_**

**__**

I collected myself slowly; picking myself up and putting the pieces I felt scatter back in their place.

"I'm sorry Fred…I have to go," I said and made my way out of the grand hall.

**_…_**

The moon shone so brilliantly that night and I sat up on the astronomy tower watching it. The stars seemed dwarfed by its light. It wasn't full though, not yet. It was almost full and it would be beautiful once it was.

"Can anybody see me? Can anybody understand me? Can anybody help me?" I asked to the wind, "Am I some fallen angel?" I expected no reply and I received no reply. The sky then seemed so void and empty.

**_Severus_**

****

"I wish you were here," I murmured as I let a restless sleep take me to oblivion, "My love, my life…"

**_Remus_**

****

"It's a nice night, a beautiful sky," I said, "But then again, it seems so distant...like the future…"

**_Sirius_**

****

"I don't care if she'll never be able to love me again, my feelings for her will never change," I said and I curled up and fell into a dreamless rest.

**_END ACT I_**

**__**

**_ACT II_**

**__**

**_Crystal_******

The third competition has begun. The competitors are off in the maze. I can see them pretty well from my seat. Remus is with me again, this time he told me he was here for me, to make sure I would be okay, to make sure nothing happened to me. I had asked him then why he wasn't here for Harry, because he seemed in more danger than I was at the time but he told me danger depends on who it's directed to. I didn't exactly get it but oh well.

"Sparks!" Remus said, "I wonder who needs help?" He looked over the maze but looked at me with a shrug when he was unable to see who was doing what from the stands.

"I don't know…" I said, "I hope Harry and Cedric are okay…" I was worried for them more than the other two, mostly Harry though, because he didn't know as many spells as the others and although he had been studying most of the time since the second contest. He may know a bunch of hexes and stuff but he still was at a disadvantage, never mind all his Quidditch training either. I hoped he was going to be all right.

"I'm sure Harry is fine, you told me all he did was look up hexes and curses during exams. It might be Cedric…but he's in more advanced magic than Harry is. I can't say anything about Fleur or that Krum boy; I don't know the enough…" Remus said and I nodded in agreement, "Wait, there's a second set of showers!" I looked and noticed that it was just a little ways from the other set of sparks. What was going on now?

"There are two people down and in trouble already?" I asked. I mean, I could see pretty well from up here but there were a lot of bushes to try to sort through to find the competitors. "That's not good." I raised my hand to my lips and watched on, hoping to see something going on in those bushes.

"I don't think it is them…" Remus said but the worried look never left his face.

**_…_**

"Look! They're both going for the cup!" I exclaimed, pointing and Remus followed my finger and then pressed my arm down to get a better look. The end was in a larger and more open area so that it was visible mostly to the rest of the onlookers, who were cheering loudly.

"I can see that," he said, "I guess they both decided on sharing the victory!"

"So it wasn't those two that were in trouble! I knew Harry and Cedric would be okay," I said with a big dumb smile on my face, and then I let it fall.

**_…_**

Pain…sudden pain as Harry touched the cup. It started in my chest and spread across my body. Searing pain, white hot and deep within me. I screamed and people turned to look at me. Tears streamed down my face and then I disappeared from sight, the world swirling around me as I clutched onto my stomach. Even Remus's voice disappeared from me, his shouts of concern lost in this whirlwind. I felt the pain subside, slowly subside and I braced myself against the first thing I felt, it was a tree. Where was I? What the hell did I smell? I looked around and saw some sort of cauldron, surrounded with a few people. Harry…I saw Harry! There was some older man…and a boy's body lay limp next to Harry, who was bound. That was Cedric! Oh god, is he dead? It looked like it oh god! I held my mouth closed to keep from being heard. The cauldron boiled and bubbled and I couldn't hear what was being said but pain began to swell within me again. White hot flashes of something, like the flashes of memory I had become accustomed to seeing.

"No…" I began as memory began to stream into me and I couldn't help but scream, did anyone hear that? Did anyone see me? Could they even see me?

**_FLASH_**

_ "LILY!" I cried as she disappeared from my sight, "COME BACK!"  
"Goodbye…please look after Harry…"_

_ "JAMES!" I shouted and he too faded from my sight._

_ "Take care of your godson, okay? And make sure Snivilus behaves himself…"_

_ "SEVERUS!" I cried, "REMUS! SIRIUS!"_

_ "I told you something would happen," Remus said._

_ "I will always love you, even if you never return to me the same," Sirius said._

_ "Cat…my Cat…why did you leave me?" Severus asked._

_ "I didn't leave you!" I cried, "I DIDN'T LEAVE ANY OF YOU!"_

**_FLASH_**

I remembered… I remembered everything… Wet hot tears streaked across my face as I remembered… Lily and James…they were really gone, weren't they? Severus… my dear Severus… I missed him… Harry… where was Harry? I looked up to see cloaked figured surrounding the area where I had seen Harry last. I felt a burning. I sensed evil…my eyes glowed red, there was great evil here… Why…why did Lily die? Who took her away from me?

**_…_**

Voldemort, I sensed the Dark Lord Voldemort! There was a break in the cloaked figures and I saw him, he was facing Harry! He was trying to kill Harry!

"You bastard," I said in a voice that was a curse, a voice that was a deadly whisper. I remembered everything… I remembered who I was, what I was. I remembered how I died, how Voldemort had played the love between Severus and I to deliver me my death. I saw in my mind how he had killed Lily, taken James's life and almost killed their son. They almost killed my godson! HE had killed me!

"You lowdown rotten son of a BITCH!" I said, raising my voice to more than a whisper, "How could you…how could you?" I heard the song of a phoenix, my song, my tune was different. It sang of vengeance, it sang of revenge.

**_…_**

"GET HIM!" I heard Voldemort scream and I knew Harry was making his escape.

"How could you?" I repeated, louder. I watched Harry take Cedric's body and take the cup and he faded from my sight.

"He has gotten away Lord," a figure said.

"You rotten bastard," I said, "I'll kill you… YOU took them from me! You took their lives and left me to die in his arms!" Tears streamed down my face and I wanted him dead. I wanted to tear his heart out!

"Is someone there?" Voldemort asked and soon the group looked in my direction. My eyes glowed a blood red, my dragon blood heated up to the highest degree. I wanted him dead, I wanted him to pay.

"You son of a bitch," I said, facing him, "How could you, how dare you! I will rip out your blackened heart!" I was positively fuming at him, anger flooded my mind and I wanted to go after him. He deserves to die…he needs to die!

"Who is that?" a figure asked.

"Kill whoever it is," Voldemort replied, "This person obviously has no idea who I am…"

"AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH! BASTARD!" I screamed and as green light shot toward me my world swirled before me again, "I'LL KILL YOU, YOU TOOK THEM FROM ME! YOU FORCED ME TO DIE IN HIS ARMS!"

**_…_**

I shouted curses until I felt myself dragged into someone's familiar arms and I began to sob, I began to cry for all the things I couldn't prevent, all the things I didn't do.

"Crystal…its okay, what happened?" Remus asked, "Calm down…" He held me gently in his arms but I struggled against him. I wanted to kill him, Voldemort deserved to die! Remus held me nonetheless, holding me gently as I struggled until I just broke down altogether.

"That bastard…I'll kill him," I sobbed, "He took Lily from me…" My tears fell like rain down my face. I heard screaming all around me but to me it was simply background noise. I didn't want to hear anything anymore.

"Crystal…what happened?" Remus asked a little more firmly this time.

"My name…my name isn't Crystal Umi Riyusaki… It's Katherine Anne Forest/Snape…"

**_END ACT II_**

**__**

**_ACT III_**

**__**

**_Crystal_****_ (Katherine Anne Forest/Snape)_**

Remus had taken me to the hospital wing so I could recover. I was taken to one of the back beds so I would be less disturbed. Harry was here too, and I could hear the commotion going on as I lay in my bed, wondering… I heard Severus…no, I sensed him enter the room and I sat up. No one was with me; everyone was paying attention to Harry. Remus had to go so he wasn't even here. He said he would've stayed if he could. I knew he would have too. I remembered everything and I felt like I was dying.

"See? It's not as clear as it was an hour ago, but it's still there," I heard Severus say, speaking to Cornelius Fudge, the one that had wanted everyone to forget about me. I was unable to focus properly. I listened with a half mindedness that wandered from place to place. I wanted to see him again, I wanted…

**_…_**

I heard Dumbledore tell Severus to leave and Sirius followed some time later and I snuck behind the commotion and out of the door, away from the hospital and everything going on. I watched Severus leave and Sirius was following in the same direction until he noticed or probably smelled me more. He came up to me and nuzzled his nose in my palm, and beckoned me to follow him, and he led me to an empty classroom. Once there he became human again and we looked at each other for a long, long time.

"Katy," he said after the longest pause.

"Oh Sirius… she's really gone!" I cried and dove into his arms. Sirius held me against him and braced himself against a wall. He let me cry, he let me sob onto him, he didn't say anything, and he didn't have to.

"Cat…" he began and then I looked up to see him staring out the window, "Its crying blood tonight…" I looked out the window as well and red droplets pounded against the window.

"I wanted the sky to cry…" I said, "And it is." The sky cried blood for me, of the blood shed and of the lives lost.

"The last time you had the sky cry blood tears was so long ago…" Sirius said, "Something I wished I would never have to see again…"

"I miss her…" I said, "Why did she die?"

"She gave her life to protect Harry," he said, "Surely there's nobility in that…"

"She left me alone! He killed her and now…" I cried, "And Dumbledore won't let me tell Sev…" I didn't want to deal with any of this!

"I know…I know," he said with a soothing voice. We sank to the floor and he held my trembling, sobbing body close to his.

"Sirius…" I murmured and gripped onto his hand, "I never… I never got to say…"

"Goodbye?" he asked with a sorrowful note, "None of us did Cat, we never got to say goodbye either…" I gripped onto him, clinging almost pitifully to his shirt as he held me while I cried.

"I'm going to kill him!" I cried and Sirius let out an amused laugh.

"After all that's happened and through all these tears, you still can threaten…" Sirius said, "And you are back now…you… your memory is back?"

"Yes…and right now… I wish I couldn't remember anything!" I wailed and he held me tighter.

"Just cry Cat… I can wait, I have nowhere to be," he said, but I knew it was a pure lie. Dumbledore had given him a job, "Dumbledore knows your memory returned…he knows pretty much everything."

"No he doesn't," I said with a sobbing laugh, "That old coot doesn't know everything… Padfoot, I want to go back to Severus…I want to fling myself into his arms…"

"Shhh," Sirius soothed, "Its okay, you might not be able to now, but I'm sure you'll figure out when the time is right…"

"But what if Dumbledore doesn't let me?" I asked.

"You never obeyed Dumbledore much before, why now?" he asked with a big stupid grin.

"Because it was the way he said it, I think," I said, "The way he said I couldn't tell him when I didn't remember…do you think he'll say the same thing now?"

"I don't know," Sirius said, "I honestly don't know. C'mon, get to sleep now… I actually do have to be off, so just calm down… We can sort all this out when things calm down a bit…"

"But things won't calm down!" I said, "Not now that Voldemort is back!"

"I know… at least not till everyone realizes he's back. Besides, this got you to stop crying, didn't it?" he asked.

"Sirius…would you and Remus…this summer… would you please take me to see them?" I asked, "I want to see… I want to…"

"Make peace? You want to say some sort of goodbye. You want to apologize, right?" he asked, "Sure, I'll be glad to take you. It's something you need to do…"

"Thank you," I said and wiped my eyes with a sleeve of my cloak, "Sirius…thanks…" I let myself be swallowed up into a nightmarish sleep, one that I was more than accustomed to, one that only Severus could take away…

**_Sirius_**

****

As soon as she fell asleep I changed back into a dog and snuck back into the hospital wing as quietly as I could, everyone was sleeping by that time and I hurried off onto my mission. Katy was back, that was all that mattered, right? She was suffering so much now… the heartbreak after not being able to be with the one she loved, Severus, for 14 years must be killing her inside. I may not like him but those two did deserve one another. I couldn't imagine Dumbledore restricting her from seeing him, but he always had an angle.

**_Crystal_****_ (Katherine Anne Forest/Snape)_**

****

School had just ended, everyone was preparing to leave. I was all packed up and everything, but I didn't know where I'd be staying this summer. I wanted…I wanted to stay with Severus; I wanted to be by his side. He needed me just as much as I needed him. As all the commotion rang out about me I headed towards the Dungeons. I wanted to see him again; I wanted to be with him.

I had realized something a few nights ago… the blood curse had lessened up on me. Voldemort had put it on me…and there was no way to lessen it or rid myself of it unless he was dead or I had stood up to him, and I guess the curse took getting my memory back as standing up to him, so I wouldn't bleed as often as I used to. I wouldn't loose so much strength… so Severus… Severus and I could have children! We have almost been married… (If he still considers us so) for almost 19 years. We had been married for 5 years when I had died, around the time we wanted children (well me more than him in a way…for the first couple of weeks) and but then again I had received the blood curse of dreams actually 4 years prior so children would have been impossible because if I had become pregnant I would have lost any child that I carried thanks to the damned curse. He never left me though; he remained firm by my side, tending to me every night the curse took me. He said he loved me over and over and he would never leave my side.

"Severus," I murmured, standing near the staircase that would take me into the dungeons and to my Sev.

"Crystal, are you okay?" a kindly voice asked and I turned around to see Dumbledore staring at me.

"It's not Crystal," I said, "Its Katy or Cat, whichever you prefer."

"I'm afraid I must ask you to remain Crystal for a little while longer…" he said, "And you can not go to see Severus…"

"But…why not?" I asked.

"Voldemort has been reborn, which means Severus is once again a spy. Coming back to him at this most crucial time might cause more harm than good," he said, "Do you see my point?" Tears rushed to my eyes, I saw the point, however little a point it was.

**_…_**

'Stop crying' I told myself fiercely, I'm not weak like that.

"I see your point…you don't want me getting in the way because you want him to get used to being a spy again, don't you?" I asked, "You don't want me interfering with his work, because I would, wouldn't I?"  
"If I know you like I do, yes, that is exactly what you would do," he said, "You would be a distraction…"

"Then why…" I began, "Never mind…"

"I know what gift you have for him too, and that could be even more of a distraction than just going back to him," Dumbledore said, "The first stages are the most crucial, so I would like you to wait. Next year during the school year you can tell him…you can tell him everything. Just not at this moment Crystal, if Voldemort realizes you're here and alive he will harm Severus to get to you…"

"I know!" I said, "I know this… but… I need him… I really need him…" I fought off the tears and sank to the floor.

"Next year Crystal, I promise. You can stay where you want over the summer, but be careful…" he said, "If Voldemort finds out your back before Severus does, and the way Severus finds out is through torture and pain…"

"He'll hate me…" I said, "Feh, fine, I'll keep a low profile from the attention of the ministry…and stay away from Severus… but next year, I'm telling him, I'm going back to him and damnit we're going to have children!"

"You two will be wonderful parents; I'm sure," Dumbledore said with a smile, "Just not at the present time. I do hope this all makes sense. It did as I was considering it trying to find you before hand."

"…" I didn't say anything; I stood up and wiped away non-existent tears and made my way to the door outside.

"And Crystal," he said and I paused, my hand upon the door handle.

"What?" I asked softly, slightly angrily.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I know how much Lily meant to you…" I flung open the door and went outside, not wanting to hear anymore.

"You don't know how much she meant to me," I whispered to the wind once outside. I headed towards the whomping willow, feeling the need to hide in its branches while everyone left for the summer. Feeling the need to cry when no one could see me, because I didn't want anyone now thinking I was weak. God Severus…I miss you so damn much!

**_…_**

I went to stay with Remus for a time and Sirius was there too. They fulfilled their promise and took me to see Lily and James. They both held onto one of my hands as they led me to where the gravestones lay. I took the flowers I had picked from Remus's hands and knelt by James's grave.

**_…_**

"Hey Prongs," I said and sensed Remus and Sirius back off to a distance, Sirius changing back into a dog so he wouldn't be recognized.

"I know…I've been away for such a long time," I said and laid the flowers down, "But I'm here now. I'm okay… I know… I know you were worried, you always were, because Lily and I were so close, you always worried. Your son, he's doing brilliantly… he was in the triwizard tournament, he won it too! Took on a dragon and some Merfolk and then he had to take on Voldemort himself to win, but he did it. He emerged victorious. Yeah, he's back, I know… I promise I'll protect your son, he's my godson after all, I know Lily forced you to name me as such even though I was dead by the time you guys had Harry. She must've known…she always was smarter than me." I stood and brushed myself off and then went to Lily's gravestone. I brought out a small crystal and planted it in the earth. In just a few days, she'd have the most beautiful plant growing; it would have flowers that looked like crystal. Of course, it was a special seed. It took me a long time to turn the crystal I planted into a crystal seed but it would be worth it.

**_…_**

"Hey Lil," I began, "It's um…it's been about 14 years, hasn't it… I know…I haven't visited that much in the past 14 but for 10 of them I was really truly dead and then about 4 I was without memory… but I'm here now, you know? Your son it growing up just fine you know… he's just as disobedient as James but a little more sensible like you… but only in some respects. He has your eyes, you know?"

**_Severus_**

****

I knelt next to my wife's grave, placing a rose down there as I had done so often in the past. A muggle graveyard, the ministry had decided on it. They had said so because they didn't want wizards finding her easily and then asking questions about what her life had been like. They didn't want any traces of her around anymore, but I was still here, wasn't I? I was living proof of the love she had shown me. I could only imagine now what would have happened to me had she not been there, had she not been the persistent person

"Cat, I have a confession… I might have danced with someone else… I was so drunk I think I thought it was you!" I said, "It could've been a dream, I don't know… but it seemed so real… and this person looked exactly like you! I didn't mean to, so I'm going to apologize now in case… when you do come back, not if of course, but when you come back, maybe you won't be mad at me. Listen, the Dark Lord is back…"

**_…_**

"And so I'm a spy again, just like I used to be. I just hope I'm slightly smarter than before, you know?" I asked and gave a weak smile, "I wish you were here. I mean then I can draw from your strength like I used to. I guess I still can in a way… I promise… your name remains my talisman against the dark. The darkness won't claim me… Just… just come back to me, please? I've been waiting… I'm starting to loose hope, but I still believe… you know I'll wait forever for you, I always will… You are my only love…"

_Don't Go, Please just stay, Just stay close to my heart... don't leave me alone_

**_Crystal_****_ (Katherine Anne Forest/Snape)_**

****

"And Remus took me to stay with him last year too, did I tell you that? He's gotten better at cooking. And Sirius, he's thought of as the one who betrayed you two to 'You know who" but he wasn't the one! It was Wormtail, you know him, right? He's the one who betrayed you…but I guess you should know that by now… seeing everything that's been going on down here from up there… Kinda like what I did when I was dead… but only for a time… and then I couldn't bear to watch anymore… and now look, I'm back…" I said, "I really miss you two!" I let the tears fall from my cheeks and I ran my fingers along Lily's gravestone.

"It's hard… I know it was hard when I died, but you lived on, didn't you? Because of Harry you had a reason to live… And I was brought back… and for 4 years I didn't understand what it meant that you were gone! I didn't remember you at all so how could I have known, right?" I cried, "But now… I do… and I never got to say goodbye… and don't say when I died I said my goodbyes to everyone… it isn't the same! It isn't! I didn't even get to see you in the realm of Spirits; I was kept separate from everyone else! I want to see you again!" I felt an arm come around me and pull me close to a warm body. It was Sirius; he was holding me now, now as I let the tears fall freely.

_Someday, take me with you past your distant gaze…_

"You can just cry Cat; it'll be alright, just cry…" Sirius murmured, "Just cry…" He didn't know what else to say, it seemed like the right thing and it was what I needed right now and I thanked him for letting me. Gods, why in the world was this happening to me?

"Lily's really gone… she's really gone!" I sobbed and felt him hold me tighter against him, "Sirius…why…" I didn't understand…I hadn't been there when Lil needed me and now she's gone! She's gone and there was nothing I could do to stop it! "It hurts…my heart hurts because she's gone Sirius…I didn't want her to go!" I sobbed harder and clung to him desperately, as if he was a lifeline that I held onto so preciously it would shatter if I let go. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to talk with her and laugh with her again, to smile with her again!

"I don't know… she's gone now…" Sirius said, "I know how much it hurts…" Did he really? Did he really know how much I was hurting right now? Did he truly know how much it pained me to see this, how it pained me everything else I was going through? He didn't understand, I don't see how he could!

"And Albus said I can't… I can't tell Severus I'm here… can't say that we now can have what we were longing for!" I sobbed. I needed Severus…even more so than for our precious gift which we now could have. I just needed him, I needed to be held by him and loved by him and wanted by him once again. There was nothing else I needed and nothing else I could ask for other than to have him by my side once again. Once again, I mean it…all I ask for is to be with him again, I could care less about the gift now!

"You can have children now?" Remus asked, "Why, that's the best news I've heard in a while!"

"But…I can't tell Severus…" I sobbed. I wanted to say something; I wanted to give him some sort of sign, a message, anything! No, I couldn't, Albus said I couldn't and I hated him for that! I HATED HIM! That man meddled in more things than I did and that's saying a LOT because I meddle in a lot and will continue to meddle in things that don't concern me…just as he does. This didn't concern him! Currently it only concerned me and Severus, not him and not even his precious belief that I shouldn't tell Severus I was back!

"Cat, it'll be okay… you two will get your children," Remus said, "Hey, does that mean I'll be an uncle?" How could he be so cheerful when I was so depressed right now? He must be trying to cheer me up, he was always like that. Remus always cared so much about me and the others, and he always was like that. I couldn't believe it sometimes myself but often I felt it was because he was a werewolf and he knew such suffering as I knew he was able to relate more to others and make them feel better. I had always depended on him for that…and now it seems like I am again.

"Uncle Remus? I can imagine little kids running up to you and hanging onto you and calling you that…" Sirius said, "And then the full moon comes and they simply swat you on the nose and you become as tame as a puppy…" He was referring to the powers I had as the protector of forest and the ability to hold Remus at bay when he transformed. I didn't know if my future children would inherit that ability or not, I was curious to see if they would or wouldn't now. Why couldn't I go to Severus now? I wanted to see him and be with him so badly it hurt. My heart hurt so much now it felt like it was going to burst, even though I knew it wouldn't.

"They'd probably inherit Cat's ability to hold me human when I'm transformed…" Remus said, "So I could babysit on nights of the full moon and protect them!" He did sound so proud of himself now, even if he still didn't exactly like the fact he was a werewolf. He had accepted himself as such, but he complained once in a while, but I think he's okay with it now, although there are times when I'm still not sure. He's able to keep in such high spirits, I can't help but admire him for it.

"Geeze, you wouldn't be a good babysitter, they'd prefer Uncle Sirius!" Sirius boasted and I found my tears fading away as they argued over what would happen when I finally had children. It was funny in a way, they cared so much about me they were predicting a future they knew was going to happen, or believed it so strongly it was entrenched in their minds that it was going to happen and nothing would stop it from happening and they would probably force it to happen no matter how they felt about Severus.

"Well, no," Remus said, "No they wouldn't." He said it so firmly he probably meant it. In some ways it was true, in some ways it wasn't. Remus was kinder and gentler but Sirius would love to show them how to cause trouble. It would be a tossup then, I decided, over who would be the better babysitter, if I could bear to leave my future children alone with them at all in the first place.

"How come Harry doesn't call you Uncle Moony and Uncle Padfoot then?" I asked, finding their amusement with children more than enough to distract me. Besides, I had cried enough these past times… I could by okay for now… it would be harder later but right now I cold be okay.

"Harry just knew us later in life…but we know you'll force the kids onto us all the time!" Sirius said, "I wonder what they'd look like?"

"They'd have to have their mother's looks… I shudder to think of them inheriting Severus's looks," Remus said, "And look we cheered her up… I think…"

"Well, I fell in love with Severus…" I began, preparing myself to tell the entire story of just how hot and sexy I thought Severus was but Remus wasn't about to let me. Neither he nor Sirius wanted to listen to that and that was just fine with me, although I wouldn't mind telling it time and time again. Severus was sexy; they just didn't see it because they're guys. Remus looked at me and let out a long sigh, staring down at me as I sat there.

"But not for his looks right?" he asked smugly. He prided himself on his looks and was arrogant about them all the time. It was funny he was even now, because he was dirty, disheveled and was wearing clothes that looked to be in worse shape than Remus' wardrobe, even if they were still nice. Remus had good fashion sense even though his clothes were in rags most of the time; he just didn't see it like I did. He looked good in what he wore, but this didn't seem the right time to argue fashion sense. I liked black Goth and so many other things too and Severus just liked black. We were all such freaks on the issue of fashion, it didn't matter who wore what, and we just wore whatever and looked good in it. Of course, I think I was the only one among us who liked Severus in whatever he wore… especially when it was nothing at all. Forgive me my dirty mind.

"Yes, I did and don't you stay otherwise. Hey, if they inherit his good looks I'll be just fine," I said. He had good looks, the others didn't see it sometimes but he did. I wasn't very good looking, at least in my opinion, although I've been told otherwise by Severus, Sirius and others, including Remus. I do clean up pretty well though which was something. Some people just don't clean up well at all.

"At least hope they don't inherit his temperament…" Sirius said, "But I suppose our Cat won't let them." I had just as much a temperament as Severus did. If my kids didn't inherit it from Severus they would get something much worse from me I'd bet Sirius on that one! I loved them both, really I did, and as childish as they both were I loved them for all their weird and wild faults. They had a lot of them, trust me.

"Severus has a just fine temperament!" I exclaimed, "Don't tell me otherwise!" I pulled away from Sirius and ended up sitting in his lap and facing Remus.

"Sure, when he's with you, but you should see him all the other times…" Sirius said, "He's acted like a jerk to me for the longest time…" I groaned, this was such an old argument, one I knew I could fight and defend for both sides, both Sirius and for Severus…although if I went to the Sirius side I would have to bring up all the times he and James teamed up on Severus, resulting in the royal ass kicking that I would dish out later, something they never forgot. I never let them forget it at all, and then again, I didn't let Severus forget what he did either. It was a balance I had kept between them, such an uneasy peace but well worth it to stop the fighting at least when I was around. Okay fine, they were both just idiots, and ain't that the truth?

"That's because you two kept fighting during school and don't think I didn't know about all the curses you put upon one another!" I said. I don't think he even remembered half the curses that were used between the two of them. I remember Lil and I having to counter curse everything from bloody noses to animal noises to weird things coming out whenever one of them talked!

"He hit me with more hexes than I hit him!" Sirius said, which the moment he said it I knew it was a dead lie. I remember treating Severus more than Sirius, unless Sirius had been too proud, which I bet he was, to admit he had been cursed, I bet he preferred to wait it out until it just faded away or he and James probably ended up looking up a cure for it themselves. It didn't always work though; even though they were the smartest I heard my fair share of rumors about bad spells those two had performed, experimenting on the removal of something or some other thing.

"And you two better start getting along again," I said, "You know you better at least when I'm within sight, within the same house or otherwise…"

"Not yet…he doesn't know you're back!" Sirius defended and I glared at him.

"You will not do anything to provoke something other than friendly feelings, got that?" I asked in a dangerous voice and he smiled at me ever so innocently. I wasn't about to let him get out of it that easily no matter how much he begged. "Do you understand me Sirius Black?" Sirius toyed with his clothes a little as he pondered or at least pretended to ponder my words.

"How can I provoke friendly feelings when he doesn't have any towards me?" Sirius asked helplessly. He was trying to make it sound like it was all Severus' fault, which it wasn't. Sirius had just as much blame coming towards him as Severus did, even more sometimes because he had been jealous that I had chosen Severus over him. The argument there then would be Severus' pride forced more blame on him as he rubbed it into Sirius' face that I had chosen him. I loved Sirius and Severus…but Severus had been the one I was meant to be with. I think Sirius knows that and accepts it, but that doesn't stop him from being bitter about it and hating it every now and then. I wish he wouldn't but he is only human.

"Kill him with kindness…" I murmured with a sigh. It wasn't false but it wasn't exactly true either. They would never argue in front of me or threaten one another, but when I wasn't around the temptation was always there. Of course, they held off on occasion there because I would find out afterwards what had happened and punish them both. That was a warm feeling that they at least tried when I was around. It meant a lot to me and the fact that it meant they grew up a little each time, even if they didn't realize it. They did, they just didn't know it. I did though.

"I'll kill him all right," he said and I watched Remus roll his eyes. He was used to this type of conversation, I was as well. I had missed this so very much.

"I feel like we're all children again," Remus said with a smile.

**_…_**

"It does… but Lily and James aren't here," I said sorrowfully, leaning against him a little. I held back my tears now, I couldn't cry, not right now, it wasn't the time.

"Don't go getting depressed again! I don't care what it takes but I won't let you get depressed!" Sirius said, "I have a mission!"

"Oh just shut it, would you?" I asked and sighed. Sirius wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on my hair. I let him hold me as he wanted to hold me; although I did wish it was Severus instead that was holding me. Sirius knew that too, but he didn't care and right now neither did I care really, I just needed to be held by someone. It was just a wish to be held by my Severus, and it seemed so far away.

"Hey, I know this is a long shot, but could I get another ki…" he began but never got to finish before I elbowed him hard in the gut, "Never mind…uh…" He fell backwards and I got out of his lap as he pretended to be in more pain than he was.

"…" Remus and I watched his movements for a while before Sirius got the picture that we didn't believe him and he sat up again and coughed.

"Anyways… children…" he said, changing the subject back to something just a little bit more pleasant. Well, at least in his opinion, because it wasn't something he would get hit in the gut on. I smiled a little and turned to him, letting my smile grow wider and a little more evil.

"Yes, what about the children I'll have someday?" I asked with a gleam in my eye.

"I hope they look like you and that's that. I won't say anymore," he said, "Shouldn't we be going? It is getting late and we should check the mail too… we've been away all day!"

"Feh, fine, whatever…" I said and then as the two headed off I told them I would join them in a minute. I knelt in front of the graves once more, touching each headstone in a light gesture. I wiped my eyes and fell the smooth marble underneath my fingers again, tracing out the names of my best friend and her husband, also a friend. These two were some of the most precious people in my life…they still were and always would be.

"Lil, James, I do hope you're okay," I whispered, "Wherever you are… I'll be back now… I promise. Goodbye… I really wish you were here…" I stood up again and began to walk back towards Sirius and Remus. I turned my head to look at the stones once more as I joined the other Marauders. "I love you both."

**_Remus_**

****

I knew she'd only be cheerful for a little while longer, so I enjoyed it while it lasted. The next morning came and I made breakfast, Sirius was the first to come downstairs.

"Cat, are you coming to eat something?" I yelled up the stairs. I let out a sigh as I knew the coming answer wouldn't be the most pleasant one to hear, not the one I wanted to hear either. I knew it was going to be different now, even though she had promised me otherwise before her memory returned to her.

"Go away! I want to die!" she yelled back and I sighed, and she yelled more "Leave me alone!" I sighed again, I knew the cheer wouldn't last… and now she was back to being herself. Albus, you had better know what you are doing with this because you're killing her right now. She is in a depression again, is that what you wanted?

**_Severus_**

****

Spying wasn't easy, and it seemed to get even harder now than before, mostly because people didn't know Voldemort had returned and he didn't want them to know yet so he was keeping a low profile. I was keeping as low a profile as I could, without seeming suspicious. He knew I was back and he thought I was still a broken man, so he left me be for the most part and my job as a little easier. He had been the one that had killed Cat after all.

_No name. No words. Even the name of this feeling is no longer visible to me._

I set down my wand that night and got ready for bed. It was cold out tonight for it being a summer night. Cat always liked the cold, she loved snow. She'd always chuck at me as many snowballs as she could before I tackled her to the ground and kissed her soundly. She seemed to think snow forts weren't just for little kids and built one in the park nearby as big as she could as soon as the snow was good packing snow. She would have a family of snowmen on our lawn and they'd have various fruits and vegetables and some coal depicting their face and she'd even use some yarn to make hair to them. She'd say that they were us someday, when we finally would have children of our own. By then she'd sink into my arms and I'd hold her close to my heart.

_ "Why don't you leave me?"_ I remember her asking on more than one occasion, _"I can't bear children because of this curse and this curse causes you to loose sleep because you're so worried you have to watch over me!"_

_"I'd love you even if you had worse curses upon you," _I would always reply, _"Someday we'll be able to have children, we just have to be patient. The right time will come and then we'll be parents…"_ I looked at her and she would look at me with amusement and then she'd look at me with belief in her eyes, belief that I could do what I just said I would do.

_ "You want to be daddy?" _She'd retort jokingly and then kiss me on the cheek. She had such beautiful eyes it was hard not to be drawn into them, as she said she was with mine. _"That's so wonderful Severus."_

_"Sure, why not, I feel like I'm dealing with a little kid anyways all the time…" _I'd reply with a smile. She was so beautiful.

_"But this one you get to bed, right?"_ she'd asked and then we'd snuggle closer and watch out the window as the snow would fall. I missed those times, I really missed those times I had with her. I really wanted to hold her again.

_Don't cry on a sleepless night. Don't fall down in a cold rain. Take me to the distant future…_

She'd come back to me. She made a promise to never leave me, right? I knew she'd be here with me soon, she'd come back, no matter how long it took her. She never broke a promise. I couldn't just give up hope.

**_Crystal_****_ (Katherine Anne Forest/Snape)_**

****

"I'm here Severus…I'm here love…I'll always be here… I always was here… I'll come back to you and when I do; neither of us will be lonely again…" I murmured in my restless sleep, "We'll have that family and then we have eternity…"

**_END ACT III_**

**__**

**_TBC_**

**__**

**_A/N: I don't own the quotes the little italicized and underlined quotes are not mine. I pulled them from the Manga Immortal Rain._**

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**_UPDATE: I've lengthened it from like…8000 words to 10000 words. How's that for a long lengthening?_**

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**_Anyways, this was the big, LONG major chapter I was working on… (Now I can work on and finish a few of the other stories I have in the wings…)_**

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**_I gave you a mighty long chapter so I want a mighty LONG review, please!_**

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**_I really thank everyone who stuck with me this far into the story. This has to be the best chapter I've got yet, at least that's what I think what with, 3 songs (which are no longer there), 3 acts… there's so much happening, right?_**

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**_I really hope you liked, I know I had a lot of fun writing it!_**

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**_Read and REVIEW! Please?_**


	15. Earth Beneath Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…

A/N: And I'm back, thanks for being so patient with me! I updated a bunch of stuff but now I'm back. And thing shall get interesting! Slight mentioning of nudity…well partial…

You know what? I read the Sixth book now and I'm extremely depressed. I have to make things just a little different, but that will only start in chapter 21 and on. It'll be interesting.

Hey Faint Hate, where are you?

**Earth beneath Me**

**_Crystal_****_ (Katherine Anne Forest/Snape)_**

****

It was time to go back to school… but I really didn't want to go back. I remembered everything and I didn't feel like I had to, but I knew I would be going back because I needed to be near him, I needed to keep up my disguise. I needed to, but I wanted to go back to Severus, I wanted to be with him, near him. Damn Voldemort! This is his entire rotten fault!

"Crystal, get on the train," Remus said and I looked up at him.

"Yeah, yeah," I said and stepped on board. It had been an interesting summer, Harry had gotten into some trouble, but Dumbledore had bailed him out but life wasn't going to be easy. I could only wonder who is teaching our DADA classes this year.

"Crystal," Remus said and I turned around. He pulled out a letter and gave it to me.

"What's this?" I asked as I turned it over in my hands.

"Dumbledore wanted me to give it to you," he said, "Personally by me so it couldn't be intercepted while an owl was delivering and because he thought I should."

"Fine way to not have to talk to me directly," I said coldly.

"Cat, don't be like that," Remus said in a hushed whisper, "Please don't. You'll be able to be with Severus soon, I know it." His voice sounded as reassuring as he could make it but I didn't want to hear about it…I didn't believe it. I just wanted to see Severus again.  
"I feel like I'm going to die," I said and headed up into the train without a second word from Remus, taking the letter with me in my hand.

**_…_**

**__**

I got an empty car and set my stuff down on the opposite seat from me, turning the letter over and over in my hand. What could Albus possibly want to tell me? He already told me that I couldn't tell Sev who I was, and I kept that a secret from him all summer, even though every aspect of my being wanted otherwise.

"Well, we found her George!" a familiar voice said and I looked up from the letter, still unopened and saw the twins.

"So, what's up?" Fred asked, sitting next to me as George sat across from him.

**_…_**

"A letter, hu? So, have you opened it yet?" Fred asked, trying to take the letter from me but I held it away from him, "Aw, I wanna see what it says."

"It's meant for me Fred!" I exclaimed, "And I don't feel like opening it."

"It could be something that has to do with Snape," George said, "Why don't you want to know what the letter says?"

"I bet old Dumbledore knows she won't want to open it and that's why he gave it to her," Fred said, and tried to grab the letter from me without success.

"Knock it off," I said in a dangerous tone.

"What are you going to do, flash your eyes red or something like that?" George asked with a laugh.

"Alright, we'll stop, but only for right now," Fred said, "We probably are just more curious than you are."

"That's right," I said dryly, "You are, now please go away…"

"Oh, so that's it," he said and I looked up at Fred.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Being back to your old self means your personality must have returned," Fred said.

"With your memories," George said, "Oh, I see. And now you realize you are really a depressed person with depressed thoughts…oh… oh come on now!"

"Is she really? She's crying!" Fred exclaimed and George took me into his arms as I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"Fred, this is your fault!" George said.

"Remus said she had been doing it all summer," Fred said, "It's not my fault."

"I m…miss him!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, it's okay," George said, "You really must love him…"

"C'mon Crystal, just open up the letter!" Fred said and George sat me up, "It could be good news. At least take that chance. Be strong!" I wiped my tears and tore open the paper.

**_…_**

"_Dear Crystal, this year will be considered about your fifth year of Hogwarts, and I know you remember everything about your past now thanks to events that occurred during the Triwizard Tournament. I hope you can forgive an old fool for not allowing you to go back to Severus, but at the current time I believed it to be entirely necessary,_" I read and looked over at Fred and George, who were looking expectantly, "_I must apologize for that, I should have known better, however, I know that you must hate me for doing so. This year you have every right to tell Severus who you are. Of course you know that this will be a difficult task, because you will want to tell him you were around for five years while he thought you were dead. You didn't do that by choice and I'm sure you know he will most likely detest you for that. You must tell him yourself, you cannot allow anyone else to complete that task but you. I know you'll find a way to tell him, you two do belong together. Sincerely, Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of __Hogwarts__School__ of Witchcraft and Wizard."_

"That's good news, right?" Fred asked, "Now you can tell Snape!"

"…" I didn't say anything in response; I mean what should I say?

"Well…" George said.

"We'll help you then!" Fred said, finishing for George.

"You can't," I said, "The letter said you can't. I have to do this. By myself, even if I don't know how."

"You'll figure it out," George said, "I mean, you have a lot more knowledge than we do, being so much older and all that."

"But still…" I said, feeling fresh tears well up in my eyes.

**_…_**

"We're arriving at school in a bit," Fred said, "We'll leave you to get changed; besides, we have to go talk to Lee Jordan or a bit."

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" George asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied.

"You know if you need anything, just come to us. We may charge but at least we charge fairly," Fred said, "Well, at least if you need something from the shop, other things require just good old fashioned good help!"

"C'mon Fred," George said and practically had to drag him out of the room. Yeah, I should get changed. I stood up and opened my bag, the one that held my school uniform. I changed into the school pants (I had never worn the skirt) and changed quickly, making sure I had drawn the shades to my changing area. I lifted my shirt and removed it leaving only my bra. I touched my back gingerly, the scar that had existed there since before I could remember. It was the biggest scar I had, and if anyone who used to know me saw it, I would be recognized. Hardly anyone has seen it, but I know everyone has heard about it. I slipped my shirt on quickly, not wanting to think of what would happen if Severus should see it. Sure, he'd recognize me, but I didn't know if that would be the right thing to do… to have him recognize me in that way, by my scar.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes again, I couldn't stop them.

"Get yourself together Cat," I murmured, "You're stronger than this!" I wiped my eyes and held them back, choked them back. I couldn't cry, not again.

"Lil, I wish you were here," I whispered.

**_…_**

Dolores Umbridge, I'm pretty sure I've heard that name before. I swear I did, I just can't put my finger on it. Anyways, she had given this long speech about something, not like I was paying much attention, but I did catch how she's the new DADA, so I'd have to put up with her I guess. She better not make my life difficult, I was really moody right now, and I'd probably strike back.

"Crystal, how was your summer?" Hermione asked, running up to me.

"Oh, hi Hermione," I said, while thinking to myself, 'Act like you did before you got your memory back, she can't know…'

"Well, how was it?" she asked.

"I didn't do much of anything," I said, "Well, I did visit a graveyard but that was about it."

"Someone close to you died?" she asked and I nodded, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright; I just really miss her, that's all…" I said, "We were more like sisters than cousins."

"You've never mentioned her before," Hermione said.

"She was a muggle friend," I said quickly in an attempt to cover my tracks, "And you never did ask."

"Yeah, of course, I forgot, sorry!" she said with a laugh, "So what was your first impression of our new DADA teacher?"

"Professor Dolores Umbridge," I said, "I don't know… I won't judge her until I see her teaching methods… I mean we only have 4 other teachers to compare her to, right?"

"I guess," she said, "But something about her doesn't sit right, she was ministry appointed…"

"Well, she better do a good job then, I mean if she's representing a ministry class witch…" I said, hopefully with an edge of humor in my voice.

"I guess I can't argue with that," Hermione said, "Goodnight, are you coming right up?"

"Not yet, there was something I have to do," I said and she waved off from the Great Hall and headed up the stairs, starting towards our common room. I however made my way to the dungeons, making sure no one saw me as I went down there. It was quite late; the Entrance Feast had gone on for a long time and everyone was tired.

**_…_**

Severus's chambers… I knew where they were, they weren't hard to miss. Everyone down here must already just be in their common room and such, so where was Severus? I put my hand on the doorknob, ready to just open it up, fling myself into his arms and tell him everything that had gone on. The cold metal seemed to melt into my hands and throughout my body, freezing me in place for but a moment.

"I can't yet…I don't know why but I can't!" I cried and pulled my hand away angrily. I heard a shuffling in the chambers so I hid behind a statue. The doors opened and Severus popped his head out, his gray nightgown visible in the candlelight.

"Who's there?" he asked, looking around. I watched him look around and I hid myself directly behind the statue, resisting the urge to move or even make a sound. What would I do if he found me, would I be able to make up some excuse and get away with just a detention or would I tell him everything? How would he react if I did tell him everything? I heard the door slam shut again and I peeked out from behind the statue. He had gone to bed, closing the door once again. He didn't know I was here, how could he? I mean, our connection, which had been formed out of true love, which was when he woke me up from a coma before my fifth year, was fully operational, but if he didn't know I was alive, he'd regard the thoughts and feelings coming through as background noise, memory flashes… He was suffering, I knew that, but wasn't I suffering much more than he was?

**_…_**

He believed I was dead, and in some sense he had some sort of conclusion. But me, I wasn't dead, I knew I was alive, I remembered everything and I couldn't bring myself to go back to him!

**_Flash_**

****

"Uhh…" I heard a moaning outside of my apartment door and I wondered who would be out this late at night! My apartment was near Lily's house, which was the only reason I had it at all. I ran to the door and opened it up quickly, only to have a bloody Severus fall into my arms!

"Severus!" I exclaimed as I dragged him inside and shut the door, "How did you get here?"

"It… was hard," he murmured, "It hurt…"

"What hurt? What's going on?" I asked and leaned against the kitchen counter for support and sank to the floor holding him, brushing the hair out of his face.

"I can't…loose… you," he said before falling unconscious and I held him tightly against me, forgetting all about what I had said to him earlier in the week, about how he had lost me because of the choice he had made. Something was different now, something had changed, and I knew it.

"Severus," I said softly, and then lifted myself and him up, carrying him to my bed. I put him on there and started to remove some of the layers of clothing he wore, some were torn and others were bloodied. I got some hot water and bandages to clean him up with, unwilling to use magic, fearing there was some sort of curse on some of the wounds that would make them worse and cleaned him up. He was going to be alright, and I wanted to know what had happened…

**_…_**

**__**

"Cat," he said softly, whispering in my ear. I opened my eyes slowly to see the light shining in on us in the bedroom. I was in a chair next to the bed whereas Sev was leaning towards me from where he lay.

"Sev, are you alright?" I asked, making a move to check some of his bandages, but he stopped me and grabbed my hands in his.

"Cat, my Cat," he said, "I'm fine now…you're here."

"Sev, I can't! You know I can't and won't so long as you…" I began but he hushed me with a gentle, if weakened kiss. Breaking away slowly he regarded my seriously.

"I've changed sides love, I'm a spy," he said, "I can't loose you, I can't. You…you care about me and I can be strong, but I need you…"

"It took you that long to realize it?" I asked, even though I was more than happy to have him again, checking his thoughts to make sure he was sincere, "But what happened last night?"

"It was going on for a few days," he said, "I changed sides when I had spoken to Dumbledore earlier this week, but I messed up on one of my 'missions' for the Dark Lord, and so I ended up a mess… I healed quickly…"

"I kinda had a hand in that," I said and moved to get up on the bed next to where he lay.

"I figured," he said and touched my cheek, "You're so warm and soft…" I found myself blushing slightly and he smiled at me.

"Uh-hu," I muttered as he drew my head down for another kiss, "I almost think this was too easily resolved…"

"Loosing you isn't something that should be hard to decide," he said, "Because I won't loose you, ever." And with that he kissed me softly, slowly, lovingly. I parted my lips on a moan and he used a little of his tongue, tracing around my bottom lip before drawing me deeper into the kiss as I melted against him. There was no way I didn't love him… and no way I was going to loose him either.

**_Flash_**

I made my way towards the common room, trailing up stairs quietly and quickly, although at numerous points I turned around, as if contemplating returning to him now, but I decided against it, it crushed me, but I needed some time. I know he didn't now; he's only had 15 years…

**_…_**

**__**

Classes begin today, I'm not sure if I'm ready for them but I'm more than willing to try to make it through the day. It's all I can do for the moment, just live day to day and hope something doesn't happen until I'm ready.

**_…_**

I promised myself to sit in the back during potions class and not make commotion; I didn't want any of my actions being tied to me or something like that. It was hard to act like I was before I regained my memory simply because I wasn't really that person anymore… I mean sure I know in a way I was, but I didn't feel like that person anymore, I didn't feel like Crystal Umi Riyusaki, I felt like Katherine Anne Forest/Snape, but I couldn't be who I wanted to be, not yet, not yet.

**_…_**

"Severus," I murmured to no one in particular as I made my way into the grand hall for breakfast. As soon as I arrived there Fred and George met me and dragged me away to their part of the table. I glanced towards the head table, looking at Severus who was obviously focused on eating. Did he still believe someone had come last night, or did he believe it was just a random noise? I wanted to reach out to him, but I held back, I had to, just for now. He and I would be together again, I knew that much was certain, but when we would be together again was another question entirely.

**_…_**

I love you Severus

**_…_**

**__**

_Everyone has their secrets_

_Things untold_

_Things unsaid_

_Changes that were hidden from the world_

_No one knows of what they are_

_Two lovers with unknown secrets_

_Kept from one another _

_Or forgotten with time's passing_

**_TBC_**

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**_A/N: Okay, so I've made this decision to work on Everlasting Sacrifice, Duel of Love, To Win a Women's Heart, Dragon's Tournament, the bachelor shows (those only when I feel like it though…), Evil For Dummies, Reality Twist, Child of Jack Sparrow, and Dragon's Egg. It's too much to focus on some 30 odd stories, so everyone be patient with all the others, I still am trying to finish some of them and others I've given up on. Alright? So, tell me what you think about this chapter! I'm back into the swing of things!_**

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**_To Note: Everlasting Sacrifice, Duel of Love, To Win a Women's Heart and Dragon's Egg are my top priorities, in the order I wrote them in. But I will update them all!_**

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**_Please let me know what you think! (But no flames!)_**

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**_I love all my reviewers, thanks to everyone for reviewing!_**


	16. Air Above Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: Whee! The 3rd movie is out now! Let's all celebrate! Okay, time to annoy Umbridge… he, he, he… oh the tragedy, the torment! I'm glad everyone liked the last chapter, so I hope this one's good too!

**_Faint Hate: _**_Don't worry, I have that all planned out! It's all here in my mind. I'm writing the epilogue and last chapter now just so I know where it's gonna end. Trust me, you'll pity him more than hate him when all is said and done. OO I hope I didn't give too much away._

Update: I gotta get rid of the song.

**Air above me**

**_Crystal_****_ (Katherine Anne Forest/Snape aka Cat or Katy)_**

Umbridge is the worst Defense against the Dark Arts teacher I have ever known! And I know a few years worth of teachers! She has these new 'orders' that she brings out and she has these punishments which cut into the back of your hand! Harry's pretty much been facing the brunt of it all, what in the world does she have against him? Her tests and stuff are pretty dumb too. All she does is have us read the book! That does us no fricken good, but does she see it? NO!

"I swear when I get my hands on that woman…" I muttered as I paced Fred and George's store, "At least she hasn't shut you two down yet."

"She'll need to do a lot more than just pass some new rules to get rid of our business…" Fred said.

"So when are you two going to open up your store?" I asked, "I mean you purchased a spot on Diagon Ally, right?" They looked at me with smiles, worry and joy showing on both their faces.

"We're still waiting for the confirmation response," George said, "But I don't believe we'll get a no…"

"That's right, we're going to open up our business and make jokes for everyone!" Fred said. "It'll be great, trust me. You'll love everything in the shop!"

"I'd have to make sure my children don't spend a lot of time around you two… I can only imagine half of the bad habits they'd pick up," I said with a grin. The twins grinned back at me and I resumed pacing.

"You know, pacing doesn't help any," Fred pointed out.

"That Umbridge, terrible woman," I said and George sighed.

"And here we thought we could get her to think about other things…" George said and Fred nodded.

"Well its either thinking of how to tick her off or thinking about Severus, and at the moment thinking of Severus is kinda painful," I sand and sat down on a box, "I mean…"  
"Yeah, you told us about how you almost told him that night," Fred said, "What stopped you?"

"I don't know what stopped me, I just… just… didn't think it was the right time," I said, "With everything going on…"

"You-know-who being back and all? You didn't want to worry Snape, did you…" George said.

"By coming back and forcing him to realize you were okay and back to life and then having him cope with that, trying to forgive you because you were gone from his life for about 15 years now…" Fred said.

"I get the point Fred, shut up now, alright?" I asked, "I don't know why, I don't know what was pulling me back from telling him…"

"You care too much," he said. "You really do love that creepy slimy guy, no offense, I just don't see what you do in him, probably never will."

"…" I didn't know what to say to respond to that. I did care, I didn't want Sev to suffer because of me, and coming back to him would cause him to suffer… Damnit! Why me? Why didn't I just go back to him… of course now Umbridge who was from the Ministry was out and about, I couldn't tell Severus without nearly compromising my position. Dumbledore didn't want the ministry to know because the ministry believed me to be a traitor. The only reason they believed that is because they feared my power, they feared who I am and they didn't approve me marrying Severus, who was a death eater. Of course, it wasn't like I needed their approval to marry my true love and they didn't realize he was a death eater until Voldemort was defeated really. I hated this, I really… I wanted to be with him again, but now… things were even more complicated!

**_…_**

**__**

"Turn to page 29 in your books and begin reading, there will be no need to talk," Umbridge said and I resentfully opened my book, glancing through the pages, having read the entire book (pulling a Hermione) and then decided I'd rather be sketching, knowing I was a better artist than most things, vocally and on the paper, canvas and third dimensional in my various sketches and sculptures and other pieces. I had always loved singing and art, it was more relaxing and I was so good at it too.

"…" I said nothing but pulled out my pencil, making sure to set up my books so they covered up what I was doing, not like I really cared what was going to happen, if I got detention then I'd just deal with it, no matter how painful it ended up being with the stuff Umbridge did. I got out a blank sheet of paper quietly and wondered what I should sketch. I figured drawing one of Umbridge dying but it would probably be too graphic and if she saw me she might do more than a detention, and I didn't want points getting taken away from Gryffindor.

Harry of course had made trouble early on and had taken slack for that and I didn't think it was right. I was royally ticked at Umbridge for harming my godson. She had issues with Harry, I think she had a vendetta against him before she started teaching here even and all she needed was the slightest reason and she'd punish him…

**_…_**

I found myself wandering at night sometimes, just sometimes, wandering to the dungeons, even for just a moment, and hoping in some part of my mind that Sev would come out of his room, see me and embrace me in his arms all night. But that never lasts, it wouldn't… couldn't. I could watch over him and know he still loved me as I remained dead to him, but if he knew, knew I was alive and then he hated me I didn't know what I was going to do!

**_…_**

**_Harry_**

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Fred and George have been awfully different this year, and I know it's not just because of the fact I gave them the prize money from last year. And it's not just them either, other students, like Crystal Umi Riyusaki. She had definitely changed over the summer, even so during the Triwizard tournament she seemed different most of the time. A few students swore up and down on a rumor that she had danced with Snape the night of the Yule Ball, which was disgusting to even think about it. There was no way she could be related to him or even like…married to him! She was only as old as I was, maybe slightly older, wasn't she? I had to ask, this rumor was circulating and something was up.

**_…_**

"Hey, Riyusaki, can I talk to you for a minute before Herbology starts?" I asked the next morning and she nodded and came over to me. I always found it odd that she wore the boy's uniform and Umbridge hadn't called her on it yet, but knowing Umbridge she would get punished eventually.

"What did you want to talk with me about Potter?" she asked with a smile, it looked like she had to force it.

"I've been hearing all these rumors lately and I just wanted to know if they were true, I mean, they're about you," I said and she raised an eyebrow at me.

"What rumors have you heard?" she asked.

"You aren't by any chances, related to Professor Snape, are you?" I asked, deciding against the marriage thing, disregarding it as more ridiculous than what the rumors said.

"What? Me, related to our darling Slytherin Professor Snape?" she asked and at that moment, just for a moment had a dreamy look in her eyes which seemed to fade in an instant, "No, I'm not related by blood." I sighed thankfully.

"What, aren't you worried I might be related by marriage?" she asked slyly, and I took a step back.

"You're too young for marriage," I said, "Unless you became a part of his family by being adopted or he had a sister or brother who married someone with a kid already…"

"Oh, well, I'm not in any of those ways, that's just ridiculous," she said, almost grimacing as she spoke those words.

"Alright then, we better get to class," I said and hurried into the greenhouse.

"Hi there Harry," Ron greeted as I walked in. I saw Crystal walk in behind me, an odd look on her face. I think she was lying, but about what part I didn't know, either that or I didn't ask the right question.

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat/Katy)_**

****

"I hate this, I really hate this," I muttered as I entered my Muggle and Magical Arts class. It was my favorite class besides Potions and one of the different choices after the first year of Muggle Studies if you wanted to specialize in something. I only took it because I knew it would be easy and I wanted to be here, since here I could almost be myself without revealing anything. Unfortunately Umbridge was sitting in on this class, doing what she called a teacher observation. Fortunately though Professor Redwing loved to talk, much to Umbridge's annoyance, which made me smile.

"Alright, class, we all have our individual projects to work on right now, so get started, you know any questions you can just ask me and don't mind Professor Umbridge, I'm sure she won't interrupt you or anything," he said. I was glad Professor Redwing was such a free spirit, loving and wonderfully in tune with nature. He was able to handle a lot, and keep up high spirits. In a way I really admired him…

**_…_**

"What are you working on Riyusaki?" Umbridge asked as I turned clay over in my hand. I molded it carefully as I caught her eye and held it. If this woman thought I was going to back down from her, she was about to get a nasty surprise.

"Uh, didn't Professor Redwing say you shouldn't bother us as we were working?" I asked innocently. "I'm kinda busy here." She let out a huff of agitated breath and I smiled ever so innocently.

"I need to get student's input on the teacher; I am judging their ability to teach their students," she said, "By the order of the Ministry of Magic of course." OF COURSE she wouldn't step out of her boundaries, I mean, she was a good hardworking Minister… right. If I didn't see right through that I would be stupid.

"But what does that have to do with what I'm working on?" I asked, looking at my slab construction and coil pot. Yeah, I was working on two projects at once; they were both unified though and would be basically the same piece, but opposites of one another. My slab construction was a sun, while my coil pot was turning out to be the moon.

"I'm interested in all aspects of teaching, I assume he's giving you a lot of leeway seeing as how so many different mediums of projects are going on," she said. I decided to try conversation, just to annoy her.

"So, you like art?" I asked and she huffed at me again, as if I had offended her.

"Not at all," she said, "But that doesn't mean it's not interesting. So I'll ask again, what are you working on?"

"The coil pot will be Luna when I'm done, you know, the moon, and the other one, which I'm construction by joining slabs of clay together will be Sol, you know, the sun," I said and she looked at both carefully, outstretching one of her hands, "Please don't touch them, Luna's still kinda wet…" She withdrew her outstretched hand and looked at me as if I were no more than a cockroach.

"Very well then," she said and left me be but not before mentioning, "Seem to know an awful lot about space." Yep…I know a lot about space, empty space, like what's in your head (**_1_**). I bit my tongue to keep from laughing and said something much nicer instead, I sure didn't want detention.

"Um…knowing those names doesn't mean I know a lot," I said under my breath. What kind of a person did she think she was? Did she think she was God or something like that?

**_…_**

At least Redwing was thought to be accurate. I hated to think what she'd do if she watched Hagrid. He was a good teacher and all, just a little bit over the top sometimes with a few of the creatures he wanted to teach about, not that that was a bad thing. He could usually control said creatures so long as you listened to him about it.

"Crystal, mail came, you didn't get yours this morning so we nabbed it for you," Fred said, coming up on my left. I let out a sigh, what did they want now?

"Wouldn't it have come to me no matter where I was?" I asked wearily.

"Well, I suppose it would have had we not nabbed it when we were at lunch and it was looking for you," George said, coming up on my right.

"It pecked us something awful though, let me tell you," Fred said, and presented me with a letter, "I think it's from Remus…"

"What makes you say that?" I asked, snatching it away from him, "You didn't open it, did you?"

"No, we respect you too much for that," he said and then pointed to the back of the letter where it was sealed, "Says there it's Remus Lupin's seal."

"Oh," I said, looking at the hot wax and sure enough, Lupin was written there along with the symbol of a crescent moon on either side of his name.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Open it already!" George exclaimed.

"If it's another thing having to do with Snape I'll be…well I don't know yet!" I said in a huff of breath and opened the letter carefully, "It only has one line of actually writing and his signature." I sighed, dreading what the line said. If it said what I think it said I might just be in the mood to hunt werewolves, although I'm sure Remus is far beyond my current reach.

"What does it say?" Fred and George asked excitedly. I sat down on the grand staircase and read through the line.

"_Have you told him yet? Sincerely yours, Remus J. Lupin,_" I read, "That's all it says. Why does everyone who knows me want to know if I've told him yet?" I was yelling this to nobody in particular and it sent George and Fred into a few fits of laughter all the while getting me weird glances from those that were in the Great Hall at the present time. A few people whispered things like 'Riyusaki telling someone something? Is she in love?' I ignored them and turned back to the twins, who were almost on the floor roaring with laughter. I glared at the. "OIY! Both of you!" This only made them laugh harder.

"Ha, you really are funny sometimes," George said as he laughed.

"Are you in L-O-V-E?" Fred asked in a singsong voice. I glared at the both of them and let out a sigh before glaring once again. They continued to laugh nonetheless. Stupid…idiotic moronic stupid!

"Shut up, I don't care, it doesn't matter," I said but the two continued to laugh, "Oh I'm going to the library!" I stormed away from them going up the stairs, still clutching the letter in my hand as I walked. I knew why Remus wondered though, I knew why he wanted me to go back to Severus and then Sev and I would be together again. He wanted to hear me smile and laugh, I hardly did that anymore, unless I was faking it for someone or it was really worth it. I was really depressed without Sev with me, and Remus knew it.

**_…_**

Ever since I got my memory back I've been in deep thought, deep depression. I was even before I died, depressed I mean, and Sev, who hadn't had the easiest life either helped me to cope with all I went through, and once we were together, all we went through. My home, my real home was full of torture and pain and joy and beauty. It's hard to think of it that way but it was. When I was with Sev though, even the torture and pain seemed minimal. It still happened, we both got hurt, but we were together.

**_…_**

_ "Cat, I don't care what I go through so long as I get to be with you, so long as I get to see your face when I wake up," _he would tell me.

**_…_**

_ "C'mon, you've been moping around for a few days now, what'll it take to get you to smile?" _he'd ask sometimes. When it was in our younger years at Hogwarts, I kinda wondered why he did care so much, he seemed to be switching between love and hate for me, but now, it was really sweet.

_"Oh, I don't know," _I replied, _"Be creative for once…"_ If it was one thing I could usually count on, it was him trying to be creative, even if he wasn't all the time.

_ "But I am always creative,"_ he'd reply with a wicked loving grin and scoop me into his embrace and kiss me soundly.

**_…_**

_ "Cat, I don't want to loose you, which is why I became a spy, I work for the good guys now…" _he had told me, _"And you know what you said about strength, I am strong, but I'm only strong when you're here with me… I'm stronger when we're together. We both are. I love you Katy…"_

**_…_**

I paused at the library entrance, I remembered everything now, and that made me heartsick more often than not. I would go back to Severus, I would go back and be with him and we'd be together, happy and we could finally have the children we always wished for… but not yet. I held the promise to my heart, like a temporary shield, a promise I would keep no matter what.

_ "Promise me you'll never leave me again," he said to me and I nodded and smiled at him, falling into his embrace. He held me gently against him and I let out a sigh as he kissed my hair. I snuggled against him and he let out a small laugh._

_ "I won't leave you again, I love you too much. Even if one of us does die, we'll come back to each other, there's always away. We might have to wait, but we'll come back to one another, we always have and we always will," I replied, "I won't leave you forever…"_

_ "Good, because I'll need you forever," he replied. I could tell that was the truth and those words surrounded me with a warmth that I loved._

**_…_**

I walked away from the library, I didn't need to go there, and I had class in a little bit. I ran back to my common room and pulled out my sketchbook, opening it up to the page that had Severus's name, handshake and sketched face on it. I ran my hand down the page.

**_…_**

"Soon love," I whispered, "Soon we'll be back together and we will be able to have those children we wanted, and we'll be a family. It's what we both longed for, it's what we both really wanted and soon we can have it." I know he wanted it; he wanted it as much as I did.

**_…_**

"Not yet though," I said sorrowfully, "But soon, I made a promise and I intend to live up to it, literally… We'll be together love…"

**_…_**

"My love, my life, my heart…" I whispered to the picture, knowing he probably couldn't hear my anyways.

**_Severus_**

****

Had someone just said something? It sounded like the wind was whispering right now. Never mind, I had class to attend to, I didn't have time to worry about messages on the wind, not anymore. She was dead, so I wouldn't receive those messages anymore. She loved to use the wind to talk to me, to whisper to me, to encourage me.

_"My love, my life, my heart…" _she would whisper and I would always smile. I could've sworn I heard that just now. But our connection, the one we had forged summer of her fourth year, my sixth before our next year began, one that allowed us to hear each other's thoughts and see each other's dreams, to know what was going on between us. If we felt pain, the other would feel it. She was the stronger side of the connection though…if I died, she would feel the pain of my death until the end of time, and if she died, I would die. That didn't make sense when she had died 15 years ago, I hadn't died as well. I was puzzled by that, I felt immense guilt that she was gone and I lingered. Life wasn't really with life without her, I felt dead inside, and I had for the longest time. I wanted her back. I thought I could move past it all, but I was wrong.

"Come back to me love," I said, "I'm waiting…"

**_FLASH_**

****

_ I was always attracted to power; perhaps that was what drew me to Cat at first. But as time went on, I didn't care so much about it and let myself fall in love, while still keeping from her my secrets that I had to keep to myself. She never asked and I'm sure she kept her own secrets as well._

**_FLASH_**

****

"Merlin Cat, I really miss you…"

**_Crystal Umi Riyusaki (Cat)_**

****

He was still waiting, but to go now… I still had to wait; I still had to linger on, for just a little longer.

**_…_**

"I love you," I whispered.

**_…_**

**__**

_Whispers of an unknown fear_

_Drawing forces far and near_

_Whispers of an ancient past_

_Drawing forces very fast_

_Secrets that were kept apart_

_Hidden from one another's heart_

_One about her famous past_

_The other about his power grasp_

_Although he knew her secret well_

_Forgotten by time's awful spell_

_Too wrapped up in his lover's loss_

_Mourns for her at such a cost_

_The evil spirit coming again_

_Spreading out the blood and pain_

_The only thing to save their lives_

_A past so old, a different life_

_A promise that was made and kept_

_Suffering will follow and tears be wept_

**…**

****

_The promises of the past_

_And secrets buried in the deep_

_Exploding from one's mind in a blast_

_Unable to keep its 7 millennia sleep_

_Time unbinds now at a cost_

_Whispers of a black dark fear_

_Secrets unfolded could be lost_

_Unless told to the ones held dear_

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: So, was it worth it? Let me know, I love reviews! I can't wait to get some reviews on this chapter. I had fun writing this, so tell me what you think!**

**Did you like the poems at the end? I think I'll put them all there after each chapter. Kinda like it's telling you something's gonna happen…and it is, right?**

**_1: Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Anyone catch the joke?_**

**Sorry for removing the song, I had to though; I didn't have much choice right now.**

**_Future Warning: _**I just need the okay from my constant reviewers that I can use Pokemon, Sailor Moon references and other things connected to my 'Tree of Portals' where Cat is really from for coming chapters. I can do without but a few things would be made much easier if I could, like with Cat's godparents. I'll always warn a chapter ahead and warnings at the beginning of each chapter too. May I?


	17. Fire Within Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…got that?

A/N: Yep, new content all around.

Everlasting Sacrifice

Chapter 17: Fire within Me

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat/Katy)_**

****

"Hey, Fred, George, do you want to learn how to play some Dungbomb games?" I asked evilly, "I'm sure Umbridge would love those…"

"There is such a thing?" Fred asked, rubbing his hands together menacingly. "Sounds like fun Cat."

"Teach us, teach us!" George exclaimed and we laughed like the witches and wizards we were. Umbridge was about to learn it was dangerous to tick off the Marauders…very dangerous…

**_…_**

**__**

The next morning we got set up early for breakfast, well, more like we ate breakfast and I enchanted my Dungbombs to last for the rules of the game. If it was one thing I was good at, it was enchanting a few Dungbombs.

"Are they ready Crystal?" Fred asked, coming out of the Grand Hall with a wide grin on his face. I showed them the Dungbombs, two different sizes for the two different games I had planned.

"Yep," I said with a smile, "Which do you want first…Volleyball or tennis?"

"Which one is more fun?" George asked, coming up on the other side of me.

"I like Volleyball personally, it guarantees the teacher really won't want to get close to you," I giggled.

"Guess that means we just will never be taking baths after this, eh Fred?" George asked with a grin.

"Nope, I guess it just means we'll be smelly forever," Fred replied with an even wider smile. I sighed, those two would be the smelliest in the school, mark my words!

"Oh hush up you guys and get to your side, I'm serving!" I exclaimed and they ran to the other side of the main hall, so that we basically were visible to the whole Great hall, an audience for our little show.

"Okay, let's go!" Fred said.

"Zero serving Zero!" I exclaimed and served the Dungbomb overhand, not my best serve, I preferred to serve underhand but for this day I'd make an exception.

"I got it!" George said, bring his arms up to hit the Dungbomb…and I smiled…this was going to be so much fun…

**_…_**

**__**

"Explain yourselves!" McGonagall said in an annoyed tone. She didn't seem angry, but then again, she didn't seem too thrilled with what had been going on either. After we had hit Umbridge in the face when she was screaming at us to stop, McGonagall stepped in. Umbridge was currently cleaning herself off, giving us all a month's worth of detentions until Dumbledore stepped in (taking control of how the detentions were handled) and explained it was a tradition of some of the kids to play Dungbomb games, invented by a former student, and if one of the teachers got in the way, they got hit…to which Umbridge stated she would have a new rule against them…I wanted to see that happen.

"We were just playing a friendly game…" I said innocently.

"With Dolores Umbridge here you know how bad an idea that is!" McGonagall said.

"I don't care…" I said. "She deserved it, the foul being she is. She deserves to just sod off and die."

"You should, if you care anything about your future ending before your graduation…" she said even though she knew it was a mute point. I had graduated years ago, this time around was just for show, to keep me hidden so to speak. "And you shouldn't say that about wanting her to die. Your deaths are something no one deserves." She was right; I loved to be creative in that sense, even if I hadn't killed anyone to date. No one did deserve what I could do to them, though most of the time I didn't want to do it myself. I'm just special like that, well, okay fine, I'm just cruel and mean and spiteful. Not much though, but it's there.

"Professor, it's all right…" Fred said, "We agreed to it." After a moment he added. "It was a lot of fun after all. We can't miss out on something that fun. It just isn't us and you know it professor!"

"And that could very well be the problem!" she exclaimed, "Crystal…"

"Yes?" I asked innocently.

"You of all people should know better," she said, "Next time this happens Crystal…"

"Uh-hu, I'm sorry Professor…" I said, lowering my head, although I really wasn't sorry at all.

"You two are dismissed, I have something more I would like to say to Riyusaki," she said, motioning to the two boys and they left, giving me a wink as they did so. Neither of them cared if they got in trouble. They were both adults now, so if they wanted to leave, technically they could. They had a store of their own now for their joke shop…

"So, what do you want Professor?" I asked with a smile.

"You long to cause trouble, don't you?" she asked with a smile, sitting down at her desk, "Itching to do something because you know you can. You are everything like you used to be you know. You were one of the chief trouble makers, dwarfed only by Sirius and James themselves. You just want something to happen."

"No, not like that at all…" I said, "It's really not." It was…just a little. I wanted Umbridge to die!  
"Never mind, it doesn't matter anymore…" she said with a sigh, "So, have you told him yet?"

"Would I be in this position if I told him? I'd have better things to do if I had told him," I said, failing on purpose to mention what sort of things I'd be doing with whom. A small smile managed to make its way onto her face.

"During these troubled times, I'm hoping that's not the only thing you're focused on," she said wearily, "Never mind, don't go into detail…but have you decided when you're going to tell him…?"  
"I'm afraid to tell him Minerva," I said, "As long as he thinks I'm dead, doesn't know I've returned, I can watch over him and know he still loves me…"

"And you think he won't love you when you tell him you're back?" she asked.

"I've been alive for five years Minerva, he's believed me dead for 15, if I went back to him, he'd know I've been alive for five years, and everyone knew but him!" I exclaimed, "Don't tell me he'd understand I didn't have my memory…Severus just…I made a promise, if I went back to him now, sure I've kept the promise but Minerva, it took me 15 years to fulfill it!" I could feel a few tears well up in my eyes and Minerva tossed me a tissue.

"You never used to cry so much," she said.

"I had Severus and the others…" I said. "You know, for comfort. Although it took a while for Severus to even think of giving such a thing."

"Oh, that's right…but you do know that Remus is still around, along with…" she trailed off. "Never mind."

"I stayed with them over the summer," I said, "I don't think I was too good of a guest though…"

"Remus said you were depressed ever since you arrived at his house…he also said he was used to it," she explained.

"I know, but here…I feel better, Severus is nearby…and that's comforting…I just can't run to him when I need him…but Fred and George, they're nice…I can go to them," I said, "They know Minerva, they were clever enough to figure that out…"

"They were, well, I wouldn't put it past them, even though they're still not as good as Remus, am I still correct there?" she asked.

"Yes," I said, I didn't want to reveal how much he knew though, "May I go now?" She nodded and I stood up to leave.

"Try not to cause more trouble," she said, "And tell Snape you're back please, we're all waiting…" She let her voice trail off and I growled. I wasn't about to make any promises, especially when it came to the fact of telling Sev I was back.

"All right then, I'll stay out of trouble," I said, "But I don't know when I'll tell Sev…I really don't…when the time comes though, I will…"

"When the time is right," she agreed and I left the classroom. How come everyone was so interested in my love life and when I'd be telling Sev I'm back?

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "So Cat how was it?" Lil asked me one morning, around one week after I had just gotten back from my honeymoon with Severus._

_ "How was what?" I asked with curiosity._

_ "The sex with Severus," she said and before she could react I chucked a pillow at her face, and then another and another until all pillows were out of my reach and piled up around Lily's head._

_ "How could you ask such a thing?" I asked in anger. "Would you want me to ask about how sex is with James?" Pillows flew towards my head until I sat in the pile of them._

_ "Fine then, you don't ask and I won't ask," she said in a huff._

_ I let out a giggle as I looked at her with a grin. "It was good."_

_ "So was it with James," Lil replied. "Geeze, why do we end up talking like this?"_

_ "Because we're both married now and it's amusing," I replied._

_ "We're both extremely interested in each others sex lives…we're hopeless," she said, smiling at me._

_ "We need a life."_

_ "We have one, we're just sharing too much of it with one another."_

**_FLASH_**

**_Remus_**

****

"Has she told him yet?" Sirius asked me as he looked over my shoulder at the most recent letter Cat had written to us.

"No, she hasn't, so back off…" I said trying to keep him from grabbing the letter, which he took anyways and began to read through.

"Why won't she go back and tell him already? If she would, then we wouldn't have to put up with him and his moodiness…" Sirius whined, handing the letter back to me, "If you ask me, they both need to get some." I was surprised he was saying something like that, especially considering the fact he hated Severus through and through.

"That's not funny," I said, "Even though I agree…just slightly…"

"I remember when we were there, and she was too, he'd behave…" Sirius said.

"You know so would you," I added and he grinned sheepishly.

"We all would," he said, "She really misses them too you know…"

"I know, did you think I didn't?" I asked peevishly.

"I know…" he said, "We can only hope that they'll get back together…and have kids…" He looked thoughtful for a moment, as if he was praying that they would get back together. "I don't like Severus but Cat needs him and I just have to accept that. I don't know why I'm able to do that though…" I was puzzled by that fact too.

"You have a one-track mind with that, you know?" I asked and he laughed.

"Being an uncle, that would be amazing," he said, "Even if they would be Snapes…"

"They would be, and you know Cat doesn't mind and wouldn't mind that," I said seriously and Sirius broke off laughing.

"I know, she'll probably kill me next time she sees me if she knows anything of what I've been saying…" he said.

"Yeah, most likely," I said with a chuckle, "But don't tell her if you don't want the punishment…"

"Who said I didn't want the punishment?" Sirius asked with a grin.

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat)_**

****

I stood outside of Snape's office again that night, seriously considering telling him once again…I wanted to, everyone wants me to…

"It still doesn't seem like the right time…I want to…" I whispered and sank down to the floor again, beginning to cry, "I don't know why I can't…I can, I've been given permission, not that I needed that in the first place…so why? Why don't I feel right? Why…" The fires of passion burned within me and I wanted to go and show Sev how much I needed him, how much I had missed him…I wanted to fall asleep in his arms, cuddle with him after we made love…have him hold me or have me hold him when we needed it…I missed him so much, and he was only a few steps and a door away…but to me, it seemed like worlds…

_Love is patient_

_Love is kind_

_Love is always on my mind_

_Love will save you_

_Love has saved me_

_Love is everything_

_Love means to be_

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update… I promise, next chapter, something big will happen, kinda sweet and really awesome! You'll like it, so please review!**


	18. Water Beside Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the songs, got that?

A/N: Wow, I can't believe at chapter 17 I got some new reviewers…wow…that's something! I have to give a shout out to a few of them, alright?

**Indigurl2008**: Thanks so much for your excellent review! I'm glad you like it…I'm so happy I held your interest for the entire 17 chapters! **_(Are you still out there? This story got taken down but now it's back, reworked and everything. Are you reading it at all? If so, is it still as good as it was before?)_**

**salemwitch** Well, thanks so much! I'm glad that you think I have a mean storyline, and that I'm brilliant. I still have a lot of work to do before I can become published though… **_(Even reworked, is the mean storyline still there?)_**

**Faint Hate**: Loyal reviewer for basically all my Harry Potter stories, even the dumbest of the dumb…thanks so much! I know you'll like this chapter, but hate the cliffy… (**_As always, you're so awesome! Everyone read her stories!)_**

**GoodCharlotte**Sorry, to lazy to type up full name…I'm glad you like it. **_(Yeah, uh, _**

**_hi_******

****

**Depressed Hermione: I love the poem! It rocks my socks! I love it!**

**_So everyone can see it's awsomeness!_**

****

_He changed for the worst,__She told him to go come back to her when he was whole again,__So he went to Dumbledore and got help__He turned spy,__They were happy for a while,__Then she died,__He begged her to come back to him,__And now 15 years later she came back,__Only he doesn't know yet,__She wants to tell him,__But she can't; he wouldn't understand yet,__He is slowly giving up; all he wants is to have his Cat come back._

_Everlasting Sacrifice._

**I hope you don't mind me putting it up. I just thought it was the coolest thing in the world! I'm honored someone wrote me a poem on this!**

Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! Once again, I'm doing it in acts for your viewing pleasure…and so there'll be a few songs and all!

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 18: Water beside Me**

**_Act I_**

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat)_**

****

Umbridge wasn't too happy with us, Fred, George and me with the little stunt we had pulled, and we didn't care, why should we? Anyways, both of them, they decided to cause more trouble, releasing fireworks across the school, which were beautiful and funny to watch, eying the trouble that had befallen Umbridge as she tried to clean up the mess, not knowing who had started it either. I was laughing for the longest time, and Fred and George were too. Then there was Harry's interview in the _Quibbler_ which was quite nice and interesting to read, but then again, I had been there that night, I had seen it all, and I could vouch for everything he said, not that anyone would believe me unless I revealed who I truly was, and even then people might think I was insane.

**__**

**__**

Fred and George have left the building! Literally! They created a swamp in the middle of a hallway and just as Umbridge was about to allow Filch to whip them and punish them they left to go start their shop in Diagon Alley, and both being adults, couldn't be expelled for leaving. I was really sad now though, because they had left. Of course they had inspired trouble among the ranks but now I was really alone. They were the only ones who knew my secret and now, I had no one else I could talk with…except some of the teachers, but I didn't feel comfortable talking about it with them, I don't know why, but I related more to the students, that and the fact I kinda was one…

**_…_**

"Dumbledore's gone; Fred and George are gone…" I said sadly as I walked towards the owlery to give a message to my owl. I was sending a letter to Remus and it was late at night, so that Umbridge hopefully wouldn't be able to intercept the letter and read it. Luckily, my owl was kinda magical, I had received her as a birthday present from a clan leader when I turned 16. She was a precious bird, undetectable by normal means and strong to boot.

"Riyusaki…why are you out here so late at night?" a voice asked nastily and I turned around to see Filch.

"I'm delivering a letter," I said simply.

"Well, aren't we in trouble then," he said, "I can see two things you're in trouble for…" Before he finished the sentence I pulled out a pass that Dumbledore had given me, allowing me to be out at night when I pleased.

"Here," I said, handing it to him. His fingers grasped the paper and he smiled.

"But Dumbledore isn't headmaster right now," he said, "And the headmistress…"

"Argus Filch, I swear to God if you don't know who I am…" I said, "If the other teachers didn't tell you…"

"Tell me what, is there something I should know?" he asked angrily, coming closer and I snatched the paper out of his hand.

"My last name isn't Riyusaki, its Forest/Snape…" I said dryly, bitterly, taking a few steps back towards the entrance to the owlery, "Go ahead tell Umbridge that. I'm sure she'll reward you for that bit of info…but you'd have a hard time proving it, you know that truth serum, any truth serum has stopped working on me…not to mention Sev doesn't even know I'm back."  
"It can't be…you died…we all heard about it," he said, more than obviously startled, "You're lying!" He pointed a finger accusingly at me and I smiled wickedly. He wasn't an idiot, just stupid sometimes.

"No, I'm not…" I said coldly and spread my black wings, "See? It truly is me, so don't try to stop me…"

"W…What? No, I wouldn't stop you…but…after all those stories, how can…" he said, "I mean you were considered…"

"Do you believe Severus to be evil?" I asked.

"Not at all Forest," he said hastily. "Dumbledore trusts him and so do you." I let my wings be reabsorbed into my body with only the slightest hints of pain.

"Then why should I be? I only married him…I have no dark mark on my arm…" I said and he blinked twice, "And if you tell Severus I am back I will kill you…"

"Just don't let the headmistress catch you then," he said, shuffling away. He knew better than to tempt my powers and he wouldn't tell anyone, not if the other teachers knew I was back. He wouldn't tell Severus either, my threats I normally kept, or not, but he probably didn't want to find out if I was being truthful or not. I ran up to the owlery, eager to deliver my letter now, and I didn't want to get caught by Umbridge. I let my wings return and hide once again in my body. I'd have to get a new shirt…that was the problem with these wings…they always ruined my good shirts!

"Fred…George, I wish you guys were still here," I muttered, realizing I should probably send them a letter as to what is going on at Hogwarts. I wouldn't get any sleep tonight, not that I got much anyways.

**_…_**

I found myself once again at Sev's door…so close to knocking, I was almost…no…it wasn't time yet…why? Why me? I wanted it to be time to tell him…but not yet… something was going to happen soon, something big and I didn't know what was going to happen…

"Marauders, Marauders, what are you doing now?" I sang to myself absentmindedly, and then looked around, to see if anyone had seen or heard me. Why was I singing that? I had sung that once, on the train when I still didn't have my memory and it was about the Marauders…and Pettigrew's betrayal…wasn't it? Yeah, I think it was…wait, was something going to happen to Remus or Sirius? Oh no…no, no, no… I ran back to my room, forgetting all about Sev and pulled out my old sketchbook…and looked at Sirius's picture and then at Remus's picture. Neither of them had red on it…so they hadn't betrayed me…and neither of them were in any danger right now…so what? What was going to happen…?

**_…_**

I found myself on the topmost tower the following night, wondering what I should be doing. I wasn't cold up there, it was kinda warm out and I never got cold, even when others said it was freezing outside. I had my wings spread, the wings I have had since I can remember, the wings of darkness and I was dressed in the black dress I had worn last year at the Yule Ball… It was very windy and I liked the wind. My wings flapped comfortably against the night sky and smelled the air all around me, misty and mysterious all the time. It was how I liked it, it was how I preferred it to be. OWLS were coming up soon, I was sure to get outstanding on all of them, because for one thing I had taken them all before so I knew what to expect and for another, it would be fun to show Umbridge up when I aced the OWL exam for the Defense Against the Dark Arts test. I sang a little bit, singing of sadness and a love that had yet to be rekindled if it could at all…

"Miss Riyusaki, what are you doing up here?" a strict voice asked and I turned to see Professor McGonagall standing on the actual astronomy tower looking over at me.

"I'm just thinking up here," I said, balancing myself on the very tip. I knew that if I fell forwards or backwards, I'd fall off the entire building down towards the grass.

"You're up here, middle of the night, wings spread…you do know Umbridge is a ministry official not to mention headmistress at the current time if she were to see you like this she'd recognize you in an instant and then there would be real trouble…do you honestly want the ministry finding out before Severus does?" she asked me frustrated. I looked over at her and smiled sadly. I really didn't care much, not anymore.

"If the ministry finds out I don't care…I'll be telling Sev soon…" I said and spread my wings further, and then I folded my arms and fell backwards, "…"

"If I ever saw something more reckless," she said before her voice drowned out as I fell. I didn't care anymore…something was going to happen, and I would be going back to Severus…and hopefully, he would still love me… Yeah, I was morbid in my predictions sometimes, even though they were basically just feelings…

**_…_**

Umbridge has taken things too far. She's being a regular pain in the arse, not to mention rude, mean, and insufferable and not to mention a total jerk! I want to murder her, kill her, and make her suffer for being a terrible, terrible woman. Exams are nearly over…I aced through all of mine, for that I'm sure. But even I have my limits, and I burned myself out making sure I answered every question exactly right, so now I was lying on my bed, trying to get some sleep, an impending sense of doom following me into my dreams…I didn't like what was going to happen…I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew I wouldn't like it… But all I need is a little rest, I don't want to burn myself out and the not be able to function while my body recovers…it takes about a week of sleeping to recover when I burn myself out… I couldn't let that happen…not when one of the Marauders might be in danger…I wasn't gong to let it happen…I wasn't. I couldn't…even if…even if…I couldn't… Sleep overcame me before I finished my thought…I couldn't what?

**_…_**

Harry was gone, so were his friends and others. I couldn't go after them; I was feeling something holding me back. Draco got a nice curse from it all, as did a few other Slytherins and Umbridge had disappeared for the moment. I overheard some talking and heard Albus would be coming back…because something was happening…

**_Harry_**

****

****"NO, SIRIUS!" I exclaimed as he fell.

**__**

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat)_**

****

"Marauders…Marauders, what are you doing now? Three to two, where are you? Half gone, half remain…leaving the last with the pain…" I sang softly and then felt myself choking back tears. What had just happened? Why did my heart hurt? Why did… why did I suddenly feel so empty?

**_…_**

When were they coming back? When were they arriving back here…what had happened? Why did they leave in the first place?

**_…_**

"Remus, what happened?" I exclaimed, running forwards towards him as the group entered the school.

"It's alright Cat," he said soothingly, "Harry is in Dumbledore's office…"

"I'll ask again, what happened?" I asked.

"Cat…" he said sorrowfully and I looked into his eyes.

"Where's Sirius?" I asked and the look on his face told me all I didn't want to know.

**_…_**

"No, please, say it isn't so!" I exclaimed, tears falling from my eyes as Remus held me gently, "Please…" I pounded my fists weakly against him and still he held me, not letting me go, not wanting to let me go for fear I'd do something I shouldn't.

"Cat…" he muttered and held me close, "I'm not lying…I'm sorry…I wish I were but I'm not…" His sobs and tears joined mine shortly after.

**_End Act I_**

**__**

**_Begin Act II_**

**__**

Sirius was dead…just as I had in some ways predicted…Harry was devastated, Remus was hurt…everyone had some emotions on what happened. I couldn't bear it…I had died, been unable to protect James and Lily and then I was alive…and I hadn't protected Sirius! Why me…I kept loosing them, loosing everybody! Remus and I… we were the only true Marauders left… I needed Severus, I needed him more now…now was the right time…my heart…if I didn't have him my heart would shatter…I felt so broken right now…

**_FLASH_**

****

_"Sirius, what're you going to be when you grow up?" I asked._

_ "I don't know. I was thinking a vagabond. I think that'd be cool," he said._

_ "Right, you'll be living on the streets begging for food and shelter. You have a lot of smarts; maybe you'll go work for the ministry." I looked at him and started to laugh when I saw his expression._

_ "You have got to be joking, I can't believe you just said that Cat!"_

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "What're you doing here?" I asked him as he approached me by the lake._

_ "I thought you could use some company. They weren't being too nice to you, were they today?" He put a comforting hand on my shoulder and I smiled faintly._

_ "They're always terrible. I can deal with it though. It sucks but I can deal," I said._

_ "If you ever need any help kicking the arse of some Slytherins just let me know," he said and I giggled._

_ "I'm a Slytherin, or was one at least. Do you want to 'kick my arse'?" I asked teasingly and he smiled at me._

_ "Well, I may have said there was never a good Slytherin but you are the one I believe that proves me wrong on all counts!" He hugged me and I smiled. He was so nice, if only he weren't so arrogant as well._

**_FLASH_**

**__**

I couldn't be afraid of going back to him. Not now, not after all that had happened. I found myself once again at his door. I raised my hand and this time I knocked…and waited. I heard a muffled cursing and the door opened. Severus stood there, just the way I remembered him…just the way I loved him…and yet I knew we were both different.

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked his eyes as threatening as ever.

"I need to talk to you sir," I said honestly, "It's very important…"  
"Waking me up this late at night…" he began and then realized he was still fully clothed, meaning he had probably been doing work, "Five points from Gryffindor, go away Miss Riyusaki!"

"I really need to talk to you!" I exclaimed, "If I don't…" 'If I don't I'll fall apart. If I don't I'll die. If I don't I'll loose you and myself forever. If I don't tell you this will eat me away until I kill myself.' My thoughts went through a dozen explanations, more than a dozen of what I could say to him.

"If you don't what will happen?" he asked.

"If I don't…I'll die…" I said softly, praying he'd let me in. I had to talk to him. I couldn't not talk to him. This was important to me…it would be important to him, that is, if he still would love me and didn't hate me for leaving him.

"What's this? If you don't talk to me you'll die? That's a new excuse for coming here so late," he said angerily. "Another five points from Gryffindor. Leave before I give you detention to go with that!"

"Severus, please let me talk to you!" I exclaimed loudly and he took a step back.

"What did you just say?" he asked and stepped forward, leaning close towards me, his face near mine, "Did you just call me by my first name? I am your professor! Detention and go back to your room Miss Riyusaki!"

"I won't apologize," I said firmly, feeling a rush of tears, fighting them back as they would threaten my courage to do what I wanted to do…I had to remain strong, "Severus, I know why you suffer…can I please talk to you?"

"…" he didn't say anything for a long minute; he might have been reminded of me, the way I used to be by the gentleness in my voice.

"Please," I begged, "Let me talk now…I don't think I'll have the courage to do this again!"

"Come in," he said gruffly, "Don't stand there looking like an idiot, just come in!" I walked into the room slowly and he shut the door behind me.

"Thank you…" I said.

"What do you have to say?" he asked rudely, "Say it now and then be off…"

"Fifteen years ago, someone you loved died saving your life…" I began and I saw him stiffen, sitting down on a chair by his fireplace, which was burning slightly, "This person had promised never to leave you…and you to never leave her…"

"How do you know this?" he asked, "Who's been telling you this?"  
"No one has told me anything! It's me! I experienced each event, dying in your arms, feeling my heart break as I broke my promise…" I said and watched him stand.

**_…_**

"What cruel joke are you trying to play? Who put you up to this? Was it Lupin?" he asked, his eyes flaring angrily.

"No one put me up to anything Sev," I said, "I'm her…"

"She died fifteen years ago! There is no way you can be here! You've been here too long for that!" he exclaimed.

"I came back five years ago," I said, lowering my head, "I didn't remember…anything really, save for what people told me and the flashbacks I had. Dumbledore didn't tell you because he thought it wasn't the right time…and then I got my memory back last year when Voldemort returned…and Dumbledore said I still couldn't tell you…" By this time I had found the tears escaping my eyes.

"…" he said nothing, he was watching me though, watching what I was doing, even the littlest movements I made.

"This year…he said I could…he gave me permission…and I didn't feel it was right… not until now… God Severus I couldn't bring myself to tell you!" I cried, and I think I was fully crying by now, "I longed to…you don't know how much I suffered…"

"How can you expect me to believe this? You're a very good actress, you're probably lying…" he said, but in a strangled tone.

"I'm not…" I said and settled on telling him the one thing no one but him and I knew, "In my first year, your third, I visited you over the summer…"

"STOP, that's enough!" he shouted and looked at me; I could tell he was about ready to cry, "If you really are Cat, my Cat, why now? Why now? Explain to me why you couldn't tell me!"

"I don't know! I wanted to…as soon as I could I wanted to! I've been afraid…as long as you thought I was dead…you still loved me…I thought you would hate me the moment I came back, because I had broken my promise, my vow…and as long as I didn't come back to you…I could watch over you…protect you from a distance, and I would know that you loved me…and didn't hate me…" I said sobbing and I felt him grab my shoulders.

"For fifteen years, each year I've visited your grave…for fifteen years I've gone there, praying for you, sobbing towards the heavens, praying that you would return to me… You've been here five years…been alive for five years I missed out being with you on?" he asked. I couldn't tell his emotion, it seemed so mixed right now I couldn't read him.

"I didn't remember!" I exclaimed through tears, "I didn't remember anything!"

"I would have loved you anyways! And now you've deceived me into believing you were dead for fifteen years, when you've only been dead for ten?" he asked angrily and I saw the tears staining his eyes as well.

**_…_**

"I never deceived you!" I exclaimed, "I love you!"

"…" he didn't say anything, but released my shoulders and walked back towards the fireplace, "You say you love me…and yet…you don't…it wasn't strong enough to bring you back to me sooner…it wasn't enough to have been there for five years and I had to suffer each one…you just come back now and expect everything to be okay? Is that what you want? You want me to forgive you for being here and I didn't know?"

"NO!" I exclaimed, "I just…I just…"

"You just what?" he asked, "I can't even feel our connection right now, so you better tell me what you're thinking!"

**_…_**

"I don't know what I wanted…" I said softly and then turned towards the door, "I guess I should have remained in the shadows, protecting you in the dark, shouldn't I have?"  
"Go," he said, the single word shattering me into a million pieces, "Get out of here, and don't come back!" I opened the door and shut it behind me, falling to the floor sobbing heavily. I didn't care who sees me or hears me…I need him now…and he isn't there…but I wasn't there when he needed me…does that make us even now?

"I hope you're happy!" I shouted, "Sirius is dead, I couldn't protect him…Lily and James are dead, and I didn't know that until last year! How do you think I felt, visiting their graves, overgrown with moss and grass? I DIDN'T KNOW! And I couldn't protect Sirius…I couldn't even protect you…" I picked myself up and walked away…I needed the whomping willow to sleep in tonight…I didn't want to back to my dorm and I had no where else to go…even going to Remus's place would be too painful for me. I felt drops of rain fly to my face…I had started the rain of blood once again and I let it soak me…I didn't care anymore…I had lost Severus…

**_Severus_**

****

I caught my breath in my throat, no sound passed my lips. She was alive…and I had sent her away…I sent her away from me…and I knew it hurt her…

_"I didn't know!"_ was what she had said, right? She hadn't known…if she truly didn't remember, she wouldn't have known, been able to be sad that her best friend had passed… and then once she did…it broke her…

"Cat…my Cat," I sobbed, leaning against the door frame, if she didn't hate me before… she did now… and I had claimed to hate her, I had sent her away… Oh God, Black had died! That was why…she said…she had been waiting for the perfect time… when she felt it would be right…the worst time to come back to me… Why wait until Sirius Black had died to come back to me? Why not just come back sooner, as soon as she could?

_"I didn't want you to hate me…at least from a distance, you still believing me dead I could watch over you and know you love me," _she had replied, the words entrenched in my mind. She was afraid I had stopped loving her…why would I stop loving her? Why would I ever hate her? She loved me…loved me for everything I was…everything I am…and I had hurt her…but I loved her…Merlin…what am I going to do?

**_…_**

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat)_**

****

I felt sleep overcoming me as I lay in the branches of the whomping willow, and so I let it take me…I could use sleep…it might do me some good this time…at least I hoped it would. I surrendered myself to the realm of dreams.

**_Dream_**

**__**

**_As I whisper softly_**

**_Do you hear me call?_**

**_Do you hear my whisper?_**

**_Or will you watch me fall?_**

**_Will I carry alone this burden?_**

**_You've opened my heart wide_**

**_Are you taking a part of me with you?_**

**_All those tears you know I've cried?_**

**__**

_ "Sirius!" I cried, running forward to where he was on a cliff._

_ "Hey there Cat," he said, turning to face me, the usual grin on his face._

_ "Wait…you're dead…" I muttered._

_ "I know," he said, "I guess I won't get to see you have kids…"_

_ "Don't say that Sirius!" I exclaimed and he gripped my shoulders._

_ "But it's true and you know it," he said, "I'm not a part of the world I used to be a part of…I'm with Lily and James…"_

**_After all we've shared_**

**_After all we've been through_**

**_To know a great guy_**

**_Someone loveable like you_**

**_You know I'm running scared_**

**_You know I'm running blind_**

**_I can't seem to get you now_**

**_Out of my darkened mind_**

**_Don't deny me_**

**_I don't want to say goodbye_**

_ "Don't say that you're not gone!" I exclaimed, tears rushing to my eyes, "You can't be…" He was standing on the edge of a cliff…why would he be standing there?_

_ "You're not one to take things easy, are you? I guess you never were… Don't cry Cat, that's not the girl I used to know," he said, "And that's certainly not the girl you are now…"_

_ "I miss them too…" I said, "You can't go…if you do, it will just be Remus and me!"_

_ "You're not alone, there's Severus," he said, "Did you even go back to him yet?"_

_ "I did and he rejected me…entirely…" I said, lowering my head. Sirius lifted my chin and forced me to look at him._

_ "It was probably just shock, initial shock you know, I'm sure he still wants to be with you, it will just be a little before he gets over it…" he said with a smile, wiping the tears away from my face, "Hey, it's alright…"_

_ "I don't want you to leave," I said, grabbing a hold of his hand, "You can't go…"_

_ "You know what?" he asked thoughtfully, "I never did really realize how much Sev loved you until you did die…"_

_ "What do you mean?" I asked._

_ "He really loves you…I could see it whenever I had seen him, even over the summer before this school year started…" he said, "I don't think I'd have done that…Well, I probably would have…if only I had gotten you to love me sooner…"_

_ "Sirius…" I murmured. _

_ "Hey, you two watch out for one another, alright?" he asked._

_ "We will, but don't go!" I said, wrapping my arms around him, "Please you can't go…"_

_ "Cat, I love you, you know I always will…even in death you know I'll love you… I know Severus would do the same…" he said, "I still don't like him, you know…"_

_ "You never did," I said, "You always hated him…"_

_ "And you always loved him," Sirius said, "And he always loved you…and you always kept the peace between us. He needs you Cat, just as much as you need him…"_

_ "I know this, but you can't go! I don't want to loose you, not like I've already lost Lily and James!" I exclaimed, burying my face in his chest, tears in my eyes. He had this peaceful expression on his face, he knew he was dead, he accepted the fact that he was dead…_

**_Not after all we shared_**

**_Nor the tears we've cried_**

**_I don't know how to say goodbye_**

**_To you, I love you, please don't leave_**

**_To you, I need you, please believe_**

**_Without you I'm lost_**

**_And I can't be found_**

**_I'm lost somewhere in space_**

**_There's nowhere to touch down_**

_ The ground beneath us began to shake and Sirius fell backwards, and began to fall off the cliff's edge. I reached my hand out quickly to grab a hold of him, holding his hand tightly. He gripped mine tightly as well…_

_ "You just can't let go, can you?" he asked teasingly, "Cat, it's alright…"_

_ "No, I can't let you go! I don't want to loose you too!" I exclaimed._

_ "Cat, you can let go…my time here is over…" Sirius said._

_ "No…Please, I won't let you go!" I cried._

_ "I'm giving you a chance…one you didn't have with Lily or with James…I can give you this chance…please, you can say goodbye…and let me go…" he said, "Watch over the others, Harry, Remus, even Snape… I've never stopped loving you…it's alright Cat… you can say goodbye to me…I'm ready…"_

_ "I don't want to loose you too!" I exclaimed, my tears flowing freely down my face._

_ "You know I'll always be near…" he said, "I'll never really be gone…"_

_ "No…I won't let you go…I can't let you go!" I sobbed._

_ "Yes, you can…I know you're strong, be strong for me this time…please," he said, "And just…promise me you'll tell your kids about Uncle Sirius too, won't you?"_

_ "Sirius, I need you!" I exclaimed._

_ "You need Severus…Cat, its okay…I don't hate you…you know I never could…I won't hate you for this. Just say goodbye…say goodnight…don't be afraid…I'm not afraid anymore…" he said, "I have no regrets…I lived my life…" I gripped his hand tighter as I tried to pull him up and I couldn't lift him! Why couldn't I lift him up? Why couldn't I save him? No…please no…I don't want to loose him! My tears fell faster as I sobbed harder._

**_Listen to my words_**

**_Listen to my heart_**

**_I need you now_**

**_Than I ever did before_**

**_Listen to my voice_**

**_Listen to my song_**

**_Saying goodbye's so hard_**

**_It's hard to be strong_**

_ "Sirius…" I began and looked down at him. He was smiling, there was this peaceful look on his face…I saw it in his eyes. He was ready to go…he was already gone…and I just didn't want to accept that fact…I couldn't bear it…and yet…he was okay…he wasn't suffering anymore…he was with Lily, and with James. I…I…_

_ "Cat, it's alright, I promise…everything will be okay…I'm fine…you'll have Severus… and Remus is still there," he said, "I need you to watch over Harry…you're his godmother…as I was his godfather…"_

_ "Sirius…" I sobbed, staring at his face, because he was smiling again, he was looking so peaceful, no tears fell from his eyes, "G…Goodbye…Good…Goodnight…" I felt his own grip loosen on me and his hand started to slip._

_ "That's my girl, that's the Cat I know and love," he said, that same smile still on his face, there was no sign of sorrow, or regret, "Take care of Severus, alright?" He let go of my hand and he began to fall, my hand unable to hold onto him._

_ "SIRIUS!" I screamed, still extending my hand as if he could reach it, "SIRIUS!" I couldn't reach him…I fell back, burying my face in my hands. He was gone…he was well and truly gone…so long as I had never said goodbye…he would truly be alive to me…he would still be near… but I let him go…I let him go! Sirius…I will… I can never forget you! I will never forget you? How can I? Why…Why did you leave me?_

_ "SIRIUS!" I shouted towards the heavens, looking up at the ever peaceful sky and then I looked down, digging my hands into the soil and stone, wet soil thanks to my tears, even though it hurt, the stones cutting into my fingers, "Sirius…goodbye…goodnight…Sirius…goodbye…"_

**_If I knew those words_**

**_You wanted me to say_**

**_I would have chosen you_**

**_If you wouldn't go away_**

**_I need you more than ever_**

**_I need you now I lied_**

**_How could it be that now?_**

**_We would have to say goodbye_**

**_End Dream_**

**_Severus_**

****

Should I go to her now? Should I find her, wherever she went? Merlin, I wanted to be with her again…I shouldn't have said what I said…she did fulfill her promise, even if it was late…by fifteen years. I loved her…she was back now…I couldn't loose her! But it was too late already now…the school year was over and she would be going to wherever she was going for the summer…and it would take me some time to find out who she went to stay with… Not much time…

_"I love you…"_ a voice whispered on the wind…no…wait…it was in my mind! Was our connection back? But how…it had been shattered…once she had died…why it was back now…we hadn't even kissed or anything…or even made love… My body responded unconsciously to that…we hadn't been together in fifteen years…I longed for her…every fiber of my being now wanted her…I loved her so much… I have to find where she is…I would be a fool to not go back to her…

"Severus, do you wish to know where she is?" a soft voice asked and I turned around to see Dumbledore.

"Headmaster…please, you have to tell me," I begged, and his face seemed to know…he understood my pleading.

**_I'd live without you _**

**_If I only could_**

**_But then I know it wouldn't_**

**_Do me any good_**

**_All this pain I've suffered_**

**_All this pain I've known_**

**_Longing for your touch_**

**_Longing for a home_**

She was with the Weasly's for a time, until everyone would migrate back to Black's place, where the order of the phoenix lay. I'd go to her there, less people to see me…not that I cared at this moment. I would have to take the train out of Hogwarts first…which I was more than willing to do. I packed my things and got onto the train. It took a few of the teachers back to England after we had finished our grades and the like because we couldn't apparate and not all of us enjoyed brooms. I took my seat in the backmost car and set my bags down opposite of where I sat…well, I actually laid down so that I could rest for a bit. I would win her back…I needed her…I love her…I closed my eyes slowly, letting sleep consume me at last.

**_FLASH_**

_"Hey, wanna see me take off his pants?" Potter asked as I hung in midair. I had nowhere to go and no one was stopping this… Did he amuse me all the time just because he could? Damn that Potter…I would curse him if only I had my wand…_

_ "Do it James, and you better do it quickly!" Black said gleefully. My humiliation must mean so much to them…_

_ "If you do I will punish each and every one of you so bad you won't be out of the hospital wing for a week!" a voice shouted and I looked around even though I felt like fainting from being upside down and the blood was rushing to my head. I felt myself fall to the ground and as I recovered myself and looked to see __Forest__ standing there, hands on her hips, eyes flashing._

_ "Why Cat? C'mon, he deserved it this time!" Potter said. __Forest__ came up to me and noted my wet pants and probably sensed my anger._

_ "No one deserves pain or humiliation," she said softly, turning back to the crowd, "All of you get out of here!" She murmured a spell and sent a shower of lightning, scaring off all but those four…Pettigrew, Lupin, Black…and Potter… Why was she doing this? I had already told her best friend off, called her a mudblood even!_

_ "Don't spoil our fun __Forest__!" Black said, "You know he called Evans a mudblood!"_

_ "I know…" she said, "But why couldn't you guys just listen to her? Why do you hate Sev so much?"  
"I told Evans that answer already," Potter crowed, "I hope she told you because I don't feel the need to repeat it…oh crap…" I watched as she spread her black wings and charged towards Potter, pinning him against the tree, eyes flashing her crimson red. She was a dragon…a fallen angel…or something…I couldn't remember what she had told me._

_ "Don't make me taste your blood," she said threateningly, "Okay fine, so you didn't listen to Lily, but listen to me NOW! You aren't going to harm him, got that?"_

_ "You can't protect him all the time!" Potter said bravely and then murmured a quick apology, "S…Sorry…" Everyone feared __Forest__ when she was mad…_

_ "Cat, calm down," Lupin said gently and she released Potter who fell onto the ground. She turned towards me and hid her wings. She came up to me and looked over me._

_ "Get away from me!" I said, my pride bruised, "Don't…" _

_ "You're not hurt…but it looks like you could use a change of clothes…C'mon Sev," she said and offered me a helping hand. I brushed it away and stood up angrily._

_ "Why do you care damnit? You hang out with them and you hang out with me, make up your mind already!" I said, "You got yourself out of Slytherin for Gryffindor so why the hell do you think I should even talk to you?" I knew full well the reason…a few years ago she saw me at my weakest moment…and she had saved me…and I lived with her at her place in the portals over the summer…but here, at school, things should be different, she should know better! She doesn't care though…_

_ "I care because you're my friend," she said gently and placed her hand into mine, "C'mon, we should get you back so you can change…"_

_ "Don't help me!" I said, "I can do this myself! Do you think my pride hasn't been hurt enough already?" I looked back but the four had already left. Good riddance…but they had only left because __Forest__ was here…damn her!_

_ "Sev, I don't care right now…" she said, "I just want to help you…if your pride was injured that bad, tell me why haven't you even tried to pull away?" I looked and saw my hand still holding onto hers. _

_ "…" I said nothing and pulled my hand away from her and she smiled at me kindly, "Why…why do you care so much? And don't tell me it's just because we're friends, because I don't think we are at all!"_

_ "Fine then, I don't know why I care…but no one should have to suffer any sort of pain or humiliation…" she murmured, coming closer to me, "I've suffered…and if anyone has to suffer any more…let it be me…not you…not the others…no one…"_

_ "__Forest__…" I said quietly and she looked up at me, "Go away…" I didn't want her to pity me; I didn't want her to even like me. Why should she? I was a dark wizard and she was more than obviously one of the light. We were enemies; we were on completely opposite sides! How come she didn't understand that?_

_ "No," she said and led me towards the dungeons…I didn't let go of her hand…I had given up…she had won this fight, this time. She was so stubborn…so…_

**_End Flashback_**

****

I smiled as I stretched and awoke…that memory…that was the first time I admitted to myself I really loved her…I had considered it before…I remember asking even before then if I could keep her…but that time…I had realized that I loved her… Of course we didn't get together until her fifth year, my seventh, around the time Potter had begun dating Lily Evans, Cat's best friend. She meant the world to me…I wasn't about to leave her…and I wouldn't let her get away from me this time either…

I knew I would have to go back to spying soon, working on both sides trying to help the good win…but now…I only had one battle to win…and that was to have her back, in my arms where she belonged…

**_Can you forgive me?_**

**_Can you say my name?_**

**_Can you relieve my suffering?_**

**_Can you ease my pain?_**

**_How can you still love me?  
You know I betrayed you_**

**_I've betrayed you entirely_**

**_But you still are with me_**

**_That I clearly can see_**

I arrived at the train station and muttered a gruff goodbye to the other teachers, going to a place where the Wizarding bus could pick me up without any muggles seeing and take me to the Weaslys home.

**_I betrayed you time_**

**_And time and time again_**

**_You still call me husband_**

**_You still call me friend_**

**_My path is dark as _****_midnight_******

**_My path isn't light as day_**

**_You know you can't save me_**

**_There isn't some 'other way'_**

The road was dark, it was night by the time I had arrived at the station and the night had only grown darker…

**_I love you always and forever_**

**_I'll love you until the end_**

**_But we can't be together_**

**_I do things I can't regret_**

**_How can you forgive me?_**

**_How can you believe in me?_**

**_What is it that guides you?_**

**_What is it that you see?_**

The house I stood in front of had a non-welcoming air to it…as if it knew who I was and was mad at me for what I did… I walked forward towards the door.

**_The future is dark and lonely_**

**_The future is dark and weary_**

**_And still you say you love me_**

**_All the more ever dearly_**

**_I can't say I've forgotten_**

**_All the things I've done_**

**_For one brief moment _**

**_You were my light, my sun_**

I knocked on the door and it was opened by Mrs. Weasly, who looked at me with stunned silence.

"Mrs. Weasly?" I asked slowly, "Molly?"

**_Can I be forgiven?_**

**_Can I be forgotten?_**

**_What have you been up to?  
I'm still so rotten_**

**_Down the beaten path_**

**_Now I fear I tread_**

**_Walking lonely nights_**

**_You'd think that I was dead_**

"Severus…I never expected to see you here…" she said, "Well, actually I did but… not at this moment. It's so late… Why are you here?"

"I heard that Cat was here, please may I talk to her?" I asked, "Please, I need to talk to her…"

**_To make amends with you_**

**_Will not right this wrong_**

**_And so I say to you clearly_**

**_Sing my forgotten song_**

**_End Act II_**

**__**

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: I added that poem thing all by myself. I own it all. Do you like it? I know I do. It's a good poem and it had me crying. It fits this story well, and give edge to the future…**

**You know the drill, read and review!**


	19. Promises

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song, alright?

A/N: And here it is…the big chapter! I may include a lemon in this chapter if I feel like it, I don't know if I will or not so don't be surprised if I do…don't be surprised if I don't. But I know you've been begging for it! Oh, I have to give a shout out and answer this review…

Indiegurl2008: No, I'm not a professional writer; I wish I was though…I hope to be published someday. If you want a linking to my site where my original stuff is, I think the link's there. My original stuff isn't as good as my fanfiction though. I haven't tried to change Everlasting Sacrifice into something more original but I could try. I could…I'll let you know when I get that project underway if you want to know. I have a beta when I need one, but I'm okay right now. I'm surprised you think I'm publishing worthy…considering some of my other stuff…all right most of my other stuff is crap. Keep sticking with me though, I appreciate it! And hey, have you read **_What if _**and **_Severus's suffering?_** They're both stories connecting to Everlasting Sacrifice.

Faint Hate: I'm not writing a parody on your life, am I? That's scary…really scary… I'm looking forward to your updates! I hope you still like mine…I might begin the prequel to this one soon; if you're interested…it'll be about everything from Cat's years at Hogwarts to the time of death. If you think that'd be good, let me know, alright?

**Warning: Chapter is slightly less serious…slight bits of humor and lots of OOCness.**

**_Everlasting Sacrifice_**

****

**Chapter 19: Promises**

**_Severus Snape_**

****

"Molly, I'm serious…is she here?" I asked and she nodded, "Good…please let me see her." I couldn't believe I was begging like this but then again, I couldn't believe I had done a lot of things in my life. I still couldn't believe sometimes the things I was doing and some of the things I would most likely be doing. Some of it made me shudder when I even thought about it.

"This is unusual," she said, "Humbling yourself is something I thought you'd never do…" She was teasing me? Why would she be teasing me?

"I do for her," I said, gritting my teeth, "You know I do!"

"She's upstairs, I'll show you to the room, but getting in there is up to you," Molly said. "She's been a little…well, you know, moody as of late. Ever since she got her memory back I'm afraid. I think it's because of you partially and partially because of something or another she's dealing with."

"Fine," I said, "I know…"

"She does love you, you know that right?" she asked leading me upstairs.

"I know," I said, "And that's both wonderful and a problem…"

"How can it be a problem?" she asked, "Unless you said something you shouldn't have." I didn't respond and she smiled.

**_…_**

**__**

"Crystal dear, someone's here to see you," Molly said, knocking on the door. I heard a muffled reply and Molly smiled warmly.

"What is it?" I asked. I could only imagine what Crystal…Cat had said to Molly and I could tell from the look on Molly's face I probably was better not knowing it in any sort of partial form or in its entirety.

"Now it's up to you," she said and walked away. I moved forward and knocked on the door. I thought hard about how to start trying to talk to her before beginning.

"Cat…" I began and heard a muffled curse, "Cat, can I come in?" I kept my voice soft so that she didn't think I was mad at her. I had to keep it gentle or else she'd start crying more than she already was.

"Why…" she said and I heard muffled sobs, "Why…why should I?"  
"Why should you let me come in? I want to talk to you," I said, "I need to talk to you…"

"I'm through talking," she said and I heard the blowing of something into a tissue, "I'm through with words." That wasn't true, she always rather would exchange words than actions…most of the time at least.

"I'm not," I said, "There's so much I need to say…so much I need to do…"

"You hurt me," she said, "You rejected me!"

"It was…I don't know what came over me," I said, "Please Cat…I need to see you…I need you…"

"Nien," she sobbed in German.

"Please?" I asked.

She didn't say anything then shouted no in about thirteen other languages. I heard her mutter something else in a fourteenth language but I didn't care to know what it was.

"Cat, I'm coming in anyways…" I said, "I have to talk to you."

"You can…talk to me out there," she said, "I wouldn't come in here if I were you." A gentle warning, but I was going to either call her bluff or take whatever shots or spells that would come at me.

"I don't care…whatever pain you cause me is nothing compared to believing you dead for longer than you were," I said, slowly creaking open the door, "And I'd rather see your face." Communication eye to eye was always a good thing. Cat had always said that whenever she told me we had to 'talk'.

"You think holding me will solve anything?" she asked, "You really are a fool…" I opened the door anyway and started to walk towards her and then knelt by her side, placing my hands on her knees. She sat up, wiping her eyes and then looked into mine.

**_…_**

**__**

"Cat, please listen…I've been an ass…" I began and she snorted.

"More than one," she said and I buried my head against her knees for a moment.

"For fifteen years I've been unable to touch you…I've been unable to hold you…and I've been alone," I said, looking up at her again, "Every year…visiting your grave… I prayed for your return…"

"…" she didn't say anything, but I felt her tears on my hands…which now held hers.

"Cat, I should never…never have sent you away…yelled at you…I may have thought you dead…but you…you knew you were alive…and you couldn't come near me…you didn't remember who I was…and when you did…you were afraid. When I thought you were dead…I was broken…but you knew you were alive…and weren't with me… I didn't see…I didn't know," I said, "You were suffering just as much as I was…even more so."

"Sev…" she began.

"No…don't…don't say anything…Cat, I remember your promise… I know what you promised and I…I can't blame you…I can't say you broke your promise Cat," I said, gripping her hands tightly.

"Sev…" she tried to begin again but I hushed her.

"No," I said quickly, "You never did set a time limit…but that's a weak excuse for me to get out of what I did. I must admit…my hope did begin to waver as the years wore on…but I never stopped believing, I honestly never stopped believing!"

"SEV!" she sobbed and her head fell on mine. I knew I was crying now too…I hardly understood what I was saying anymore.

"Cat…my Cat…can you forgive me?" I asked, "Can you take back a fool?"

"You were always a fool…" she sobbed, "But you're my fool…" I felt her wrap her arms around me and pull me against her as she pressed her head slightly harder against mine. I actually pulled away and got onto the bed and then pulled her into my arms, kissing her hair.

"Can you?" I repeated, "Can you still love me?"

"Will you love me back still?" she asked.

"I've never stopped loving you," I murmured and held her against me while we both tried to calm ourselves down.

"I know…" she said and started relaxing against me. She loved me still…willing to take back a fool…the fool that I was…

"Cat…my Cat," I said possessively, "Merlin I'm never going to let you leave me again!" I meant it, no matter what would happen now, especially with Voldemort back; I would never let her leave my side.

"Uh-hu," she agreed, "Likewise…my love…"

**_…_**

"Sev…I have to tell you something…" she murmured, pulling slightly away from me to look me in the eyes. I didn't want her pulling away but I wasn't about to stop her. I looked at her…my eyes shinning with love…a love that we've had for what's seemed like eternity. I stared at her before shifting a little.

"What is it my love?" I asked, nuzzling her neck slightly and she pushed me away, "What's the matter?"

"I got my memories back when Voldemort was brought back," she began and the name made me flinch, I didn't like it when she used it but I understand why she did. It was because she didn't fear him…and yet I did. I feared him even though I was close to him, both as a spy for Cat's side and as a Death Eater, loyal to both parties in many ways.

"Go on…" I gently prodded, wondering what she was going on about.

"And I saw…witnessed him coming back," she continued and I stiffened.

"You did?" I asked, regarding her with a puzzled expression, "He didn't see you or realize who you were or anything like that…did he?" If he knew that she was back I was in trouble and so was she. I didn't want her hurt by him again, she was mine and I had to protect her.

"Would you be alive here with me if he did realize it?" she asked and I shook my head.

"Well…Sev," she began and I urged her on, "I…I stood up to him…in a way."

"Huh?" I asked, only half listening as she shifted closer to me.

"I stood up to him…I haven't been bleeding as much at night," she said and I gave her full attention.

"Wait, do you mean your curse has lessened?" I asked, touching her hair gently.

"Uh-hu," she said, "Enough…"

"Oh Merlin," I breathed, "Children…"

**_…_**

"What we had wanted but couldn't have," she whispered, now nuzzling against my chest, "I just wanted you to know this…"

I didn't say anything…we could be parents…like we had wanted to be. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"But if we were to…you know…have them during the times now…they would be in danger," she said.

"I'd protect you…" I whispered, "And nothing would harm you…I'll always protect you my love…" I meant every word, even though I wouldn't describe to her how I would protect her, let her think whatever. I'd protect her and that was that.

"I don't…" she began but I hushed her, and once again hugged her and held her close to me.

"Cat, dearest Cat…you've given me the best news I've heard in fifteen years…first… you come back to me and now…we have the ability to fulfill the dream of what we wanted all along," I said, overjoyed at the opportunity, "I love you…"

"And I love you," she replied, a small smile on her face, "But…"

"Are you unsure…because it's mostly me that would be in danger here," I said, kissing her hair.

"I know that…and that's why…" she began but I put a finger to her lips to hush her.

"I don't care if I get hurt…so long as I get to be with you," I whispered, "You know this love…"

"Sev…for fifteen years we've been apart…what if we can't pick up from where we left off?" she asked truthfully, looking into my eyes, her deep crystal green ones sparking with desire, hope and love.

"Then we'll start over," I said, "I'll win you over in a new way…take you on romantic dinners; we will dance by candlelight…I'll take you for picnics…and then…when we've gotten past the long few dates…I'll take you in my arms…and get down on one knee… drawing you into a kiss as I do…and then I'll put out that ring, the one that lies within the blue feather I had to earn for you and ask you once more to be my wife. I know you'll say yes…"

"Yes, I would," she said with a smile, "It feels now as though we've been on a thousand more dates…"

"I'll take you as my bride…and we'll have our honeymoon…one we'll never forget," I whispered in her ear, "And then we'll be together forever…"

"I don't need all that Sev…you know I don't," she whispered back.

"But I'll do it for you anyway," I said, "Cat, I love you…"

"And I love you," she said and I leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips, reveling in the fact I haven't done this in over 15 years!

**_Time passes_**

**_Eternity arrives_**

**_Someone lives_**

**_Someone dies_**

**_Uncovered pasts_**

**_Uncovered truths_**

**_Uncovered lies_**

**_Uncovered sooths_**

I drew her in close to me, kissing her softly, deeply, the feel of her lips against mine heavenly! I had been without this for fifteen years! She melted against me and I smiled. She still remembered my touch…as I remembered hers. I kissed slightly harder, feeling tears of joy pouring from my eyes. I loved her…she loved me…we were back together. I don't think I ever felt more joy.

"Sev," she murmured against my lips and I moaned as I pulled away to look at her, "I don't want you to be hurt by Voldemort…"

"What?" I asked.

"If he finds out from you that I'm back…he won't hesitate…" she said.

"Shhh…" I whispered, "I'll be fine…you know my strengths…"

"And your weaknesses," she said, "I don't want you to be hurt because of me…" I felt her reach her hand and she brushed it against my cheek. I leaned into her touch…so sweet and kind…I hadn't felt this in fifteen years. I began to cry, falling forward into her embrace and she held me.

"Fifteen years…few kindnesses…" I sobbed.

"I'm here now Sev…" she said softly, "You can depend on me now…you're not alone anymore…neither of us are…"

"I was never alone," I said, "But you were too far away for me to reach you…"

**_Alone he wept_**

**_Alone he cried_**

**_Sleepless nights_**

**_He might have died_**

**_His one tie to sanity_**

**_Now back again_**

**_His one tie to the good_**

**_His only true friend_**

"Sev, my darling Sev…" she said, "I love you more than anything in the world…"

"I know," I said, feeling slightly foolish for the entire lovey dovey scene we were going through now, but I didn't care…with her, for her, I would act lovey dovey…just not in front of others…I could be myself when around her and no one else, "I know…" I wiped my eyes and lifted my head towards hers and kissed her with all the love I had in my heart, all the pieces of my soul. We were together again…and I loved it, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I drew her in deeply as she melted against my touch. I remembered how to touch her…how to excite her…how to love her…as if she had never been gone.

"We're guests here, I'm a guest here…" she said, "We…We shouldn't…"  
I paused for a minute, "All right then…" I pulled away even though it was killing me to do so. She grabbed my arm.

"Just because I said we shouldn't doesn't mean we aren't!" she said laughing, pulling me into her embrace as she kissed me again, wanting me…feeling me…I wanted her as well…

"Anything you wish love," I whispered as we fell back on the bed, her hand trailing over my face, remembering every line…every feature. I trailed my hands all over her…I had missed her so much and she hadn't changed a bit.

"You're the same man I fell for," she said with a giggle as we kissed again, "And now our dream can come to pass…do I still excite you?"

"Gods love, how can you even ask that?" I asked and then something came to mind…but she already sensed it and put a hand to my lips.

"I know Sev, I was the girl you danced with last year…" she said, "Don't think I've forgotten you got drunk…"

"Punish me then," I said enticingly, "Punish me for breaking my promise…"  
"You'll be punished enough with my mood swings," she said, "When I get pregnant I mean…"

"All this talk and too many clothes," I said, agreeing with her on all counts. As a dragon, she was moody, as a pregnant dragon, she'd be hell, or heaven, depending on her mood. I was prepared for either; after all, she was the woman of my dreams.

"If it's too many maybe you'll have to loose a few," she said, gazing into my eyes.

"Oh no, you too, this has to work both ways," I said with a smile, the first real smile I've had in a very long time, "If I loose clothes, you're coming down with me…"  
"I've missed this," she sighed.

"And you think I haven't?" I asked with a grin, "Now love, let's see what we can do… I wonder…"

"SEV!" she cried and we began our descent into oblivion.

**_Mrs. Weasly_**

****

"Should we make sure they'll be alright?" Mr. Weasly asked and I shook my head.

"I'm not going up there," I said, "I certainly won't want to walk in on them and you won't want that either."

"Fifteen years, are you sure they'll be all right?" he asked me and a moan was heard before it was cut off quickly, "Oh…"

"I'm sure they're fine," I replied with a smile, "And I'm sure glad she remembered how to sound proof a room." I shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if she hadn't.

"They're so lucky," he said, "To be that much in love that even death can't stop it. At least in their case death and I don't think it ever will."  
"As are we Arthur…we're that lucky as well," I responded.

"True," he said, "Very true…" Severus and Cat, I even had to admit…it was a match made in heaven. Well, heaven or hell, I couldn't tell which they preferred.

**_Severus_**

****

I awoke with a woman snuggled in my embrace and smiled as I remembered the events of last night. Cat sighed against me and snuggled closer in my arms and I didn't want to move her or shift away from the sight. She was so beautiful…so loving. I never could get over the fact that she loved me, especially when we first were dating. She could have easily had Black or even Lupin…or any guy for that matter, her looks would have gotten her anyone she had wanted…but she chose me. She chose me over Sirius and all the other men she could have.

"Sev don't leave me," she murmured against my chest and I smiled.

"I'm here my love," I whispered, "I won't ever leave you." I hoped that I could keep that promise. Nothing in my life was certain anymore, although she didn't seem to see that.

"…zzzz," she snored slightly and I realized she must be dreaming. I always wondered if it was pleasant when she dreamed or nightmarish. When she had the full effects of the curse, I would stay up long nights making sure her blood didn't seep all over the place, tending her wounds with gentle care. She never wanted me to do that though, claiming then I got no sleep but seeing as how she only slept for four hours a night most of the time I was okay. I ran a hand through her hair, long and beautiful as it always was…and black at the moment as well. I wondered when she and the Weaslys would be going to the Order's headquarters, she'd be safe there and I would get to see her…although I was quite sure that Mr. Potter and friends wouldn't like it if I stayed…well, they didn't know about us so I didn't have to stay…unless I made it seem like I was yelling at her or Remus or something…better to let her figure it out…she's the one who created a sort of double life for herself when she had no memory.

**_She doesn't know who I am_**

**_She doesn't know what I've become_**

**_She can't save me this time_**

**_I don't want to leave her_**

**_I still long for power_**

**_A deep desire_**

**_Buried deep within me_**

**_And yet I still love her_**

**_She's a part of me_**

**_I don't want her to cry_**

**_She was the only one who cared_**

****

"Love, its morning and you've slept for a really long time," I whispered, "I think you've slept longer than four hours…" Her eyes opened wearily and she smiled at me.

"You were the one that kept me up," she said, "I don't remember asking for the fifth time…sixth…"

"I've been without you for how many years and you're wondering why I have good stamina? I've kept my sexual desires locked in a closet…" I began.

"You know…the term 'coming out of the closet' means your homosexual," she said with a yawn and I kissed her before she closed her mouth, "Mmmph!" I tasted her sweetness once again and ran a hand up her side. Okay fine, so I was horny.

"So…when are you going to the headquarters?" I asked her, breaking away from the kiss. I let out a sigh when I realized we weren't really going to get to do it before we left and she knew it.

"Soon, maybe in a day or two…we have to get Harry and I volunteered to do that," she said, "Ministry doesn't know I'm back so I'll pretend I'm inviting Harry over for some time before school in case anyone's watching. Although I don't know because Albus said the headquarters is moving."

"What? Why is it moving?" I asked.

"Sirius died, remember?" she asked bitterly. "The house belonged to Sirius and apparently her old lady had some charm on it that kicked us out even though Sirius left the house to Harry. Never mind, our new headquarters is a duplicate place."

"Courtesy of you?" I asked.

"Courtesy of pretty much every house on that friggen block looking the same. I mean, even though it was just a little different…renovations and all that. I can't tell you where mind you," I said. "But Dumbledore will eventually I suppose. So anyways, on another matter I have to go get Harry and there's nothing you can say against it."

"Wouldn't the boy's friends be better suited for that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hermione's already there and Ron's going with his family today…" she replied, "So Harry needs to be picked up by me…"

"Why couldn't the Weasly's just pick him up on the way?" I asked, "Oh…you're doing it in case…"

"If Voldemort's followers watch, I have my ways of making myself undetectable and they won't know where Harry's gone…and if they were smart at all they'd realize he doesn't care much for them either…" she replied, "Even though I don't think he'd want to submit anyone to Voldemort's horrors…good old Voldie…"

"I see," I replied, "Well, I have a job to do…and I'll find you tonight, wherever you are…you know this…I haven't had my fill of you just yet…"  
"You never will…" she replied.

"That's my girl," I whispered and sat up after giving her another quick kiss. I couldn't stop touching her, loving her… I forced myself to get dressed and watched her as she got dressed as well. I sighed in contentment watching her put on her various articles of clothing and she looked over at me, raised an eyebrow and grinned. She looked all too sexy in her black pants and strapless shirt. She wore that outfit whenever she believed she might have to use her wings. She could transform into it at any time of course, but she told me she preferred to look like a badass to begin with rather than have to change into one. She put on her boots, ones I had experiences as the 'don't mess with me or you're going down' boots and her gloves. She took care to change her left handed glove away from my eyes. I knew why that was.

When she was young, very young, she had been tormented and acid had been dripped on that hand, creating a scar that would never disappear. She let me see that hand…only once and only when I begged. She was ashamed of it…but I would always tell her it only added to her beauty. She had a fair few scars come to think of it, but I did as well so I didn't mind. The most visible one was the one she had from her left shoulder to her right hip, a long running scar that was a little wide and it seemed deeper than it was. She didn't want anyone recognizing her by that scar so she was putting on her black coat… she looked like a Goth muggle. She didn't want any ministry officials recognizing her most likely so I watched her pull her long black hair back into a tight bun, sticking a pair of chopsticks in them to make it look Chinese…or was it Japanese? Cat had her own sense of style when it came to clothes.

"I'm ready to go," she said with a seductive smile.

"You look ready to go and burn down a building," I replied, taking her into my arms for one more kiss, "Although I'm sure the urge hasn't hit you of late…"

"Not yet love," she replied, "but I do feel like a badass, so keep an eye on the news…"

"I won't have to," I said with a wide smile.

"And why not?" she asked.

"I'll see the smoke," I responded and she laughed and kissed me again, "Why is it we never seem to get enough of one another?"

"I don't know…" she replied, "I'm amazed I was able to avoid you for almost a year…"

"I know," I replied, "I'm sorry, once again…"

"I already accepted your apology, many, many times," she said with a giggle and put a hand through my hair, "Why don't you grow it out again? I miss your braid!"

"I'll keep it short thank you," I said, "It's easier to manage…besides, I can't change anything…he'd know…"

"Right…" she said disappointedly, "But after this is all over you better grow it out!"

"I will, I promise…" I said, as I led her to the door.

"And remember your other promise love, when I become pregnant you better wash your hair…" she said teasingly and I nearly fainted, "What? You did promise me I hope you haven't forgotten…"  
"Ahem," someone cleared their throat and Cat jumped and we backed up to see Bill walking by us, "I see…"

"Do you really?" Cat teased.

"Knowing you two are finally back together is a good sign," he said turning back to us, "And you better leave Snape before Ron sees you or else he'll freak…"  
"I thought you didn't like me?" I asked dryly.

"I'd rather not have my brother scarred for life…" he said, "Front door is that way…" He pointed down the stairs and I headed down the stairs clutching cat.

"Arrogant Weasly," I said.

"Hey, if I was around his age I would probably be dating him," Cat said, "Either that or married."

"You're mine…" I said kissing her possessively.

"It's a little early in the day for that Severus, wouldn't you agree?" Molly piped in and I broke the kiss and made my way for the door.

"Be careful love," Cat said.

"I will return, you should know I won't let either of us part a second time…" I trailed and shut the door behind me.

**_Crystal_****_ (Cat)_**

****

"He didn't answer my question," Molly said, "And I don't know why he didn't just apparate."

"He was making the exit dramatic," I said with a yawn, "Yep…I think we're back to normal…arrogant man and all…"

"In just one night, I'm amazed," Molly said.

"Yeah, I didn't expect that…unless that wasn't the real Sev and he's still pissed at me on the inside," I said and then clapped my hands together, "This badass wants breakfast!"

"Dear, I think you've been called a bitch more than a badass," Molly said and then realized she had sworn, "Goodness…"  
"I never knew you had it in you," I said with a grin.

**_…_**

I flew on the wind as fast as I could to reach Harry's and landed a few blocks away. If anyone saw me, they'd think I was a normal muggle and not pay me much mind. Harry had already been informed someone was coming to get him…and it was my job to do so. Remus had volunteered but I wanted to meet my best friend's relatives…

**__**

I arrived at the door and knocked on it hard, making sure anyone inside could hear it, unless no one was home…but that was unlikely seeing as how they hardly let Harry leave the house. My godson…Harry…Lily's child…He had her eyes…

"Yes, hello, do you need something?" a voice asked and I found myself looking into Lily's eyes…no…they were Harry's eyes…Lily was dead.

"Harry, good to see you!" I said with a wide smile.

"Riyusaki, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I've come to take you away," I said, "Are your relatives at home?"  
"No, today they had some things to do and my cousin's at a friend's house…" he said.

"Good, so now would be the perfect time to leave, why don't you go get your things," I said, "Don't worry you're protected…Voldemort isn't going to come and get you…"

"Seriously, is there an escort waiting out there for me and you were just used as bait or something?" Harry said, "There's no way either the ministry of magic or Dumbledore for that matter would just let a kid my own age come and get me…and you even said Voldemort's name…are you unafraid?"  
"There's a lot about me that's a mystery…and besides, I came by myself so that I wouldn't raise much suspicion to the ministry…it'll look like a friend inviting you over to her house for the summer," I said, "And I don't think Voldemort is anywhere around here right now…if he was…" 'I'd kick his ass from here to Pluto…'

"Uh…yeah, sure…I'll get my stuff…I mean sure I want to get out of this place but it does seem a bit soon," he said, "And how do I know you don't secretly work for Voldemort?"  
"Oh please, that bastard?" I asked than caught my words…he hadn't heard me swear before and probably thought that in addition to my outfit was odd. I pretty much had just blown my cover as a regular student to him…why was I so…such a dumbass?

"Alright then," he said, "Are Hermione and Ron there already?"

"Uh-hu," I said, "Yep…one big play date!" I was smiling so widely I think I looked like a freak.

"Okay…so others are watching from a distance," Harry decided to settle on and ran up the stairs. I was being a little out of character…but then again, I was back to being the badass I once used to be…although I didn't feel much like it now, although I wouldn't admit it. Well…I guess things change, people too. I hoped Harry was alright…Sirius… he had died less than a few weeks ago and Harry had regarded Sirius as a father to him… I leaned against the house and waited patiently…after all, it wasn't like I should be worried…Voldemort wasn't out right now…and Severus was alright, I knew he was… Besides, he wouldn't break his promise to me. All that mattered right now was getting Harry to headquarters…he'd be someone else's problem then…not that I minded…even if he was a troublemaker like his father.

**_…_**

"I'm in heaven," I sighed, my head in Remus's lap, "I couldn't be happier!"

"I'm assuming that letter…" Remus began. We were at headquarters…and I held in my lap a letter. As it turned out…Fred and George spilled the beans to Ron and the others as soon as they found out that I had told Sev and so Ron and the others had plagued me with questions, comments and other things besides before they just let it drop. I had basically told them everything I could explain myself and Hermione helped simplify it for Harry and Ron when they officially lacked understanding.

**_Flashback_**

****

_"So…um…we're here!" I said, leading Harry inside the house, "Welcome to your summer home." It wasn't exactly like Sirius' house had been, rather, a little shabbier. I think Dumbledore was going to have Harry stay at the burrow but I wasn't sure. Probably not though._

_ "Harry, __Crystal__!" Hermione exclaimed, running forward, "You came earlier than I thought you were going to come."_

_ "Wait, what's Riyusaki doing here?" Ron asked, staring at me, "What are you doing here…don't tell me Dumbledore had a student go get Harry. That's a little fishy if you ask me." I smiled sweetly at him, and then regretted doing it._

_ "He did," I said, wanting to see if he'd catch on to anything odd, hoping my smile didn't seem false to him…although I think Hermione suspected something now if she hadn't already._

_ "He's really off his whack, you're in our year!" he exclaimed._

_ "Cat, is that you?" a familiar voice asked and Remus came out of the kitchen and then noticed me and everyone else, "…Sorry…__Crystal__…" I glared at him and he took a step back towards the kitchen door. He just spoiled it…rotten no good Remus…well, it would have come out sooner or later. I apologize for having such thoughts, it wasn't like he meant to on purpose or something._

_ "On such familiar terms?" Hermione asked, "Professor, you called her on a familiar term?"_

_ "…" Remus didn't say anything but plastered a dumb foolish smile on his face._

_ "Uh…yeah…" I said with a nervous laugh, "Thanks dumb…"_

_ "Wait, he called you Cat?" Hermione asked, looking at me, "I heard about someone named Cat…but she was supposed to be dead…"_

_ "Uh…huh?" I asked, I wondered how much she had heard…if she heard that Cat (I) was married to Severus…and that I was Cat…wow…wouldn't she be disgusted._

_ "I overheard Fred and George talking with you once…" she said, "They called you Cat…all right, spill…"_

_ "What are you talking about?" I asked, "Ha, you…I don't know what you mean?"_

_ "I think I'm a little smarter than you think," she said dryly, "Spill…"_

_ "Might as well," I sighed, "So long as the ministry and Voldemort don't find out, besides, you three of all deserve to know after all you've been through…"_

_ "Say what? Hermione, what's going on?" Ron asked._

_ "You…You're really her then," Hermione said with much admiration in her voice._

_ "Remus, would you get us some tea…this is going to be a long story…" I sighed._

_ "Okay, now even I'm confused, what the hell is going on?" Harry asked._

_ "…" I sighed again, "It's a long story…and probably through half of it I'm going to make you sick but oh well…"_

**_End Flashback_**

"Now Sev just needs to come back…" I sighed, "I'm sure he'll be all right when he comes back…last time well…" I looked towards the fire. It was getting late. Last time he had been hurt pretty badly, I think it was because I had asked him to mess up on this one assignment he was on now (due to the fact I asked him not to kill because he knows I don't like it) …or perhaps the Dark Lord Voldemort was bored and Sev was the only one in clear view. I never have taken a human life, as hard as it is to believe, even if it is true. I didn't know. It's only been a week though since we reunited.

"Cat, don't worry…" Remus said soothingly, "It's all right…"

"I bet you're surprised I can be in a good mood even now…" I said, "But Sev and I are together again…and even though it isn't peaceful it's still better than being apart…"

"I know," Remus said, "So…are you going to tell him when he gets back?"

"How do you know what I want to tell him?" I asked.

"Cat, I'm still the only one who knows your secret and your promise with Lily," he said, "Don't think I'm an idiot…"

"I know," I said with a sigh, "I know…"

"Ah, speak of the devil…" Remus said and stopped stroking my hair and glanced towards the door. I stood up and ran towards the figure in the doorway. Sev embraced me and pulled me close to him, planting a kiss on my lips.

"YUCK! Why did I have to walk in on that?" Ron exclaimed as he was coming out of the kitchen, "Harry, Hermione, we might want to stay here a while longer!" He disappeared back into the kitchen.

"They know?" Sev asked, "Damnit, you go and ruin my reputation…"

"Sev…you were considered a cruel, mean bastard," I said, cocking an eyebrow.

"I am a cruel mean bastard," he said, glaring towards the door.

"You were totally different over the summer Severus," Remus chimed in, "Until Cat died…"

"…" Sev didn't respond, he just growled.

"Sev, I gotta tell you something but you gotta promise not to get mad and such…" I said, changing the subject. I heard the kitchen door open and the trio came out, eager to get farther away, which probably was going upstairs to their rooms.

"I didn't want to see that Crystal thanks a lot!" Ron said, thoroughly disgusted, "I'm gonna need therapy…"

"No more than you deserve," Sev said, "Mr. Weasly…"

"It's a place where people easily see one another," Remus said, "The front door…"

"Shut up, just shut up," Sev growled.

"Sev, knock it off or you aren't getting any…" I said teasingly, "I'm not kidding…" Severus relaxed his hold on me and just sighed angrily and turned away. I tried to get him to look at me again but he refused to budge. He was so stubborn!

"He's different when with you," Hermione said, "I think that's a good thing. He seems so different now it's hard to imagine. It almost seems…unreal." I only felt a small tinge of truth in those words but I ignored it. It did seem unreal at times to me but that was because I was so happy now it seemed like a dream.

"It is, I'm so happy we're back together…" I said.

"Of all the guys you could have…Mmmph!" Ron said but was cut off when Hermione clamped a hand on his mouth and started to drag him off.

"Don't tick him off when he may still be your teacher!" Hermione said, "Well…at least don't screw me over!"

"I…all right 'Mione," Ron said, "C'mon, let's get out of here…" Nothing could be said about the changes that had taken place in the trio and towards Sev but Harry was the first to treat Sev differently and he must have said something to the others…and I had said something to Sev…so it was almost like they got along…but Sev said his promise only extended until the school year began again. Everyone was really weird…

"So…what are you so happy about?" Severus asked, turning his attention away from the trio back to me.

**_Whispers of an ancient fear_**

**_Drawing close those you hold dear_**

**_Whispers of an ancient fight_**

**_Bring the powers of the night_**

**_Water, Wind, Earth and Fire_**

**_Pain and blood hear my dark desire_**

**_Grant my plea I stand alone_**

**_Somewhere in my empty heart_**

"C'mon, onto the couch," I said, guiding his hand, "I'd prefer to tell you sitting down…"

"How bad is it?" he asked, sitting next to me as Remus scooted over slightly. I was sitting between Remus and Sev now but my attention was focused on Sev. I sensed the trio was still watching, their interest peaked but if they were scarred for life that was their problem.

"No, it's not bad," I said and pulled out the envelope I had received earlier from the post, "I received this today…" He tried to grab it but I pulled it away from him.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" he asked, "…that can't be it…not if you're happy…"

"I know love," I said, getting up and looking into his eyes, "I'm just happy…"

"And the letter's been opened so it's not like you waited or anything…" he trailed before I grabbed his hand and brought it close, placing it on my abdomen, "Love…what's going on?"

"Think Sev…what have we been trying to do this past week?" I asked.

"…" he remained silent, "Well…" He suddenly turned a few shades of red.

"Yeah, what're you embarrassed about? We've been doing what marital couples do!" I exclaimed, "Have you figured it out yet?"

"So…what you're saying is…" he said, letting his hand roam over my stomach, "We're…"

"Not we…I'm pregnant!" I exclaimed.

"Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick!" Harry exclaimed.

"We don't need more Snapes in the world…" Ron said, "Blimy…"

"Boy or girl?" Hermione asked.

"Twins or triplets?" Remus asked and Snape turned a few shade darker than normal, "What…I bet you anything its twins or triplets…"  
"Twins Remus," I said with a smile as Snape seemed to faint back against the couch, "Don't be so weak…I knew we'd have twins…"

"Boys or girls?" Severus asked weakly.

"A girl and a boy…" I said.

"How do you know this early in the pregnancy…I mean…how far along are you?" Hermione piped in.

"Around one week and I'm just that in touch with my body…" I said with a smile.

"I'm getting out of here!" Ron exclaimed, dragging Harry and heading up the stairs, "Don't bother me with any information regarding that ever again"

"I'm sure their curiosity won't be sated though," Hermione said with a sigh and leaned over the couch, her head resting between where Remus and I were, "I'm glad you're married to Professor Snape…he's a lot nicer when you're around."

"It's the threat of no sex that gets to him dear," I said.

"Didn't need to know that, seriously didn't need to know that," she said, "But you two obviously love one another or else you wouldn't make the sacrifices that you make, right? I can't wait to find love like that." I immediately thought of Ron and smiled.

"You'll find it," I said, relating closely to how she's been paying attention to Ron lately…but I wouldn't mention it. Let her find out her own feelings and crap like that.

"I don't believe it…I'm going to be a father…" Sev said, looking into my eyes with a look that also added 'but I won't be like my father was…'

**_He's forgotten who I am_**

**_He's forgotten completely_**

**_He had disbelief in his eyes_**

**_That I have returned_**

**_He thinks I don't know_**

**_That he believes he's beyond saving_**

**_He thinks I don't know _**

**_All the things he's done_**

"I know you'll love them Sev, you're going to be a great father!" I said as we arrived in my room, Sev carting me bridal style, "I don't see why you're worried and you know I can walk by myself." I let out a small groan of protest when Sev lowered me gently down onto the bed. He smirked a smirk full of male satisfaction.

"I won't let anything happen to you or the children…" he said with a small kiss he pressed to my hair, "I'm not going to let you do any hard work or get overstressed."  
"I'm going to be in your potions class next year how can I not get overstressed?" I asked with a slight giggle. He shrugged at me and pondered the words for barely a moment before answering.

**_Being who I am,_**

**_I do not wish to interfere_**

**_Letting things take their course_**

**_Lily didn't have to die_**

**_It was her choice to keep an ancient secret_**

**_Buried in Young Harry's soul_**

**_Keeping him safe_**

**_Keeping a secret away from the horrid_**

**_Dark Lord_**

"I won't force hard work on you," he said. I raised an eyebrow at him with disappointment and disbelief. He wasn't about to do any such thing, if I was carrying his children or if I wasn't carrying his children. It was a bluff, an act…and he knew I knew it. Sev can't hide that from me! I know you, even if you still don't think I do.

"You can't treat me differently than your other students," I pointed out, "I won't let you for one thing and another it's not fair to those students!"

"Uh-hu," he said and lay down on the bed beside me taking me into his arms once again, "Sure thing…"

"Are you even listening?" I asked and then growled when I felt him smile against me.

"I'm listening love but I've already said what I'll do and I'm going to do it," he said.

"You're not going to," I said, "If the word got around I was the teacher's pet…a Gryffindor was the teacher's pet while you're the head of Slytherin it'll raise eyebrows and suspicion."  
"I know," he sighed, "But come to me anytime you need help then, all right?"

"I won't…remember? Potions class was my best class when we were going to school…" I said, "Not to mention the funnest. Besides, you won't and you know it. I know you too well to know that you won't give help even if I asked for it. I won't need your help either, like I said before."

"You made it fun, that's for sure," he said and kissed my hair again and I found myself relaxing against him, snuggling into him, my head on his chest.

**_He thinks I can't save him_**

**_He still thinks that I know_**

**_I used to be his reason_**

**_But he's forgotten who I am_**

**_Does he even really believe I'm alive?_**

**_That's why he does it_**

**_He doesn't remember_**

**_I still can save him_**

**_We can still win_**

"I love you so much," he said, biting slowly and gently the nape of my neck, "You are so beautiful."

"And you are so handsome love," I said, "And beautiful as well…"

"I can't be beautiful…" he trailed off, slowly removing various articles of clothing, "But you can…and you are the goddess of beauty…"

"You're just saying that because you want some," I groaned as his touch began to flood my senses. I let it though, not much I could do…or really not much that I wanted to do as he began to exercise his bedroom talents once again. I was in the mood for it, he was in the mood for it…so why stop it? He looked at me with adoration in his eyes.

"That and you're carrying my children," he said.

**_I look at him smile_**

**_And that's genuine_**

**_He loves me completely_**

**_That much is true_**

**_So all I can hope for_**

**_Is he really hasn't forgotten_**

**_But I can save him_**

**_I know that I can_**

**_Love conquers all, right?_**

"Love, take me now," I cried underneath his touch.

"You know I'm too happy to oblige…" he replied, "I still feel like we haven't had enough of one another." He was sure horny enough, although what else could I expect from him? He was masterful in the bedroom as well as everywhere else he put his mind…or mouth too. I let out a giggle as my dirty thoughts flooded to my mind, but that was okay. He had a dirty mind as well.

"We never will," I said, "I love you…" I mean those words with all my heart. I was so deeply bound to him now nothing would ever change my feelings for him. At least, that was how I felt. After all those times he tried to push me away, I kept coming back. I loved him and would always love him.

"I love you too," he said.

**_A secret lies_**

**_Within their hearts_**

**_One has not defeated the darkness within_**

**_Feels he's moving so far apart_**

**_One is the guardian, though the secret he knew_**

**_Pushed to the side truly once she died_**

**_And yet though forgotten by him, it's still true_**

**_She can save him that much is true_**

**_No matter the darkness_**

**_No matter the strife_**

**_She can safe him_**

**_She is his life_**

I lie content to be in my lover's embrace. My husband…my life…and now I held his children. I couldn't be happier! I couldn't let anything happen to them…this was our only chance for them… I could only give birth once…I wasn't going to be stupid this time…we'd have that family, Voldemort was going down. Then I'd have avenged Lily and James…and Sirius…but only when the time was right.

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: I know it kinda sucked but I liked it anyways, so review please! Just no flames! And if you have time, check out the prequel, _Everlasting Sacrifice Beginnings!_**

**Yeah, I had to set things up a little bit differently too. It doesn't change too much in my opinion…for all you know, Cat could've provided a duplicate house and we'd never know…well um…**

**I've been writing out a few chapters ahead of all the drama I'm going to include. I almost made myself cry. I know exactly how this is going to end, a long ways from now…I think, at least like lots of words away. I'm planning on longer chapters so please, leave longer reviews. I love reviews so long as they aren't flames.**


	20. I'm so grateful

Disclaimer: I don't own it…I don't…I really don't!

**A/N: Have I been neglecting…I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! Here's an update! You know…its kinda odd, out of all the stories, I keep finding myself drawn back to this one, you know? That and all its connections, ES Beginnings, Severus's suffering… What if…you know, all of them!**

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 20: I'm so grateful**

**_Cat (_****_Crystal_******

****

School is going to be starting soon…and I'm happy, I've never felt so happy in my life! I'm pregnant, and I'm with Sev…what could be better? Actually though, we're going to Diagon Alley to get school supplies and such. Harry is coming with me, along with his friends…and Sev isn't coming though…I wish he were but I understand why he's not coming. Remus is though…and that makes me happy. Being the last of the marauders its best we stick together, right? I'm still not fully over Sirius's death and I don't think I ever will be. Sev and I talked though for a few days over what exactly happened during my five years without him and I told him everything. He got all broken up about the kiss between Sirius and me, but then said he couldn't be mad because of the fact I wouldn't have known better at the time. Of course, he was still depressed until Remus spoke up in my defense and he seemed to remember why Sirius would kiss me in the first place and then went into a rant about how he was going to kill Sirius if he ever remained in the next life…which he wasn't because we'd kinda keep ending up coming back to life.

"I love you Sev, you're the only one my heart belongs to," I reassured him with this up to today and I probably will have to for at least another month before he really gets over it. He's the jealous type but I love that about him, he's protective and entirely loveable. I love that and…and then there's the fact I'm kissing up because when I get back from Diagon Alley though I'm washing his hair. I had reminded him of the promise he made, because he's extremely sensitive about his hair…and I love his hair that when I got pregnant he'd let me wash it and then give it a trim. I wanted him to grow it out too, I mean he had it long when we were married…I loved his braid when he had it…not that this style wasn't attractive as well.

"Cat, the fire's burning and we gotta get going!" Remus said and snapped me out of my trance, "I mean it, come on!"

"All right, I'm coming, I'm coming, don't get your shoes tied in a knot…or would it be pantyhose tied in a bundle?" I asked coming forward to where everyone was. Sev was waiting to, a slightly disappointed look on his face.

"Stay safe," he said, and I touched his cheek gently.

"EWWW!" the Weasly twins said in unison and then Fred continued on, "Even though we knew before hand, this is still disturbing."

"Get over it," I said with a smile, looking up into Sev's black eyes, "I love you…"

"I love you too," he whispered and everyone groaned as they knew we would be kissing for a while before we could leave. We did…we kissed deeply and passionately and if Sev wasn't such an arse we could probably make out somewhere in Diagon Alley too.

"Let's go already," Harry said impatiently.

"All right Harry, sorry," I said, breaking away from the kiss and giggling slightly, "And afterwards…"

"Don't mention it in front of them…" Sev said with a death glare.

"All right love, sorry," I whispered, "Okay everyone, we can leave!" Sighs of relief came followed by a first puff of 'Diagon Alley!' Sev pulled me into his embrace before I could make my way over to a mildly annoyed Remus and fireplace and placed his hand on my stomach.

"Merlin…I won't let you go," he whispered, "Thank you so much…"

"I'll protect them love, I swear," I promised and broke out of his embrace, "They're just as special to me as they are to you."

"I waited for them for over fifteen years…" he said, cocking an eyebrow at me, making him look like the child he used to be. Though we both were immortal he had aged slightly, but he wouldn't age further than that, of this I was certain.

"And I'm sure you'll be impatient the entire nine months we're waiting for them, right?" I asked with another giggle.

"Stupid Cat," he muttered, but smiled, a rare smile that few actually were able to see.

"That's the Sev I know…" I said but then rethought for a minute, "Sorry, I guess I should get back in the habit of calling you Professor Snape, eh?"

"Cat…" he said warningly but he didn't get to say much else before I pulled out my flow powder and stepped into the fireplace.

"Diagon Alley!" I said and disappeared in a poof. I heard one line before I entirely faded, and it made me smile broadly.

"I'll protect her," Remus assured Sev, who looked only slightly worried. He probably was thinking more along the lines of I'd have to protect Remus and not the other way around.

"If you don't I'll hunt you down and tear you a new one," Severus replied, which I found a little bit funny. Wasn't the most original of insults though. I think Sev got a little bit cleverer in his insults anyways at least with the timing. My only other worry would be I would get morning sickness during the day today and someone who shouldn't see it would. Of course, a good tango with the toilet happens to everyone at intervals of the road called life…even to the healthiest of us. (Severus even).

**_…_**

**__**

"Diagon Alley…wonderful place," I said as I exited out the fireplace and brushed myself off, "Best place for beginning shoppers." I hadn't been here truly as my own true self in a while and it felt good to be myself all the way now! Of course, the only one who really understood the meaning of all that was me.

"We hear you," Hermione said with a sigh as she helped me up.

"And be sure to come by our shop! Speaking of which, we better go open up!" Fred said and the twins quickly left the building we had ended up in.

"I'm sure some of those joke products will be well worth my time…those fireworks sound most interesting," I said with a laugh, remembering how they used it last year during school.

"That's not all they have, they have some other wicked stuff too!" Ron added excitedly and I smiled and looked at Remus who was adjusting his cloak slightly. I made sure mine was securely on and patted my stomach reassuringly, smiling up at everyone to say I was ready to go.

"So, do you have any thoughts for names yet?" Hermione asked as we exited the building onto Diagon Alley.

"Too early to think of that Granger," I said with a laugh, "Shhh…no one's supposed to know." She smiled at me and shared in the laugh as well. It all ended quickly though.

"Know what?" a drawling voice asked and we turned to face none other than Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. I groaned, not this early in the day. I really didn't want to deal with this at all!

"Don't you get enough of us at the school; must you come find us during summer break Malfoy?" I asked, trying as hard and as quickly as I could to regain my Crystal Riyusaki persona.

"Don't mess with me Riyusaki, if you think I follow you around for fun think again, I have better things to do with my time," he sneered. "I know things that would make your skin crawl and bring an end to that cheek you seem to be in abundant supply of."

"A blond haired teenager would," I said, provoking him to no end, "Have an endless supply of those things."

"Filthy Mudblood," he said and Ron, Harry and Hermione all had their wands out.

"I don't think your true fight is with me, I don't think you would want that, would you?" I asked, brushing off the comment. I had been called a mudblood so many times it just rolled off my back.

"Fighting in the streets is for wimps…I know a real fighting arena," he said.

"In the middle of a dark deserted park where your dad and company can come after me? I don't think so," I said, shifting a little and putting my hand in my pocket.

"I'll find whatever secret you were keeping," he said.

"If that is what you wanted to know it was about girl stuff…like you know, periods and PMS…" I began, ready to go into all gory details if necessary, "We bleed once a month…" Before I finished that sentence Malfoy looked thoroughly disgusted, but then again, so did Remus, Harry and the others too.

"You'll pay for this!" Draco said and stalked off past us towards Knockturn Alley.

"But I didn't want to buy anything!" I called after him.

"Provoking could get you into trouble Cat," Remus said as he came up to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Well, it better, I could use a little trouble," I said with a sigh, "Sorry about that everyone…but if it's one thing that can get rid of unwanted minor trouble, it's talking about feminine problems…"

"I'll attest to that," Remus said through tired eyes, "Either that or…breeding techniques."

"Tee hee, I remember that one with Lucious," I said through giggles, "Come on, we have a lot of shopping to do!"

**__**

**__**

"Okay, Flourish and Blotts," I said, looking at the list and then up at the sign, "Well, here goes…gotta remember…can't…buy…out…store…" It was more of reminders for me rather than everyone else because I loved books with a passion, and being gone fifteen years without my memory…there were bound to be series of new books that I hadn't read…yet. I pushed open the door; this was the first time I had been in here now, with all my memories in well over fifteen years.

"Welcome to Flourish and Blotts," a cheerful voice said and I was greeted by the owner, "Ah, a Hogwarts student if I may venture a guess? But of course, who else would come to my shop with a long list of books like none other?" The others had gone shopping elsewhere for the moment, leaving me to wander by myself. I guess they were still a bit grossed out about what I had disgusted Malfoy with to get him to leave and they wanted me to get out of the gutter before spending more time with me.

"Yeah, I'm a sixth year," I said, "I'm looking for…"

"I know already, all sixth years need the same basic books, unless you have some special classes…" he said. "Or if you are not taking some of the classes you once were due to owls?"

"Here's my list," I said, handing it to him and he looked it over and smiled. I followed him around as he helped me find the various books and a few fun ones I would enjoy reading as well. It was a heavy burden but I enchanted my bags to be light and left the store with my reading material. I didn't have the books from my sixth year when I was a kid because I gave them away to someone who needed them more than I did at the time. I didn't mind getting new ones; it just meant I'd have to deal with stiff bindings for a while until I could loosen them up with constant use. I left the store with all my books and headed back out onto the street and checked my school list. Sev had given me a more personal potions list…stuff for school and I think to get on my good side told me to get the makings for my Snake Venom Candy…a fun candy that actually didn't kill you! I had invented it myself and was longing to taste its sweetness once more. Of course, even Severus looked at me like I was nuts whenever I made it (even if he did eat it afterwards…). I was just a little insane, creating potions like that I guess. Well, my tastes were my tastes and if it tasted good, I usually ate it.

I got my stuff from the potions store and made my way to my other stops, glimpsing Harry and the others as they went shopping. Yeah, it was probably best I just stay to the side; my era is kind of over, right? The Marauders are no longer the threat towards Voldemort and he thinks I'm dead. Harry has to defeat him and that will be no easy task in my opinion. I sighed, nothing was ever easy and nobody ever said it would be.

"Crystal, have you finished shopping?" Remus asked, startling me out of my thought. I blinked twice and looked up; he was taller than I was so he was looking down at me while I was glancing up.

"Has everyone else?" I asked and he nodded. I smiled, that was good to know. I hope they didn't encounter any trouble while we were separated.

"Yep, we're ready to head back," he replied with a smile. "What, did I startle you?"

"A little," I said.

He looked thoughtful for a moment and then realization began to cross his face, "Oh, I get it."  
"What is it that you get?" I asked dryly, turning around to face him.

"When you're pregnant your powers slowly go down because they are being used for ahem…other purposes?" Remus said, making it sound like half a question and half a statement.

"They protect the children and the powers are dormant more than other times so the children can develop naturally…I don't know," I said, deciding to tell him what I thought so he didn't end up finding out through more unconventional means such as eavesdropping and spying.

"Well, don't get into any trouble then, eh?" Remus asked, smiling wider than ever.

"Why's that?" I asked peevishly, knowing already what he was going to say.

"You'll push yourself or get into trouble and be at a loss for your powers and be unable to defend yourself," Remus stated, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"I can take care of my self just fine and you know it," I said with an evil grin and watched him start to walk off, sending me a teasing look from over his shoulder.

"I know that," he said, "Now come along, we better get back. If Severus is there I'm sure you'll be eager to see him."  
"Right, you know I would be!" I said.

"So..." he said as we walked to join everyone at the fireplace that would be taking us home, "How soon until your mood swings kick in?"  
"Soon enough," I said, glaring at him.

"Well, I just wanted to know, I want to know if I should start preparing ways to avoid you or all the strange dishes I know you'll be asking for," he stated and ducked a playful punch I threw at him, laughing as he did so. "Be careful, you'll drop your packages."

"They make the hit hurt more," I said.

"Both of you stop fighting," Hermione said, coming up to us, "Honestly, you two act like children!"

"Aww…yeah though, you're right. We act like it more than you guys do and you're the actual children here!" I said with a giggle.

"Can we just go home for now?" Ron asked.

"Sure thing Ron," I said, "Let's go. I'm a little hungry for something, although I don't know what for yet."

"And the cravings begin," Remus noted, laughter apparent in his eyes.

"Shut up," I muttered. "By the way Remus, have you found your special someone yet?" He looked down at me, shock and horror in his eyes. "What? I'm asking if you have a girlfriend or a lover or a wife or someone special! You don't want me to start playing matchmaker now, do you?"  
He glared at me. "Playing matchmaker with me? Would you even dare such a thing?" He paused for a moment and sighed. "Never mind, you would. I should know better than to ask such questions."  
"Do you have anyone?" I asked.

"Not at the current time, no," he said. "And I would appreciate it if you don't ask again."

"Why not, I mean, is there someone in mind?" I pressed, nudging him gently.

"If I say yes will you leave me alone on the subject?" Remus asked and I smiled wickedly.

"I'll leave you alone for a month," I replied with laughter in my voice and eyes. "So, do you have someone?"

"Someone in mind, perhaps." He looked at me wearily. "That better suffice you know."

"I give it two weeks," I stated with a grin and he sighed. "What? I gave you two weeks."

"Stubborn Dragon," he muttered.

**_…_**

**__**

Severus was actually staying the night, and I was so happy for that, although no one else really seemed to be, except Remus of course, who just seemed to be happy all the time now. I was sitting in my room now, well, Sev was sharing it with me like he had before but he was being quiet tonight. He just lay on the bed, nestled in the pillow with me in his arms, as if he was thinking really hard.

"Sev?" I asked, hoping to break his concentration.

"What is it love?" he asked.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, glad I had taken him out of thought back to reality. He shifted a little and put his hand on my stomach, which I gripped with my own hand and held him to me.

"I'm thinking about this, about how lucky I am to have a woman like you," he whispered into my ear.

"That's good to know my darling husband," I whispered back and kissed him softly on the lips, "I love you so much."

"I know and I love you too," he said and moved his hand over my stomach, "To think there's life inside there, inside you…" He traced a small pattern. "It's amazing to think of such a thing love, I'm amazed by it and surprised by it all the same you know."

"Life which could not have happened without you," I said teasingly, "It's a two person job to create this life." I paused for a moment. "Well, with the way medical technology is nowadays it's a one person job with a random donator on the side…but for us I'm glad it was a two person job." Sev chuckled at my random train of thought.

"And a one person job to give birth to it," he said, "I read a little today about what you're going to go through during the birth."

"You read that stuff willingly?" I asked, "No way, I don't believe it!"

"I have to, I mean…I know you'll be a wonderful mother, there's no doubting that. But me…I don't know if I'll be a good father," he said sorrowfully, "I don't want to be anything like my father was, forcing you to give them up to some unknown girl…"

"I wasn't some unknown girl, not to you," I said, "Your mother wanted what was best and your father made some bad choices in his life. All I've seen you make are good choices Sev, well, mostly good anyways, you have it in you to do so much."  
"I still don't want to end up like my father, I don't want to hurt my own children," he said and I sat up and took him into my lap, his head resting against my stomach.

"You won't," I said, trying to soothe and comfort him, "You know you won't. We've waited over twenty years for this chance and you won't screw it up."

"What if I do?" he asked, "What if I make the same mistakes my father did…and hurt my own children? What if I hurt you?"

"You hurt me before and I kept coming back," I said.

"That's the problem with you then, you kept coming back," Sev said, "You shouldn't have kept coming back."

"But you kept changing and doing better each time. First when you were reluctant to have me as a friend, but you changed because you realized you needed a friend like me," I explained. "And then when you had me, but became a death eater…you changed because you didn't want to loose me."

"I'm so stupid, aren't I Cat?" he asked, "I never learn unless someone I love gets hurt…or I get hurt!"

"You're not stupid," I said, noticing the way he gripped the blankets and me. He was going to start crying. Imagine that, my strong handsome man beginning to cry.

"I am, I am and you know it!" he exclaimed and sat up, facing me.

"You are not stupid, you are not a fool," I said, "You've improved on so many things when I was away, you're much more clever, cautious, smart, wise…and strong than you used to be. I'm the one who hasn't improved much."

"And that's because you don't need to improve," he said, taking my head and cradling it in his hands, "I need to improve. You obviously see me for more than I really am…I don't know how you do it or why."

"I don't do that," I said and he lowered his hands, which I placed my own into, "You are everything a woman could want. I just got to you before anyone else."

"Cat…" he began but I put a finger to his lips and hushed him before shifting back into his arms.

"Sev, I love you and always will, nothing will change that," I whispered as he embraced me and we fell back onto the bed together, "And you will make an excellent father. You'll teach your kids, our kids, to dream, to concoct weird things."

"No, that will be you concocting weird things," he said.

"You'll teach them about life, you'll be there for them when things get rough," I continued, smiling at his previous statement, "You'll be the best father."

"Cat," he said, "Thank you for loving me." I could feel him start to relax and I was following close behind.  
"Hey Sev," I said.

"Hmm?" he asked, opening his half closed eyes to meet my gaze.

"Think of it this way, at least these kids will have something I never did… parents," I said, "At least you know where you're from, I hardly do."

"Hardly, but I get it," he said with a yawn, "I'm your family now, right?"

"Uh-hu, you…you and Remus…" I trailed, my voice catching in my throat before I could say more.

"And Lily and the others, right? Even that bloody Black," Sev said, no malice in his voice, only comfort now.

"They're all gone Sev," I whispered and felt tears come to my eyes, "I miss them so much."  
"I know Cat, my Cat, I know…" he said, not even slightly surprised the roles had reversed yet again forcing him to comfort me.

"Sev," I whispered as he held me firmly against him.

"I love you Cat, I promise you that we'll have our family, our children. I won't let anyone take you away from me again, never again," he said.

"I'm so lucky," I said, relaxing into his arms and beginning to drift off to the realm of sleep and dreams, "I'm so lucky."

"Not as lucky as I am," he whispered back, and sleep claimed me, not of the blood curse, but of good dreams, ones of the future…the hope Severus and I now had.

**_Severus_**

****

I watched her sleep, and feeling my eyes begin to close of their own free will began to let sleep claim me as well. She had saved me, and she would never admit that I was the one who was truly the luckiest. Then again, there were some secrets and admissions I would ever tell her. Everyone had their secrets, right? Everyone had something to hide. The only problem was…I was conflicted and I didn't want to loose her over it.

**_You can't have everything in life_**

**_You can't lose it all_**

**_When the wind whips around you_**

**_When there's no where left to fall_**

**_A truth remains untold_**

**_A secret remains unsaid_**

**_One that he thought he never would have to tell_**

**_Because he had almost believed his wife was truly dead_**

****

**_…_**

****

**_The only one he had left to care for him_**

**_The only one that truly loved him_**

**_How hard would he push her?_**

**_Before she turned as well?_**

****

**_…_**

**__**

**_Would she turn upon him?_**

**_Would she say goodbye?_**

**_Would she kiss his lips one more time?_**

**_Would she want to say goodbye?_**

**_Would she make it easy?_**

**_Would she save his soul?  
Would she make it harder still?  
Would she let him fall?_**

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: I'm planning on continuing this, but more when the book comes out this June, I think. If I get tired of waiting, which won't take long, I'll probably come back to this and make up the sixth book as I go along. Anyways, be sure to check out all the stories connecting to this one because I will be working on ES Beginnings more than ever and completing other stories I have before moving onto new ones, right? You know the drill, review but don't flame! I'll see you all later!**


	21. Secrets and Moodiness

Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue

A/N: Whee! I'm started chapter 21! Go me! You know what…in a few chapters everyone will find out just why I call this 'Everlasting Sacrifice'. Weird, right?

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 21: Secrets and moodiness**

**_Cat (_****_Crystal_******

****

"Severus, that's such wonderful news!" I said as I hugged him around the neck.

"Fine, I can tell that, just be sure not to tell any of the other students just yet," he whispered in my ear. We were saying goodbye from his place before I headed to the burrow to accompany everyone to school.

"How badly do you want to scare the poor students this year?" I asked teasingly. "Geeze, Sev, you are tormenting. I wish I could teach potions this year but Dumbledore thinks its best I keep hidden for now. Are you going to be fine? This is a BIG adjustment for you, teaching DADA." He kissed my hair gently and nuzzled my neck.

"Get going. I'll see you at school," he whispered.

"Sure. Hey Sev, just to get our stories straight, I'm the wife of your son who lives in America," I said with a giggle. "You understand that, right?"

"Yes I do," he said. "Hey Cat, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" I asked him, turning around to face him. "What do you want to ask me?"

"Would you follow me anywhere?" he asked. "Would you be with me no matter what?" That was an odd question, he should know the answer.

"I will my love, you know that I will," I said and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"That's good to know Cat. I'm glad," he said. "Now get going, I'll see you at school. You know where my new rooms are, right?"

"Sure, I was there plenty when Remus was around," I said teasingly and he growled. I pecked him on the lips and headed towards the door. "Oh, but he wasn't as good as you are." Another growl followed the first and I headed out, vanishing the moment I got outside. Time to go to the burrow!

**_Severus Snape_**

****

I watched the door shut behind her and let out a sigh. She was the love of my life and all, but she had no idea what my life was truly like now. When she came back, I thought she'd put forth all sorts of questions to me, but she didn't do anything of a sort. If only she weren't so trusting all the time. She was like Dumbledore, too trusting and believing in others. Things were changing, and I couldn't stop them. Rather in fact, I was setting them in motion.

**_Cat (Crystal Umi Riyusaki)_**

****

Getting to school was fairly uneventful for me. I took a car away from Harry's and friends just so I didn't have to deal with any commotion from Malfoy and gang. I knew about the new teacher and what he was teaching but I didn't tell anyone just like I promised Sev I wouldn't. When we got off the train I took a carriage with some Ravenclaw students who didn't pay me any mind and were rather engrossed in their own conversation. I just kept my hand on my stomach, smiling to myself as I knew what lay inside of me. The future…Sev's and my children.

"Crystal, have you seen Harry?" a voice asked, snapping me out of my trance.

"No, I haven't. Don't tell me he was causing trouble on the train," I said and looked to see Ginny, who smiled faintly.

"I know he'll show up eventually, never mind. You didn't get invited to Slughorn's party, did you?" she asked as I jumped out of the carriage.

"No, why?" I asked.

"I would have thought you would be…being who you are and all that," she said thoughtfully.

"Remember Gin, the ministry thinks I'm dead. I plan to keep it that way for a while too," I explained, wagging my finger.

"Yeah, why do they think you're a traitor?" Ginny asked as we made our way towards the school.

"Because of the fact I married a Death Eater. Because of the fact I didn't want to get involved," I said and looked up at the night sky. "Because they feared me."

"That's not nice," she said.

"It's who I am. I don't mind. They'll need me eventually and regret banning my memory…kinda. They locked a lot of my stuff away, which I will have to get back from the Hall of Mysteries eventually but they could never stop the stories…" I trailed off with a laugh as we walked up the steps. "I wonder if Sev even remembers who I really am."  
"Should he?" Ginny asked with interest.

"He should. I told him, he witnessed it…stuff like that you know?" I asked with a grin. "Come on, let's go eat, I'm starved."

**_…_**

**__**

I'd recount the looks of horror on everyone's faces and the number of times the group complained to me about the teaching changes…but I don't feel like it. The moment the teachers were announced, Slughorn teaching potions and Sev teaching DADA, everyone turned to glare at me. (Everyone who knew me, I mean.)

"Did you know?"

"I promised I wouldn't tell!" I had a hard time defending myself from them so I went to bed early. I hadn't eaten much at dinner for fear of throwing it up…but I forced a little down so I wasn't starving in the morning either. I was only about a month pregnant after all. I got pregnant about the second…no first week of summer break, in June, so nine months from that would be…well, February would be about the time the children would be born, unless I had a premature birth, which was supposed to be common for two or more children.

"Cat, are you still up?" a voice asked, breaking me out of my thoughts and I saw Hermione in the doorway. I sat up in bed and looked at her. "Can we talk for a bit? Everyone's gone to bed so the common room's empty…"

"Sure thing Hermione," I said and got out of bed, slipping on my bathrobe.

"I would've thought you'd be sleeping with Snape," she said as we walked quietly down to the common room.

"I don't mind sleeping here like I minded sleeping in Slytherin. Besides, I had better let Sev enjoy his new rooms as the DADA teacher anyways," I said with a slight giggle. We sat down and Hermione turned to face me as I leaned against the pillow by the armrest. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How well did you know Harry's mom?" she asked. "I mean, I've heard this and that but I really want to know. I'm almost curious as to why Harry doesn't want to know more too…"  
"You could've asked Remus. He knows everything," I said. "And I mean everything. Just like you figured out a lot, so did Remus. He knows a lot of things and still figures out more than most, even if he doesn't look like it."

"I know I could, but like the saying goes, best to get things straight from the horse's mouth, right?" she asked with a faint smile.

"Well, all right then, you'll find out some other way if I don't tell you," I said with an amused frown. "What do you want to know exactly?"

"Were you two friends…best friends…what were you guys?" Hermione asked.

"We were like sisters. So close we were almost inseparable at times, even when I was in Slytherin house, she always was there for me. We met before school even started for either of us. I kinda arrived on her doorsteps one night when I was really young and we hit it off right away. I don't remember how I arrived there, although I really should because I can never forget anything..."

"If you can't forget anything how come you didn't remember who you were all those years when you came back?" she asked.

"That I don't know how to explain. There were stipulations to my return I guess, and that was one of them. But anyways, we became really close. As time went on though we began to notice certain things, like we were almost actually related! I mean, we both liked to cause trouble in our own ways; my idea of trouble was having fun in unique ways kinda like what James and Sirius would do, but other things too. She pretty much just went along to have fun; I normally was the one to get into trouble, although she always wanted to take some of the blame too."  
"Sirius…did he…I mean, what was it between you two?" she asked.

"Ah that. He was in love with me. Sev wasn't…not really anyways. Sirius hit on me at every available opportunity because he thought I was 'pretty enough' to date him. I love them both, Sev and Sirius, but I chose Sev of my own free will, understand that Hermione. Sirius and I actually went out during my fourth year, it was his sixth, but even though it was fun we never actually kissed or anything. Then during the summer before my fifth year Sev and I had a lot happen between us…and pretty much in the beginning weeks of the school year he admitted how he felt and we became a couple. Sirius was pissed, to be sure, but he came to accept it I guess…and Lil thought we were a cute couple. It was that year, their seventh that Lil and James began to date as well. If Sev and I were cute together, they were ADORABLE!" I let out a small squeal.

"Romance at school…but how did you continue your relationship with Snape?" she asked.

"After he graduated, we still did a lot over the summer, and during the school year we'd meet up in Hogsmeade, or he'd come visit, and we spent our holidays together with the gang. No one fought while I was around. They pretended to like one another just for my sake. You don't want to get on my bad side Hermione, trust me." I smiled at the thought. "I don't think Sev remembers though, who I really am. I think the shock of my death and the shock of me coming back kinda made him forget or something…"

"Did you want him to forget?" Hermione asked.

"It makes some things easier, some things more difficult." I noted how Hermione hadn't asked…yet…who I really was. "I wanted to live a normal or semi-normal life for a while. I guess right now I am. I'm happy for that but I can't escape who I was meant to be for forever. I'll have to go back eventually. Remus knows and remembers who I am…Sirius still knew. Sev once said he'd come back home with me when it was time, Remus said he might come too, but I wonder if either really remember that."

"Did you know he was a Death Eater when you married him?"

"Yes and no. At first, I didn't know but when I did I almost lost him, because I would end it if he remained like that. He became a spy, supposedly because of me, because he didn't want to loose me. That didn't happen until we were engaged though; I didn't realize it until three years after we had begun dating that he was with Voldemort." I watched Hermione involuntarily shudder at the sound of the name. "He's changed Hermione; I really believe he's changed. For the better…" She looked at me worriedly.

"Are you sure you're just not blinded by love?" she asked and then looked ashamed of herself for asking such a thing. "I'm sorry, it's just…sometimes I've heard that people believe in other people so much that they're in denial that things are bad or that the ones they love are doing bad things…"

I smiled at her sadly. "It's a shame you're not going to be a psychiatrist. You seem to know a lot about this kind of thing. I can see into his heart Hermione. I looked into it once when we were younger and I didn't see evil there. Nothing pure evil existed in his heart. I swore not to do it again because it did invade privacy and the like, but he's not evil Hermione. He's never raised a hand to me or hurt me physically. He tried to when we first met but it began to subside as time went on until it disappeared completely. I trust him, I believe in him. I bet I'm the only one though, eh?"

"No, I trust Snape…he did help Harry out," Hermione said. "I believe in you Cat. You're a really good person. I really hope things work out for the best."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked her and she smiled sadly at me and stood up.

"Everyone trusts Snape because you trust him, particularly Dumbledore. I haven't asked you what you are because I think that's something you don't want to say just yet. We trust him because you do. It may be an invasion of privacy, but just for my piece of mind, would you look into his heart again?" she asked. I stood up as well and approached the fireplace. "It's not that we don't…but…"

"I know. I'll take a look," I said. "I'll have Remus with me if I can or someone else; in case my judgment is a little cloudy after all these years." She opened her mouth to say something but I hushed her. "It's all right. Love does that to people. That and the fact I'm carrying his children you know. Maybe I am in denial Hermione. I don't want our kids growing up without a father…but I'll do whatever it takes to protect them…even if Severus has changed to something I don't remember him being. I'm more resilient than you think you should know." I smiled at her. "If Severus doesn't remember who I am…there are things worse than death that I could do to him if he makes me mad."

"I have one more question," Hermione said after a long pause. "Why didn't you save Sirius? You obviously had the power but why didn't you?"

"Does Harry blame me?" I asked. "Does Harry blame me for his death?"

"I don't think so," Hermione said with a shake of her head, her hair falling over her shoulders. "But if you love him…"

"I knew you would ask," I said sadly. "It was only a matter of time." I began to pace, knowing all to well she was watching me intently. "I'm the Protector of Forest. My duties there call for me to remain mildly unobtrusive when it comes to the timeline. Things happen for a reason, all the time."

"Wait, were you told not to interfere?" she asked. "Did a higher power or something tell you to not interfere?"

"No, it wasn't like that at all," I said, shaking my head. "I loved Sirius…I really did…" I collapsed by the fireplace. I felt Hermione approach me and her arms wrapped around me. "I didn't interfere…the things that need to take place…need to take place…I wanted to. Trust me…I wanted to. I wanted to teleport in there and show everyone I was back…"

"Ah, that's right. The ministry still doesn't know you're back. Voldemort doesn't either," Hermione said, holding me gently by the warm fire. "You miss him, I'm sorry I asked…"

"No, its okay," I said, drying my eyes and standing up, pulling out of her arms. "I'm going for a walk. I think I'll go say hello to Tonks."

"You can't go out at night," Hermione said. "Wait, never mind. Look who I'm telling. I'm a hypocrite just as much as anyone else." She looked towards the dorm room. "I'm going to bed. Just stay safe okay?" I nodded and she smiled, walking towards the stairs. She began to head up them. "I'm sure Snape is a good guy deep down…but even the best of us make stupid mistakes."

"Love will triumph over all," I said. "He wouldn't want to hurt the only one who actually loves him." I grinned evilly. "He really wouldn't want to hurt me…"

"I don't think anyone would," she replied. "Good night." I watched her disappear up the stairs.

"I'm sure he's good deep down too," I said. "I know something's going to happen though. I wish I didn't have to let it happen that way…but it needs to happen. Sev will learn the hard way what it means to slowly loose everything…and that…maybe that will save him."

**_…_**

**__**

The only way to get around Dumbledore's protections without breaking them was to go to the astronomy tower and fly down to where Tonks was patrolling currently. I had a wand pointed at my heart before I could speak.

"Who goes there?" she asked, an incredibly overused line but one I was used to hearing nonetheless.

"I'm here to kill you Tonks," I whispered and she smiled and put away her wand.

"This isn't the time to joke," she said once she could see my face more clearly. "I have a few complaints you know. Severus insulted my Patronus…"

"That's right, it changed didn't it?" I asked, putting a finger on my chin. My wings flexed menacingly against the faint moonlight.

"I can't stand this, just a second, Lumos!" Tonks brought a little light into the area we were in. "He said my other one was stronger."

"It's in the eye of the beholder dear," I said. "I like it. It reminds me of Remus." She turned bright red and the wand light faded so I couldn't see how red she was getting. I lit my own wand and looked at her. "I don't believe it…and here I thought you were…"

"I would never!" she exclaimed. "I know you loved him more than I ever could."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Do you want my help?"

"But don't you love Remus too?" she asked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow, her face still red.

"I do, I love him with all my heart. And he loves me too, that I know. But we could never be a couple you know. You know what…to be honest I always thought he was gay," I said and her eyes widened.

"You…you what?" she asked.

"I always thought he was gay," I said. "He's not though, trust me."

"Oh, good," she said. "I almost thought my chances…"

"Were ruined? You know, he'll probably tell you he's too old, he's a werewolf and he's not the kind of guy you should be dating," I said. I found this more amusing than I should. I think Tonks was the only one genuinely in love with Remus besides me. He never did have much that resembled a girlfriend during school or after.

"I don't care about that," she said. "He's a sweet guy. I'm always jealous of the way he treats you. You two are so close."

"That probably wouldn't stop if you two got together you know," I said. "I depend on him for a lot."

"You two are the last Marauders, as you say yourself." She looked thoughtful. "And I know you're head over heels for Snape, right?"

"Yes, almost to a fault," I said with a nervous laugh. "We're more like brother and sister though rather than a couple too…"

"You and Snape?" I laughed. "Oh, I see, you mean you and Remus."

"Do you want me to find out if he knows you exist?" I asked her and she blushed really deep, showing almost all the shades of red on the color spectrum.

"Would you really do that?" she asked.

"He needs to settle down sooner or later. He can't be the werewolf bachelor forever. It's just now's not really the time what with him trying to get in with the real werewolves you know. I'll do what I can though, just little hints here and there," I said. "It'll feel good to interfere in something while I'm pregnant. It'll give me something to focus on. Don't worry though; I won't be as bad as Dumbledore. Goodness knows the only reason I listened to his interference was out of respect."

"Yeah, well, I should get back to my patrol," she said and turned to start walking again. "Hey Cat, can I ask something?" She looked over her shoulder at me and looked worried for a moment. "Has your Patronus ever changed?"

"It probably would if it could, but a dragon it shall remain," I said sadly. "Good night Tonks. I wish you well."

"Good night Cat," she said and I jumped up, my wings flapping as I took flight towards the astronomy tower again. Maybe I would visit Severus tonight…nah, I'll just see him tomorrow.

**_…_**

**__**

Classes were pretty boring right up until the first DADA class. (I didn't go see Slughorn personally yet, best to keep a low profile until I saw Sev again…just for me and my own weird way of doing things). Severus, as good a teacher as he was, was still fighting with certain unnamable students…but they know who they are and I know who they are…everyone by this point in time knows who they are. I on the other hand, just didn't pay attention to any of it period, and I was sitting second row from the front. I would get in trouble…but I held a few keys he knew I had. I continued to doodle the entire class, and he tried his best to ignore me as well. I caught a few annoyed glares on occasion but nothing like what I thought he would do…yet.

"Miss Riyusaki, would you please explain to the class what it is your doing that seems to be more entertaining than learning what I have to teach?" he asked. Well, here was a bit of a test of power. He lost it when I was around at times, especially now when I remembered who I was and I had to make sure he kept up a certain modicum of respect.

"I'm drawing pretty pictures," I said. I grinned as well. My grin said something like 'just wait until my dragon hormones kick in…'

"Let me see those, silly girl," he said and picked up my papers and paged through them. He schooled his expression and folded them up, taking them to the desk and putting them under a paperweight. "Detention Miss Riyusaki and any more drawing on your part will result in the loss of more house points."

"Damn," I cursed under my breath. I could tell he was grateful I wasn't saying how happy I was to actually have detention, although I knew it was probably a bit of a turn on to know I would be having 'detention' with him…the horny guy. Geeze…

**_…_**

**__**

The entire class left the room when it was time but I lingered behind.

"Is there a reason you're not leaving yet Miss Riyusaki?" Severus asked me as everyone else packed up their bags and hurried out the door.

"I had a few questions about the lesson," I said easily enough. I could sense Harry lingering outside the door, wanting to hear what was about to happen, even though Hermione and Ron didn't want to know at all…something about Too Much Information.

"Surprising that you have a question and yet you failed to pay attention," he said with a sneer and glared as the last student hurried out of the room and shut the door behind her. He beckoned me to follow him and we went up into his office. "What do you want Cat?"

"Are you horny or something?" I asked.

"Of all the things to ask," he started.

"Well, the way you said 'Detention'…" I trailed off.

"No, your detention is a normal one," he said. "And five points off from Gryffindor for believing other wise. Wasn't it you who said not to take it easy on you?"

"Yeah, but what are you going to have me do? It's not like I can organize the potions room for you anymore," I said. "Want me to clean the classroom?"

"I get creative in my detentions and you know it," he said, leaning against his desk. I rocked back and forth ever so innocently on my heels. "What are you getting at?"

"Nothing, I'm just not happy you took points from Gryffindor," I said.

"I'll take more," he hissed at me. "Don't think I'm taking what you said humorously Cat. I have appearances to keep up here and in other places to you know."

"Detention is all well and good but don't take points from me," I said. "I'll do detention but points shall be another matter. I won't accept it."

"What do you intend to do about it? I'm going to have Slughorn make a potion up to keep your emotions in check as well you should know, I can't have you spoiling things…" He stopped mid sentence as I came up and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"I know love; you have to keep up appearances. It's difficult now that I'm back, isn't it?" I asked. "I'm sorry Sev, I really am." His arms came up around me and he kissed my hair with a slight laugh.

"It would be difficult even without you being back," he said. "But I have something to return to with you here. It makes coming back more worthwhile."

"That's good to know…hey wait a minute!" I said and he laughed at me.

"Just out of curiosity, how did you plan on stopping me from taking points from you?" he asked.

"Every point you take is a day without sex," I said, "Unless I'm really in the mood."

"Come again?" he asked and looked at me in the eyes. "Did you just say what I think you said? I'm a man you know and I have manly needs…"

"I'm not some trophy wife or some sex toy you know, I'm a woman who's pregnant with our future!" I exclaimed.

"I know that but still…after fifteen years you think…" he trailed off and looked at the ceiling. "Five points to Gryffindor for good behavior."

"Was it really that much of a blow to your pride?" I asked him and kissed him again before he could respond. "I'll behave myself Sev. I won't let you down and I won't abandon you, you know that. I love you."

"I love you to," he said and then put a hand on my stomach. "How are they?"

"They're complaining but they're fine," I said.

"What are they complaining about?" he asked with a small knowing smile.

"I'm starving! I'm eating for three now you know…"

"More like eight…OW!" I punched him in the shoulder. "What did I say?"  
"I may be eating for eight with my appetite but that doesn't mean you have to be rude about it," I said. "Behave and I'll give my good boy a treat."

"So detention won't be a real detention…" he said with a hopeless gesture of giving up. "It never will be anymore…"

"Well, someone will be punished," I whispered into his ear erotically and he groaned. "Probably not me though, I'm pregnant." Another groan followed, this one being out of hopelessness. "Or we could wait a bit until I have the kids."

"I never figured you for kinky," he said.

"I'll never figure you a murderer," I whispered back.

"I'm not," he replied, "Well, I mean…I do what the dark lord…"

"I know Sev, I know," I whispered back and stared into his green eyes. "I just wish things were more peaceful."

"They will be Cat, I promise," he said. I walked out the door with a smile on my face and grinned back at him one final time. "The DADA bedroom is really nice…Will you come tonight?"

"Depends," I said. "Most likely. I just wanted you to have the first night here to yourself."

"Merlin I did miss you," he breathed. "I promise I'll protect you."

**_Severus_**

****

I watched her leave, swaying her hips gently just to tease me, a promise for later tonight. She was the only one who loved me and trusted me with all her heart. That's why this was difficult to escape…what I had to do now was difficult to get past. Would she still love me after all I may have to do?

"I'll create a peaceful world for you my love," I whispered. "Even if it takes evil to create it…"

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: I know, kinda short but you love me anyways. Yay! It's still a new chapter though. I'm just getting back into the swing of things. The sex thing'll probably fade away a little; it just doesn't work that much for me. I never did like using it much, so from now on I only promise to use it out of necessity. Please review this new chapter though, I'm eager to know what people think about the new events and I bet everyone is wondering how I'm going to deal with HBP, right? I look forward to hearing guesses!**


	22. Do you remember me?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!

A/N: Yay, another new chapter!

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 22: Do You Remember Me? (Because I remember you)**

The weekend finally arrived and rather than studying (although I knew I should even if I knew I would pass any test given to me nonetheless) I went to see Professor Slughorn, the old Potion's teacher (who recently returned with Dumbledore's gentle persuasion)

"Miss Riyusaki, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he greeted. "Do you need help with the assignment…I mean…"

"No I don't. I got the potion wrong on purpose Professor. I know how to make it," I said with a sigh. "I've already taken this class before, that's the thing."

"Well of course you have. You're a sixth year, aren't you?" he asked, smiling broadly. I sighed. I think I was just going to have to explain it in the simplest way.

"Professor, my name really isn't Crystal Umi Riyusaki," I said and he looked up from his desk at me. "My real name is Katherine Anne Forest/Snape."

"My word I thought you looked familiar!" he exclaimed and stood up. "But that woman died the records show it! The ministry locked away all her things and all that's left to the public is the stories and rumors! They didn't even tell people from then on that Severus was a widow!"

"It's me Professor," I said and spread my wings to prove it. "See? Only Katherine Anne Forest/Snape has wings like these that you know of, right?" A few black feathers fell as I flexed them.

"By all the founders," Slughorn breathed. "I do believe I'm looking into the past. How did you do it? How did you defeat death?"

"I don't know," I said. "I just remember coming back around five years ago with no memories whatsoever."

"No memories you say?"  
"I got them back when Voldemort was reborn," I said and he cringed at the word. "What? I ain't got any reason to be scared of the poop so I'm going to call Voldemort whatever the hell I wish!"

"Sorry," he said. "But does the ministry know you're back? I remember…"

"Yeah, they think I'm a traitor," I said. "It's a conclusion I still fail to see reached but that's that. So um…all I ask is that you don't tell them I've returned."

"Easy enough, I never did like them for calling you that. You were the best Potions Student of your year if I recall. What was it you invented again…venom candy?" he asked with a glance towards the ceiling.

"Yep, Snake Venom Candy," I said. "A chewy sweet and bitter combination that's not deadly to enjoy."

"You were obsessed with cooking spells to, weren't you," he said thoughtfully. "Yes, I remember now. Obsessed to the point of ridiculousness sometimes. I remember having to tell you to do the actual potion and not mess up on purpose as well too if I remember correctly. Many a time you blew up a potion just because you knew how."

"Hey, that was something hard to figure out. It was easier to poison a potion rather than blow one up. That took skill," I said with pride.

"I suppose you taught the Weasly Twins that skill?" he asked.

"What did you hear?" I asked.

"I went into their store before the term started. Exploding potion ingredients were on one wall you see, and I thought of you, even though at that time you still were dead, at least to me and the Wizarding world. I thought perhaps your lasting legacy had been your old potions book…which is still around here I believe…one of the few things the ministry didn't care about was an old book," he said. "That and I don't believe Dumbledore ever said anything about it when the ministry came claiming what they could. Did they get a hold of your clan book?"

"Nah, that's in the library. I doubt they even knew I left it here," I said with a smile. "I look forward to brewing potions with you later sir!" I began to exit the dungeon.

"I look forward…wait, no I don't. Please don't blow anything up this year if you can help it," he said. "I know you'll pass everything though anyways…you have done this all before. One more question though, why did Albus have you come back to school?"

"My lack of memory," I said quietly. "I didn't remember anything so Albus thought it would be best for me to come back to school and learn things. He thought it would help my memory return. In some ways, I guess it did." Silence fell between us.

"Are you glad you're back?" he asked.

"They didn't want me, the dead don't want me, and the spirit council hates me so much." I grinned. "Yeah, I'm glad I'm back. I wanted to come back…to be with Sev. The best part, I think, is when I actually gained back my memories. I stood up to Voldemort in some weird way and it… I mean we can now have children."

"Am I hearing that right?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, we can have the children we didn't have, couldn't have because of my curse."

"I suppose you're extremely happy about that," Slughorn said with a profound nod.

"Of course I am!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, so well, I just wanted to really say hi. Don't take it easy on me or anything. And if I blow up any potions, blame it on the morning sickness getting the best of me."  
"I'll blame it on the devil in you getting the best of the potions cauldron," he said. "If you find time, would you mind making me a batch of your Snake Venom Candy?"

"Sure thing," I said and headed out the doorway, pausing underneath the frame. "It's good you're here teaching, although I do miss Severus in the dungeons."

"How could you?" he asked jokingly.

"Well, okay, I don't miss him much, but he was and kinda still is teaching for me, because I wanted to be a teacher here," I said. "He told me that's one of the ways he personally tried to keep my memory alive, more for him than others though."

"That's sweet," Slughorn agreed and I exited the room. Well, I might as well do the personal favor for Hermione tonight and see what's in my love's heart…

**_…_**

**__**

"Hey you guys," I said as I entered the common room later that night.

"Hi," Hermione said brightly. I think I might have walked in on some private conversation. No one else was in the common room; they had all gone to bed.

"Cat, we're kind of in the middle of something," Harry said, trying to be as polite as he could. "I'm only allowed to tell Hermione and Ron about it…"

"Oh, training with Dumbledore," I said, nodding as I approached them. "That's just fine. I know what you're looking at anyways. You'll actually be looking at a few memories of mine, mostly battles with the bonehead and such. I think he's going to show you the one where I died too." I smiled. "And there is one I needed him to look at as a personal favor. I can speak the snake language and such but in the memory where I died I can't hear what Voldemort is saying. My flaw is I can't go look back at it, even in a pensive because I keep getting drawn to the sword that eventually strikes and kills me."

"Say what?" Ron asked. "When you died?"

"Yeah," I said. "I told you about that, right?"  
"Oh, sure, that," Ron replied.

"Well anyways, I can't hear the spell Voldemort is speaking so I asked Dumbledore to look into it for me and I think he'll have you come along just in case it's the snake language too. I want to know what that spell is," I said thoughtfully. "If I know what it's called or know how it's brought about I can fight against it…or if it was a saving spell, meaning that it wouldn't hurt the person it was intended for and only hurt the one trying to save said person then I need to know about that as well."

"Why?" Hermione asked and then realized. "Oh, you want to know that…"

"Yeah, I want to know if Voldemort really was willing to kill Sev or if he just was using my love for him to kill me and Severus really wasn't in any danger." I grimaced at the thought of it. If Voldemort really wasn't trying to kill Severus then the doubt would really begin as to if Sev really loved me I guess or if he was really evil…things like that. I had to know.

"But he cried for your death," Hermione said and stood up. "Excuse me you two, just a moment." She pulled me into a corner by the stairs to the girl's dorm. "If it was a saving spell like that does would that mean Severus doesn't love you?"  
"It means there's something going on between them I don't even know," I whispered. "He cried for my death and those tears were real. He went through mourning, I watched him cry himself to sleep at night, and I watched him even during those fifteen years still cry himself to sleep at night. It wasn't from guilt that much I knew. Voldemort could've been playing the both of us for fools on that moment. If he did that would royally piss me off and I would have a little revenge in the works for that. But I am planning on looking into his heart tonight. I only came back for a few things I'll need."

"I don't want to force you to do this," Hermione said quickly.

"You're not forcing me. In these times…uncertainty abounds everywhere. Sev knows I have a right to be uncertain. At least he should. He's been acting differently as of late and I don't know why. It's so unfamiliar to me right now; I'm not used to this." I said and felt tears welling up in my eyes. "I think I'm getting all emotional now because of the pregnancy but I can't help it."  
"I put doubt on it for you, didn't I?" she asked. "I don't want to break you two up just because I'm a little uncertain!"

"Hurry up 'Mione!" Ron called from the couch and she nodded and waved him off.

"It's okay," I said reassuringly. "I will always love him, even if there is evil in his heart. There is always a chance to save a person from evil, there always is a way. Love will conquer all."

"You always say that," she said. "How can you believe so much in it?"

"Past lives always interact with the present," I said. "Things repeat themselves and this looks like a repeat for some past lives now reborn…"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I can't really explain it right now," I said. "I don't really understand it myself. All I know is events will transpire, people will suffer but everything will turn out all right, even with me and Sev. Even if he is really evil."

"You wouldn't become evil just to be with him, would you?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm not like that at all. I'm too much of a good girl to do that. To date I still have never taken a life unless my blood was shed by them first. I always give people numerous chances…"

"Is that why you never killed Voldemort on your own?" she asked. "Is that some rule of your clan?"

"A little Hermione. It doesn't necessarily have to be followed but magic exists it's strongest if it's for defense or for the right reasons. No matter how evil a person is, until they shed first blood against me in a battle, and each battle is new as well, meaning that if they make me bleed in one battle and then escape, the battle begins again. No, no matter how evil a person unless they shed first blood in a current battle they cannot be killed by my hand. Trust me, I've had to hold back many times, but as Dumbledore said, there are worse things than death. It's true for me; I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve." I smiled at her. "Go back with your friends. I'll be all right Hermione. Feel free to tell them why I never killed Voldemort, but don't tell them about my doubt with Severus now. Please, just for a while?"

She nodded resolutely. "I won't tell them. I promise. Good luck Cat." I headed up the stairs to gather a few things from my trunk before slipping past them again and out into the corridor. It was time to head to the DADA quarters…and hopefully Sev wasn't in a bad mood, even if I had ways to tackle that…

**_…_**

**__**

It was time. Remus had come on my request to be here, and it only took him a little trouble thankfully to do so, although he said he could only stay for a little while because then he would have to get back. We were at Sev's door and I placed my hand upon the door and knocked.

"Sev, are you in there?" I asked gently and heard a muffled curse. The door creaked open and Severus was staring out at me. I don't think he saw Remus though, who was off to the side.

"What is it Cat?" he asked.

"I came to see you tonight, is that such a bad thing?" I asked.

"I haven't had the best day you know," he said solemnly and I nodded, knowing full well what had made his day bad.

"I bet I can make it better!" I said with a smile. "Come on Sev, I'm lonely and we haven't talked…"

The door creaked open. "Great, talking." I went in and motioned for Remus to wait for me, and he nodded grimly. I went inside and sat on the couch, Sev sat next to me with a hand holding something white and bloody to his head.

"Gods Sev, what did you do?" I asked and forced his hand away.

"As you can see, I've had a bad day," he said.

"You know Sev, you never got these accidents when you were potions master," I said solemnly.

He glared at me. "If all you did was come to ridicule me then get out!"

"What's wrong?" I asked as I summoned a healing cloth from my trunk to my hand and pressed it to his wound. He relaxed visibly. "All this time you've been treating me differently Sev, I want to know what's going on."

"It's stressful. Teacher, spy, soon-to-be father. All of it is just taxing and none of it I can give up," he said with a weak grin. "Love, it's just too much. Last bout I only had to protect you but now I have to protect a family as well that's on the way."

"You think it's easy for me? I feel so bored, I'm not really focusing on classes because I've done it all before and I just have to sit here while you're out doing everything. The ministry still doesn't know I'm here and I have half a mind to do something about that. I'm a pregnant dragon who's worried about her husband." I peeled away the cloth and stood up to examine it better. "You know, it doesn't look that bad now."

"You're enchanted cloths always do work wonders," he said and I sat down next to him again.

**_Severus_**

****

The decisions I was facing now, the decisions that would mark me for the rest of my life were right before my eyes. I hated having to think on them.

"Cat…I…" I almost wanted to tell her. I almost wanted to tell her everything that was going on, everything that was about to happen. She wouldn't interfere, she didn't find it right.

"It's okay Sev. Once we defeat him you won't have to do this ever again," she said. Did she understand that really? Did she really understand about this fight? She may have fought against him, but she never really understood it. She still doesn't know all there is to know about me, she never asked, I never told. I loved her and wanted to create a world for her in which we could be together…but that world I was working for might never happen, because she wouldn't be with me the way it would end. She may not be with me even if it would end the other way as well.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered. "I can't do it." I know she heard me and she would think the stress would be too much. But that wasn't it. I couldn't keep betraying her. I couldn't keep betraying her like I did. I didn't care if she doesn't love me anymore because of it but I do love her. I fell into her arms and she held me there, gently, tenderly.

"It'll be okay Sev, it'll always be okay," she whispered. "Love does triumph over all you know."

"I hate it. I hate this life…" I said through my tears, cursing the fact they were even there to begin with.

"Do you hate being with me that much?" she asked.

"Stupid dragon, that's not it," I said, my tears vanishing as quickly as they came. "I hate having to live two lives! I feel like I'm being pulled apart!"

"Is there anyway I can help hold you together?" she asked so gently, so sweetly and kindly I almost lost myself again to tears. She was the only one in the world who loved me, genuinely loved me and I still didn't know how to take it.

"I don't know," I said. "Listen…I'm not…not in the mood for anything and tonight I really don't care if you are."

"If you want me to leave you can just ask. You don't have to be rude about it," she said quietly. "I'll leave you alone Sev, but it'll be okay. I'll be here for you."

"No you won't," I whispered as I felt her stand and I raised my head to meet her gaze. "When it all comes down to it you won't."

"When it all comes down to it I love you and I will always love you," she said with a smile. "Silly Sev, I won't leave you." She walked out of the room and I broke down again when I couldn't hear her steps outside my door anymore.

"If you only knew…"

**_Cat (_****_Crystal_******

****

"So you didn't do it," Remus said as we arrived at the entrance to the great hall.

"I either didn't do it or couldn't do it. He was injured," I said, trying to rationalize and then I let out a loud sigh. "Okay, perhaps I am just blinded by love but I really don't think he's pure evil Remus. Only known person that's purely evil is Voldemort."

"Cat, I don't want you getting hurt," Remus said, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "No matter how anyone looks at it, you'll be hurt the most if Severus isn't really who you think he is. Not even Dumbledore would feel that way."

"I'm setting myself up for a fall, that I know," I said sadly. "In some ways I know it Remus, in some ways I don't want to believe it."

"How are you going to deal with it when it happens?" Remus asked.

"He has been acting strange lately, stranger than last time even. If I get any rumors or evidence to support that, I'll confront him. I'd rather him tell me outright rather than have him not tell me at all and I find out through worse means. I won't look into his heart Remus. It's not right for me to do that to anyone," I said and a long pregnant pause fell between us. "I swore not to do it again the last time I used it."  
"I know," Remus said. "Besides, you have other things on your mind too. You're promise to Lily, your future children…it's not easy being who you are."

"I know," I replied sadly. "Remus, you know that when I have to…"

He interrupted me. "I know what you're going to ask. I'll do it you know, I can't leave you all alone like that. When you go, I, the last of the Marauders will go with you into the portals. I promise not to die on you as well, since I have to go there to protect you after all. Who knows, I mean, I might end up living a more normal life there than I am here." He chuckled to himself lightly. "It'll be okay. Like you said, love will always triumph. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to my own contribution to the war effort." I walked him to the great hall door and Tonks opened it for us to let Remus out. The wind blew in on us and I watched him walk off with a wave.

"Into the portals?" Tonks asked once she closed the door. "What in the world does that mean?"

"Nothing to anyone as of yet," I said with a smile. "But when the time comes, if he does like you enough, I'll ask that question to you as well. We all can't be alone forever you know. You'll understand it a little later on, of that I promise."

"Did you find out anything to the fact if he likes me or not?" Tonks asked.

"I'm sensing a little thing there, but I didn't ask him outright," I said with a slight laugh.

"What did you see?" she asked. "And how do you know something's there?"

"He blushed as he walked out of here walking past you," I said. "It's the little things I always notice…I often miss the big picture because of it. G'night." I waved goodbye as I headed back to the stairs. As I made it up the first few flights, I couldn't help but have the doubt gnaw at my mind. Did Severus really love me?

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: I promise the next one will be longer. I just wanted to finish up one more new chapter before I headed off to college. Please review people, rant or whatever, just don't flame! I hope to write more about this soon, and if I can't, be rest assured come Thanksgiving you will have a long, really long chapter to read for your patience! That and the fourth Harry Potter movie! Yeah, I can't wait. So anyways, see you all later! Review if you want!**


	23. I can't I just can't!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N: New chapter! Yay and I'm writing it at college!

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 23: I can't…I can't…**

**_FLASH_**

****

_"Sev!" a voice called out. Severus raised his head to look at the incomer. It was __Forest__. He let out a sigh and stood so he could get away from her as fast as possible._

_ "Wait up Severus!" she cried again and he groaned and stood still. She would catch up to him and force him to listen even if he didn't want to._

_ "What do you want __Forest__?" he asked, turning to face her._

_ "Don't you know what today is?" she asked._

_ "Don't I know what it is? I don't and I don't care to know," he said and turned away from her._

_ "You should care," she said._

_ "What is it then?" he asked dryly. "Hurry up before I curse you again." She bounced up and down with excitement. What was with __Forest__ anyways?_

_ "Its Christmas morning and you didn't get your gift from me yet," she replied as she wiggled something behind her back._

_ "I don't normally get presents from people like you and I don't need presents from people like you," he said and started to walk away again. "Stupid first year…"_

_ "Sev, please, I got it specially for you," she said and brought her hands forward to reveal a package wrapped in green paper with a black ribbon. "I thought you'd like the Slytherin colors best when it came to wrapping paper." Sev took the package and held it in his hands. "Aren't you going to open it?"_

_ "What is it?" he asked peevishly._

_ "It's called a present Sev. You won't know what it is until you open it!" she exclaimed. "Come on, I got it especially for you!"_

_ "Will it shut you up if I just open it?" Severus asked her and she nodded. He went to a windowsill and sat down, opening up the gift, ribbon first and then slowly tearing off the wrapping paper. He had hardly gotten any gifts before and this Christmas received less than usual for reasons only he could fathom. Why would this girl insist on giving him something even though he for one got her nothing and two, hated her? He brought out the box and slowly opened up the top. Dramatic tension rose within __Forest__'s eyes and she looked on, eager to see his reaction. Snape looked inside the open box and gasped._

**_Severus_**

****

I sat up in bed, breathing heavily and looked down at my wife. She was sleeping peacefully by my side, just into her second trimester. We've already started the story about my son being the father and although Draco and other Slytherins asked many questions about it, I believe we got the story for them to be believed. So she was safe, for the time being but we still had to be careful. Of course now she's been enduring waves of 'teacher's pet' and 'don't think just because you're his daughter-in-law' but she's been taking it in stride. Either that or she would blow up at them. She's served many detentions with me now…both formal and in the bedroom. We've had yelling matches in the bowels of the dungeon when we needed to have them and outside where no one could hear us as well. The only reason we've been having yelling matches though has been because she's become increasingly moody. Her dragon blood is apparently working hard to make my life hard. She won't take no for an answer sometimes (and not all the time I care…) and she and I are having problems now. She always apologizes though and says she loves and trusts me, but I see the faint disbelief in her eyes.

It was there years ago even when we were dating, when the Dark Lord had just begun his killings. And it's returned. It's only right that is has, I can't deny what I'm doing. If she asked me directly, I'd tell. I know I wouldn't be able not to. But she's not asking. She's not saying much of anything about it. I think she wants to just push it aside and believe it's not happening. She's holding back something from me. She's restraining from asking, holding back all hopes of finding out so she doesn't have to do something. That's what I think. That's what I'd like to believe is true and I think it is. Last time, she stayed away from the fighting and ministry when she could. She fought Voldemort only when he started it. The ministry called her a traitor for not getting more involved. They said for all her power she should be involved and stopping this. Voldemort knew better, he knew he couldn't use her. He only bothered her on occasion, just to make sure she was still aware of his presence. Just to make her know what he could still do.

She held back, all those years she didn't fight she held back. I wanted power, I still want power. She has it, more power than I could ever have and she doesn't use it! Sometimes it angered me, not anymore. Now I understand why but that doesn't stop my desire for it. It doesn't.

"Go back to sleep." Her voice spoke to me and I smiled faintly. "Or did you have a bad dream?" I stroked her back and she settled down.

"No love," I said, relaxing beside her. "It wasn't a bad dream. It was actually quite nice."

"Sure," she replied sarcastically. "Go to sleep." I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled close. I closed my eyes again and I knew she was smiling. "That's my Sev." She sounded so possessive, so loving and I loved that.

**_FLASH_**

****

_ Severus sobbed, his hands threading through his hair as he pitifully cried, the warm tears running down his cheeks._

_ "Sev is something the matter?" she asked, a calming voice. He looked up and through his tear stained eyes he saw Cat. He had come to call her that recently now, accepting her as a friend kept her quiet…but that wasn't it. He felt strange when he was around her and couldn't figure out why._

_ "Go away," he said bitterly. "Leave me alone." She knelt down beside him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. The touch alone was comforting but he didn't want it. He shrugged it away and turned from her. "They were teasing me again." He said this before she could respond, he didn't want her to ask and he knew she would. "You're stupid friends…" He wanted to say something more but his voice choked off in a sob._

_ "They did something really bad, didn't they?" she asked and he nodded. "I see. Sev, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm not going to tease you or harass you. Come here, I can offer some comfort." His unconscious desire to be near her drew him to fall sobbing into her embrace. His head lay in her lap as his legs curled up to his chest. She held him though, holding him gently as he cried and touching her forehead to his hair. All she did was hold him._

_ "I've had it," he whispered to her and turned his head to the side so she could hear him better through his sobs. "I've had it being teased…"_

_ "I'll talk to them," she said easily enough. "There has to be a reason they're…"_

_ "I did nothing in the beginning to warrant this," he sobbed. "I hate them."_

_ "It'll be okay," she replied, running a hand through his hair, stroking it gently._

_ "I wish I were stronger," he said. "I need to be stronger."_

_ "So do we all," she said with a smile. She gave him a kind of half hug. "I'm here Sev, if you need strength then come to me. I'll help you."  
"You can't," he said. "You can't help me because you don't understand."_

_ "I understand what harassment is like," she said. "I understand the feeling of weakness."_

_ "No you don't!" he exclaimed and raised his tear stained face to hers. "You don't understand weakness. You're the strongest person I know damn it! All those times I hurt you before and you could have stopped the curses. You could have fought back. You never once blamed me! How can you be so strong and yet you allow that to happen?"_

_ "What sort of strength then are you looking for?" she asked and his head drooped. He grabbed her hand and fiddled with it. "Sev…"_

_ "You're strong, and beautiful. You can stand up to them. You make them listen to you." He began to cry again. "No matter…what I try I can't. I have to fight back."_

_ "It's okay," she whispered as he fell into her embrace again. "I can't make them listen all the time you know." He didn't hear her. He just sobbed into her lap and she sighed, giving up the talk. She stroked his hair and watched as he began to relax. Luckily they were in a part of the library not even the librarian goes to often. She knew he would be here from what Lily had told her about what had happened. He relaxed into her arms and drifted asleep. "Sev, a butterfly in __America__ with the beat of its wings can make tornados in __China__. You're not weak."_

**_FLASH_**

****

I sat up in bed, morning light shone in my face. I looked to the side, Cat was already gone. I expected it; she said she was going to go see Hagrid about some Care of Magical Creatures lesson. I can't believe she didn't drop the class, but then again, she was only assisting Hagrid with the children while learning more herself because she said she wanted to take the NEWTS but the regular class for sixth years didn't fit into her schedule. Hagrid was more than happy to have her though and she helped him plan a few less dangerous lessons for the younger students.

"I better get ready for class."

**_Cat (_****_Crystal_******

****

**_FLASH_**

****

_ "Sev, just go…just leave me and the children alone. Leave me to pick up whatever pieces I can."_

_ "You're just giving up?"_

_ "I just wanted you to be happy! You're happy now, the way you are. Please, just go. Just leave…"_

**_FLASH_**

****

Sev may have had good dreams but I certainly didn't. A future I can't prevent is coming and things are changing.

"Crystal, are you all right?" Hagrid asked me as we picked up after the first years. "You're looking a little pale. I hope that pregnancy isn't taxing you too much."

"I'm fine," I said, half of that being a lie. "I'm just thinking about things. I think I need to see Dumbledore right now."

"Head on up Crystal," Hagrid said. "I'll be fine finishing this up."

"Thanks."

"Get better you hear?"

"I hear."

**_…_**

**__**

I went to Dumbledore's office and after speaking the password, went up the stairs. I didn't know if I really wanted to talk to him or not, but I had questions nonetheless and I didn't have any clue who to ask, so I might as well start with the old coot.

"Hello Miss Forest, what brings you to my office?" Dumbledore greeted warmly, gesturing to a seat. I sat down and looked at him seriously. What was I going to say anyways? Oh.

"Did you two have a look at my memories yet?" I asked him. "I mean, it's okay if you haven't…"

"Say no more, Harry heard the spell but wouldn't tell me anything about it. He said you should be the first to hear about it," Dumbledore replied. "Your memories are most interesting. I seem to recall a few rules being broken even I hadn't known you had been breaking."

I blushed a few shades of red. "Well yeah, that's that." He smiled. "What? I remember all rules that I broke but I didn't break a few…wait, never mind…all rules were pretty much broken by me at one point in time or another."

"Is that all you wish to talk to me about Miss Forest? You still seem troubled." I stood up, shaking my head and started walking towards the door.

"Thanks for answering," I said as I went towards the exit. "I better go find Harry." Just before I went out the door I looked over my shoulder at him. "Dumbledore, I can't stay hidden forever you know. There is too much going on this time and I can't not get involved."

"I understand," Dumbledore said. "Although I don't know why you would be except for Severus."

"There's more to it than that," I said. "I made a promise to Lil and the time has almost come and I have to…" I clasped a hand over my mouth and turned away.

"I understand," Dumbledore said gently. "There's more than just the war going on. That much I do truly know. But tell me, does this mean you're choosing sides?"

"No," I said quickly. "I just can't stay on the sidelines this time…for some of it. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, destiny is destiny and fate is fate. We cannot escape them, no matter how hard we try," Dumbledore said gently. "I will talk to you later."

"Bye," I said and dashed down the stairs out of the office. I was glad to be out of there. I had almost spilled the secret I told Lil I would never spill! At least, not yet and not to Dumbledore first.

**_…_**

**__**

I went to find Harry and discovered him in the back of the library during his free period, studying with Ron. Hermione was nowhere in sight, which was a little odd although I think I heard something about the two of them fighting.

"Hello Harry," I said quietly as I sat down across from him and took a book off of his pile. I flipped through it until I saw him look up at me.

"What is it Crystal?" he asked. "It better be important I'm actually studying."

"I wanted to ask you what you saw," I whispered as I put the book back on his pile. "In the pensive. Dumbledore told me you heard it but you wouldn't tell him what was said." Harry's gaze didn't soften one bit until he seemed to remember what Dumbledore had told him to look for.

"Oh, that," he said. "Are you sure you want to talk about it here?"

I looked around. "There's no one else in sight." I glanced at Ron. "Except perhaps him." I nodded in his direction for emphasis.

"Should I leave?" Ron asked dryly.

"You're fine," I said and then put my head on my arms.

"All right then," Harry said and lowered his voice significantly when he spoke again to me. "It was something to the effect of let the one die protecting the one they love…"

**_FLASH_**

****

_Lily looked at Severus. Had he really just called her a mudblood? She knew his mouth was foul, but she had held some hope that he wouldn't be that bad. What did Cat really see in him?_

_ "Fine then. I won't bother helping you anymore." She started to walk away and then turned around. "I'd wash your pants if I were you…Snivilus." She was going to tell Cat…only Cat would put a stop to this before the professors got there…_

**_…_**

**__**

_ "Cat, you got to go help Sev…Potter and Black…" Lily began breathlessly. Cat stood up and nodded. "Good."_

_ "He called you something, didn't he?" Cat asked. "He called you a mudblood again, didn't he? I can tell, because there's anger in your voice."_

_ "He did, but still he's…" she trailed off and glanced towards the door._

_ "All of them are going to get their arses kicked!" Cat exclaimed, startling the whole common room. She realized the silence and looked around. "Sorry." She followed Lily out the door._

**_FLASH_**

****

"So it wasn't going to strike him if I didn't protect him?" I asked.

"Apparently not," Harry said. "So either he used your love for Snape against you…"

"Wait a tic then mate; couldn't Snape have known the spell the Dark Lord was going to use?" Ron asked. "He could have known the Dark Lord wouldn't have killed him."

"No, he couldn't have," I said, shaking my head. "He wouldn't have known or else I would have known. We have a connection and he wasn't as skilled as hiding his mind then as he is now. He wouldn't hide that…"

"Do you know if he really loves you then? Snape has seemed a bit off these past few days," Harry said. I put a hand on my stomach.

"His tears were real; his love for me is real. I know he's hiding something but I don't want to ask. I can't bring myself to ask," I said suddenly before I could stop myself.

"I guess the reasoning for that is that everyone has their secrets," Harry spoke quietly. "But then there's also there's no harm in asking, right?"

"I…I don't know," I whispered.

"Hey, mum told me something interesting this summer," Ron said suddenly. "She said the ministry called you a traitor and banned all memories of you they could because you married a Death Eater and didn't take sides."

"How could you have not taken sides? Wasn't my mum your friend?" Harry asked.

I shook my head. "It wasn't like that. Harry, to this day I have never taken a life. To this day I've been neutral. I have to be. I have to see both sides. When Voldemort fought me, when he would, picking fights with me for no reason at all, or the most plausible reasoning being he couldn't stand the fact I didn't chose his side much less the other… But no, I couldn't get that deeply involved. And remember Harry, I was dead by the time Lily was protecting you. I miss her…"

"If you hadn't fallen for that spell…" Harry began but I stood up, hushing him quickly.

"I fell for that spell because I was protecting the one I love." I said this louder than intended but I kept going on nonetheless. "I was protecting him just like your mom protected you!" I shut up after that and stormed out of the library. I had heard enough. I walked towards a window and sat down in the sill, looking out onto the grounds. "Harry, your mum didn't have to die either…"

**_…_**

**__**

There was a difference in our deaths I suppose. She died protecting Harry, an ancient secret and Harry's wellbeing. I died protecting the one I loved the most, and I didn't know that I could have let it pass and it would not have hurt or injured Sev. How could I have known? I pressed my head against the cool glass and watched the rain begin to fall. It wasn't my blood rain, just regular wet drops. I began to cry with it. Lily chose to die…she didn't have to! Just as in the near future, another choice will be made, right? Another choice that could break everything apart. I didn't understand anything right now. This time during this war everything was different. Nothing was the same at all! How could I be so friggen stupid? I had to get involved…

"Crystal?" A soft voice caused me to raise my head and I looked to see none other than Luna Lovegood standing in front of me. "I thought it was you…I mean…are you crying?" She came forward and sat next to me. "Is something the matter?"  
"Everything's wrong," I sobbed and let her hug me. "Everything's wrong…"

"What's wrong? How is everything wrong?" Luna asked but I quickly shook it off, putting on a face and sitting up, wiping my eyes.

"Nothing's wrong," I said quietly. "I'm fine." I stood up and ran off. I didn't know where I was running but I was running somewhere. WHAM! I hit something solid and landed on the floor.

"Running around could hurt the children you know," a drawling voice said and I looked up to see Severus staring down at me. "What's wrong, you look like you've been crying!" I didn't meet his gaze and he helped me to my feet and began leading me to his room. It was better to talk about these kinds of things in private after all. Arriving inside he sat me down on the couch and I felt him sit down next to me. "What's going on Cat? What happened?" I looked at him, meeting his gaze this time and tears rushed to my eyes again and I fell forward into his embrace. "Cat, what's wrong? Are you coming to pieces on me now because of the pregnancy? Don't do this to me…"

"I don't know anymore…" I whispered and he held me steadily against him. Should I tell him? Should I say something to him? Should I tell him what's really bothering me? Should I just ask him outright? Should I tell him what the spell nearly sixteen years ago was all about and confront him to see if he knew? What should I do?

"Cat, don't fall apart on me," he whispered. "Come on, you're the strongest person I know." He kissed my hair gently and I struggled against him for a moment before breaking down once more. This was everything…the pregnancy, the spell discovery, the hurt, the mistrust. I didn't want us to fall apart! I still loved him…I knew he still loved me. This can't be the end of it! I won't let it be. I love him…love is all that's needed. Love can save thousands. Love is all I need. I love him…I really love him.

"I can't," I said.

"Can't what? What can't you do?" he asked.

"I…I…please Sev, just hold me," I whispered through my fresh tears. "Please just hold me and don't let me go." He did, all he did was hold me and I was happy. All he did was hold onto me and didn't let me go and I felt safe.

"I will," he whispered back. "Hey, can I ask you a question…I mean I know it's not the right time but I never know with you right now…"

"Now is definitely not but ask away," I said as he cradled me against him.

"Would you cry blood for me?" he asked. "Would the skies pour blood rain for me one day?"

"You're not planning on dieing are you?" I asked suspiciously, looking up at him. He smiled sadly and wiped a few tears from my face.

"No, I'm just curious," he said.

"You know I would," I said, burying my face against his chest again. "Idiot." I knew he smiled…he sounded different when he spoke next.

"Thank you," he said. "That does mean a lot to me." I didn't respond, I think Sev was glad I didn't. He just held me and I just stayed in his arms. Words didn't have to be spoken between us right now. Words were just words. Actions meant everything…actions always meant everything. Severus…what am I going to do?

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: Yeah, not much happened…I'm kinda contemplating doing either the first Quidditch match or something like that or just going on to Christmas…I wanna get to the good stuff but I don't want to make this end to soon too. I don't know. _SIGHS! _I'll think of something. Any suggestions from my favorite peanut gallery? The good stuff is coming, lemme tell you and I ain't waiting for the seventh book I promise you all that much! Although updates might be a little less frequent due to me being in college and all…**

**Reviews are nice and I hope I'll be able to update this soon!**

**Until next time!**


	24. Forsaken

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter so don't sue!

A/N: No reviews for last chapter? Oh well, I'll write more anyways!

And just FYI, because the pregnancy is almost at an end, Cat and Sev are going to be more emotional (at least Cat is) in some respects. The next few chapters will have a touch of humor, drama and romance (of course). I planned out the next chapter (25) a long time ago. Don't worry, everything will become clear soon enough people! I have it all planned out! (giggles) Yes, I realize how insane I am.

**Everlasting Sacrifice**

**Chapter 24: Forsaken**

**_Cat (Crystal)_**

****

I hate studying. I really hate it. The only good thing about studying is I can balance books on my stomach, or a cup of coffee and it almost stays there evenly. In another month, once I get into my third trimester, I'm in the second now; I'll be able to put all sorts of things on my stomach. It's not really something I should wet my pants about though…it's not uber exciting to balance things on my stomach when it's what's in my abdomen that's causing the real stir. I'm okay now. At least for a little while. I don't know what I'll do later on but for now I'm fine. I trust Severus. It's not that I have to but I want to. I trust him, I really do.

"Hey Crystal, what're you doing in the common room right now? Its lunchtime, aren't you hungry?" Hermione's voice broke through my train of thought and I glanced up at her. I looked down in my lap to see my book and papers oddly arranged over my stomach as I lay on the couch.

"Oh, wow, I really went out of it for a minute there, didn't I?" I asked with a half laugh, forcing myself to sit up. I folded the book with my papers inside of it and put it on the table. I didn't see Ron or Harry anywhere; I think Hermione and Ron were still fighting.

"Are you okay there?" she asked worriedly and I smiled at her.

"I'm just fine," I said. "Yeah, I guess I'm a little hungry. Did you already eat?" She shook her head. "Want to join me?"

"Sure thing," Hermione replied with a faint grin. I could tell she was still worried. I started to pick myself up and my hand rested on my stomach and I felt something move. Like, move around and move some more.

"By the gods!" I exclaimed.

"What is it, what's wrong?" Hermione asked. "Is something wrong with the children?"

"No, in fact, I better go find Sev," I said and stood up. "They're moving! They're finally moving!"

"Should they be?" Hermione asked. "It seems a little early for that!"

"One month away from the third trimester! Hermione, this is so cool!" I said. She approached me cautiously like I was insane and I grabbed her hand and put it on my stomach while I stood. She held her hand there patiently and then a smile broke across her face.

"Wow, they are!" she agreed. "Okay, so you need to tell Snape, but can't we eat first?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I might be too excited to eat much though!"

"Knowing you, you'll probably eat more," Hermione said and I smiled. "All right Cat, let's go eat lunch." I forgot to ask her why the boys weren't with her…well, I was probably better off not knowing.

**_Severus_**

**_FLASH_**

****

_"Cat, you gotta come quick!" Remus said, running towards her.._

_ "What's going on?" she asked, setting down my book on the table. We were in the Gryffindor common room at the time. Well actually, she was just there and Remus had just approached her._

_ "They're taking things a bit too far this time," Remus said. "Sirius got all mad when he heard about you and Snape on the Astronomy tower last week."_

_ "We weren't doing anything, we were just talking," she said._

_ "Yeah but since you're dating him this year he took it personally…a little too personally." Remus looked around nervously and beckoned for her to rise. "You have to get him to stop!"_

_ "What is he doing?" she asked. "They've always feuded in the past you know…"_

_ "This time he's really hurting Snape," Remus said sorrowfully, "He and James and Peter are…"_

_ "Why didn't you try to stop them first?" she asked as she stood up. Sirius was dead if Sev was badly hurt._

_ "I tried," he said. "This time I actually tried. I told them it was just a misunderstanding but you know how gossip gets manipulated by the Slytherins sometimes…and it just manifested into something different. By the time Sirius heard of it…it was like you were pregnant with Snape's child!"_

_ "What the hell?" she asked. "That does it. Sirius should know better. That dumbass. I wish I had never agreed to go out with him this year!" Cat was currently a fourth year, and the only reason she had really agreed to go out with Sirius because he really said he liked me. He wanted to see what would happen._

_ "Year's almost over though," Remus said. "You only agreed for one."_

_ "Stupid prat, take me to where they are Moony," she said. "Sirius is dead."_

**__**

**__**

_ She followed Remus down all the flights of stairs imaginable and down into the dungeons. "They really chose a dungeon?"_

_ "Sirius said it would be better to teach Snape a lesson where no one would find him for a while," Remus said. "And they don't tell on each other most of the time when one does something to the other…so you know…"_

_ "Yeah, the stupid game continues." she whispered. We ran down into the dungeons and Remus pointed to one on the left. "Is that where they are?" He nodded and she slowed to a walk, approaching slowly._

_ "She's dating me, me you stupid git! She chose me over you so get the message!" a voice exclaimed and a sharp cry of pain was heard. She heard a muffled response and a kick following. "Why the hell should I believe you Snivilus?" Cat approached the dungeon and looked inside. She couldn't see Sev that well; the three idiots were blocking my view of him._

_ "What in the name of the protectors are you doing?" Cat asked quietly. No yelling. No screaming. It was scarier when she was calm. Sirius and the others turned to face her._

_ "Cat, um…what are you doing here?" he asked innocently._

_ "Remus came to get me you prat," she responded, keeping her voice calm._

_ "Oh, hi Remus!" James said cheerfully enough. She noted fear in his voice nonetheless. She looked over her shoulder to see Remus waving with a look that said "you're dead now."_

_ "Where's Severus?" she asked quietly. Sirius looked around, avoiding my gaze. "Darling?" Her voice was full of mocking. "Where's Severus? Don't play dumbass with me. I know he's here. Remus told me quite a few things. Including one about some stupid rumor."_

_ "Snivilus needs to learn to stay away from you," Sirius replied easily. He was really trying to save his hide. She could see his legs shaking._

_ "I'm always the one pursuing him you jerk!" she said harshly. "If you don't remember for the past four years I've been here he's been scorning me."_

_ "And yet you call him a friend," Peter said and she glared at him. He fell silent and looked at the floor._

_ "I'll ask again Sirius Black. Where is Sev?" Her voice had only just gone up a notch. Sirius gulped and he and the others stepped aside. Severus was there, beaten up. Bruises lined his eyes and his clothes were torn. "Sev!" She rushed forward and knelt by his side, taking him into my arms. "Sev, can you hear me?"_

_ "Uhhh…" his voice was soft and tears welled in my eyes. She started to use her healing powers over a few of his wounds._

_ "What did you guys think you were doing?" She asked, looking up at them. In barely a few moments, she never thought I had seen them looking so truthfully ashamed. "You know nothing! What came over you Sirius? I thought you had grown up! I thought you knew better than to listen to dumb rumors!"_

_ "Cat, it wasn't that…I mean…" he said._

_ "No, don't even try. You heard it and took it to mean whatever you wanted it to mean. This is low for you Black. This is extremely low!" His eyes widened as he realized she wasn't calling him on a first name basis. "Hurting someone? You know how I feel about violence! You know! If you don't know by now then you really haven't been listening to me all these years have you? I've been a fool Black, haven't I? To think someone like you would really care about me."_

_ "I do care!" he exclaimed. "Cat I love you!"_

_ "And yet you did this?" she asked, her hands still moving over several wounds. "It's no wonder he hates you guys! It's no wonder Lily won't date you Potter! You don't see that this isn't going to accomplish anything! How could you!"_

_ "I'm sorry Cat," Sirius said. "I'm really sorry."  
Her tears fell faster. "Oh, so it took me coming down here after Remus came to get me to have this stop?"_

_ "What did you expect me to do? I thought he was…" Sirius fell silent. He realized his mistake._

_ "I never would cheat on anyone. Never in this entire year have I cheated on you Sirius. I've been with friends. FRIENDS! You really don't understand that do you? You and Potter and Pettigrew don't get it, do you? You may think you're this great bunch of friends but you're not. You're bullies!"_

_ "Cat," Remus said gently. She realized he was at her side. "Guys, I think you'd better leave." Cat watched Sirius nod and as Potter and Pettigrew exited the dungeon Sirius walked slowly towards the exit and then turned around to face her._

_ "I really do love you," he said, and then he too ran away. _

_ "Why are they idiots?" she asked. "If anyone should be hurt, it should be me. They should have beaten up on me!"_

_ "They would never do that you know. It may seem foolish, but Sirius really does love you. It's all he could talk about this year. You, how you're so beautiful, how you're so smart. How he's so lucky…how he was so lucky…" Remus trailed off. "I think he didn't know what to do about it."_

_ "We never even kissed," she said with a half laugh. Remus handed me a handkerchief and she wiped her eyes. "Remus, I don't know what to do. I can't tell him how I feel because…"_

_ "I know, because of your curse," he replied. "But you don't love him that way, do you?"_

_ "No, I don't. I don't love him enough to want to be with him," she said._

_ "You love Snape, don't you?" he asked. She nodded and clutched Sev tightly against her. Anything bleeding had now stopped. "If I may, why?"_

_ "Something about him I guess." she said with a shrug._

_ "Even though for the past four years all he's done is pretty much curse you?" Remus asked her._

_ "He hasn't done it as much these past two years," she replied. "I don't know why Remus. We're a lot alike I guess…that's why. We both need someone to hold us together."_

_ "Right, he's been living with you over past four summers hasn't he?" Remus asked._

_ "Yeah, he has. I won't tell you why or how that came about," she said. "But he's been staying with me in the portals." A groan broke the two out of their conversation and Cat looked down to see Severus' eyes opening weakly. "Sev, you're awake!"_

_ "What…what's g…going on?" he asked quietly._

_ "It's okay," she replied._

_ "I remember…I remember those idiots Potter and Black calling me…they called me d…down to the dungeons. After that, I think I got hit over the h…head when I g…got here…" his voice trailed off as the memory of what happened flooded back to his mind._

_ "Severus," she whispered. _

_ "Why are you h…here?" he asked. "I d…didn't ask for your help."_

_ "You were being bullied. What would you have me do? Leave you here to them?" Cat asked._

_ "I c…could have…" his voice trailed off on a moan as a hand of his flew to one of his bruises. "It hurts…" Cat moved his hand away and put her own hand there, focusing her healing powers. He let out a sigh. "I…"_

_ "It's okay Sev," she whispered and looked at Remus. "You had better get going. I'm fine."_

_ "I'm sure you are," he said, standing up and exiting the room. "I'm really sorry Cat."_

_ She shook her head. "It's not your fault. And even though I can't hate them for everything they've done, let them think I still do, okay?"_

_ "You just can't hate anyone no matter what," Remus said with a sigh. "Just like Dumbledore."_

_ "More than Dumbledore even," she replied. "Get going." Remus nodded and ran off. "Sev, we're alone now. Is there pain anywhere else?" Sev shook his head._

_ "Why do you c…care so much?" he asked. "About me…"_

_ "I care because I care. I don't know why Sev," she said. "You're my friend. They're my friends. I just wish we'd all get along."_

_ "You ask for too m…much," he said._

_ "Yes, I guess I do. Seriously Sev, does it hurt anywhere else?" she asked. He shook his head. "That's good."_

_ "Why do I not hurt when you're here?" he asked, gathering his strength. "Why is there no pain? I should be…I have bruises, I can feel them…but I don't hurt."_

_ "I don't know," she said with a shrug. "I guess I just have that effect on people."  
"I don't want you to see me like this," he said. "I must seem real weak to you…"_

_ "Weak?" she asked. "No, not weak at all. You're not weak Sev."_

_ "I couldn't stop them. I couldn't pull out my wand and fight back." He groaned as he shifted in her arms. "I was weak."_

_ "No, no you weren't." She held him a little more gently now, just sort of holding him in her lap. "No you weren't."_

_ "Cat, I think…I think…" he began but cut himself off._

_ "What is it?" she asked._

_ "I can't say it," he said._

_ "Are you scared of saying whatever is on your mind?" she asked._

_ "I won't tell. I can't say it…damnit!" His voice echoed off the walls, anger and hopelessness and sadness in it._

_ "Words are meaningless at times," she whispered. He relaxed in her arms, all pain and agony long forgotten. "If you can't speak it now then don't worry about it. We have time."_

_ "Cat, I…" he began again. She shook her head sadly at him and he sat up a little, looking at her. "What?"_

_ "Didn't you just hear me? Words are meaningless sometimes," she whispered and leaned forward and down. "I'm glad you're like this. I'm taller than you right now."_

_ "The point of that is?" he asked and then he felt warm lips press to his forehead. "Cat!" Her lips stayed there for what seemed like eternity._

_ "See? Actions sometimes mean more," she said. "Come on; let's get you out of here. We better go see Madame Pomfrey." She helped him stand up and looked at him. He had tears in his eyes, he was crying._

_ "Cat," he whispered and she smiled. He fell into her arms and she cradled him against her, his head buried in her shoulder. No one truly evil could ever cry like that._

**_…_**

**__**

I opened my eyes and glanced around. How long had I been asleep?

"I haven't dreamt like that in a long time." I stood up and shook my head, looking down at the couch I had been sleeping on. "And I never fall asleep on the couch. How exhausted am I?" A knocking on the door awakened me further and I went to greet whoever it was with my usual sneer. "Who…"

"SEV!" I was suddenly embraced and tackled to the floor (nearly) by my extremely pregnant wife. "SEV!"

"Get off me you'll hurt them," I said, clearly caught off guard. "What do you want?" She stopped embracing me and came more into the room. I noticed Hermione in the doorway. "What is it?"  
"I was just following her," she said, pointing towards Cat. "I'll just…um…I'll just be going now." She left…quickly. I shut the door with a wave of my wand and turned around towards my wife once more.

"What is it?" I asked. She grabbed my hand and forced me to sit next to her on the couch. "Cat, tell me what's going on. Is something wrong with the children?"

"Nothing's wrong. Something wonderful instead my love! If something were wrong I wouldn't be so happy, would I?" she asked. "Come on; put your hand on my stomach." I raised an eyebrow at her but complied nonetheless. She took my hand and moved it around. "Ah, here, here's where they last were moving."

"What?" I asked and drew my hand away. "They were moving?" She grabbed my hand and put it back on the spot I had removed it from.

"Yes, come on, I want you to feel them!" she exclaimed. I held my hand gently against her stomach and waited.

"Oh!" I exclaimed as I felt something move. "Is that…" She nodded excitedly at me. "Dear Merlin Cat, is that really our child?"

"Children," she corrected. "They're both being so active right now. It's really exciting, isn't it?"

"I…I created that?" I asked in awe. "I helped create this life?"

"Isn't it wonderful?" she asked me and I found tears rushing to my face and my lips meeting hers in a searing kiss. Her hands traced along my cheeks as wet tears ran out of my eyes. I broke the kiss and looked at her, blinking through my tears.

"I can't believe it Cat, I'm going to be a father," I whispered and took her into my arms. "They're there, inside of you…"

"In here I can protect them love," she said. "In here they're safe. The only thing I worry about is what kind of a world they'll wake up to."

"They'll be safe. Even when they're born, you're still there. I highly doubt you plan on dieing through childbirth," I said with a small smile. "I doubt you could if you tried."

"I know," she said.

"Merlin," I breathed, "They're in there, and they're mine. I mean…ours. I helped create them and now you're carrying them and they're moving…they're aware…"

"Are you happy Sev?" she asked me, brushing away a few of my tears. I saw a glimmer of a few of her own tears in those eyes of hers.

"How can I not be?" I asked. "This is truly some kind of miracle. I never thought… never imagined we'd get to have children. Not after your curse. Even before then, I never thought I'd be a father, a good father or bad father, I just never imagined it."

"Never did you fathom something like this?" she asked. "They're very active, aren't they?" She giggled and snuggled close in my embrace. My hand wandered over her stomach, feeling everywhere to see if they moved more. "A miracle like this, eh Sev?"

"You don't know how happy I am," I whispered. I felt her relaxing into my arms. "Falling asleep already?"

"Probably because when I awake you'll be in the mood for sex," she said. "That and dinner. We should have a house elf bring down something…I'm so glad today is a weekend."

I kissed her hair. "I'm glad for that as well. Just rest love, its okay. You can just rest for now." I felt her relax more and snuggle closer. Her eyes closed and she drifted to sleep in my arms, a shimmering vision of beauty. "I'll make sure you stay safe."

_Even the name of this feeling escapes me…_

**_Hermione_**

****

"Hey 'Mione, where've you been?" Ron asked nastily as I entered the Gryffindor Common Room.

"With Cat," I said, waving him off.

"What's up with her now?" Harry asked.

"The kids started moving today," I replied.

"That's a good thing, right?" Ron asked, all insults out of his mind, or so it looked.

"Yeah, she was really excited about it. It was kind of scary," I said.

"Snape's going to be a dad, that's even scarier," Ron said with a shudder.

"Well, Cat's there, so the kids will be fine," I said easily and headed towards the girls' dorms.

"Cat is scarier than Snape sometimes," Harry said. "That's what I think…"

"She is really scary sometimes," Ron said. "Hey mate, do you think she'll get even scarier once she has the kids? You know, like all overprotective and stuff?"

"How was your mom?" I asked from the stairs.

"We're all doomed if Cat turns into my mum," Ron said. For once I had to agree.

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: Just a little bit of humor there. And the quote before the Hermione POV is from Immortal Rain. Don't own that either.**

**Tell me what you think! Do you like it? Feel free to tell me in a review! Long reviews are always welcome, just don't flame! **

**This chapter is dedicated to dog youkai jane because she waded through all 23 chapters. That's a lot of reading in my opinion!**

**Hey, anyone do art? I just made it over 100,000 words for this chapter so have a special artwork done to commemorate it would be great! Even if you can't draw well, like me, art of all kinds would be cute! I'd love to see what people would come up with!**


	25. Christmas Wishes and Christmas Kisses

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!

A/N: Onto the really sweet and probably the funniest and funnest chapter of the story. This is probably the most humor said readers will ever get at the current time for this story I'm afraid. I hope I at least pull it off with a bit of class!

_**Everlasting Sacrifice**_

**Chapter 25: Christmas Wishes and Christmas Kisses**

**_Cat (Crystal)_**

"Cat, I don't know, could you look any more excited about Christmas or any more pregnant?" Remus asked as I glanced around Honeydukes. I was doing some latent Christmas shopping on the last trip to the village before Christmas Break. Remus, for one reason or another, was here.

"I'm only in my second trimester," I said, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention to us. Fortunately, everyone here was more interested in the candy. "And yes, I'm so excited about Christmas!"

Remus sighed. "What are you looking for here anyways?"

"Candy and sugar. I want to get on a sugar high every day over Christmas break this time around. Especially on Christmas day!" I exclaimed, selecting various treats.

"Might I ask why you want to go and do that?" Remus asked.

"Several perks, a few sexual ones and others being well, I just really need sugar. The babies demand it!" I exclaimed.

"I bet they don't," Remus said blandly. "Trust me, Tonks sent me a letter stating some of the things you've been eating. She stated numerous weird food combinations the House Elves had to make for you, which she heard through rumor as she was making rounds over a couple of nights and nothing you had was as simple as sugar."

"Geeze, you're such a downer," I said with a giggle as I waited in line to pay for my items.

"And you're not wearing a coat!" he said. "If you catch a cold or the children get hurt I know Severus won't be happy."

"I'm wearing a sweater," I said. "And a scarf and a hat and mittens."

"It's snowing outside, practically a blizzard!" Remus said as I paid for my stuff. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, agitated by my lack of care about proper outer wear. "I say we go get you a coat at least!"

"This coming from the man with the torn robes," I said as we walked outside into the brisk winter air. "I'm just fine! ACHOO!" The sneeze came over me before I could stop it. I felt a heavy jacket drape over my shoulders.

"We're heading back," Remus said, in a tone that said, 'no ifs ands or buts.'

"But I wanted a butterbeer!" I exclaimed.

"NO!"

…

"You're back from the village a bit early love. Cat, what's Remus's coat doing around your shoulders?" Severus asked as we walked into the DADA quarters.

"It's just there," I said and my nose felt swollen again. "ACHOO! Damn." Severus's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"I see. Thank you Remus, for returning her," Severus said. "I'll see about getting a sleeping potion from Madame Pomfrey…"

"Why not just get some medicine? Oh wait, sleeping potion, got it. It won't hurt the children if she sleeps whereas you don't want to take a chance on other medicines or potions," Remus said knowingly and then Sev took Remus's coat off of me and gave it back to him and he brought be towards the fire and draped the first blanket within reach over me.

"I think both Lupin and I warned against this," Severus said in an emotionless tone. "So long as you're pregnant you have to be more careful! I won't loose the kids due to your old habits!" I glared at him. "I'm being entirely serious."

"I'll be off now, enjoy your candy Cat, I'll check up on you later. Take good care of her Severus," Remus said and with a wave walked out and away, his footsteps fading into the darkness.

"Cat, I think we need to talk," Severus said and I felt the couch give way as he sat down next to me. I clung to the blanket as he wrapped it more around me and drew it into my arms. "You really have to be more careful you know?"

"I am careful, I normally don't get cold, nor do I catch colds!" I exclaimed in a huff, snuggling against him. He was nice and warm.

"I understand that but Cat, I'm not joking. You getting sick isn't a good thing. You're supposed to be protecting the children, not endangering them. Your body may be fine when you're in the cold by yourself, but you have two fragile lives sleeping inside of you," Sev said and I felt his lips touch my hair. "You have to take better care, and even afterwards. I don't want them to be without a mother."

"And I don't want them to be without a father," I said with a smile. "All right, I promise to take better care. But you have to as well. You can't go off and do stupid things, okay?"

"I promise I won't," he said sarcastically. "But you're the one we should most worry about right now…"

"Ah shut up. Are you seriously going to force a sleeping potion down my throat?" I asked him, glancing up to look at his eyes. There was a gleam to them I'd rather not name.

"No, because I know you better," he said. "You'll just relax into my arms and fall right asleep."

"Right, you do know me," I said, and visibly relaxed into his arms as if on cue. "I'm cold, hold me Sev…"

"You don't need to use cheesy and bland lines," he stated dryly.

"Sure I do, its fun," I said and yawned. "Damn, you do know me well."

"I wish everything were this easy."

…

A cold. Great. Just what I needed. A fricken cold. At least in two days it would be Christmas break, but Christmas with a cold? Damn. My luck was not with me. I don't think I had any luck to begin with. Severus? Don't mention him. He's been overprotective and too teasing with this. WAY too teasing. I can tell he's worried though, about the kids. And about me, at least, I think so. I can't tell by how much he's teasing though.

Anyways, a lot of kids are deciding to stay here over break. Can't blame them but Dumbledore said he'd be stepping up security a bit for that just because. The kids that are going home? Good luck to them. A knocking on Severus's bedroom door causes me to raise my head. "Who's there?" The door creaked open and Remus walks in, balancing a tray between his hands.

"Thought you could use some company today," Remus said with a grin as he came over to where I was. "I figured you'd be staying with Madame Pomfrey though in the infirmary."

"Like hell," I said. "I told Severus if he made me stay there I'd kick his ass. She comes in here on occasion just to check up on me and the kids though." I let out a sniffle and Remus handed me a tissue as soon as he set the tray down on my lap. "Goodie, chicken noodle soup."

"Ah, I've forgotten how angry at the world you are when you're sick," Remus said with a grin. "Don't think you're the only one that'll suffer this time of year."

"Oh right, it's getting closer to the full moon, isn't it?" I asked.

"I'll be okay," he said.

"Do you want to stay in the temple this time?" I asked as I blew my nose. Remus eyed the tissue wearily as I tossed it into a garbage bucket not to far away.

"I haven't stayed there for my monthly transformation in a long time," Remus said. "It would make things a bit easier though. I'd be able to stay closer but then again I'm still in the midst of doing spy work."

"Almost forgot about that," I said.

"You know the werewolves I now have to hang with don't take kindly to you, right?" he asked. "I wouldn't be surprised if they're planning to violate your temple this time around."

"Werewolves never did like me much, even though I am a protector. Why didn't they do it before though?" I asked.

"You would have known. I guess their courage shot up when Voldemort came back and everything changed." He let out a sigh. "I'm probably the only one to have respect for you."

"They're not your kind," I said gently before starting to eat. "They never were. You truly belong here, with me and Harry and everyone else."

"I know, but my work is my work," he said with a sigh.

"Remus…" I began but he stopped me with a finger to my lips.

"I know. You know my answer already though Cat, you don't need to keep asking," he said and lowered his hand. "When the time comes, I'm ready. Everything happens for a reason you know. Now eat your soup, it'll get cold if you don't." I went back to eating and we sat in silence for a few moments.

"What do you want this year?" I asked suddenly.

"You're asking this late in the game?" he asked me with a cocked eyebrow.

"I already have what I got for you, I'm just asking to see if there's anything you wanted in particular."

"You're gifts are always special Cat," Remus said with a smile. "No denying that. I best be off. I'll talk to you later then, okay?"

"See you around," I said and sniffled again. Remus handed me another tissue and collected the tray. "Thanks." He set it on a nearby table.

"Take care of Severus over the holidays. You'll get my gift in the mail sooner or later," he said with a smile. "Happy Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas Moony."

…

"So Severus, have you gotten everyone their Christmas gifts?" I asked wickedly as he sat at his desk, poring over papers quickly, grading them as fast as he could. I was doing my best to be difficult, it was so much fun.

"I'm glad to know you're better but if you want me to spend any time whatsoever with you on Christmas day then you had better let me work!" he said and looked up to glare at me.

"You know, you only bring it upon yourself when you give the kids homework due right before Christmas break. Found my paper yet? I made sure to go into extensive detail about the properties of every ingredient…"

"Just shut up," he said, jerking his thumb towards something pinned on the wall. "That one is yours and by Merlin I won't be grading it until I'm done with these. Besides, you already know all of this…"

"But still grade me fairly. How do you know I didn't just write stuff to write stuff?"

"It's always possible but you wouldn't do that to me. You'd make sure to explain every little detail just to prove yourself." I smiled at the comment before leaning more into the sofa. "That and it's probably some new potion of yours as well, not following the assignment at all like I asked because you know it really annoys me and I don't want to be annoyed grading these papers."

"What makes you think I just invented a new potion and wrote about that rather than the required one?"

"The fact that it just so happens to be titled, 'Snake Venom Peppermint Christmas Candy'."

I pulled out a bag from my pocket, "Want to try some?"

He growled and stood up, coming over to me with wickedness in his eyes. "You really waste that much time inventing new versions of your snake venom candy?"

"Why not? It tastes good and it's not harmful. It's my greatest potion…"

"It's also called cooking," he said as he sat down beside me. "You claim it's a potion…"

"Have you forgotten what I create the candies for?" I asked. "I mean, hello!"

He looked at me and his eyes widened. "Oh, right."

"I'm just trying to create different versions of it to see what kind of effects I can get out of it. It's not just cooking. I don't make potions without a purpose," I said with a smile. "This one is supposed to relax you."

"Ah, so then it's preparing for the birth you were doing?"

"It's gonna hurt like hell love," I whispered. "It'll be wonderful…but it'll hurt like a bitch."

"I'll be there right beside you," he said, our teasing argument long forgotten within a few words. He took me into his arms and put a hand on my stomach. "Just one question though."

"What is it?"

"Why call it Snake Venom Peppermint Christmas Candy?"

"Because that's when I finished perfecting it, around Christmas time. That and it tastes like peppermint."

"I should've known better than to ask that question."

"You got that right, now shut up and kiss me." We didn't do much talking after that.

**A/N: I know, bad thing to have in the middle of a chapter, but this is a warning. No plot lines are forwarded here and it makes little to no sense. I had this planned out a while ago in some math notebook and I meant it to be a funny scenario for this even if some of it, actually everything except what's going on between Cat and Sev probably would never really happen otherwise. Even the explanation of the present Ron gets is weak, even for me. So just bear with me, I had to write it. Think of it as a funny little late Christmas Present…or something.**

_**Ron Weasly**_

I think I got one of the oddest presents in the world this Christmas, a video recording device from Cat. She gave me instructions on how to use it just fine, and even told me to hide it because my dad might be interested in the fact it's an enchanted muggle item Cat used to use a lot when she was at Hogwarts (she actually mentioned she had two but the one she couldn't find probably was being held hostage by the ministry so she was giving me this one that she did find exactly where she had hidden it). I figured I might as well use it so today, it being just the day after Christmas I was going to see what I could record in the great hall. Pure curiosity on my part.

"What do you think is going to happen out here?" Harry asked me as I set up a spot near the staircase. "I don't think anything funny enough will happen here, Fred and George aren't here anymore and besides, I doubt anything could bring much laughter these days."

"It's a gut feeling," I defended.

"SEVERUS!" a loud yell suddenly filled the air and down the stairs a familiar sight of Snape entered my vision as he walked hurriedly by and then Cat seemed to follow behind.

"I said no and I mean no!" Snape exclaimed. I brought up the video recording device and started to tape it. Obviously Cat had wanted me to use it to tape…so I might as well see what I got from this.

"You didn't say no to before…" she purred. I shuddered for a moment and wondered if I shouldn't be taping this at all because I had a sinking feeling this wasn't exactly kid stuff.

"That was a special occasion. I told you from then on no more until they are born!" Snape exclaimed. "I will not risk loosing them." Yep, maybe I should stop recording… aw hell; this is probably going to be funny. The greasy git is being offered some snogging and turning it down?

_**THIRD PERSON**_

Cat looked at Severus, who was staring at her with a hard expression on his face, as if he was trying to fight against her with much difficulty. Her pregnant form swayed from side to side as she appeared to contemplate her next move.

"You know you can't resist me," she whispered, and started to walk towards him again. He backed up until he hit the door. "And I'm in the mood. Throughout the few months I've been pregnant as of yet, I haven't been in the mood all that often…"

Severus gulped. "Often enough for me." Cat smiled at the sweat beginning to form on Severus's forehead.

"You're terrible at lying about this kind of thing," she whispered and reached up a hand to touch his cheek. Severus's hand reached and felt along the wooden door until he reached a handle and as soon as he opened the door slipped outside and left Cat there staring forward. "SEVERUS!"

…

From Ron's space by the stairs he snickered. The greasy git was turning down snogging? It didn't make much sense to him but he didn't know a lot about pregnant women either. Harry only looked on with wide eyes.

"So what are we doing this fine Christmas morning Mr. Weasley?" a voice asked and Ron looked over his shoulder to see McGonagall standing over him. Harry looked up as well and gulped down air.

"Watching a scenario." He gasped; he was going to get in trouble now, wasn't he? He and Harry exchanged worried glances.

"I see," she replied and then looked toward the entrance Ron had been staring at just a moment ago. "Oh, something between those two. Carry on." She knelt by Ron and then looked over at him. Ron looked just a little bit afraid.

"Um…professor?" he asked.

"The antics between these two are one of the few things I miss from a long time ago, when I was teaching them as a matter of fact." She smiled fondly. "It's still the same even today. Those two really haven't changed much at all."

"Oh really," Harry muttered and then turned towards the scene once again. It looked like Cat was going to give up; she turned away from the door and began to walk back towards the stairs.

…

"Stupid Sev…all I wanted was a little time with him!" Cat exclaimed in a huff. She headed towards the stairs while letting the hair she had pulled back fall down around her. She paused in her step and put a hand on her stomach. "Maybe it is for the best you know, but I was really in the mood!"

…

The door creaked open and Severus pocked his head inside. It looked like Cat was getting ready to head up the stairs. Good, he'd be able to escape. As much as he did want her right now, risking the children was not something he wanted to do…she was still enticing, but doing it this late in the pregnancy…rather risky, so it was a conscious decision of having no more! He slid inside and shut the door as quietly as he could, sliding along the door to the wall and then shifting along the wall towards the nearest door.

"Severus?" she asked and he swore under his breath, reaching for the doorknob ahead of him. He opened it quickly and slipped inside.

"Right…where the hell am I?" he asked, "Merlin, I went into a broom closet, didn't I?"

…

Cat smiled. Severus had just walked into a broom closet and was hers for the taking. There was no way he could escape her now! She walked up to the broom closet, opened the door, looked at Sev's face, smiled at his disbelief and closed the door behind her.

…

"Mr. Weasly, Mr. Potter, I do believe we don't need to see this…or hear it I'm afraid." Professor McGonagall said, glancing at the boys. Ron lowered his camera and looked at Harry.

"I don't even want to imagine this," Harry said and pretended to bang his head against one of the stairs.

"What's everyone gathered at the foot of the stairs for?" a voice asked. Harry looked up and saw Professor Dumbledore coming down to where they were. "Is something the matter?"

"Um…well, you see Cat and Snape…"

"Professor Snape," Dumbledore corrected. "And what exactly are they doing?"

Neither Harry nor Ron said anything but their looks towards a certain broom closet door seemed to tell him more than enough. Dumbledore nodded at the pair and raised an eyebrow to Professor McGonagall and turned to face the door.

…

The door swung open and Cat emerged looking oddly satisfied. She hastily brushed her hair and disappeared up the stairs of the great hall with a smirk. Shortly after Severus came out of the broom closet, his hair arranged messily and it looked as though he had been bitten on the neck.

"Bloody Dragon," he muttered as he made his way to the stairs, holding a very odd looking book. "How was I to know she still remained that flexible?" He started up the stairs and paused at the top, taking one more look at the cover. _The Karma Sutra for the Pregnant Woman_ in gold letters still caught his eyes once more. "I should have remembered how much of a reader she was."

…

"I'm scarred for life," Ron said. "To think that…he gets her!"

"Well, there are factors we don't know about as to why she is with him you know," Harry said and the looked at Ron sheepishly. "At least that's how Hermione chided us last time we questioned this."

"I think I'm going to puke."

"We should get going then," Harry said with a glance towards the two professors. "Um…yeah…" They dashed off as fast as they could go, Ron holding onto the video recording device. It would be good blackmail for later…although Cat would probably kill him. Then again, why else did she give him the recording device?

_**Hermione Granger**_

I watched from a seat as Cat walked up the stairs towards her dorm room. She looked oddly happy and waved at me before walking up the stairs with just a little difficulty. I looked at her sadly, wondering if I should tell her what Harry had told me he heard in the bathroom during Professor Slughorn's party between Malfoy and Snape. But she trusted him…trusted him and loved him. She knew him for a much longer time than me that I was certain of. I could only hope she really truly knew his heart.

_**TBC**_

**A/N: Again, sorry for the stupid little interval…but I believe that there has to be just a little humor in this. Yeah, so sorry about that again, yeah, it wasn't very funny. The last part with Hermione was a little bit of a plot point, but not much. I wasn't really planning to advance any plot any way really in this chapter, I just wanted to write out a Christmas break thing. I know, I'm extremely weird. Well anyways, just lemme know what you think if you want, just don't flame! Sorry it took like a semester to update as well, but college is a little hectic and I've been adjusting to a new lifestyle kinda.**

**Hope you still like this story and look forward to the next chapter. I should be able to update once again before I head back to college!**


	26. We were waiting

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter at all!

A/N: Feel free to yell at me for taking so long to update…

_**Chapter 26: We were waiting**_

"_Dumbledore, I can't do it anymore! How much more can you ask of me?"_

"_It seems hard but I need you to do this. Promise me you will."_

"_How can I promise that? I have my own promises to fulfill!"_

"_PROMISE ME! I need you to do this, there is no other choice!"_

"_Very well Dumbledore, it appears I have no other choice."_

"_Remember to tell her."_

"_How can I forget?"_

_**Cat Forest/Snape**_

I woke from my sound sleep and glanced at my watch. Crap, I was going to miss lunch! I gripped the post of my bed and sat up; doing my best to balance my weight so I didn't end up falling over. Carrying twins with their due date any day now wasn't an easy task. I glanced around the dorm room only to see Hermione looking at me with a smile.

"What?" I asked, still a bit groggy from my nap.

"Mind if I escort you to lunch?" she asked.

"I don't need an escort but I wouldn't mind the company," I said, attempting to smile. "I can still maneuver well enough."

"You're getting awfully close to the due date though," she said as she helped me up the rest of the way and helped me get my shoes back on. I couldn't even see my feet, not that I could even a few weeks ago.

"I know, I'm excited and nervous and happy and sad," I said.

"And your glowing," she added. "I even heard Snape mention it once over Christmas, how glowing you seemed."

"I was glowing, wasn't I? I mean, I am, aren't I?" I asked, running a hand over my stomach as we walked down the stairs and through the common room. "I still can't believe I'm going to be a mother."

"The thing that surprises me the most is that Snape's going to be a father," she said in a bit more of a hushed whisper as we exited the portrait. "I never saw it."

"To be honest, I never did either at first, but people change," I replied. "People always do."

"Yeah," she said, seeming almost sad. "People often change."

"Is there something you want to tell me about?" I asked and she shook off that sadness and smiled widely.

"No, there's nothing. I mean, even you have changed, right?" she asked.

"Getting my memory back doesn't count," I pointed out. "I'm still me."

"You deny you've changed?" she asked.

"Changing a lot is something hard for me to do," I replied. "I have changed, only in little bits though. It would take a lot more than just the little stuff to get me to change big time."

"I admire your strength Chris," she said as we passed by a group of students who paused to comment on how far along I was. "I could never do it."

"Thanks," I replied to them before turning back to Hermione and continuing down stairs, "I think you could. It takes effort but you can do anything you want to."

"I must say I'm a bit amazed how easily you were able to take those stairs," Hermione said moments later as we came towards the hallway leading to the great hall. "Are you sure you're really pregnant?"

I let out a laugh. "I'm quite pregnant Hermione. I just chose to ignore the pain so I could get to lunch quickly." I took her hand and placed it on my stomach.

"What is it?" she asked.

"They're moving," I replied.

"You've shown me this before," she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"They've just been really active today," I answered. "Almost as if they're trying to tell me something."

"How could you know that?" she asked, laughing.

"I just do," I replied. "As a soon to be mother, I know these things."

She continued to laugh. "I'm sure you do know everything."

"Never said I knew everything, I just know some things about my children," I said, placing my own hand over my stomach. "And I'll do whatever I can to protect them."

"That's good to hear," Hermione replied. "But come on, or we're going to miss lunch."

_**Hermione**_

Cat seemed in very good spirits as we sat down for lunch, joining Ron and Harry at the table near our usual spot. It looked like they were arguing over Quidditch again. Something trivial no doubt.

"Hey, Chris," Harry said. "You look well, how're you holding up?"

"Any day now," Cat replied, recognizing the need to use her real name at school rather than her true name here in the midst of lots of people.

"Seems like the fat lady will be singing soon!" a familiar annoyance called out from the Slytherin table. "The birth probably will be terrible!"

"Hey Draco," I piped up. "You wouldn't want to insult Snape's future grandkids, do you? Or his daughter-in-law?" It was a good cover to be sure, and it was only one step away from the truth.

"Still doesn't matter. His daughter-in-law ended up in the wrong house," Draco shot back, but it looked like he was about to look away and did so the moment he finished his sentence. He wasn't about to try anything further. He probably was still sore when Cat started yelling at him for a comment the other day and Draco had to have McGonagall explain what pregnant women mood swings were, yet again. I looked to the head table, and sure enough Snape was staring in our general direction, but there was no malice in his eyes this time around. Perhaps it was just a tinge of worry and concern over when the birth would be, but nothing more than that. At least that was all I saw in his eyes, aside from the usual coldness.

"AHHH!" Cat let out a scream and dropped her fork, clutching her stomach. The entire hall fell silent and I saw out of the corner of my eye Snape standing up in his seat and coming around the table towards us slowly, as unsure of what was going on as the rest of the hall. Even Dumbledore had risen from his seat to see what the scream was about.

"Chris," Ron said, watching as Cat started doing her best to try and stand up. It didn't work however as another cry escaped her lips and she fell forward, hitting her head on the table and then tripped over the bench and falling to the floor, landing on the solid ground with a soft thud.

"This isn't good," I whispered. People started to crowd around and I saw Snape start to move through the crowd as best as he could. He made little headway and I watched him pull out his wand and shoot a spell into the air.

"MOVE!" he exclaimed and the crowd parted, some having to go up on the benches and tables to do so. He walked forward without another word, scooped Cat up into his arms and strode out of the great hall, his black cloak billowing behind him.

"Come on," Harry said, tugging at our shirts. "Let's get going to the Hospital Wing."

_**Severus Snape**_

The hit to the head had done little but the trip over the bench and falling to the floor had me very worried about her safety and the safety of our children. As it is now, I was by her side as we waited for her contractions to get closer and for her to wake up so Pomfrey could start prepping her for the birth. Cat would wake up soon, I knew it.

"AHH!" Cat exclaimed and I looked over to see her eyes were open and she thrashed a little bit in pain. "It hurts!"

"I know, I know," I whispered, grasping onto her hand and helping her remain steady. "Your water broke; we're going to be parents…" My voice trailed off as the realization hit me. This wasn't some kind of simple thing anymore. She was about to bear my children.

"Uh-huh," she said, calming down a bit as the contraction faded for the moment. "I knew they were trying to tell me something."

"Sure you did love, sure you did," I replied, kissing her forehead. I was glad Madame Pomfrey not only put us in the back room but made sure we had a curtain of privacy as well.

"They're going to be beautiful," she whispered. "We're going to be great parents."

"I know you'll be a great mother," I said. "Are you feeling okay? You had a really bad fall, I was really worried."

"I didn't hurt them and I'm perfectly fine," she whispered. "All of a sudden I feel really tired though…"

"Well you'll have to ignore that I'm afraid," Madame Pomfrey said as she stepped over towards us with some supplies, including a lot of towels laid out on a wheeling tray. "I need you to stay awake now."

"But…are my contractions really that close?" she asked. I noticed a hint of fear in her voice.

"No, they aren't," Madame Pomfrey said with a sigh. "Are you really that tired? The contractions would only keep you awake dear, I'm only saying so you're not rudely awakened in pain."

"I took a nap before lunch," she whispered and I felt her grab a hold of my hand. "Nothing's going to go wrong now, is it?"

"You're perfectly fine Cat. This birth should be painful, but I didn't see any complications that could arise every time you came in to visit me," Pomfrey explained. "Twins are hard to bear, but I know you have that sort of strength." A loud knocking on the door caused Madame Pomfrey to excuse herself for a moment as she exited the room and left us alone again.

I looked back at Cat who was still gripping my hand pretty hard. "Are you all right love?"

"I'm scared," she whispered, looking at me and her eyes blinked once and I saw tears running down her cheeks. "Right now I'm suddenly scared."

"It'll be okay my love," I whispered back, taking a hand and brushing her tears away. I sat down on the bed and took her into my arms as best as I could. She let out another cry and I held her and she gripped my hand tightly, hurting it but I didn't care. She nestled up against me while I held onto her once the pain started to cease.

"I'm sorry I scared you," she whispered. "Back in the Great Hall when I fell? I'm sorry."

"I panicked Cat, I really did," I replied, kissing her hair. "But the only thing in my mind was to get to you and get you to Madame Pomfrey. And that I did."

"Thank you dear," she said. "Thank you so much."

"You're going to be fine," I said, more this time for myself than for her. I needed a little reassuring myself to make sure I'd be able to not worry so much about her giving birth safely.

"Well, how is my patient?" Madame Pomfrey said, coming back into the room. "I believe I must inform you there are multiple people in the main room waiting for news right now."

"What?" we asked.

"It seems as though most of Gryffindor house, as well as some from other houses, several teachers and Dumbledore are waiting outside the door, hoping for the best and most likely won't leave until the birth is done. I hope some of them realize this could take hours upon hours." She let out a sigh and started to walk away. "I will be back in a bit to check your dilation."

"Thank you Poppy," Cat whispered as she continued to nestle against me, her breathing slowing slightly as sleep started to claim her.

"You really shouldn't let her sleep that long," Madame Pomfrey said. "The contractions might end up waking her up as well. I'd give her about 5 hours before she'll be actually ready. With twins, this might take a long time. I'll be back to check on her every hour though. Keep an eye on her Severus now."

"I wouldn't let anything happen to her," I said, holding Cat close against me.

"I'll tell you just like I bet I'll have to tell her several more times. Don't be scared of this. She's going to be all right. I swear on my profession and my name if I have to," she replied and then exited the room once more.

I held Cat against me and whispered a few words. She'd have a restful sleep, the contractions wouldn't wake her now until at least an hour had passed or Madame Pomfrey needed her to be awake to push. Whichever of the two decided to come first. I wouldn't let anything happen to her.

…

It was time and Cat was holding onto my hand for deal life as she breathed and panted and screamed in pain. My hand hurt like nothing else but if it helped her deal then the pain was nothing.

"Come on love, you're doing fine," I said, wiping her brow with a wet cloth. "You're doing great."

"You really are," Madame Pomfrey encouraged. "Hang in there."

"SEVERUS YOU ARE DEAD!" she screamed and tried to take deep breaths again.

"Hang in there love," I whispered, ignoring her threats. She was in pain and her threats were empty.

_**Cat Forest/Snape**_

It hurt. Oh gods did this hurt so badly. I just wanted the babies to be out of me and I wanted them out now.

"Keep pushing," Madame Pomfrey encouraged me. "Come on."

"Hang in there love, you can do this," Sev whispered at me. I summoned my strength.

"I c-can't!" I exclaimed.

"Cat, you have to push!" she yelled. "PUSH!"

I let out a piercing scream as I used what strength I could, pushing as hard as I could.

_**FLASH**_

"_Severus, if you want to kill me, do it now."_

_**FLASH**_

"_Don't ever expect anything from me now."_

_**FLASH**_

"_Spirits of the Protectors, awaken!"_

_**FLASH**_

"_You will lose to me this time."_

_**FLASH**_

I heard a child screaming and saw Madame Pomfrey wrapping a child up a blanket she had on the table nearby, wiping the child off as well with a towel as best as she could currently.

"Is…is that it?" I asked, panting heavily. "Am I done? What's my…my baby?"

"You have a beautiful baby girl," Madame Pomfrey said and I smiled. "And we're not done yet." My smile failed.

"Not done yet?" I looked at Severus, who looked a bit pained and then I realized I was holding his hand, and had nearly broken it too.

"You're doing fine love," he whispered and kissed my forehead. I saw tears glistening in his eyes as he looked over at the child lying on the table near by wrapped in a blanket.

"Sev…that's…that's our daughter," I whispered.

"She's beautiful," he replied, stroking my hair with his free hand gently. "But you still have to be strong, one more to go love."

"I don't think I have enough strength," I said and let go of his hand for a moment to touch his face.

"You have the strength," he said. "I know you do."

I let out a cry as a wave of pain washed over me again and Madame Pomfrey approached me and took a look to see if I was ready again.

"Good, you're ready already to go for the second…" she trailed and pulled up her sleeves again.

"I'm so tired," I whimpered.

"You're doing fine," Sev urged. "Come on love. You can make this."

"Don't leave me," I whimpered pitifully as tears rushed to my eyes and I gripped his hand once again as pain rushed through me. I couldn't give up.

_**Hermione**_

All anyone could hear for the past several hours was screams of pain and exclamations of "I'm going to kill you Severus!" No one bothered to wonder why she was exclaiming his name instead of the name of his 'son', but everyone either seemed to be more worried about her screaming (at least of those that were here) or thought maybe Snape had named his son after him. Ron and Harry were sitting on a few chairs with me as close to the door as we could get. A few people had left because of the need to sleep, eat or do other things pressing at their minds, but a good majority of the Gryffindor house and teachers, and even Dumbledore were here.

I kept my hands folded, hoping everything was going okay. I thought I had heard a child crying earlier and so to me that was good news, although Cat had talked about twins. I stood up when I heard more screaming this time around and started pacing. I think I was more nervous than Ron and Harry, who didn't entirely understand of what it took to give birth. I didn't know firsthand of course, but I had heard plenty of stories and if this wasn't proof of the difficulty, I don't know what is.

I took a few steps towards the door and suddenly felt very dizzy.

_**FLASH**_

"_Please, let them fight by my side one more time…"_

_**FLASH**_

"_RON!"_

_**FLASH**_

"_If you're fighting Harry, then I'm fighting with you."_

_**FLASH**_

"_Give me wisdom to know my path…"_

_**FLASH**_

I opened my eyes to see Harry and Ron standing over me, with Dumbledore there as well, and I looked only to see the ceiling above me.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked.

"What does 'Give me wisdom to know my path' mean?" I asked. Ron and Harry both looked at me like I was insane. Dumbledore looked thoughtful. I heard a few more screams from the room, and then another wailing scream that sounded like the second baby had been born.

_**Severus**_

"Can I hold them?" a tired Cat asked. "Can I hold my babies?" Sweat covered her face and I wiped it a little with the damp towel again, watching her carefully as Madame Pomfrey brought the children over to her to hold.

"You have a lovely baby girl and a lovely baby boy," she whispered.

"You did wonderfully love," I whispered, watching her receive the children into her arms and then Poppy proceeded to clean up, taking some of the bloodier towels away.

"They're so beautiful," Cat said, tears coming to her eyes. "They're ours Sev, we're parents."

"They are certainly beautiful. They take after their mother," I said, feeling my own tears well up as I looked at our two children. "You brought them into this world for me. I don't know if I will ever be able to thank you enough my love."

"It wasn't easy," she replied, letting out a small laugh as she looked at the two now sleeping forms. "Twins."

"Any idea on names?" I asked her, "Or are you too tired to think right now?"

"Brittney and Zak," she replied without pause. "Let's name them Brittney and Zak."

I let out a small chuckle and attempted to wipe my eyes and remain strong still, even though I was almost as tired as she was. "You've know that for a while, haven't you? You've known their names…"

"Of course," she replied. "I've known that for a long while now."

"Brittney and Zak," I said and thought about them for a minute. "All right, our little ones, our Brittney and Zak."

"My little ones," she whispered and let out a small sob. "I can't believe it."

Outside the room I suddenly heard cheers erupting. Apparently most of Gryffindor house did remain through the long hours, nearing 27 hours. We hadn't slept much; I don't think I did at all. But to hear everyone cheering brought certain warmth to my heart, to feel the joy they felt for a successful birth. I still hated Gryffindor.

"It seems we're not the only ones who will be celebrating," I whispered.

"I'm so tired Severus…" she whispered. "Take them please…" I picked up the delicate forms one at a time and set them down on an area Poppy had just made up for them before she had headed off, a makeshift sort of bed for them to be in.

"They're so little," I said in awe, looking at the tiny little arms and the tiny little hands.

"They're ours," she said. I set the two down onto the makeshift bed and went back to sit next to my wife. I took her into my arms, even though she was disheveled and looked like she'd be unable to move for a week. I held her close and felt her snuggle against me.

"I love you," I whispered. "I love you so much my Cat."

"I love you to Severus," she responded, although her voice was soft and soon I heard her faint breathing as she was fast asleep. I leaned back a bit against the headboard and leaned my head so it rested just a bit on hers.

"Thank you my love," I whispered. "Thank you for this miracle I never thought I would have." We had waited for this moment for nearly 15 years.

_**TBC**_

**A/N: See? I'm not dead! I know where I want to go and how I want to get there, just took me to get out of college and have some time to refresh on what it was I wanted to do. I'm really sorry for making everyone wait. I hope they liked the chapter! More excitement to come!**


	27. A Child's Cry

Everlasting Sacrifice

Chapter 27: A Child's Cry

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do own Snape…but I wish I did. And the small little bit of song Snape sings, 'Come What May' is from Moulan Rouge (I think I spelled that right) and I don't own that either. If I did, I wouldn't need to work so hard to pay for college.

_**Severus Snape**_

Cat was kept in the hospital wing for several days as she regained her strength and I spent as much time in there as I could. I'd often end up walking in on her nursing one of the twins and just found that the most beautiful sight. She said Colin; a Gryffindor from her house came in once and took a picture of her with the twins because he thought that was amazing to have her be the first student to bear a child while at Hogwarts. When I asked her if that was entirely true she replied she had no idea.

"You really expect me to know?" she asked. "I'm no history buff."

"Just thought I'd ask love," I replied, holding little Brittney in my hands. She was so adorable. Both she and Zak were beautiful, simply beautiful. I wouldn't let anything happen to them. Not my children. I kissed Cat's hair and watched as she continued to feed Zak. Had to admit I was only just a little jealous. They got to see her breasts just a bit more often than I did now.

"I heard that," Cat said teasingly. "When I get out of the hospital wing you can see them all you want up close."

"I wasn't complaining," I said but in a lower purr whispered in her ear. "But I won't mind accepting your offer."

"I figured as much," she replied and then let out a sigh.

"Something bothering you love?" I asked.

"They were born in such troubled times…but we waited so long to have them," she said. "I don't want them to grow up like you or I."

"I remember," I said and set down Brittney in her area and sat down on the bed and took my nursing wife into my arms. "I don't want to become my father."

"You won't," she said. "I believe in you."

"You shouldn't have such faith in me," I said with a chuckle. "I'm an evil man you know."

"So you say," she replied. "So you always say."

"Is he finished feeding yet?" I asked, touching on of my son's feet. "So then I can hold onto you properly?"

"Not yet," she said with a faint smile.

"Has Poppy said when she's willing to let you go and get back to classes yet?" I asked. "I mean, to be released from here and get back out into the world." I let a small smile form to let her know I was teasing her a bit.

"I don't mind missing classes. I've already graduated, remember?" she asked.

"Still have to keep up appearances love," I said. "Remember that. That doesn't answer my question either."

"Poppy said at least another day or two. She just wants to be sure I'm at my best and the kids are too," she replied.

"It'll be good when you're out of here," I said. "I want you and the kids to be out of here and with me."

She sighed and I touched her cheek gently before giving her a soft kiss on the lips. She was as warm as always. I broke away and she smiled at me sadly.

"You can take Zak now," she said and I scooped my son into my arm and put him next to his sister. I went back to Cat and sat down on the bed, fully taking her into my arms. I kissed her hair and held onto one of her hands.

"Come what may," I sang softly. "Come what may, I shall love you until my dying day." I couldn't sing as well as she could, but I tried only once in a great while.

"What prompted that?" she asked. "Something you want to talk to me about?"

"I just felt like singing. I can't sing like you can, but can't I give it a try sometimes?" I asked.

"You can't sing Sev, just deal with that. You cannot sing and you probably never will be able to sing," she said and to prove her point started to sing as well. "Come what may, come what may, I shall love you until my dying day."

"Okay, I can't sing like you…" I trailed off, "But I can still try."

"No, you just shouldn't," she said.

"Fine, if you say so, I won't sing anymore," I said and held her closer. "But I'm not making any promises either."

"Right," she replied and leaned up towards me for a kiss, which I gladly gave her. We stayed like that, her wrapped up in my arms and me kissing her softly before I released her from the kiss, but not from my arms. "They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"They are my love, they really are," I whispered, feeling her relax into my arms. "Falling asleep on me?"

"I always do when I'm so comfortable," she whispered. "My love." She drifted to sleep and I held her close, glancing over at our children as well.

"Come what may," I whispered and kissed her forehead. "Come what may."

…

Once released from the Hospital Cat was completely overwhelmed. She had the children with her at nearly every class or ended up missing a class to be with them. Dumbledore and the teachers didn't seem as worried as I expected, especially considering that by her missing classes and possibly falling behind when she actually knew already what was being done might alert people that something is wrong with her. That she wasn't who she said she was. And she had to keep up this image for a bit longer. Although within the first week I noticed circles and bags under her eyes, noting she really hadn't been getting much sleep.

Then again, I hadn't been doing much to help either. She wasn't asking for my help, but I hadn't been offering either. I didn't know what to do. Then she told me just to take them for a while and keep an eye on them, or wake up at night to take care of them if I could. I was baffled by all of this while it came so naturally to her.

"Sev, would you watch them for an hour, I want to nap," Cat said, coming up to me.

"I have class," I said. "I can't…"  
"Please? I need the nap," she said. "It's okay. They're fed and sleeping."

"Where are you going to sleep?" I asked.

"You're room," she replied and went towards my door, but not before kissing me hard on the lips. "You taste good today."

"Cat, are you mad? Do you want the Dark Lord to find out?" I asked.

"Right now, if he came, I'm so tired and so moody his ass would be ground into fine powder and served to whatever followers he has," she said. I let out a small chuckle, even though I really shouldn't be laughing. When she said something like that last time about someone, doing something that sounded quite funny but seemed completely like a joke, she did it, just to prove she could. I didn't want to provoke that from her.

"Sleep well then," I said. "I won't wake you."

She yawned and went into my door. "Good, good night."

"It's good after…never mind. Sleep well."

…

Time closed in around me, the walls started to collapse, the ceiling fell. I was running out of time. I needed to spend as much time with my children and my wife as I could…I didn't know when I would ever be able to again. I had to stop being so distant with them, because I knew all the things I was going to miss.

_**Katherine Anne Forest/Snape**_

Severus was a good father, even if he didn't think so. He just didn't trust himself enough yet. I did. He would come around and realize things soon enough. He just needed to get past a few of his own barriers and he was doing that just fine. It wasn't like he was neglecting me or the children, he just always now seemed uncertain of anything he did with us. Like whether it was a good or bad thing. I lay down on the bed and looked over at the picture of us, which was taken on the day I had give birth. He was holding Brittney, and I held Zak. It was one of the few things of the both of us he had in the room, mainly trying to protect me and him while still caring for me and the children and this little picture of us meant a lot to me.

I closed my eyes, resolved to make good use of this time I had to sleep and actually sleep. Sev and the children would be fine. They wouldn't be too much trouble. They were so beautiful, my children. He was getting the hang of it. Most likely part of the reason was he wanted to keep his distance so as to not have anyone suspect they were his actual children, not his grandchildren, although from my perspective I don't see how that would have made that much difference.

I sighed heavily and snuggled into the covers. I needed my hour of sleep, and all these thoughts were not helping at all.

_**Severus Snape**_

This wasn't going to be so bad. They were sleeping right now as I kept them behind my desk, making very little noise at all. The only problem there could be would be was Longbottom was coming in right after this class ended to serve a detention and I know that my love would be coming in at the same time and have something to say about it. I could only hope she slept long. Of all the Gryffindors that suspected something between Cat and I and the only one who would let it slip and not realize it was him. Every Gryffindor, if they didn't already know it through Cat or some other means (which I had no clue how many knew but they all were keeping it a secret as far as I could tell if they did) they at least suspected something fishy because a lot of them probably had asked their parents if I had any children at all they had ever heard of. Everyone knew the same tale, or at least in part, as if it were a legend or a great mystery, how Cat was my love at one point in time or another, but since the ministry hid her things away and wanted all of her stricken from records and from public knowledge because they feared her. What would they do if they knew she had returned?

A knocking at the door told me Cat had arrived and I glanced towards Longbottom who was trying to focus on his copying more than trying to pay attention to me. I terrified the boy, which was more than good for me. I could hardly terrify Cat if I tried.

I stepped outside the room for a moment and was greeted by a more refreshed looking wife. The hallway was empty so she gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"I see you're feeling much better," I said. "Or at least you look better rested. Did the hour really do you that good?"

"Even with my mind wandering I was able to find some rest," she said. "I'm ready to get the kids now. You did a good job watching them."

I blushed a little at the comment. "They slept the whole time and are still sleeping. If you want to sleep a bit more I can still keep watch over them."

"Well, I have a bit of homework still," she started to say. "I could do it in your office in a bit of peace and quiet."

"That sounds good," I encouraged. "You should do that then."

"Okay, I shall," she said and kissed me quickly on the lips. "Thanks."

"Do well," I whispered as she started to walk away, "I'll see you later, okay?"

She smiled at me. "Things are going to change soon, aren't they?" Her eyes were sad, as if they were seeing something they didn't want to see. I tried peering into her thoughts for a moment through our connection but I couldn't find anything.

"Cat, are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm just fine," she replied. I walked up to her and touched her cheek.

"I love you, you know that, right?" I asked.

"I do," she replied, "But everything is going to be changing so fast and I don't know how I'll be able to handle that." She smiled sadly. "I guess I won't know until I try."

"I'll always be here," I whispered. She suspected something was going to happen, I knew she did, she would always know something was up, even if she didn't know exactly what. She knew something was wrong.

She smiled at me. "I know." Damn it, damn it all, I couldn't tell her, I couldn't even bring myself to get close to telling her. The longer I put it off, the more I didn't have to think about what she would make of it, the longer I would be able to hold her in my arms and kiss her lips and see the children.

_**Cat (Chris)**_

"Hermione, what are you doing?" I asked with a laugh as she sat next to me.

"I've finished the baby blankets I was working on. Remember? I've gotten pretty good at making things thanks to SPEW," Hermione said.

"Oh, that," I recalled with a sigh and took a look at the blankets she was holding up. One was a light blue with some black throughout and the other was a light pink with some tinges of red.

"I know they're the stereotypical colors but I thought," she paused for a moment.

"They're beautiful," I replied and took a moment to wrap Zak up in one of them, the blue one, but wasn't about to wrap up Brittney yet considering right now I was nursing her. "Thank you."

"I'm sure others are going to come forward with gifts in a while too," she said. "I think quite a few people found someone being pregnant in Hogwarts quite unbelievable."

"You look puzzled though Hermione," I said. "Is something on your mind?"

"Right, um…I don't really know how to say this but I've been meaning to ask you if you knew what something meant," she whispered.

"Sure thing," I replied, "Just promise me you'll sit down first and relax a bit. I don't bite you know." I shifted Brittney a little as she continued to nurse.

Hermione sat down on the bed next to me. "Okay, what does 'Give me wisdom to know my path' mean?"

My eyes widened a little bit at the recognition of the statement. "What?"

"Give me wisdom to know my path, do you know what that means?" she asked.

"Where did you hear that?" I asked.

"When you were giving birth, I blacked out and seemed to have several lines repeated in my head. You were saying something, then I said two things, then there was that line, and it sounded like you and Prof. Lupin were saying that. Do you know what it means?" she asked.

"Yes, I do actually. It's part of an old incantation," I said. "Are you ready to hear this?"

"Why would I not be?" she asked.

"These are powerful words," I said. "This incantation is something I would use when in dire need of something, anything."

"So what I heard was part of a magic phrasing?" she asked.

"It's a type of really old magic," I said and cleared my throat. "Give me power so that I can fight, give me courage to make my plight. Give me wisdom to know my path, of the three, the ancient pact."

Hermione sucked in a breath. "Is there any more?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On you."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"When you use those words, it is the first part. But the last part comes from you. Your words flow after that. What you need from power, from wisdom, from courage. The dragon, phoenix, and fairy," I whispered.

"The three highest clans," she added in awe.

"Right," I said. "The marauders didn't know why I spoke those words, except for Remus, who knows everything already you know. Lily knew them and knew why I used them and when I used them. And now you know them. I would ask you not to use them, but you received that one line in your head for a reason."

"I don't know why. I'm not connected in any ways to the past with you and Snape and Harry's parents," she said.

"Hitsuzen," I whispered with a smile. "Everything happens for a reason."

"You're scary Cat," she said. "Sometimes I don't understand you. One day you're all happy and then another you're all mystical. What is it you're really trying to do?"

"Stay neutral," I replied. "Let events happen that need to happen. Do you know how hard that is?"

"What?" she asked.

"I don't expect you to understand that, not now. But don't get angry at me later for saying that. I only answered your question," I replied. "Thanks again for the blankets."

"Yeah, I have homework…I should get to the library," she said and stood up. "You really are weird."

"Don't expect anything else than that from me," I replied as she left, grabbing the books she needed from her spot quickly.

"Bye!" she exclaimed.

"Bye," I replied. I looked down at Brittney and set her to the side, wrapping her up in the other blanket Hermione had given me. Brittney yawned a little baby yawn and started to drift off asleep. Zak was already asleep.

"I may know a lot of things, but in the end, I will be suffering just as much as anyone. And in the end, there are still surprises for me…and sacrifices."

_**TBC**_

**A/N: Yay! Tis done. I hope to get the next chapter up sometime within the year…LOL.**


	28. Angels and Demons

Disclaimer: I don't own so don't sue!

A/N: Now we're getting into the meat and potatoes. After this, perhaps, more or less, the book will stop being followed. One, I'm not going to base this off of the seventh book because I'm a little afraid what that's going to be, and two, this is where my ideas have started to center on to make things really cool. And three, this is where I earn the R rating a little bit more than the other chapters. Kind of, I think.

**_Chapter 28: Angels and Demons_**

**_Subtitle: Events that need to happen must happen_**

**_Cat (Chris)_**

****

It was coming. The final push towards the end. I looked at my children, sleeping peacefully in my bed. Tonight, everything was going to happen tonight. The accumulation of events that would lead everything on a downward spiral. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't know the exact nature of events that would occur, but one thing I did know, we would all be changed forever. I started casting a spell so that the children would sleep through the night and stay safe in this bed. They had no part in this story, not yet. Even in all this darkness, the truth would eventually shine out its light.

"Save your tears," I whispered and walked out. I had a big feeling that I would need to go to the hall of mysteries soon to recollect my things. I missed my little 'bag of tricks'.

**_Hermione_**

****

I saw Cat walk out of the room with a fierce look of determination. She wasn't wearing her school outfit, rather a slightly green tinted dress of black velvet.

"Chris!" I exclaimed and she paused in her step and looked at me. "What's going on? Are your kids sleeping?"

"Yes. I made sure of that," she said with a smile. I noticed there was sadness behind her voice.

"Is something the matter?" I asked.

"I'm going to go see Sev, that's all," she said. "I don't know where he is, but I'll find him."

"Oh, hey, why the fancy outfit?" I asked.

"This outfit won't look this way in about a couple of hours. This is just a disguise so I don't get that many looks," she said.

"That may answer why it looks that way but why do you have it on?" I asked.

"Do you know where Remus is?" she asked.

"No, I don't. Cat, you're avoiding my question," I stated. "Is there any reason you're looking so fancy in the first place?"

"Because I want to," she said.

"Thank you, that's all I needed to hear," I said, half lying. It wasn't just that. That dress looked familiar to me somehow. I could have sworn I saw her wear it once before, last year sometime. She walked off, leaving me to my thoughts. I ran up to the room and the moment I entered I started to feel dizzy, as if something was trying to overwhelm me.

**_Fallen into the flames of passion, hope, desire_**

**_I speak to thee, thru thee_**

**_Do you not know who you are? Do you not remember any longer?_**

**_It has been some time, I'm afraid. I'm sorry I neglected all these years_**

**_Lost years, forsaken years_**

**_Fallen into the flames of love, hate and trust_**

**__**

**_Fallen from the sky upon wings of black_**

**_I am the night that comes after day_**

**_I am the day that comes after dawn_**

**_I am the eve, representing strife_**

**_I am the guardian, protecting all life_**

****

**_Awaken unto me, protectors of age_**

**_I am the dragon, the phoenix, the fairy_**

**_I am the one upon this earth_**

**_I call you now to awaken_**

**_Speak unto me your desires_**

**_Lest I fall into the flame_**

**__**

_The Price I pay may be too much_

_The Price I pay, unnamed in all aspects_

_Don't cry, do not cry_

_Do not shed any tears_

_I could die of this, do not cry_

_Tears of blood that fall like rain_

_Bringing forth the blood and pain_

**_Can you not hear me dear protectors?_**

**_My voice is still strong!_**

**_Awaken to my voice_**

**_…_**

**_See my spirit, strong as flame_**

**_I burn hot, burn bright_**

**_The forest is my domain_**

**_Water yours_**

**_Thunder yours_**

**_Spirit yours_**

**_Shadow yours_**

**_Fire yours_**

**__**

**_Awaken and remember!_**

**__**

I opened my eyes to realize I was collapsed on the floor. What was that I had been hearing? Why all of a sudden was I hearing these voices? How long had I been out of it, for that matter? I stood up, bracing myself on a bedpost and saw Cat's children in a corner, sleeping. Wait, what did I come up here for? I don't remember. Who were the protectors? Did Cat ever mention something of a sort like that to me? And what is that talking about tears of blood? Cat had cried tears of blood, or so she had said when Sirius died. I saw them. More than once actually. Splashing against the windows. It seemed a bit sickening, but then, it seemed sad. The feelings behind it seemed to follow it and no one went out that night. Who would want to be doused in blood?

I shook my head and started to head back downstairs. I had things to do and it was really close to the year ending. I hoped Harry was okay. I had better go find Ron.

**_Cat (Chris)_**

****

"Remus, I don't know what life will be like after tonight," I said, looking at him crookedly.

"Something is going to happen then, I assumed as much," he replied with a sigh. "And you're going to be hurt again, I know it."

"At least this time I'll live to see this saga through," I whispered.

"Must be a blessing then, you've been able to witness everyone's deaths now instead," he said dryly.

"That isn't funny," I whispered. "There is going to come a point when I won't be able to stay so indifferent."

"You would've let…" Remus started then caught himself. "Ah, right. I know why. Lily…"

"I miss her Remus, her and James both. And Sirius," I said with a sigh. "I wish they were here, they'd want to see what their son became."

"They'd be proud," Remus said. "That dress looks very pretty on you. Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes, I have a feeling I'll need it tonight," I replied, running my hand over the velvet. "My wings will start growing out soon too."

"How long has it been since you've done that?" he asked. "Since you've donned your protector garb?"

"Too long it seems. Why else has it changed to a regular dress? It is protecting itself," I said.

Remus paused in our conversation and turned towards the library door. "Did you hear that?"

"What?" I asked, and then turned towards the door as well. "I hear it."

"Battle," he said and ran towards the door. "Coming?"

"I will scare them off if need be, but I still am not known to the Dark Lord," I replied and as I moved towards the door, my dress shifted to a light green dress that went up to be just above the knees, and my hair shortened to a shoulder length and teal color with two pink highlights, one near each ear.

"It's started," he whispered in awe. "It's been many years, too many, Protector of Forest."

"Let's hope I will not have to awaken the others," I whispered in return and we disappeared out the door towards the sounds of fighting, near the great hall.

**_…_**

**__**

The fighting…all of it was poorly managed. Several of the death eaters had moved from the fighting and moved on to some other part, I couldn't see to where from my place of observation. Remus was fighting hard, as were the teachers and students. Tonks was there trying to fight as well.

"AHHH!" one of the students crumpled to the ground, knocked out by a spell. Another was flown back against a wall.

"EVERONE GET OUT OF HERE!" a strong voice called. Severus! I saw him sprinting down the stairs with several other death eaters, including Draco! The death eaters started to vacate the premises but as I watched Sev disappear out the door followed by Harry, they weren't leaving fast enough for my tastes. Remus looked over in my general direction.

"Expecto Patroneska!" I cried. If the Dark Lord had a calling card, so did I. A spectral dragon emerged from my wand and chased the remaining death eaters out of the school, much to the surprise of my 'side' who watched the dragon chase them out the door and then disappear. I jumped down from the statue I had been hiding behind and came down the stairs.

"What happened?" I asked. I looked at my back quickly and noticed my wings had finally emerged, gossamer wings of what could be called a dragonfly.

"Everyone's okay here," Remus said. "Something bad has happened. Cat…Chris, I mean, are you sure…look."

I looked at him with sad eyes, "It no longer matters here." I glanced around at the students who were staring at me quite openly, whispers coming from everyone as to who or what I was. "It can no longer be avoided. But no one here is about to tell him."

"Cat," Remus whispered.

"Take me to the hospital ward," I said. "I feel…" I collapsed to the ground, a power of some kind overwhelming me. What has happened?

**_…_**

**__**

"He did it! I saw Snape kill Dumbledore!" I woke to the sounds of Harry's voice a few beds down. I sat up and looked over at the crowd gathered there. I saw the ministry and quickly disguised my garments to resemble ordinary clothes. I stood up and walked over. Remus noticed me and lowered his head in shame.

"What's going on?" I asked softly.

Harry looked over at me and glared. "How dare you! You trusted him just as blindly as the rest of us, even more so! How could you?"

"I asked what was going on, am I going to get an answer?" I asked calmly.

"He's saying Severus killed Dumbledore," Remus murmured gently.

"What?" I asked. "That…That can't be…"

"It is! I saw it with my own eyes! How the hell could you trust him so blindly? He's the one who killed Dumbledore! He's the one who sent Voldemort after my parents! Damn you for trusting him, how could you?" Harry asked. "You're just as bad as he is! That or dumb and blind!"

"Don't call me blind," I whispered harshly, coming up to his bed. "Don't you ever insult my intelligence boy."

"You trusted him, didn't you? You weren't to smart then, were you?" he hissed back. "I saw Snape kill Dumbledore, and to think I actually trusted you and even at one point, him."

"Harry, watch your words!" Remus stated sharply. "This must come as a shock most of all to her!"  
"She should have known better! If she's all powerful or something like that then why didn't she do anything about it?" he asked.

"I don't know everything," I whispered, "I certainly didn't know that he would…"

"Would what? Kill? He's a killer Cat," Harry said, whispering so only I could hear him. "And you're just as bad as he is for trusting him so blindly." I struck him before I could think straight.

"Don't you ever insult me in that way Harry. You have no clue as to what my life is," I hissed at him.

"Both of you stop it!" Tonks exclaimed. "Why is it that there's still fighting? I expect more maturity from both of you!"

"This is uncalled for Chris," McGonagall said gently and leaned close to my ear. "Remember the ministry is here."

"Perhaps I am just as bad as he is Harry. Everything is handled in due time," I whispered.

"Why didn't you do anything?" he asked me softly. "Why didn't you stop it if you knew it was going to happen?"

"I cannot see every aspect, every change in the future. And I couldn't do anything about it," I whispered. "Whatever happened had to happen, I cannot interfere in that."

"You mean you won't," he spat.

"Fallen from the sky upon wings of black. I am the night that comes after day. I am the day that comes after dawn. I am the eve, representing strife. I am the guardian, protecting all life," Hermione whispered. "I understand!"

"What is it Hermione, what do you understand?" Harry asked and I merely looked at her. What visions had she been receiving of late?

"You're going to awaken them…those protectors," she said. "Words, I dreamed of words about protectors, and a chant…was that it?"

"That has nothing to do with this!" Harry exclaimed.

"The price you pay…tears of blood rain," Hermione murmured. "You can't interfere because then people don't learn. They repeat mistakes. They make more. But there's going to come a point, isn't there? You have to get involved. The stakes are too high, aren't they?"

"Look outside," I whispered and then walked past everyone, who were all looking so surprised at me but then noticed the outside window.

"She was hurting after all," Harry said in awe. "She didn't know!"

**_Severus Snape_**

****

After keeping Harry away from me successfully I grabbed hold of Draco as we were in the woods and started guiding him in a direction.

"Where are we going sir? We need to get out of here!" Draco exclaimed.

"I know of a safe place for the night, we need to get there!" I exclaimed. "If we don't then we can be found in this place. We need refuge from the forest tonight."

"What are you talking about sir?" Draco asked as we hurriedly walked through the woods. I felt small drops start to fall on me and I made him walk faster. Was it about to rain?

"Just follow me," I said and continued to guide him along. We walked as fast as I could drag him towards the temple within the woods.

"What is this place sir?" Draco asked.

"The temple of forest. We can seek refuge in it for the night," I explained.

"How do you know of this place?" Draco asked.

"My wife is the protector…or was," I whispered.

"I…I see," he replied. We arrived at the large stone doors and I knocked on them twice.

"Temple of Forest, we have done naught to harm thee, we request safety for one night," I exclaimed and the doors creaked open, dust coming from all sides. This place had not been used in a long time, or at least, no one had bothered cleaning it. I dragged Draco inside and the doors shut behind us, leaving the sounds of pounding rain slinging against the stone.

"This place is enormous!" Draco whispered in awe. "Surely this would be a palace!"

"Do not even think of trying to take this temple," I said with a slight sigh. "You do not wish to provoke her wrath. Even in death, she watches over her temples."

"Your wife? How can she? The dead can't come back to life," Draco said.

The boy knew nothing of the magic that surrounded my wife. The ministry had done well to hide her story.

"Her spirit can linger, and it does, she still has duties she needs to attend to," I said, lying through my teeth, but the boy couldn't tell. How could he? He didn't know her. He knew nothing about me for that matter either, only what Lucius told him, which was most likely tainted to begin with. He didn't need to know either. And I assumed rightly that he wasn't going to ask.

"Is she here now?" Draco asked, peering around the primary walls into the greater part of the temple beyond, letting out a gasp. "There's a woman in green!" I hurried to his side and looked around the wall as well and sighed.

"That's her," I whispered and emerged, Draco following cautiously behind, wand at the ready. Cat had her head bowed so I couldn't see her face, only the teal and pink hair that blocked her emotions. I saw the green dress, the black shoes that showed her toes and heel and the black wristbands which showed her fingers and palm. And her staff, propped up against her. She also had her wings once more. It had been many years since I had seen her in this form. It had been many years since I dared to try and brave this temple.

"What do you want?" her voice was soft, songlike and I could discern no emotion from it in the least.

"Sanctuary for the night," I replied. "And you cannot deny us; we have done no harm to you or to the temple."

"What have you done now Severus?" she asked and looked at me, her crystal green eyes brimming with tears. I held back the urge to run towards her and hold her.

"Nothing of your business spirit," Draco replied bravely and she smiled and stood, bracing on her staff and then leaned against the railing that surrounded her statue.

"Spirit? That I may be but I still have final power here," she replied calmly. "And I will have my answers. Must I ask others?"

"Yes," I said hastily. I didn't want her to know, not yet. One night without her knowing would be nice, one final night with her, but she wouldn't remain, that I was certain of.

"Very well. You have asked for refuge for the night and I have no reason to deny you, having done no harm to me or my temple," she said and a door opened to the right. "That is where you may sleep. Fruit will be here in the morning. After that I want you to leave and never return."

"So you do know," I whispered.

"My tears are shed," she replied and looked towards a window. I saw the splatters of rain and smelled the scent of blood. I looked back towards her but she was no longer there. I ran forward and looked at where she had just been, running my hands over the cool marble and my hand came to rest on a piece of paper. I lifted it up to me and noticed the writing there, in draconic. My eyes widened as I stood, reading it through several times over.

"Awaken them, it is time, you gave your word," I read softly. "Dumbledore."

**_Cat Forest/Snape_**

****

All I could say was, he had his tears of blood. And waking the protectors? I didn't know if I should do that, not yet. Dumbledore had asked, but this world could make it on its own. The protectors slept for a time when the world could no longer fight the evil. Harry was still alive. There was still hope. I hope Severus is happy, he has his tears of blood, and I have my broken heart to deal with. The children…

**_TBC_**

**__**

**A/N: Once I get to the good part…really don't want to stop! Oy…**


End file.
